Defective
by WaruiOkami
Summary: When Dib finds Zim unconscious in his lab, he manages to fix his pak and simultaneously disconnect Zim's emotional inhibitor, changing everything. How will Zim handle his new-found emotions, and what will he do with his life now that he is no longer a defective Irken? Inspired by the unaired episode 'The Trial' ZADR
1. Prologue

**Defective**

 **Prologue**

Deep within the tangle of wires and cables of alien equipment, the sound of machinery and the occasional smash could be heard, followed by a frustrated growl.

Zim was working on his pak again, digging the tools in deep and probably being rougher than he should have been considering this small piece of technology was what kept him alive. But he couldn't help it, he was getting frustrated again. He didn't know why he bothered anymore. He'd been trying to find the fault for years.

Defective.

That one word haunted his very existence. It had been several years ago now, that fateful day when his own race had taken him into custody and tried to deactivate him for having a damaged pak – for being a defective. A useless, broken waste of Irken technology, not deemed worthy of life. He had been shaken by that turn of events, and even though he was so faulty he didn't truly comprehend that he was defective, a subconscious part of him had clung on to it and he had been tampering with his pak ever since trying to improve it.

The only problem being – he was a defective. So he wasn't very good at trying to repair his damaged pak. Over the years he'd got lucky though and had made some small improvements. One glorious day he had fixed whatever was impairing his growth rate, and much to his delight he had sprouted taller quite rapidly. This was very lucky considering he had had to start High School, and the Dib and all the other kids had begun to tower over him. He still hadn't quite caught up to Dibs height which irked him greatly, but at least now he didn't stick out like a sore thumb. Also (although he may not have realised it himself) he had become marginally less insane, though his plans to conquer the Earth had never gotten any better.

But he could still feel it. Something so hard to describe just eating away at him inside. Deep down part him knew something was wrong. Things never quite connected inside his head, and he knew he didn't make sense a lot of the time. It was blindingly obvious that his plans never worked. He was surrounded by all this incredible technology and yet he still hadn't made any progress on conquering the Earth. It drove him mad.

Sometimes he was glad he hadn't been able to get in touch with the Tallest for so long, though he knew they must be worried about him. GIR must have broken the communications or something but he just couldn't seem to fix that either. Even GIR had eventually stopped working, though that bothered him less unsurprisingly.

He slammed his fists down hard on the console, gritting his serrated teeth together with a hiss and scattering his tools. That was enough for one night, he would have to be leaving for the school soon. He tapped some keys on his console to instruct mechanical arms to fall from the walls and grab his pak, returning it to his back. The joints reached out to each other to fasten with a neat click, but as soon as he felt the connection Zim's eyes shot wide open.

He screamed out in pain.

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 _A/N: I hope I have piqued your interest! This is my first time writing for a good few years so apologies if it shows. This story is inspired by the unaired episode 'The Trial'. In case anyone hasn't read the transcript or watched the reading online, it's well worth it! I so wish they had made that episode._ _I do have the storyline roughly worked out in it's entirety, so I will try to update when I can. I also apologise about not including GIR, I just don't feel he's important to my story and I'm no good at writing funny stuff! I do love him I just don't think I'd do well at writing him. I also haven't quite decided how far I'll take the ZADR, so I'll just go with the flow regarding the rating. The first chapter will be up shortly, I'm just proofing it :3 Thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 1

_A/N: I forgot to mention on the prologue that this story is inspired by the unaired episode 'The Trial'. In case anyone hasn't read the transcript or watched the reading online, it's well worth it! I so wish they had made that episode._

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 **Chapter 1**

Dib trudged reluctantly along the grubby corridor, boots scuffing on the floor as he dragged his feet. It wasn't so much that he hated school, more the people in it. He found the work easy at least but it was boring that none of it challenged him, and he had no actual interest in any of it. Of course that only made the other students hate him all the more. He was probably the smartest kid in the school but he never got involved in anything that he didn't absolutely have to attend, which estranged him from all the others.

He hadn't changed all that much – his unruly spiked up hair was still the same, just bigger and messier than ever. Gone was the smiley face t shirt – he now wore a blue and black baseball top with a pale grey ghost on the front, black skinny jeans and converse. He still had a trench coat which reached about knee length, but he no longer wore it as obsessively as he had when he was a kid. Wearing it indoors was just dumb after all.

He also still believed in everything paranormal of course, he'd just matured enough to realise that screaming and shouting about it didn't do him any favours. No one had ever listened to him and they weren't going to start now. He'd learnt that the hard way. Life had only got tougher since moving up to high school. No longer did it simply earn him name calling and wedgies - these days it was more likely to be met with a fist to his face.

So he'd learnt to keep his mouth shut, keep to himself and attempt to be as invisible as possible. He had quietly hoped high school would give him the opportunity to make at least one friend, but he seemed to have a talent for repelling people. He just couldn't get past the fact that he saw the world so differently to everyone else. Sometimes he felt like a different species.

Speaking of which, he hadn't seen Zim around today. He felt a lot less animosity towards Zim lately. He'd lost a lot of heart trying and failing to prove to the world that he was right about aliens, and it had eventually taken its toll. He had gradually come to realise that Zim was so incapable that he wasn't really a threat, and suddenly grown up matters seemed more important, like what the hell he was going to do with his life and whether he was going to spend the rest of it alone. He still had to put Zim in his place frequently, and he kept a check on him so that he didn't blow the Earth up by accident or something ridiculous, but they seemed to less and less often end up in those crazy situations these days.

As his burning hatred of the alien diminished along with his youth, it left the fascination for him to focus on. After all Zim WAS an alien, and that was incredible. He was also the only person that ever bothered to even acknowledge his existence. He didn't really understand why Zim still went to school every day, but he just put it down to him being dim in the end. It allowed Dib to keep an eye on him at least.

But today Zim hadn't shown up, and for some reason it was bugging him. It was quite unusual for the Irken to miss a day, and it got him wondering. So after the school bell sounded the end of the day he found himself headed towards that strange green house.

He hadn't been here for a while but he still remembered all the ways he could get in. He had actually gotten very knowledgeable about Irken technology due to Tak's ship still being in his possession. He had even been able to use it to learn the language - after all observing Zim and tinkering with the ship were pretty much his only hobbies, so he'd had plenty of practise.

It proved useful now as he easily slipped past Zim's poor defences and down into the heart of the base. Being down here felt strangely nostalgic, and he wondered idly how long it had actually been since he was last here. Though he never would have admitted it at the time, he really had had a lot of fun foiling Zim's stupid plans. It was probably the only time he'd ever been happy. He often mourned for that childish naivety and simplicity, he had always been able to forget how alone he was when he was chasing Zim. Growing up sucked.

He began to drift out of his musings as he became aware that his intrusion hadn't yet met with manic screaming and fist shaking, and began to really wonder what was going on. Zim should have detected him by now. Eventually he pulled himself into a bigger room with a console and a large screen in front of it, and what he saw there made his stomach flip.

Zim was hanging limply from the ceiling by his pak, which was hooked into the lab by thick menacing looking cables. His body looked so painful hanging at that angle, his feet just grazing the floor but not supporting him, his back to arched over. He didn't move at all.

After a moment of stunned silence, Dib suddenly sprung to action, dashing over to lifeless form.

"Zim! Oh my God, what the hell happened? Zim can you hear me?" Dib gently shook him, but gained no response. He knelt down to look up into Zim's face. His eyes hung half open, staring ahead unfocused and unblinking.

Was he dead? He raised a hand to feel Zim's cheek cautiously – it was quite cool, but not stone cold. Dib's heart pounded in his chest. He couldn't understand why he was feeling so distressed, it wasn't like he liked Zim… did he? He shook his head of the useless thoughts. All he knew was that for whatever reason he couldn't just leave Zim like this. He looked up at the screen before him. Large Irken letters flashed on the screen, and Dib had to take a moment to calm himself before he could translate them.

' _PAK MALFUNCTION.'_ He knew that was bad, Irkens needed their paks to live. He understood them to be like a computer that ran the body as a brain does in humans. He looked around for other clues and saw the scattering of tools on the desk and floor. He had seen Zim tampering with his pak before through his spy bugs, he seemed to do it a lot but he had never understood why. He must have gone wrong somewhere before placing the thing back on his body.

"Idiot." Dib muttered under his breath. He tapped a few keys on the console and discovered that the cables connected to Zim were acting as a life support, so he was still alive – though barely. Dib let out a shaky breath that he hadn't realised he'd been holding. He looked again at the tools near his hands. He had used similar ones before that he had stolen from Zim's lab to use on Tak's ship. He picked a couple up with trembling fingers and moved to stand over Zim's back.

"I can do this." He whispered to himself anxiously. He pressed a panel of the pak that wasn't obscured by cables, and it smoothly slid open. He could feel the mechanics of the device humming softly – he'd have to be careful he didn't electrocute the both of them. He took a deep breath to still his shaking hands, and set himself into work mode. Thankfully it all looked quite similar to the rest of Irken technology, and he began to identify the various parts.

After a while of poking around he felt sure he had discovered where the faults lay, and was starting to feel more confident. It looked like Zim had been too rough with his tools the moron, and there were some parts that looked like they needed replacing. So Dib resolutely set to his task, his hands working deftly. It was awkward work but it was what he did best and he managed to lose himself in his mission. With the help of the computer he managed to find the new parts to replace the damaged ones, and after a couple of hours of work he finally set the tools down, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Nervously he slid the panel closed, and with a slick whoosh everything clicked into place. Instantly he could hear the mechanics firing up as one of the panels started to flash red, and he stepped quickly away as he realised what was going to happen.

" _Reactivating"_ A computerised voice came from the pak, and a violent jolt of energy was sent through Zim's body causing it to straighten out in spasm. After the energy had passed the cables detached themselves from the pak and dumped the poor alien unceremoniously on the floor. At first Zim didn't move, his body lying in a slightly sizzling heap on the ground. Dib began to fear the worst, until he saw Zim's antenna twitch and he shakily began to push himself up from the ground into a sitting position.

Slowly Zim's vision came back, and he blinked his sore eyes furiously from the dryness. He coughed at how raw his throat was too - why did he feel like he'd been resurrected from the dead? His head pounded and his back was throbbing, his hands and feet were numb and he began to shiver with cold.

"What the hell happened," Zim's voice rasped. Movement caught his eye and looked towards the skinny form approaching him apprehensively. "Dib? What… how? Why?" Zim's brain felt like pudding. What was the Dib doing in his base?

Dib warily knelt down next to the pitiful form. He wasn't sure how Zim was going to take this. "You were in quite a bad way when I found you, so I fixed you up. Your pak was broken." He gazed at Zim, waiting for some sort of madness or anger to spark up at his words. For a time Zim's face just remained blank, and Dib could almost hear his mind ticking as it processed this information. Zim's eyes suddenly bugged in realisation.

The veil of fog that hung over his mind parted, and he abruptly remembered everything. The Dib had fixed his precious pak? How was that even possible? His pulse quickened, and his Irken equivalent of a heart began to beat furiously – a sensation he wasn't all too familiar with when not accompanied by a burning rage.

"Help me up," He reached a shaky claw out towards Dib, his voice quiet but urgent. This wasn't at all the reaction Dib had been expecting - just to hear the Irken talk instead of yell was shocking enough. He quickly moved to grab the Irken under his skinny arms and hoisted him up to plop him in the chair before his screen. As soon as he could reach Zim began typing away at the console, and a sleek cable came shooting down from the ceiling to plug into his pak.

"Zim, what the heck happened to you? What's going on?" Dib asked in bewilderment.

' _Analysing pak_ ' came up on the screen, and Dib watched as a progress bar slowly filled. Zim ignored him completely, his eyes glued to the screen as the results loaded. ' _Analysis complete. Pak at 100% functionality. No errors found_.' Zim's mouth hung open.

Everything flooded into him at reading those words, a million thoughts rushing through his head. He was fixed. He was no longer a defective Irken. It was as if all the little scattered pieces of his mind had finally dropped into place and everything made sense for the first time. He understood the whole lot - all the things his delusional mind had been keeping from him.

He wasn't an invader. The Tallest hated him. They hadn't sent him here to conquer Earth – why would they, it was a wasteland. They had sent him here as banishment, just to be as far from them as they could manage. His trial had been an attempt on his life. They didn't answer his calls because they didn't care, they didn't want to see his face anymore. He was a complete disgrace. The humiliation struck him with a wave of nausea. He had been on this planet for years and had nothing to show for it. All the other invaders had only needed a matter of weeks, if not days. Memories of all his stupid mistakes flooded his mind, the horror of all the things he'd done overwhelming him. He screwed his eyes tight shut but the images wouldn't go away.

Dib saw Zim suddenly turn rigid, his hands clenching into fists so tightly that they shook, his teeth grinding together. "Zim… what's wrong?" He gingerly reached out a hand to touch Zim's shoulder. Zim's eyes shot open and his head snapped around. Dib flinched back as Zim's enraged eyes bore into his, and he suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable.

"What the hell are you doing in here?! You stupid human, this is an Irken base!" Zim screamed at Dib, emotion making his voice crack. "I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR INTRUDING!" Zim's spider legs whipped out, rising him out of the chair and towards Dib in a flash. One of the legs darted out, slashing down Dib's front.

Dib moved back just quickly enough to prevent the razor sharp leg from splitting him clean in half, but he could feel the warmth of his blood seeping into his top. He cried out in pain, stumbling backwards against the wall. Adrenaline kicked in and he fled back through the opening he had come through, clutching his front in agony.

Zim's metallic legs retracted and he dropped to his knees, Dib already forgotten as his rage ebbed back into despair.

What was he going to do now? For the first time in his life he was actually capable of being a real invader. On top of that he was a pretty decent height too, tall enough that in a normal scenario he would have been well regarded back on Irk. It was all he had ever wanted, to prove that he could actually do things right and receive respect and adoration from his people.

But he knew it was already too late. He thought again on all the terrible things he'd done, and knew instantly that the Tallest hated him far too much to ever give him a chance to redeem himself. His mind roiled in turmoil, his claws raking against the metal of the ground in frustration. He looked up in surprise as his hand slipped in something wet. He brought his hand up to his face, staring at the crimson liquid on his fingers.

Dib's blood. He gave a shudder as a mixture of horror and guilt washed over him. Why had he done that? Dib had just saved his life, and not just that but actually given him everything he ever wanted. And what had he done? Ripped a hole into the boy's feeble body. Then the penny dropped.

Guilt? Irken's didn't feel guilt. Or horror, or despair. His eyes widened in realisation. This was wrong. So very wrong. He scrambled back over to the screen, hitting the buttons there to bring up the breakdown of his pak analysis, fidgeting impatiently as lines upon lines of data filled the screen. Zim had a hunch about what was going on, the evidence of which was his racing pulse and shaking hands. His eyes zoned straight in on one line.

' _Emotional inhibitor inactive.'_

All Irken paks were fitted with emotional inhibitors. They were devices which moderate the flow of hormones and other chemicals through their bodies, thereby strictly controlling what emotions they experienced. After all what use are feelings such as guilt, remorse or love to an Irken. They were just obstacles to getting the job done. Standard issue inhibitors created perfect soldiers out of every Irken. In fact Irkens had been using them for so many generations that none of them even remembered what those emotions felt like.

Zims mind whirled, another wave of queasiness causing him to wobble. He lowered himself slowly into his chair. It certainly explained why the last few minutes had been such a rollercoaster for him. He should have realised when he was wallowing in self-pity that if the inhibitor had been active he would have just brushed it off as being in the past and moved on to what he'd do next.

So, he was still defective after all.

He shook his head, trying to clear the gloomy thoughts – they weren't getting him anywhere. He looked again at the screen. ' _100% functional'._ That meant it wasn't broken. He took a deep breath to reassure himself. The Dib must have knocked it when he was poking around in his pak, and managed to disconnect it with his stupid fleshy human fingers. So if it was just dislodged surely it would be easy to fix.

So why was he hesitating? His claws hovered over the key that would bring mechanical arms down to remove his pak so he could rectify the problem.

What _was_ he going to do next? If he went anywhere near the Tallest or Irk they would probably just try to have him killed again, and if he turned the inhibitor back on he'd probably march straight back to them regardless of that fact. Did he really want to be a mindless drone for people who hated him? Some part of him said that this was just the emotions making him question turning it back on.

But still… he hesitated. They were almost intoxicating these strange new feelings, negative or not. He also knew this was a once in a lifetime chance – once he turned it back on there was no way his logical mind would ever turn it back off again. It was a cruel cycle of thought that left his head spinning.

Now he could understand why the humans were all so stupid, how did they ever get anything done with their heads so full of this stuff. He looked at the blood that had started to crust around his claws and felt again that sharp pang of guilt. Strange. He couldn't even really think why he had hated Dib so much before now. After all he was the only human he'd met in all these years that seemed to have an ounce of intelligence. He still couldn't believe he'd been able to fix his pak. Zim then felt his first taste of worry, a particularly unsettling sensation.

His hand lowered back down away from the console. He'd have to make sure that Dib was okay first. For some reason he couldn't get the image of Dib's torn skin out of his mind. It was the least that he could do to repay him after all, and he really didn't trust Earth medicines or procedures one bit. He knew if he turned the inhibitor back on now he wouldn't care anymore, so he could worry about his own situation afterwards.

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 _A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter XD_


	3. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thanks so much for the kind reviews, your words make my heart happy X3_

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 **Chapter 2**

Zim headed towards the lift that would take him up and out of his lab, door before another realisation struck him. Out of reflex he had reached for his contact lenses and wig, but his disguise… it was awful! He couldn't leave the base like this. He knew this sudden fear was fairly irrational, as his costume clearly _had_ been enough to avoid detection - he'd been wearing it for years after all. But now that he could see how meagre it was it stopped him in his tracks.

He became aware that his fear of the humans was much more acute than it had been before. When functional the inhibitor filtered a fair amount of fear out of the Irken body, leaving only enough that the fight or flight defence still worked, keeping the body safe and motivated. A dash of fear of their Tallest didn't go amiss either, just to instil loyalty. What he felt now was something else entirely. Never before had he been gripped in the demobilising icy claws of terror. Logic told him the humans were too dumb or disinterested to ever capture him, but the thought of being chased, caged and experimented on chilled him to his core.

He took a step back and tried to clear his mind. He would make a new disguise now - he was sure he could have it ready by morning. He needed to stop getting so worked up about everything. The Dib would be fine for tonight. He'd been well enough to run from his base, and there hadn't really been that much blood so he couldn't have cut him that deeply. He clenched his fists in aggravation at his shaking nerves.

He turned back towards his lab. The sooner he got on with making the disguise the sooner he could check on Dib. It gave him an idea – he could go into the school tomorrow under a new alias, a fresh start. He liked the sound of that, if only it could be so easy with his own people. But humans were easy enough to fool. Though the thought of being surrounded by those loud, filthy juveniles made his skin crawl more than it ever had before, he knew he would just have to get over it. He couldn't stay hidden away in his base forever. It would even give him a chance to observe the Dib without his scrutiny, after all 'keep your enemies close' was the oldest one in the book right? He was sure Dib would work it out quite quickly though, he didn't miss a thing that boy.

He began the work right away, trying to still his trembling hands as he grabbed his tools. He would make a holographic disguise similar to the one Tak utilised - it shouldn't be too hard to make in one night. He tried to focus on his task as much as he could, but despite his newfound smarts his unsettled mind made quite an impact on his progress. His concentration was clouded with anxiety and his thoughts kept straying to whether or not the Dib had sought medical attention.

It took him far longer than it should have done, but come morning the device was complete. The screen came up with the options for his appearance. He had uploaded the data he had collected on what humans deemed 'normal' but he also used images of Dib for the computer to work from, so that it would give him something that would fit in well with him. He just wanted the Dib to trust him was all, it would be easier that way. Besides, everyone always ignored Dib so it must be a good look for blending in to the background.

He chose messy black hair which was longer in the front but short and spiky at the back, pale skin and as inconspicuous a nose and ears as he could manage. For the top he didn't branch out too far from his invader uniform but decided on a long-sleeved top, with black arms with thin red stripes and a red body with a simple Irken-esque motif in black on the chest. Humans didn't normally wear gloves all the time so those had to go. His pants he kept the same but for his boots he chose a slightly more human shape – shorter, chunkier and with buckles. For his pak it would just have to look like a human backpack, there wasn't much else he could do. He would just have to hope no one noticed that he never took it off, it had worked for Tak.

Feeling quite pleased with his new look he downloaded his selections to the device before ejecting it from the console. A metal arm slipped out of his pak ad took the small contraption before withdrawing back inside, slotting it neatly inside the mechanisms of his pak. Zim's body shimmered as the new disguise loaded. He looked at his reflection in the screen, finding it immensely strange seeing another species staring back at him. It had never occurred to him before now, but he supposed humans didn't actually look all that different to Irkens. He even quite liked the clumps of fur they had on top of their heads, but he did miss seeing his antenna poking out.

He took a deep breath. It was time to face the school.

Zim cowered as he squeezed his way down the busy corridor towards his classroom. He couldn't help but flinch every time someone shoved past him or shouted over his head. The disguise was working perfectly though, and no one paid him a blind bit of notice.

It had been easy to ensure he was placed into Dib's class – conveniently one of the other students had just left on exactly the same day. As the bell rang kids all crammed themselves into their respective rooms, jostling to get through the doorways. Zim hung back a little until the dust had settled, before following the last teen in through the door.

In that split second of passing through the doorway he felt his mind whirl with a sudden influx of dreads – what if the Dib wasn't in school today? What if he was fighting for his life in the hospital? What if he was already dead?

But no, there he was. He looked a little paler even than usual but he was certainly alive enough to be in school. Zim exhaled in relief. He walked apprehensively up to the teacher – a scrawny, irritable man who was undoubtedly more than a match for Ms Bitters.

"Oh great, another new one." He grumbled, barely even sparing Zim a glance. "Class this is Red, he's new. Go sit down in that empty chair, now." He ordered with distaste, and Zim obediently headed towards the vacant desk – his old one of course, he hoped that wouldn't help give him away.

At this Dib actually began to pay attention. He had been mildly curious about the new kid – he was dressed quite cool, but for some reason he looked really familiar. But something wasn't right here.

"But that's Zim's seat." He protested, frowning.

"Zim has left the school, he won't be returning. Now don't talk out in class." The teacher snapped.

"He's… left?" Dib's face fell, his mouth hanging open in disbelief.

"Awwwwh Dib's gonna miss his booyfriiieeend!" One of the popular girls trilled drolly, much to the delight of the class who all giggled profusely. But Dib couldn't care less about the mockery. The cruel laughter and teacher yelling at them all faded into the background.

Zim was gone? His brain didn't know how to process the information. He felt… sad. Really sad. But Zim was annoying as hell, so shouldn't he be happy he wouldn't have to put up with his nonsense any more? Especially after what had happened last night - that had been just plain scary. He'd never seen Zim look so incensed before. He wondered whether it meant Zim had just moved to somewhere else on Earth or whether he had completely left the planet. The letters on his page swam before his eyes – man he'd lost a lot of blood, maybe he was just going delirious.

Zim watched Dib's reaction to the news with great curiosity. He looked so woeful, but why? Maybe Dib was angry that he wouldn't be able to get revenge for Zim slicing him open. But no, he really did look more sad than cross. He couldn't make sense of it, but then again he still hadn't made sense of why Dib had saved his life either.

The teacher droned on, oblivious to the drama he had unleashed upon the two students, and the lesson seemed to crawl by at a torturous speed. Zim continued to subtly observe Dib, who only seemed to look more despondent and pallid as the seconds ticked by. He thought about what his next move should be. He wanted to stay near to the Dib – for starters he didn't like how ill the boy was looking, but he didn't know if he should introduce himself or just keep a safe distance. Surely he would recognise his voice right away, and he didn't even know what to say. What did humans talk about?

He still hadn't decided when the bell rang for the end of class. He saw Dib wince as he stood up whilst clutching his front, and the guilt made him feel nauseated. When his hand moved away Zim could see specks of blood staining the boys top. Zim scowled and got up as Dib began to put his things away into his backpack, approaching the boy cautiously.

"Are you okay? You're hurting," Zim asked pointing towards Dib's belly, praying his voice didn't betray how nervous he felt. He tried to keep his voice low – it should be enough to keep him from discovery for a short while at least considering he used to be incapable of talking at a normal volume.

"What? Yeah I'm fine," Dib glanced at the new boy, feeling confused that someone was actually speaking to him – a rare occasion – but feeling far too distracted by all his racing thoughts, and the fact that the room was starting to spin.

"Have you been to the nurse about that?" Zim probed.

"No, I told you I'm fine. What's it to you anyway?" Dib insisted moodily, not waiting for a response before storming out of the classroom as steadily as he could manage.

So it looked like the senseless human hadn't sought any medical attention. Zim felt a spark of irritation at being brushed off so hastily, but shadowed Dib out of the room and down the corridor. He needed to do something about that wound and soon, but Dib was in no mood to take help from a total stranger. He stopped at his locker, forcing Zim to stop behind him. Dib sighed exasperatedly.

"Why are you following me?" He complained without bothering to turn and look as he angrily shoved books in his locker. Zim narrowed his eyes, unsure what to say in response. "Trust me you don't want to be seen hanging around with me, it's social suicide. So you might as well go and find someone else to bother."

"Maybe I don't care what anyone else thinks." Zim answered simply.

"Ok… but still. Why me?" Dib stopped what he was doing and turned to look at the boy, genuinely curious now. Zim thought for a moment, and gave a small shrug. Dib sighed again. "You're annoying." He slammed his locker shut and resumed walking, quite aware the strange youth was still trailing behind him.

He should have cared more. Isn't a friend what he'd always wanted? He knew he was potentially spoiling a once in a lifetime opportunity, but he was still too busy thinking about Zim leaving so right now he just didn't care. And so the day progressed much the same. Dib wobbled about the school, not feeling entirely in the land of the living, while Zim kept a close eye on him. By lunchtime Zim had had a few lessons during which to think about the things he wanted to ask Dib, so when he spied the gloomy teen hunched over at one of the tables in the cafeteria he plonked himself down on the bench next to him.

Dib didn't know whether to be more frustrated or surprised that Red had sat next to him. No one else had ever shared any table with him, let alone sat next to him. Why did this guy have to pick today when he just wanted to be left alone. Just looking at his food was making him want to hurl, and it was getting hard enough just to stay awake. He decided not to say anything and let Red make the first move. This resulted in quiet for some time, neither of them actually eating any of the food but just pushing it around their plates.

"What are you so sad about?" Zim eventually plucked up the courage to ask, keeping his eyes down on his food. Dib started, he had almost drifted off.

"What? Oh.. is that really any of your business?" He didn't even have the energy to be angry anymore so he didn't sound very threatening. Zim just shrugged again and Dib sighed, caving in. "The person you replaced… he left and I didn't know until you sat in his seat this morning."

"So… you liked him?" Zim swallowed nervously, though he didn't really know why this was making him so nervous.

"No… but… yeah it's really complicated. I guess I'm just wondering why he left so suddenly, and whether I'll ever see him again." Dib wilted. Saying it out loud made it seem more real.

"Why was it complicated? If you didn't like him why do you care." Zim tried to keep his voice level, not wanting to reveal the emotions churning in his belly. He'd made Dib's life a living hell, what right did he have to feel hurt that the human didn't like him? This was madness.

"Jeez you're nosey. He was just… cool. But in a way that's really hard to explain. You'd just say I'm crazy and I'm trying to shake that stereotype. He was really annoying though, like you." He couldn't very well say, 'he was an alien and my only hobby was obsessively observing him'.

Zim tensed at that last bit, finally stealing a glance at Dib. He was surprised the Dib human hadn't worked out it was him yet, but the boy was clearly not all there. The bloodstain on his top had grown since this morning, enough that he was surprised no one had forced the boy to go to the nurse yet. He felt a pang of something at the realisation that no one else seemed to care enough. He watched Dib push his food around some more.

"You should eat, you don't look so good."

"You're not eating either." Dib retorted stubbornly. He finally set his fork down, giving up. "No… I can't face it. I think I'm gonna go get some air." Dib shakily got to his feet, heading for the door. Zim quickly leapt up to follow, watching carefully as Dib swayed awkwardly through the crowd.

Dib reached the exit at last, pushing through the double doors clumsily and finally feeling the cool air brush soothingly against his face. His relief didn't last long as Zim emerged through the doors behind him.

"Look would you just leave me alone?" Dib whipped around angrily, but it was more than he had the strength for. Black spots danced across his vision and he felt the ground rising up to meet him.

Zim caught the falling Dib nimbly, gently setting him down against the wall. Carefully he peeled the bottom of the moist t-shirt up to inspect the damage. Dib had wrapped some gauze around himself, but that looked about as much as he had done and the bandage was soaked through. Zim winced. Stupid human. At least he had fainted outside where no one was around to see. There was nothing else for it, he had to take care of this. He delicately picked the boy up and headed out of the school grounds. Once he was sure no one could see he used his spider legs to assist in the carrying, hurrying back towards his base.

* * *

Dib sluggishly blinked his eyes open. Thick tangled cables in hues of dark red and purple swam into focus overhead. Where the hell was he? He tried to think what the last thing he could remember was. He had been at school, he thought. It was so hazy, like the whole day had been a dream. He think he'd made a friend, so that couldn't have been real could it?

He looked around some more and realised that he recognised the distinctive decor. He was in Zim's base! How the heck had he got here? Did that mean Zim wasn't gone after all? For a brief moment he felt excited, but then again he recalled his predicament and what had happened the last time he had been down here, and the fear returned. With relief he realised that he wasn't restrained, so he carefully tried to sit up and was very surprised to find that the movement wasn't painful, though the room did spin sickeningly. He looked down at his bare front. What had been a long angry slash down his front now looked like a pale, faded scar.

"Wow," He whispered, running a finger gingerly along it. It didn't hurt at all. Zim must have done this, but why? He glanced around the room and started when he realised the alien was sitting huddled on a chair in the shadows, watching him through narrowed deep red eyes.

"Be careful, your laceration is healed but I couldn't do anything for your blood loss - I don't make a habit of storing human blood." Zim said very quietly, giving a shudder at the thought.

Dib looked again at the clean scar, stunned. "It's incredible… how did you do this?"

"Oh please, that was smeets-play. Do you think we can take over half the galaxy and not have better medical equipment than humans? If an Irken nearly died every time they cut themselves we'd hardly be the best soldiers in the universe." Zim ranted irritably.

"Thanks…" Dib muttered nervously, ignoring the slight. "But why? Why did you fix me up?" There was silence for a moment as his question hung in the air.

"An apology." Zim's voice was muffled as he hid his face partially behind his gloves, arms hugging his legs close to his chest. He looked away shiftily, unable to hold Dib's gaze. Dib couldn't believe his ears. One minute Zim was trying to kill and the next he was _apologising?_ Was he hallucinating?

"You're…. sorry?" Dib was flabberghasted, but Zim just ignored him. "But… how did I even get here? Wait…" Dib had finally put two and two together, "Was that _you_?"

"Finally worked it out did you? I had to keep an eye on you somehow. It was imbecilic not to treat your wound properly. What were you thinking?" Zim scolded testily.

"I didn't want to go to the hospital, they'd only ask too many questions. They might even have gotten the police involved if they'd thought I'd been attacked." Zim's scowl softened as he realised the boy had been looking out for him. Yet more guilt. "Why did you have to keep any eye on me anyway? I don't understand any of this. First I save you, so you try to kill me. Then you fix me up again, then you apologise?! What the hell is going on? What happened to you last night? You've… changed..." Dib was starting to get wound up by all the confusion and his head already hurt enough from the blood loss. At first he thought Zim was just going to ignore him.

"I suppose I owe you that much…" Zim muttered, conceding. The thought of confiding in Dib both terrified and disgusted him, but another part of him wanted to talk. To have someone else understand felt like it might be reassuring. He took a deep, shaky breath.

"Several years ago I was given an existence evaluation. In short I was on trial to fight for my life, because I had been deemed a defective Irken. Defectives are those who are fitted with damaged paks. This usually makes them inefficient but I was dangerous - I'd done so many stupid things and the Tallest wanted rid of me. Irken's don't care about waste or trying to fix things, they just wanted me gone. Individuals aren't important." Dib swallowed nervously. He hadn't expected Zim to be so honest, and it was heart wrenching to hear of such brutality.

"I managed to get away by some miracle and came back here, and since then I've been trying to fix my pak myself. But I was too stupid to do it." He clenched his fists, digging his claws into his arms in anguish. "That night I had gone too far, I nearly killed myself I was so reckless. If you hadn't found me and fixed me I would have died. Th-thank you for that." Zim refused to meet Dib's eyes as he stuttered the last part out. Apologising and thanking was a hard thing for an Irken to do, he surely couldn't have done it without the emotions. He couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not.

Dib was stunned, he'd never expected anything like this to happen. "So… you're not broken anymore? Because of what I did?" Zim grimaced.

"Depends how you look at things." He muttered bitterly. Dib looked at him in confusion, and Zim sighed, trying to control his temper. "Somehow you managed to deactivate my emotional inhibitor. All Irkens are fitted with them - they stop us from feeling unnecessary sensations. But now I can feel everything." Zim said the last part through gritted teeth.

"Woa…" Dib was speechless. He'd always known Zim didn't feel human emotions – that much was obvious – but he'd never realised it was by design. Now Zim was just like him, and it was clear to see as the Irken scrunched up his face in frustration, curling himself into an even tighter ball on his chair. "If you don't like it, can't you fix it?" Dib asked apprehensively. Did he really want Zim to turn it back on?

"I had to leave it off to save you. If I'd reactivated it I wouldn't have cared any more that I injured you, and you'd probably be dead." Zim admitted sullenly, his voice small.

"I don't think I would have died Zim, they'd have just taken me to hospital."

"Pff. Where you probably would have caught some deadly virus." Zim scoffed. Dib felt moved. It was an odd feeling having someone suddenly care about you, even if it was your old arch nemesis.

"So… are you thinking about leaving it off?" Dib ventured bravely.

"Why would I want to feel like this?" Zim snapped.

"Hey, you're the one who hasn't turned it back on yet!" Dib fired back angrily. He could see how confused the alien was feeling. Zim had no come back to this.

"I… I don't know what to do." Dib's eyes widened at how tiny Zim sounded, it was so unlike him it was almost frightening. Silence hung in the air between them for a time. Dib considered the question stuck on his lips. He was almost afraid to hear the answer, but he had to know.

"Are… are you still going to take over the Earth?" Zim simply shrugged despondently, uncurling himself from the chair. Having Dib in his base was so strange, but for some reason it also made him feel better. He'd never lonely before - yet another new emotion he wasn't too keen on.

"You need to rest, go back to sleep." Zim muttered, still not meeting Dib's eyes as he slunk back into the shadows and out of sight.

After the Irken left Dib tentatively settled himself back down, feeling uneasy about sleeping in this place and not entirely sure if he was safe from Zim. He had so much to think about, but despite it all the feeling at the forefront of his mind was how glad he'd been to see Zim, and discover that he hadn't left after all. He smiled slightly to himself. Before he had even realised it his eyelids were drooping shut, the blood loss taking its toll.

* * *

Dib jumped awake. He blinked his blurry eyes in the dim light, trying to make sense of anything. Instinctively he reached out for his glasses from his bed side table, but it was only when his hand successfully landed on them that it made him realise he was back in his own bed. Had he dreamt all that? He looked down at his chest, the silvery line of the scar glinting in the dark room.

Zim must have taken him home he realised. He still didn't know what to make of it all. It both excited and worried him. Was Zim still a threat? If he was no longer 'defective' as Zim had put it, surely that made him so much more deadly. And yet all he'd done in response to Dib's question had been to shrug, which suggested he at least wasn't as keen on conquering Earth as he had been.

If Zim was more human now could they even be friends? Did he want that? He looked at the glasses in his hand. Zim had even taken the care of taking them off for him, it was so endearing. He wondered if he was just susceptible to the attention, as no one had ever taken care of him before. Would he feel like this if anyone had done it?

At some point Dib fell back asleep, his head still whirling with thoughts and strange feelings, unaware of how similarly they were being echoed in another's mind not so far away.

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for reading! I will try to keep updating as regularly as I can, I promise. I've also added a cover image, although it's not really a cover for the story. It was more I needed to work out how Zim's new disguise was going to look and I couldn't work it out until I drew it. I was also super lazy with the shading so I apologise for that, somehow it looks better as a scruffy doodle in my notebook :S But anyway I thought I would share it to help give an impression of how I imagine Zim when he's in his new disguise!_


	4. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! Glad people are enjoying my story, I'm loving writing it :3_

 _3DPhantom - I had no deliberate intention of making him like Nny, I dunno I just write how Zim is in my head haha! Really interesting suggestions about GIR, thank you. I think maybe he wouldn't have the vital parts that GIR came without? I had mostly planned already what was going to happen, but I will have a think on it._

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

The next morning Dib woke feeling like a new person. He still felt a bit light headed and nauseous, but he wasn't going to let that stop him from going to school. He was eager to see Zim to try to get a better understanding of what was going on, though he wasn't exactly sure if the alien would bother going at all after what he'd learnt last night. There certainly didn't seem any reason for Zim to keep attending.

When he made it into the classroom Zim hadn't arrived yet, and his optimism fell. Dib sat on the edge of his seat, fiddling nervously with his pen as his class mates slowly filled up the room. He was just about to give up hoping when Zim finally slunk in through the door, the last person to arrive. He couldn't stop a small grin a breaking out on his face. Zim just glared at him mildly, uncertain why the Dib was smiling at him like a loon and turned to take his seat. Dib ignored the scowl and opened his books as the teacher began the lesson, still smiling.

As per usual the lesson was abysmal, and all Dib could do was think of things he wanted to ask Zim at break time. He caught himself staring at Zim a couple of times, though Zim seemed to be either oblivious or refusing to look back at him. It was just so bizarre for Dib to see him looking so human after all these years. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not. Looking at the boy now he was so embarrassed he hadn't realised it was Zim yesterday, though it was amazing what a pair of ears and a nose could do. He must have been so out of it.

At long last break time arrived and when everyone got up to file out of the classroom and into the yard he walked up to follow alongside Zim, trying to act casual. Zim tried to ignore the boy, but he was secretly pleased the Dib had made the first move.

"How come you made yourself a new disguise?" Dib eventually asked, trying to pick an easy question to break the ice with. They walked over to a quiet corner of the playground and sat on a low wall under the shade of a tree.

"My other one was awful, I couldn't bear to face the humans with it any longer." Zim shuddered as he looked at the other teens hanging around the place, vile creatures. He wondered why he didn't look at the Dib in the same way though. Certainly he was not smelly and repulsive like the other human beasts - he just seemed to be a species all of his own. Perhaps he was some sort of advanced human sub species.

"Well _I_ always knew it was awful but I'm pretty sure no one else noticed." Dib chuckled, interrupting Zim's musings. "I wasn't sure if you'd come in to school today. Why do you even bother any more, what's the point?"

"What else can I do?" Zim replied despondently. In truth he wasn't really sure why he still came back. But it was all that he knew, and it was better than being alone. Marginally.

"Well... not that I want you to of course, but I sorta thought you would take over the Earth now that your pak isn't damaged any more. Surely it'd be a cinch for you now." Dib tried to keep the fear out of his voice - he was dreading the response.

"You just don't get it do you." Zim sighed in exasperation. "My leaders tried to have me killed. They wouldn't care that I'm fixed, they just want rid of me. I was never sent here to conquer Earth. Why would they want this filthy planet or its idiotic people? This place is useless to the Irken Empire and light years from anywhere else they control. They just sent me off to the furthest corner of the universe they could manage so they would never have to look at me again. It wasn't a mission, it was banishment." Zim hung his head, his temper dissipating into grief. "I'm in total disgrace. My own people hate me. So you can stop worrying about your pathetic planet and leave me alone like everyone else." He whispered.

Dib was quite shocked by Zim's emotional response. Of course he was relieved to hear that the Earth was safe, but Zim's words resonated with him. Zim was just as alone and unwanted as he was.

Zim expected Dib to get up and leave straight away now that he had heard his home was safe, but to his great surprise he didn't.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise." Dib said gently. He found himself fighting the urge to put his arms around the alien to comfort him – such an instinctive human response – but he had to remember Zim wasn't human and he didn't know how he would react. Zim hated his species, and Dib had had a taste of how dangerous he could be. "It might not help, but I do know what that feels like. Well the part about not being wanted anyway. I've been alone my whole life - everyone I've ever met hates me for being some crazy paranormal obsessed freak, and that includes my own father and sister. The only person who probably ever gave two shits about me was my mum, and she died when I was a toddler. I've never had anyone to turn to, not ever."

Zim finally looked up and met Dib's eyes at that. He hadn't drawn those parallels between them before, and it took him by surprise. It felt… nice, that Dib really did understand. It was Dib's turn to break the gaze this time, feeling suddenly self-conscious at how honest he'd been. He cleared his throat from the lump that was forming there.

"This is the worst feeling ever." Zim looked away timidly. He didn't know what he was supposed to say in response. Irken's didn't have families and they were usually quite solitary beings due to the inhibitors. But the Tallest were the closest thing he had to family, and he knew how much their betrayal hurt.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did turn your inhibitor back on to be honest." Dib mumbled, "I wonder if I would have done that if I could." Zim looked up.

"You think that I should?" He asked, genuinely seeking the boy's advice.

"No, I'm not saying you _should_. There are lots of reasons you shouldn't. For starters I don't hate you any more." Dib smirked.

"You'd be the first," Zim grumbled. He thought about it for a bit as the information sank in. "You really don't?"

"No of course not. I mean you're not trying to kill me or destroy my home for one thing. But this is nice, just being able to talk. I've never been able to talk to anyone about personal things before, let alone someone who feels the same way. To tell the truth I've not hated you for a while any way. Sure you were annoying, but hate is a strong word." Dib mused, surprised at his own honesty. He just couldn't seem to stop talking today.

"Wow." Zim smiled, just a little. The Dib was more complex than he had ever thought.

"You know I'm sure your leaders wouldn't hate you any more if they could see you now. Isn't there anything you could do to prove yourself to them?"

"They would never give me the chance." Zim shook his head wearily, "They've stop taking my calls and they'd probably just shoot me on sight if they saw my ship approaching. Besides, they wouldn't think much of me like this with my inhibitor deactivated. Look at me, I'm useless. A perfect example of why we have them. Maybe I _should_ turn it back on." Dib's face fell at that.

"What is it that's stopping you then?" Dib asked, unable to hide the dejection in his voice. Zim shrugged listlessly.

"Partly I guess because if I turn it back on I will probably go straight back to the Tallest, regardless of knowing they will almost definitely kill me. I also know that once it's back on there's no way I'll ever turn it back off again. Ugh." He gritted his teeth in frustration. "These damned emotions just make me question everything, it makes every decision a nightmare. I just feel so unsure about everything."

Dib saw his window of opportunity. "You know, emotions aren't always bad. They can make you feel on top of the world at the best of times. The good ones are worth enduring the bad. I know I've had a lot of shit in my life, but I still think I'd rather take that then just feeling numb all the time."

"I don't think I've felt much of the good ones yet. Though the fear is more potent, and that adrenaline is a pretty good rush. Though maybe only in hindsight." Zim admitted. "Though this feeling now, this… _talking_ ," Zim air quoted the word, "this feels… decent." Dib smiled at that.

"Yeah, it does feel good." He deliberately said the word Zim had been unable to say, smirking slightly to himself. They sat in companionable silence for a time.

"Dib, would you… help me?" Zim asked reluctantly.

"Huh?" He hadn't expected that.

"To understand these emotions. I'd like to know what the good ones feel like - it only seems logical that I fully analyse the situation I'm in before coming to such a final conclusion. And… I don't think I'd want to try leaving the inhibitor off if I don't have… someone. Being alone doesn't feel good any more, I think I would go crazy." Zim explained shiftily, fiddling with his hands as he waited for Dib's response.

Dib smiled, relieved that Zim seemed willing to try leaving the inhibitor off, and pretty excited that Zim was kind of asking to be his friend. "Yeah I will. I thought you didn't like me though, you do hate humans after all." Dib probed. He knew he was fishing but he'd given Zim the pleasure of knowing there was one person who didn't hate him and he really wanted to hear those words himself.

"You are…" Zim thought carefully, "Less stupid than all the other humans." Dib's face fell. Well, he deserved that he supposed. Zim noticed the crestfallen look on Dibs face and felt a little guilty, so he tried again. "You're not like the others at all." That shouldn't been as much of a compliment as it was, but it was good enough.

"Thanks, I guess." Dib smiled softly. This was going to be interesting, he just hoped he knew what he was getting himself into and didn't end up regretting it later.

"I still think there must be _something_ you could do that would prove yourself to your leaders, something that would earn your peoples respect. You've got the brains to do it now, and I could help." He thought about how he had spent most of his childhood trying to prove himself to his own people without any luck. Maybe he could help someone else with more success.

"Like what?" Zim sulked grumpily.

"I don't know. Don't be so defeatist, there's your first lesson. You're letting your bad feelings get in the way too much. You know you're smart enough to do anything you want now."

"But how do you stop feeling bad?" Zim whined. "What do you do when the humans make you feel bad?"

"Well, sometimes you can't stop it. You just have to learn to deal with it and keep going, because otherwise it'll consume you." Dib looked at him sorrowfully, and Zim just stared back intently. The Dib was much stronger than he'd ever given him credit for. From where he sat it seemed an impossible mountain to climb, but maybe if a human could do it so could he.

"Look, you want to be an invader right? And you want to be respected by your people, so how can you prove you can be a great invader?"

"How do I know? I don't even have a planet to conquer, or my people to witness it so how can I do anything?" Zim snapped petulantly.

"Ugh you're still stubborn as hell." Dib rubbed his eyes tiredly, this wasn't helping his headache. "Just think about it. What if you could design some sort of weapon or like the ultimate plan that would conquer any planet or something like that. Something that was so cool they'd have to notice you. You could send it to them."

"Mmm, design a super weapon… that sounds kinda fun…" Zim tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Not a bad plan Dib-human. It would have to be pretty amazing though, the Tallest have a lot of weapons from a lot of different planets."

"My dad has an insane amount inventions. Not many people know, but he's been commissioned by the government to create all kinds of radical weapons. I only know cause I've hacked into his personal computer at my house. He thinks I'm not interested or smart enough to get past his security." Dib smirked. "They've never made most of it, but the blue prints are for some really extreme stuff - this world is obsessed with having super weapons to defend itself. I know it's probably not as impressive as Irken machinery, but maybe if you could take inspiration from how different it is, and combine the two you could come up with something new."

"How intriguing. And you'd give me access to this information?" Zim pondered, looking for the catch.

"I'll get you into my dad's computer on one condition. Earth stays safe. You have to promise you'll never use whatever you build on my planet or my people. I'm not helping you just so you can kill me." Dib looked at him sternly.

"Pff, done. I already told you I have no interest in this stupid spinning ball of filth. Any idiot could conquer this miserable rock." His eyes widened as he realised the words that had slipped from his mouth.

"Except for you of course…" Dib almost didn't dare say it, but in the end he couldn't help himself. He waited anxiously for Zim's reaction as the moment hung in the air. He saw Zim's lips wobble, and that was enough to have them both falling about laughing.

"I'm sorry, you walked into that one." Dib said well naturedly, surprised and relieved that Zim didn't seem to be so uptight any more. "It's nice to see you laugh though – you know, in a none-maniacal way."

"Yeah, that felt good. I think that was my first taste of a good emotion. Thank you." Zim smiled. Even if it had been a slight he could blame all that on his faulty pak, there was no need to take it seriously. "Why do you want to help me so much anyway? What's in this for you?"

"Because… I'm lonely too remember." Dib said simply, looking down at his feet sheepishly. Zim felt the strangest feeling at those words, and the shy way they were spoken. It was like something was fluttering around in his squeedly-spooch, tickling his insides. He was about to ask what that meant when Dib started talking again.

"If you like you can come over to my house after school and I'll get you into his private lab in our basement. You should be able to get everything you need from there, and he won't be home tonight - he's away at some big job." Dib couldn't believe he was actually inviting Zim over to his home – if his younger self could see him now he would have had a heart failure.

"Ok, deal." Zim nodded his approval with a slightly menacing smile, and as if on cue the bell rang for lessons to resume. His smile fell into a scowl. First they had to endure another whole day of school.

* * *

What felt like years later the end of the day came, and kids started to pile out of the school. Dib waited eagerly on the front steps outside, glancing up at the darkening sky. Those clouds looked very foreboding, so he wished Zim would hurry up or they were going to get drenched. At least he had had the foresight to wear his trusty old trench coat today. He scanned the front doors again and spotted Zim hovering there, looking very uneasy. He sighed and got up, walking over to him.

"Well, are you coming?" Dib looked at him impatiently, "It's going to rain soon."

"Exactly," Zim looked at him worriedly, biting his lip. "I'm scared of the rain, it hurts." If he was completely honest right now he was more than just scared, he was terrified. Before he had had just enough fear of it for self-preservations sake, but now it felt totally irrational.

"I thought you wore that paste stuff to protect yourself?" Dib asked, his voice softening a little when he realised how scared Zim was.

"Guess I forgot, my mind is like jello at the moment." Zim hung his head in shame. Dib smiled, finding it cute despite himself.

"You're acting so human." He chuckled. "All the more reason to be quick then, we can't stay here." He grabbed Zim's arm and tugged him away from the shelter of the school, hurrying him down the street.

They were only halfway there when they heard a distant rumble of thunder, and the first heavy droplets started to hit the pavement. Zim let out a high pitched shriek as one landed close to him, jumping closer to Dib and nearly tripping him up.

"Careful Zim!" Dib yelled in frustration. "It's not much further come on."

But the drops were getting more frequent and they began to hit Zim's vulnerable skin. He cried out as they struck him, feeling like acid as they sizzled on his poor Irken flesh. His eyes watered with the pain and he threw himself against the Dib, the boy being the closest form of shelter.

Dib stopped in astonishment at the Irken's actions. He could feel Zim trembling against him as the alien buried his face into the boy's side, clinging to him in panic and digging his claws in painfully. Dib quickly slipped his trench coat off and draped it as best he could around Zim, and ushered him onwards. It was useless trying to get Zim to understand he was only slowing them down by walking so close - the poor alien was in such a frantic state. At least he was able to shelter him from the worst of the downpour and soon enough they reached Dib's front door.

Zim cautiously peeked out from under the trench coat as he realised they were now inside. Dib took the drenched article off him and hung it up to dry, completely soaked through himself. Zim's body steamed with the drying liquid as the alien continued to tremble, looking very sorry for himself. He had managed to stay mostly dry, but it still hurt like hell.

"Your planet is so cold and wet." He shivered sulkily. Dib went to grab a towel before passing it to Zim, who took it curiously.

"You can use that to dry up. I'm going to have to go and change, I'm soaked. You can sit on the sofa or whatever, I'll only be a minute." Dib turned to go up to his room, leaving Zim alone.

Zim bundled himself up into the fluffy towel. It was warm and dry, and smelt like the Dib. He looked briefly around the living space before setting himself down on the sofa. It hadn't changed at all since he was last here. He rolled up a sleeve to look closely at his skin, inspecting it for damage. There didn't seem to be any wounds, but it stung viciously. He knew it wouldn't have made any sense for it to be suddenly more damaging now than before. The inhibitor must have also taken the edge off the feeling of pain, so it hurt a lot worse. He rubbed at it with the towel to sooth the sensation.

Zim was still huddled up in the towel looking miserable when Dib returned. "Does it still hurt?" He asked worriedly, having not seen Zim so affected by pain before. The alien nodded within the bundle.

"My inhibitor used to filter some of the pain out too. Just enough to help a soldier's endurance. I've never felt real pain before."

"Wow, I never thought of that before. No wonder you didn't want to walk here, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you." Dib looked at his feet guiltily.

"It's ok, I didn't want to be stuck at that horrible place anyway. I feel mostly ok now." He emerged from the towel and stood, wobbling a little, to join Dib.

"Ready to check out my dad's lab then?" Zim nodded resolutely. Dib led them down some stairs, and tapped the passcode into the keypad on the door to let them in.

"He never changes the code," Dib explained, "He has no idea I've even been in here. He's so arrogant the thought never even occurred to him that I would do such a thing." He smiled bitterly as he turned the lights on, and headed over to the main computer.

"Just be careful you don't move anything, I don't want him to work it out." He looked pointedly at Zim who had just been reaching out to touch something interesting. Zim scowled back and retracted his hand. Dib beckoned him over before beginning the process of hacking into the computer. After a few minutes of typing a smug smile spread across Dib's face, and he moved so that Zim could sit in front of the computer.

"Impressive Dib-human." Zim noted as he took the seat. His eyes widened as he scanned through the first blue prints. There was so many of them, and so much more impressive than he had expected. "Wow, these are filthy." Zim smirked excitedly. "Your father has extraordinary capabilities for a human." A mechanical arm extended from his pak to plug into the console and he began downloading all the plans. Dib grimaced as Zim praised his dad.

"Being smart isn't everything that's important." Dib huffed resentfully. "He's still a lousy parent."

"Irkens don't need parents." Zim said distractedly, his eyes eagerly tracking the progress bar on the screen. It wasn't long until it pinged with a completion sound. "Besides you turned out fine without his help." The compliment slipped from Zim's mouth without him even realising it, and Dib's glower softened.

"It remains to be seen whether any of this human technology will be compatible with Irken weaponry, but it is most intriguing." Zim stood, the arm slipping back into his pak. Dib noted how for a moment Zim seemed like his old self again, a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Great, well we should go. The less time we spend down here the better." Dib led them back up into the living room.

Zim's face soon turned sombre again. In truth he wasn't sure what would happen next. He no longer needed to be at Dib's house, but he found himself not wanting to leave just yet. The previous night after he had taken Dib home had been quite traumatic, spending the whole night alone with no purpose and nothing to do except dwell on his rampant emotions. For some reason being with the Dib made him feel less of the bad feelings, and having someone to talk to distracted him from his troubles. So Zim just stood there awkwardly, not wanting to ask if he could stay but not wanting to leave.

Dib noticed that Zim was acting strangely. He didn't make for the door like he had expected, and he suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious. He didn't want Zim to leave yet, but at the same time he'd never had a guest of his own over to his house. He didn't quite know what he was supposed to do. He smiled as an idea struck him. Offering refreshments was what people did! He was sure he'd seen that on TV.

"Hey… can I get you something to eat?" He began nervously, "Or... can you even eat any human food?" Dib quickly realised the flaw to his plan, his face falling.

"I can eat some things. GIR did a good job of testing various foods on me." He rolled his eyes at that. "Mostly the things you count as junk food are good. Your sugary substances aren't so dissimilar from ours. Just not waffles. Not ever." He shuddered - the thought of them still made him feel sick.

"Oh okay. Great, I keep a stash of snacks in my room. I have to keep them secret or Gaz will murder me for not sharing. Would you like some?" Dib smiled hopefully.

"Sure, I could eat." Now that he thought of it he hadn't eaten since before this ordeal had begun - he'd been feeling much too stressed to even feel hungry. His tummy grumbled in response, and Dib chuckled.

"Come on, this way." Dib led them upstairs and to his room. "Sorry about the mess," He said awkwardly as he opened the door, quickly grabbing some of the clothes on the floor and throwing them into his wardrobe.

His room hadn't really changed much. It was still darkly decorated with paranormal posters and artefacts, but also littered with bits of machinery and random inventions Dib had created in his boredom. He pulled a box out from his cupboards and opened it up to reveal a plethora of snacks. "What do you like best?" Dib asked as he rummaged through the goodies.

"Mmm… got any of those chewy round flat things?" Zim asked hopefully.

"Huh? You mean cookies?" He passed a packet over and Zim took it gleefully. He held one up to briefly inspect it suspiciously before taking a bite. "Like it?"

"Mmm yes, very good!" Zim eagerly shoving more into his mouth. Dib took some crisps for himself and went over to sit on his bed, and was pleased when Zim followed him.

"So… what do you want to do now?" Dib asked awkwardly.

Zim glanced at the narrow window as the rain lashed against it. "Well I can't go anywhere until it stops raining." He answered between mouthfuls. Zim was grateful for the solid excuse not to leave just yet, and secretly hoped the rain wouldn't stop. Dib however felt a little disheartened. Had that been the only reason Zim didn't want to leave and he was reading too much into it?

"I've never really had spare time before." Zim shrugged. "I just used to spend all my time experimenting with things that could help with the mission. I never did anything just for myself." Everything used to be so simple, he almost missed it. "What do you do? When you're… lonely?" Zim ventured.

"Well…" For some reason Dib didn't want to let on that he still had Tak's ship just yet, and saying 'observing you' would just sound creepy. What else did he do? "I read a bit, sometimes I watch TV. Oh, we could watch a film?"

Zim scoffed. "Human TV is stupid."

"Hey, you might like it now that you're… you know. Changed." Dib stumbled, trying not to say something like emotional or sensitive. Zim glared at him.

"Fine, but when I find it stupid it'll only prove me right." Zim huffed as Dib began shuffling through his DVDs.

"I'm sure I can find something to interest you. Maybe something a bit dark. A lot of films _are_ dumb, I'll admit that. But you just have to know which ones are the good ones." His hand landed on 'Donnie Darko'. It was complex, surreal and thought provoking, so hopefully it prove that some human culture had some quality, and wasn't all chick flicks and talent shows.

He slotted the disc into his computer before climbing back onto his bed, grabbing the duvet and getting snuggled up. Zim remained perched at the edge with his now empty cookie wrapper, unsure what he was supposed to do as the film started up.

"Don't you want to get comfy?" Dib prompted him. He moved the pillows so that they were the wrong way on the bed, leaning against the wall instead of the headboard so that they could face the screen directly and have a bit more space. He set a pillow out next to him and patted it for Zim. "You might as well, it's quite a long film."

Zim frowned uncertainly. It did look comfy, and he was still cold. So reluctantly he moved to join Dib under the covers, settling back against the pillow the boy had propped up for him. He felt a wave of peace wash over him as he relaxed into the cosiness. Nothing in his base felt this safe and comfortable, everything there was just about practicality.

The old him would have despised wasting time like this – he couldn't help but think that he should be working on his new plan. But mostly he found he just didn't care. He was comfortable for now and that was making him feel good. It was all evidence in favour of the inhibitor of course. Emotions lead to procrastination. Contentment was another of the feelings that was erased, so that Irkens never felt satisfied with what they had. It was what motivated them to constantly work harder and always want more. Such a simple emotion, but he'd never known bliss like it.

He tried to focus his thoughts on the film. The story was surprisingly complicated, and he quickly found himself enjoying it – curse the Dib for being right. He caught himself feeling incredibly sad at the end when the boy had sacrificed himself for the good of the people around him, and the fact that the girl he'd liked would never know he'd given his live to save hers. He wondered about that. Any soldier would give their life in a heartbeat for their Tallest or the good of their mission, but this was different. This was…. what was it?

"Why?" Zim's voice cracked, more choked up than he realised. He cleared his throat self-consciously. "Why was he so happy to give his life for them? For her?"

"Because he loved her Zim. And his family. He was happy to die because he knew he was saving the ones he loved." Dib knew Zim would struggle with the concept of love, and he blushed slightly at having to explain it.

"With Irkens that's not how love is. We love our Tallest, we love snacks, we love victory. We don't have relationships or families." Zim explained robotically, and Dib looked at him sadly.

"Only because you're all stripped of your emotions. I'm sure you would if you weren't so altered. Love of things like snacks and success are different, more like enjoyment than passion. And love of your Tallest is more like loyalty and respect. Not that you don't get all of those things as well from loving someone the way I mean. There's just… more to it." Dib watched as Zim thought on all he'd said.

"I don't know if I'd know what it would feel like then. How would I know?" Zim looked confused.

"Well… I don't really know. I'm kind of in the same boat, I've never been in love. Heck I'm not even sure if I love my dad or my sister, I don't really have any reason to. I think it's just when someone makes you feel entirely happy, comfortable and safe. Someone you know you could always rely on, and would do anything for. I guess you just know it when you feel it." Dib smiled wistfully, leaning back and staring at the ceiling.

Zim pouted. That wasn't entirely helpful. He felt comfortable and safe now, and he'd wanted to stay with the Dib, but did he feel happy? He wasn't sure. He churned it over in his mind. The rain hammered at the window even now, casting shimmering shadows across the dimly lit room.

"It's still pretty early. Shall I put something else on?" Zim nodded absent-mindedly, still trying to process his thoughts and identify his elusive feelings as Dib got up to put another disc in.

He didn't even notice what Dib had put on, still lost in his thoughts when he felt his eyelids beginning to droop. The comfy bed and the way the human's body heat made it so toasty under the sheets were so reassuring and so unlike his base that he just couldn't help beginning to drift off. Irkens didn't usually need to sleep much, but these new emotions were so exhausting. His body was overwhelmed with chemicals that it had never had to deal with before, and it made him feel queasy.

Dib was also drifting slightly until he felt something brush against him. He blinked back awake, looking down to see that Zim had slumped slightly against him as he had fallen asleep. It was adorable, his head just resting on Dib's shoulder as his breathing deepened. It was pretty early to go to bed, but there was no way he was going to disturb Zim now.

He carefully shifted so that he could rest his own head on top of Zim's. For a moment he was surprised to feel the alien's smooth skin rather than hair, but then he remembered the disguise was just holographic. He could slightly feel the delicate antenna resting under his cheek, and was careful not to lean against them too hard. It wasn't long until he too was slipping off into sleep.

* * *

 _A/N: Woo feels :D So Dib and Zim finally got a bit of fluff! I really wasn't sure what film to have them watch, I guess it wasn't meant to be too important as long as there was some part that would get Zim thinking. I couldn't think of one that fit really well without being cheesy, and Donnie Darko is one of my all time favourites, so it'll do. Thanks for reading!_


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thanks again for the lovely reviews everyone! Sagapaga: I haven't seen Equilibrium so I will be sure to check it out :3_

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

Zim was woken the next morning by the early dawn light filtering in through the window. No natural light ever reached into the depths of his base, so he hadn't the foggiest idea where he was or what was going on. It was probably the longest he'd ever slept for in his life, and he wasn't used to this groggy feeling that was clouding his mind. He slowly became aware that his head was resting against something warm. Something that was rising and falling ever so softly…

Zim flinched away with sudden realisation that whatever 'it' was, it was alive. He scrambled across the bed, nearly falling off the other side. Breathing heavily in panic, Zim's eyes scanned his surroundings frantically trying to make sense of things. His tension eased however as the morning light illuminated the sleeping figure next to him, and he recognised it was just the Dib. That brought it all back to him - how embarrassing. How had he ended up with his head lying on the human's chest like that? ' _One day of living with emotions and I wake up in a human's bed,'_ He thought to himself in disbelief.

Despite the alien's fussing Dib continued to sleep on, his rhythmic inhalation and exhalation the only sounds in the room. Zim relaxed to the mantra and settled back down on the bed. He didn't know whether to wake the boy or not. He felt fully rested and wide awake, but he knew humans needed their sleep a lot more than Irkens did. So he sat and watched the Dib for a time, watching his chest rise and fall peacefully. Zim felt ashamed that he'd been so needy as to stay here all night, but still he couldn't hide the warmth he felt at Dib's acceptance of him.

He frowned slightly as a splash of colour on Dib's skin caught his eye. Where the boy's t-shirt had ridden up revealing some of his torso, a nasty looking bruise protruded. Zim stared at the deep blues and purples of it uncomprehendingly. He wondered what the boy had done to get that shiner - clumsy fool. His skin was so pale and translucent, so unlike his own and so much more delicate. Human skin told such a tale of their lives, lacking as they were the superior healing tools that Irken's possessed.

Zim continued to study the boy, taking advantage of his unconsciousness. He found he really did like the dark tuft of hair on Dibs head, and fought the urge to ruffle it. And then he noticed a strange pattern on the boy's upper arm. He had almost missed it the marks were so faded, but a small patch of the skin was marred with neat little lines. Some kind of battle wound? They looked a bit too orderly for that. Had he been experimented on? The boy didn't usually wear short sleeves to school he realised, so they had never shown before. He wondered what they were and whether he kept them deliberately hidden.

Unfortunately Dib chose that moment as Zim was leaning over him to get a closer look at the strange pattern to stir and open his eyes. He quickly realised what Zim had seen and grabbed the duvet, sitting up and away from Zim a little. Zim looked abashed at having been caught staring at the Dib, and the human was blushing profusely at what the alien had clearly seen. He knew the Irken wouldn't understand what it was, and hoped he would let it be.

"What is that?" Zim asked shamelessly. Dib rolled his eyes - he should have known better.

"It's nothing. What are you doing staring at me while I'm asleep?" Dib tried to quickly steer the conversation away.

"Just observing." Zim shrugged, he had no good excuse. "I was bored. How did you do that?" Dib sighed at Zim's persistence.

"What's it to you? It's private okay." Dib tugged on his sleeve, trying to make it longer. What had he worn this damned top?

"I don't understand what you're getting so upset about." Zim frowned. "You now on Irk we are quite proud of our battle scars. But human skin is so frail, it damages so easily. Was it cause you had a stupid accident and you're embarrassed?" Zim smirked.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Dib muttered – let him think what he wanted. Zim snorted.

"Knew it. Stupid humans." His smug smile fell a bit as he realised how dejected Dib looked, and he suddenly felt quite sheepish. "Um, yeah. Sorry that I fell asleep on you." Dib's expression softened at that.

"Don't worry about it. It was kinda…" Nice? Dib blushed. He'd never shared a bed with any one before, it was strange – but not unpleasant. He rubbed his eyes sleepily, not really in the mood. "Look it's really early, I'm gonna get some more sleep. You can do whatever you want." He rolled back over so that he was facing away from Zim, without waiting for a response.

Zim felt strange. He could tell he had upset the boy but he still wasn't sure why. What was he meant to do now? It was several hours until they would be heading into school. Did Dib want him to leave? He didn't think there was much point, and he didn't really want to. Man he hated guilt.

Zim burrowed back under the covers, and wriggled as close to the Dib's back as he could without touching him.

"Sorry Dib." He mumbled into the sheets so quietly he wasn't sure if the boy would hear. Unbeknownst to Zim Dib smiled softly at the words, silently forgiving him.

* * *

Later that morning found the pair walking into school together – a strange feeling for the both of them. Unfortunately for Dib it didn't go unnoticed.

"Look Dib's got a new boyfriiiiend!" The same girl from his class that had teased him previously called out as they walked past. Her name was Tara, and as per usual she was hanging out with a gang of huge looking jocks at the front of the school. They all snickered jubilantly at her quick wits. "Hope you're not breaking Zim's heart!" They all wooped and cheered as Dib gritted his teeth and picked up the pace. Zim merely eyed them warily, finding it strange to hear his name mentioned.

"Why is it bad that they think we are friends?" Zim asked Dib after they had gone inside and out of sight of the teens. "I thought friends were seen as a good thing here." Dib tried not to read too much in to Zim's phrasing.

"Umm… they're teasing us for being more than just friends." Dib explained awkwardly. Why did he have to be the one to tell Zim all these things? The alien did have a habit for picking up on the embarrassing topics.

"More?" Zim looked at him curiously, prompting him to elaborate.

"Ugggh you don't know anything!" Dib complained, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. "More, as in if you're my boyfriend we would be in a relationship. You know? Like in love." Dib looked away to hide his red cheeks. Zim just frowned.

"I thought being in a relationship gave students a good social standing too?" Zim didn't really care what any of the humans thought of him, only what Dib thought for some reason. Dib just stared at him, a new thought crossing his mind.

"Are you even…. Male?" He asked clumsily. "Your species has genders right?" He couldn't believe he might have to have the sex talk with the alien - how humiliating.

Zim scowled. "Yes I am 'male' as you humans call it Dib-stink." He hissed. "There might not be that much distinction between our genders any more granted, but we don't really have any use for them anymore. We have evolved beyond that." Zim looked smug, sticking his nose in the air. Dib eyed him in incredulity.

"What do you mean you have no use for genders? Don't you need them to… you know. Reproduce." He said awkwardly.

"No, our kind hasn't physically given birth to offspring in many thousands of years. What a stupid design. So many of your kind die in childbirth, and it puts the carrier out of action for most of the gestation. No, we don't have time for that. We have developed a much more efficient and elegant method - every Irken is grown in a lab. We are not defined by our gender, we are simply a unit - a soldier." Zim explained with such disdain. Humans were so archaic.

"Wow. Sometimes I forget how alien you are Zim." Dib pondered what that really meant about Zim's anatomy, but quickly shook the thought from his head. He definitely shouldn't be thinking about _that_.

"Don't call me that here." Zim shushed him. "For all these students know Zim is gone, never to return."

"No one here cares. I feel stupid calling you Red, why did you pick such a dumb name?" Dib complained, but Zim ignored him, still hung up on his unanswered question.

"Explain to me why our being in a relationship is 'not cool'?" Zim prompted impatiently.

"Firstly, we're not in a relationship so don't say that!" Dib growled, glancing quickly about himself to check no one was listening, "Look, on Earth a relationship is usually between a man and a woman, because that's what's required to… you know. Reproduce." Dib cringed, this was so hard to explain to an alien. "Sometimes it's not though, and a lot of people don't care, but some don't like it. Especially in school where anyone who's a tiny bit different is just a walking target to get picked on."

"How imbecilic." Zim stated. Case in point - humans are prehistoric.

"God knows what they'd say if they knew you were an entirely different species… I'd probably get arrested. Or sectioned." Dib mused. He shook his head clear of those thoughts too. "We should get to class."

"Indeed. See you at lunchtime, _boyfriend_." Zim wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Dib, mischievously playing with his newly learnt word. Dib turned bright red and dove into the classroom to escape his teasing, looking hastily around to check that no one had overheard.

* * *

The day passed in a bit of a daze for Zim. He still felt a bit groggy for having slept so much, like his head was filled with cotton wool. He just couldn't stop thinking about all the things he and Dib had talked about, and how he had spent the night sleeping beside him.

All the talk about human relationships had got him thinking. Did Irkens ever have them? He wasn't even sure. He'd barely ever seen any of his actual home planet. Irk was only really for the tall, rich and powerful. He was just a soldier, a drone, and no one like him ever had time for companionship let alone the opportunity. The only example he could think of was his Tallest, but their shared leadership wasn't through choice and in all honesty he didn't know if they even liked each other. Sharing wasn't Irken nature.

He wondered if anyone on Irk had ever tried turning off their inhibitors to attempt a relationship – it certainly couldn't be done otherwise. Possibly it was a rare privilege. Perhaps it was even a taboo - he'd certainly never heard of it. Now that he thought about it he couldn't believe he knew so little about his own people. Perhaps as a soldier this sort of knowledge was hardwired out of his pak.

He thought again about how nice it had felt to sleep beside the Dib last night, and wondered if that was what a relationship might be like. He didn't know much of what it consisted of - mainly he thought it was a lot of touching. He'd seen the love struck teens holding hands around the school, constantly fondling and pressing their faces together a lot. It didn't look like fun but these humans seemed to desire it more than anything, and it made him curious to know what it would feel like.

He was turning so native. He shook his head in disgust at himself.

The lunch bell rang shrilly and everyone rushed for the door. Zim's first thought was to find the Dib as they hadn't been in the same lesson, but he was starting to get worried that he was being too clingy. He shouldn't be so dependent on the boy, how had that happened anyway?

So he decided to head straight to the lunch room without trying to find the boy first. He got his revolting meal, took an empty seat and pretended to eat his food. Dib was nowhere to be seen. He thought nothing of it at first, but the more time passed the stranger it felt. He found himself anxiously watching the door, jumping every time it opened only to reveal some other repulsive youth. He took a deep breath and told himself to calm down. Dib wasn't his responsibility and he didn't depend on him, so why did it matter?

Telling himself this didn't last much longer however and he soon found himself getting up to go look for the boy, unable to bear the agitation any more. Something in his gut just didn't feel right. A quick check around the usual classrooms and his locker proved fruitless, so Zim headed outside. After a quick glance he saw nothing and was about to turn back in when a distant sound stopped him in his tracks.

It was the sound of a few kids jeering and laughing, coming from a secluded spot around the back of the school. Zim headed there cautiously, a horrible feeling growing in his belly. As he grew closer he could make out the words, spoken bitterly by a deep male voice he didn't recognise.

"Where's your lover boy now huh? Doesn't care about you enough to come and rescue you does he!" Zim's blood ran cold, a sourness rising in his throat. "Awww nothing to say? Gonna go cut yourself about it?" The voice continued, and Zim braced himself to turn the corner, knowing full well who he was going to see but terrified at just what he was going to be faced with. He took a deep breath, stilling his quaking body.

What he saw hit him with a wave of dizziness, like icy claws plunged into his belly. Dib lay curled up tightly on the floor, arms doing their best to protect his head as the surrounding teens kicked and punched at him. They were the jocks from earlier - five of them in total - and all baying for Dib's blood.

Zim felt himself snap at the sight. He thought he would be paralysed by fear, but what happened instead was quite unexpected. He felt himself overflow with a burning rage driven by fear, hatred and…so many unidentified feelings. He had felt anger and hatred before, but never had they been so fuelled by passion.

He felt blinded by it as the emotions roared through his body, and before he knew what he was doing his spider legs had ripped from his pak with terrifying speed. It was all so sudden and Zim moved so fast that the kids didn't stand a chance. He dove over Dib's cowering body protectively and began slashing wildly at his attackers, not bothering to stop and look at what damage he was doing.

It wasn't until he felt a slight tugging on his sleeve that Zim came to. He looked down towards the pull to see Dib's bruised and bloodied face looking up at him with concern. The boy's mouth opened, but he was speechless to what had happened. Zim looked around him, not entirely sure what was going on. Five bodies lay sprawled around him, in varying states of ruin. Blood pooled around them. Had _he_ done that? The memory was foggy.

"Zim, y-you have to get out of here. They'll lock you up for this…" Dib managed to find his voice as he heard people approaching. They had probably heard the screams.

"Wha…" Zim couldn't get his head to work properly. He could feel his body beginning to tremble again. "What about you?"

"Don't worry about me, just get out of here!" Dib gave Zim as hard a push as he could manage, which was fairly weak given his own state. One of the fallen teens gave a groan, and it seemed to be enough to spur Zim into action. Aided by his spider limbs he swiftly disappeared up and over the wall and out of school grounds.

Dib gave a sigh of relief, and promptly passed out.

* * *

Zim had hurried home as fast as his metallic legs could carry him, scurrying straight down into the deepest corner of his base. He shook with an uncontrollable dread – it had all just gotten too much. The fear of those horrible kids, of how much damage they'd done to his Dib, of how much damage he'd done to them.

It wasn't like he hadn't killed before, in fact it was a pretty instinctive reaction for an Irken. Perhaps that was why it affected him so much. It had brought back all those cruel and violent murders he'd committed in the past in the name of the Irken empire, only this time he didn't have the protection of the inhibitor to filter out the horror of it all.

It wasn't that he cared about whether those vile humans lived or died. It was more the fear of what Dib had last said to him. _'They'll lock you up for this!'_ It echoed endlessly around his head. The humans were going to track him down, they would be furious with what he'd done and they'd want revenge. And then they'd imprison him, and it wouldn't be long until they discovered he wasn't human at all. And then the experiments and the dissections would begin, until he was nothing but scraps left on display for all of humankind to come and poke fun at. His head whirled dizzily. It was the only possible outcome of this scenario - he truly was doomed.

The only time these scenes relented from his mind were when they were replaced with images of the Dib's beaten body. He had looked so broken and they had hit him so hard - surely he must have died by now. Oh why hadn't he taken Dib with him? How low was he that he had fled and left the helpless boy alone in that state? But even now he couldn't muster the sanity to go back for him. The fear kept him crippled inside his own head.

And that was how Dib had found the poor alien, hours later. He clambered down into the base with some difficulty, wincing at the pain it caused him to move but frustrated at how slow it was making him. He had discharged himself from the hospital, much against the Doctors advice. He had been desperate to check on Zim, and besides he wanted to slip away before the police could question him a second time. The first he had managed to feign being much more out of it than he really had been, and they had soon given up without much effort. His injuries weren't too serious. They told him he had been very lucky, though it didn't help his case considering the state the other boys were in. He was sure the police would be looking for him, but they'd never find him down here.

"Zim?" Dib called anxiously into the dimly lit room. He could just make out the alien curled up tight, hiding under the console. His whole body was trembling, and his eyes were wide and manic. He didn't respond, so Dib cautiously approached him, until he was sat right in front of the Irken. "Zim?" He repeated softly. Finally huge, deep crimson eyes twitched, meeting Dib's gaze.

"D-Dib?" Zim's tiny voice scratched, his throat tight.

"Yeah it's just me." Dib replied softly.

"How are you here?" Zim's voice was uncomprehending. He gazed at Dib's bruised face.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you were…. hurt," He managed to stop himself from saying dead.

"Well… I was, but not that badly. Not thanks to you. Is that what you were so worried about?"

"The humans… they'll find me, they'll get me!" His voice cracked in panic.

"Of course they won't Zim! How would they know you're here?" Dib sighed wearily. He'd never expected to find Zim quite so distraught, he needed to get through to him. He snuggled into the small space under the console next to him, and carefully put his arm around the Irken holding the skinny body against his own. Zim didn't resist, not comprehending much except for a pleasant warmth wrapping around him.

"All they've got on you is fake details and a fake human disguise. They'll never find you, really." Dib rubbed Zim's back in a soothing motion underneath his pak, attempting to ease his trembling.

"Did I kill them?" Zim whispered, barely audible. Dib was surprised at his question.

"No, they're not dead. Not yet anyway." Dib shivered at the memory of their wounds, remembering all too well how close he'd come to the same fate just a couple of days ago. It was a stark reminder of dangerous Zim could be, but he pushed that to the back of his mind. "A couple of them are in a critical state, but they're all in the hospital. The doctors will do everything they can." Zim shuddered, not saying anything.

"Look, no one is going to miss those nasty thugs. Most of them don't even have any family that give a shit about them. A lot less people will get beat up now – you've probably saved more lives than you've taken. I know you saved me, and I can't thank you enough for that." Dib said tenderly. He was genuinely moved that Zim had reacted so passionately to protect him, even if it had been terrifying.

"I'm s-sorry I left you behind." Zim whimpered into his sleeve. "I…. I don't know what's wrong with me." Dib's heart ached to see the once proud Irken reduced to this, it was like he was in a trance.

"Don't be silly, it was the right thing to do. I told you to go." Without thinking Dib placed a gentle kiss on the Irken's forehead. He moved his hand that had been stroking Zim's back up to stroke the top of his head instead, running it across the sleek green skin and gently along the delicate antenna. "I owe my life to you Zim." He whispered against the aliens head, resting his cheek there as he continued to caress the Irken softly.

It was the first thing that seemed to work to still the Irken's quivering, and he soon felt Zim relax into him. Dib continued the stroking for a while longer, closing his eyes as the motion relaxed him too. Zim's skin felt so unusual. It wasn't exactly scaly, but it wasn't quite smooth either. Yet it still felt silky and pleasant under his own bruised skin, its coolness soothing to his pain. The antenna were fascinating too, he'd often wondered what they felt like. They seemed so fragile under his touch so he took care to be gentle. He could have sworn they quivered as his fingertips brushed along them. Dib couldn't help but notice how much he was enjoying the feeling of being so close to the Irken, but he'd worry about that later.

Suddenly Zim began to move, pulling away just enough so that he could turn and face Dib in the cramped space, their faces close. His mind felt clearer now, and it made him aware of where Dib was touching him.

"What are you doing?" He looked at the boy incredulously.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Dib's hand froze, confused and stunned by Zim's sudden lucidity. "I was just comforting you, it seemed like you were having a panic attack." He withdrew his hand apprehensively. Zim brushed his antenna back self-consciously, feeling embarrassed. They felt strange and tingly after being touched.

"It's not somewhere we usually touch on each other. They're extremely sensitive and easily damaged. They're just…. Private." Zim's cheeks darkened. He'd never blushed before, he hadn't even known that he could.

"I… I…" Dib was completely speechless. "It just seemed to be relaxing you, I thought you liked it." The thought had never even crossed his mind, but of course he had no idea about Irken physiology. He thought back to the other guilty thoughts he'd had on a similar matter earlier that day, and he clasped his hands together nervously and stared at his feet, his cheek turning crimson. He'd let himself get carried away in the moment.

In truth Zim wasn't sure what to think. He didn't really know if Irkens ever touched each other's antenna. It seemed such a personal thing, but that was what had his blood rushing so fast. It _had_ felt good that was for sure, and he liked that it was Dib that had touched them – he didn't think he'd have let anyone else handle them. It moved him how tender the boy had been with them. He felt guilty as he saw Dib fiddle nervously, he could tell he had humiliated him.

"I just wanted to check you were okay," Dib mumbled as he moved to get up, but much to his surprise Zim grabbed him back down.

"I did like it…" Zim begrudgingly admitted, not letting go of Dib's arm. He couldn't make sense of the emotions he was feeling right now, but they were definitely better than the raging anxiety he'd felt before Dib had rescued him from it. "Please don't go. I feel… safer when you're here."

Dib's gaze softened. "You are safe Zim. And I won't let anything happen to you. I'll stay as long as you want me to." Their eyes met, and both felt a spark of butterflies in their bellies.

"What is this feeling?" Zim asked dazedly, not really needing to ask if the Dib knew what he meant.

"I'm not sure…" Dib muttered, feeling an incredibly strong impulse to lean in towards the alien. Zim watched mystified as the humans face grew closer, but he didn't back away. He thought he knew what was going to happen – he'd seen it in the playground or on TV often enough, and he wanted to know what it felt like.

Dib's heart raced as his lips finally brushed against Zim's, elated that the Irken didn't flinch away as he had expected. Slowly he moved his lips against the aliens, growing a bit in confidence and spurred on by adrenaline.

Zim felt his pulse quickening as Dib's lips gently embraced his own. He didn't know what to make of the situation but the feeling it evoked in him was intoxicating – he'd never felt anything like it. The boy's lips were so delicate and soft, he couldn't believe anything could feel so good as this moment.

After what seemed like an age and yet no time at all he felt the sensation end, as the Dib pulled back. His cheeks were redder than he'd ever seen, and the boy seemed unable to meet his eyes.

"I can't believe I just did that…" Dib muttered. Zim just stared at him dumbfounded. It wasn't exactly what he'd expected the boy to say, but then he didn't really even understand what it was that had just happened. Dib coughed self-consciously, but flinched at the pain it caused him to do so, swearing.

"Let me treat your wounds, I can do better than those stupid human doctors." Zim said, feeling a bit more confident at the concept of being useful.

"Ok," Dib agreed as he clambered awkwardly out from the tight space under the console, grateful for the distraction from what had just happened. "I think the painkillers they gave me have worn off." He winced as he straightened up after being cramped in such a small space, clutching at his ribs. The pain seemed more prominent now that he had stopped worrying about Zim.

Zim watched tensely as he followed out from his hiding place. Seeing Dib hurt felt almost as painful as if the injuries were his, perhaps even worse - not that that made any sense to him, but nothing seemed to these days. He wrapped a supportive arm around the boy and began guiding him towards the medical bay. Despite his shorter height the Irken was stronger than he looked, and was able to support much of Dib's weight as he hobbled onwards.

They made the journey in silence save for the odd gasp of pain from Dib. Once they reached the room Zim helped the boy to lie down on the table in the centre of the room, and set devices to come to life and begin analysing the human's wounds.

"You have several lacerations and a couple of cracked ribs, but otherwise you're fine." Zim's voice eventually broke the tense silence.

"The doctors did tell me that Zim, I told you I went to hospital." Sometimes it irked him how incapable Zim thought the human race was, even if it was true most of the time. Zim narrowed his eyes at him.

"They clearly did nothing to fix you though did they." He shot back defiantly. "Remove your top, my machines can fix the cuts and broken ribs."

Dib tried to raise his arms to take his top off but cried out at the pain it caused his ribs. Zim sighed and approached the table where Dib lay. He grabbed a tool that hung from the ceiling and used it to cut away the boys top, revealing his pale chest underneath. Zim's eyes widened at the colours that now decorated it – much more than that one he had noticed before. He gulped nervously.

"I don't think I can do anything for the bruises…" Zim muttered, unable to tear his eyes away from how bad they were.

"It's ok, it's nothing I haven't dealt with before." Dib said absent-mindedly, feeling a bit exposed lying half naked in front of Zim. Zim shook himself back into action and grabbed another tool, and used it to start sealing the cuts that broke the skin over the worst bruises.

"So… this has happened to you before?" Zim probed as he worked.

"Occasionally," Dib muttered, wishing he hadn't opened his big mouth. "Never this bad though. It was nothing I couldn't handle." He winced at the feeling of his broken skin being knitted back together. It wasn't exactly painful, more like a hot strange tugging sensation.

Zim's hand shook with a wave of anger, and he had to pause a moment before continuing. A couple of the worst cuts had been stitched up, and the sight of it made him gag. So primitive.

"I'm going to have to remove these stitches first. It's going to hurt… I don't feel sure enough to use Irken painkillers on you, they could hurt you worse." Zim shot him an apologetic glance.

"It's fine, just do it." Dib closed his eyes and braced himself. He winced as Zim began pulling them out, his head swimming dizzily at the pain. He did his best to stop his face showing how much it was hurting him – he could tell how deftly Zim worked and appreciated he was being as gentle as possible.

Another thought came back into Zim's head, and though he knew it wasn't great timing he couldn't stop himself from asking. "I overheard something those creatures said to you… about cutting yourself." His eyes flicked briefly up to the marks on Dib's arm. "Is that what those scars are from?" He didn't think Dib was going to answer at first and he began to worry, knowing how upset Dib had gotten last time he probed him about it. The boy turned his head away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

"If I tell you, will you promise to not bring it up again?" Dib's voice was very quiet but intense.

"Yes, I promise." Zim nodded sincerely. Dib was quiet a while longer as he mulled it over.

"It's something some humans do sometimes, when they're depressed." Dib struggled to find the right words. "It sort of makes you feel better."

"What is depressed?" Zim asked cluelessly. Dib scrunched his face up in frustration. He needed to stop forgetting that Zim didn't know these things.

"It's when you feel really down. So bad that it's hard to function normally, if at all. Sometimes you feel like you would rather be dead than feel so bad." Dib cringed at his own words. Zim hung his head, finding it hard to think about Dib feeling that way.

"How can causing yourself more pain make you feel better?" He asked disbelievingly.

"It's really hard to explain, but it can make you feel good. It makes our bodies release a chemical which feels good, to help deal with the pain. Ugh I suck at this. Just take my word for it ok? I know it's not a sensible thing to do, that's why I don't do it any more. I learnt the hard way."

"How did you?" Zim was still a bit confused, but he let it slide. Dib paused for a while before answering.

"Do you remember that day in school a few years ago… they had to take me to hospital? We hadn't been at High School long." Zim nodded. It wasn't something he'd recalled for some time, but he remembered now the ambulance that took the boy away. At the time he hadn't cared or thought anything of it, he'd been too busy dealing with the change of schools himself.

"It was because I hated it so much. I'd thought everything was going to change now that we were getting older and I thought starting a new school would be a fresh a start. But when we got there and everything was just worse I lost it a bit. I began to think that that was it, I was gonna spend the rest of my life alone and hated, and I couldn't bear it. I went too far, and some kid found me in the bathroom in a state. If he hadn't come across me I probably would have died. Anyway, that's how everyone at school knows what I did." Dib scrunched his eyes tight shut, refusing to cry. There was silence for a time, and after a bit Dib moved his head back to look at the Irken.

Zim was hunched over his body, the tool in his hand forgotten as he sat perfectly still, his eyes half shut and glazed over. His insides felt like they had been twisted into knots at the thought of Dib being miserable enough to try and take his own life.

"Promise…" Zim's voice shook, his throat clenching.

"What?" Dib asked confused.

"Promise you'll never hurt yourself again." Zim looked up and met the boy's eyes, and the intensity of his look was frightening.

"I won't Zim. I already told you, I don't do that any more." Zim dropped his gaze, his hands trembling. Dib noticed this and reached one of his own out to clasp Zim's free hand. His pale fingers wrapped around Zim's three clawed hand. "Besides, I'm not alone any more." He managed a small smile and Zim returned it shakily.

The small act did much to quell Zim's doubts, and he continued on fixing Dib's wounds. When he got to the boys ribs he paused – he had been putting this part off.

"This is going to hurt." He looked at him with concern.

"Yeah I figured it would." Dib frowned in exasperation.

"A lot worse than pulling out the stitches." Zim added.

"It's gotta be done though right?" Dib was starting to look worried, and Zim simply nodded.

After programming the device Zim moved to hold the boy down as another tool dropped from the ceiling. Dib shifted uneasily under the Irken's surprisingly strong grip, each clawed hand pressing down on either of his shoulders. The device moved of its own volition towards Dib's chest, making it seem even more menacing.

"You can't move ok?" He flinched as it clamped around the area that was broken but managed a small nod. He instinctively reached up to grab Zim's wrist, seeking some sort of comfort.

Dib cried out as he felt the device start to work, squeezing Zim's arm desperately. The sensation was sort of similar to the one he felt when Zim was healing his cuts, except for how excruciating it was. He could physically feel his bones joining back together. After a tense few minutes it was done, though it felt much longer to Dib. His grip went slack and his arm fell back down to his side as he breathed in deeply. Every breath burnt his chest, but already he could tell the pain was nowhere near as acute as it had been before.

He looked up at Zim through half lidded eyes, exhausted. "Please… can I just sleep now?" He panted.

"Of course," Zim thought about it a moment. "I don't really have a bed here though, where I rest isn't exactly comfortable like yours. This table can't be restful either. Shall I take you home?" He asked the last part reluctantly.

"No, I don't know if the police will look for me at my house. Please, can I just stay here?" The boy was practically nodding off already.

"Well, there's always the sofa I suppose. It's probably the most comfortable thing in my whole base." Dib just nodded weakly, not really caring.

Zim scooped the boy into his arms and carried him towards the lift and up into the house part of his base. He set him down carefully on the sofa before stepping back in thought, trying to work out what was missing. He clicked his fingers in realisation and wandered off. Dib swore he had only blinked when Zim stood back before him holding a blanket and some cushions.

"I had the computer construct these quick, I didn't have anything else similar to what you have. I hope they'll do." Zim held them out uncertainly. He'd never had to provide for a human before.

"Thanks Zim," Dib took them sleepily and made himself snug.

"Do you need food or anything?" Zim procrastinated, not sure what move to make next.

"No I'm too tired to even think about eating, I just need to sleep." Dib strained his eyes back open to realise that Zim was still standing there looking awkward, and he felt his heart skip a beat. "Did you want to… join me?" Dib was almost too afraid to ask in case he had misread the situation. But his words put a delighted smile on Zim's face, and they had barely left his mouth before the Irken sprang in beside him, squishing his sore body.

"Ugh, jeez Zim be careful!" Dib wriggled over, making room. At least they were both skinny. "Can't you take those damn boots and gloves off, they're cold! It's not normal to wear them in bed."

"Well I don't have a bed," Zim complained sulkily, but obediently tugged both off. He hardly ever took them off except briefly to wash, so it felt quite strange but not unpleasant he quickly realised. He enjoyed being able to feel the texture of things with his claw-like fingers, something that had never even occurred to him before. Without thinking he ran them along the Dibs arm, feeling the texture of his skin.

He only realised what he was doing when Dib made a small happy sound, smiling though his eyes had already fallen shut. The boys breathing grew deep and it was clear he was already fast asleep. Zim's face fell a little. He'd wanted to ask Dib about the lip pressing incident, but now he'd have to wait. He found however he was quite tired himself, it had been another stressful day after all.

He shuffled about on the small sliver of sofa that was his, trying to get comfortable. He felt an arm slip around his waist and his squeedly-spooch flipped giddily at the touch. Dib pulled the Irken closer against him so that he was neatly spooned around him, and Zim melted into the warmth of Dib's body. Dib nuzzled his face into the crook of Zim's neck, his breath tickling the skin there.

"Thank you Zim," He mumbled against the Irken's neck. Zim wasn't sure what he was thanking him for, but he felt sure Dib was doing all this in his sleep so he didn't ask.

The Irken part of him wanted to hate all of this silly touching with the human, but his emotions just wouldn't allow it. The intimacy of this moment was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. He felt that same contented bliss wash over him, and his eyes slipped closed.

* * *

 _A/N: Blimey I hope that chapter wasn't too heavy. I need to stop getting so carried away. I have no plans for this to be a slash fic btw. It wasn't in my original plan at all but it just sort of happened. I'm sorry if my description of depression was crumby, I do take it seriously._

 _It's possibly a bit sooner than I anticipated but I just couldn't resist putting their first kiss in. I hope it doesn't feel like they are suddenly moving too fast, but I was feeling *cough*impatient*cough* the moment! And I definitely think they deserved some fluffy moments after all that angst. Also I know the whole antenna stroking thing isn't exactly original, but I just love it so much X3_

 _P.S. Homophobes beware, Zim will kick the shit out of you ;)_


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Zim woke some time before Dib once again, but this time he didn't panic. Dib still had his arm draped around his belly, though his grip had gone slack. Zim didn't mind the feeling, so he just lay there for a time, staring up at the tangle of cables in his ceiling. Apparently the Dib human could sleep for Earth. He supposed he had sustained substantial injuries though, perhaps he would let him off this time.

Once the ceiling grew sufficiently boring Zim shifted so that he could look at the sleeping human instead. He looked so peaceful, a strange contrast to the bruises that marred his body. Dib had managed to protect most of his face so that wasn't too damaged, but the shades of blue and purple still crept across his cheek and it caused a nauseating twinge in Zim's belly. He could see the stress of it all showing in the shadows under the boy's eyes as well, and knew he shouldn't wake him. He was such a scrawny human, he could use all the rest he could get. It was the weekend too, so he really had no reason to get up.

Zim contemplated for a while why it upset him so much to see the boy get hurt. He couldn't even logically criticise the human brutes for what they'd done, as he knew that Irken's acted much the same. They were effectively galactic bullies, stomping through space and crushing any species that took their fancy. At least the Irken's had their compassionate emotions removed before they acted though, it was easy to kill when you didn't feel anything. These humans knew _could_ feel guilt and remorse but didn't, he was pretty sure that was worse. Then he remembered what _he'd_ done to _them_ was far worse _,_ and that was with his emotions. His head started to spin with confusion. Surely it was down to his emotions that he'd acted, but hadn't he acted for the right reasons? So did that make emotions good? Bad? Useless? Vital? He'd have to decide at some point, but right now it was just giving him a headache.

He then realised he was still staring at the sleeping Dib, and swiftly remembered the trouble that had gotten him in yesterday morning and turned away. He knew it would probably be several hours before the boy stirred, but he didn't need any more rest. Yesterday over sleeping had left him feeling horribly groggy so he decided to just get up while he still felt refreshed. He gave the boy one last lingering look before slipping away from the loose grip around his waist.

Zim shivered as the cool air hit his bare hands and feet. Feeling horribly exposed he quickly located his gloves and boots and slipped them back on. The human created such a delightful warmth that he wasn't used to, and it made him feel so sleepy and comfortable. Irkens weren't quite cold-blooded like reptiles but their bodies were cooler than a humans. The life support of their paks allowed them to function at a lower temperature, so it kept them just warm enough to function efficiently but that was all. Being comfortable didn't usually come into it.

He shivered again and frowned in irritation. He'd never really noticed he was cold before sleeping next to the boy because he hadn't known what he'd been missing. It was a habit he never should have succumbed to, but that feeling of peaceful contentment was so damn addictive.

Best to get to work and try to forget it. He should really get going on his plan as he hadn't spent any real time on it yet, so he took himself down into his lab. He had only mocked up some rough prototype plans during lesson time – when he'd been able to concentrate that was. There was a few options available to him based on Membrane's blue prints. The Earth had so many vulnerabilities that the Professor had considered could be taken advantage of as a weapon, but Zim wanted to use one that could be adapted to use on any planet.

One that particularly caught his attention was a device that was designed to drill down into the earth to mess with the fault lines, and trigger devastating earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. It seemed to be on the discarded side of the Professors inventions, rejected due to being too high risk and potentially uncontrollable. But that was what made it so good to Zim, he just wanted to take it a step further. He would drill much deeper than the professor ever imagined possible, potentially even right down into the core of the planet. There he could mess with the inner workings of the planet to alter the Earth's angle and thus the orbit.

He'd hooked his computer up to the human's local 'internet' as they called it, and used their own resources to discover what kind of changes in orbit Earth had endured in the past. A naturally occurring ice age would probably impede the humans, but a sudden induced shift in orbit could trigger a devastating one. Move the Earth a smidge closer to the sun and they would all fry. Imagine if he could make that happen on cue - they could cleanse a planet by barely lifting a finger. And more than that, should a planet not have quite the right conditions to suit Irkens they could just tweak it a bit to make it just right.

So he got going on his epic project, for once feeling hopeful and quite enjoying the work. It had been a while since he felt he had a real purpose and it was good to feel like his old self again, only now he had the smarts to actually succeed. It was thrilling that things finally made sense, and everything that usually didn't click in his head working perfectly. That combined with the feeling of being so refreshed and full of energy from the blissful night's sleep had him functioning at a remarkable speed. He soon found himself completely absorbed.

* * *

A few hours later Dib began to stir. He groggily tried to move and found that his body was exceptionally stiff and sore, bringing everything that had happened back to him. Every inch of his skin felt tender and his ribs still ached, but he knew it was nothing to what he would have been feeling if Zim hadn't fixed him up.

He reached an arm out and realised he was alone when it hit the vacant sofa. He opened his eyes to confirm this, and felt quite disappointed to find the room empty. He was sure he had fallen asleep with Zim cuddled up to him… hadn't he? He had been quite out of it, maybe he had dreamt the whole thing. Dib felt a bit despondent either way. He hoped he hadn't been dreaming it, but he felt a bit down that Zim hadn't stayed. He knew the alien didn't need sleep like he did though and tried to brush it off.

Shakily he sat up, his head swimming. His tummy growled emptily, but he decided he would find out what Zim was up to first and check that he was okay. His behaviour had been so erratic lately. Stiffly he clambered down into the base until he found the room where Zim worked. The Irken was bent over the console so engrossed in his project that he didn't notice Dib enter the chamber, so Dib hung back to get a good look at what adorned the screens. He couldn't believe how much Zim had done already, when had he started this? He quickly got a grasp of what Zim was trying to make and it sent a shudder through him. He hoped he had made the right choice by encouraging Zim to make this thing. Heaven help them if Zim ever turned it on the Earth.

Dib felt a wave of sorrow wash over him. Zim had already done so much, how soon until he was finished? When he'd suggested the plan to Zim he'd only been thinking of how distraught and lost the alien had been, and he'd wanted to help him earn the respect Dib had never been able to achieve from his own people. But now it was all really happening he realised the only outcome if this plan succeeded was that Zim would leave Earth, and he was fairly sure he didn't want that. Seeing the Irken work so passionately on it now only made it harder. Zim was so desperate to leave Earth, he hated it here and he hated humans.

Hopelessness suddenly overwhelmed him, his throat clenching at the thought. Zim had been clinging to him so much lately - he'd been so sure the alien had been enjoying his company but now he felt so doubtful. Was he just being used? Would Zim even think of Dib after he left? Would he miss him?

Dib turned away from the Irken, unable to face him in that moment. He probably shouldn't disturb him anyway, and he had his own stuff to get on with like eating, getting a change of clothes, chores, homework… the thought didn't help his mood. Silently he slipped back into the shadows and left.

* * *

Zim had been working on his plan for most of the day. He had even created a large new room for his base even deeper within the Earth, in which he had begun construction of the actual device. The speed he had been able to work at was exhilarating. Never mind that, it was just amazing that nothing was exploding.

He felt like his efficiency was partly down to his good mood. He'd had a good night's rest knowing that he'd saved the Dib and fixed the worst of his wounds, and felt reassured knowing the boy slept upstairs. He found it was a pleasing sensation knowing he was here where he could protect him from those monsters. He also kept thinking about the lip pressing incident too, and the giddiness it made him feel seemed to spur him on even more.

He was eager to question the Dib about this action, which led him to wondering if the boy was still sleeping. Zim wasn't sure how long he'd been working for but it must have been several hours, and he had expected Dib to have come looking for him by now. He felt a small pang of worry at this and decided it was time to go and check on him. He set down his tools and hopped swiftly into the lift, which carried him up to the house level.

He stepped out into the kitchen as the doors swished open, and marched optimistically toward the lounge area. However his heart sank as his eyes fell on the abandoned couch, and his sharp stance slumped. He supposed he shouldn't find it strange that Dib had left. He had his own life and human needs to get on with after all, but still he couldn't help but feel disappointed. Had he done something wrong? He thought the boy might at least have said something before going. Zim racked his brains but couldn't come up with anything.

He glanced at the windows and saw that it was already pretty dark outside, which meant he'd been working even longer than he'd thought. Oh well, might as well get back to it then. He slipped back down into his base, feeling deflated.

Once back in his lab he picked up his tools again and tried to remember where he'd been up to, but no matter what he did he couldn't seem to get anything right. He just couldn't concentrate any more and his thoughts kept straying to the Dib. And then another disappointing thought occurred to him. He'd spent the last couple of nights with the boy, and though he knew that couldn't happen every day he still didn't like the thought that tonight he would be deprived of that comfort. He didn't even need sleep tonight he tried to argue with himself. Two nights of sleep was gluttonous as it was for an Irken.

He shivered slightly, feeling insecure. Why should he suddenly feel so different? He had been working perfectly well before he found out the boy was gone, it shouldn't make any difference. He made another mistake which resulted in a burnt claw, and he threw the tool away cussing in frustration. His worry churned into anger at himself. How had he ended up in this state of dependency? He didn't need a human boy to live efficiently. He was supposed to be an Irken for Tallest's sake. Wasn't that the whole point of what he was doing, so that he could live as a proper Irken again and leave this stinking world behind?

That realisation chilled the anger right out of him. For some reason that was the first time he'd twigged that if his plan succeeded he'd probably never see the Dib again. Did that bother him? It left a sinking feeling in the pit of his squeedly-spooch that he was sure didn't feel good. But wasn't going back to Irk and being respected by his own people everything he'd ever wanted? Somehow it didn't sound quite as enticing as it had before. He felt so conflicted, what was it that he actually wanted?

Suddenly working on the plan didn't appeal to him all that much and he looked at his creation miserably. He began to feel that same panic from yesterday creeping in, nibbling at his guts, and decided he had to go and find the Dib human. The boy would cheer him back up and make everything make sense again like he always did. He smiled a bit to himself at the thought, and rushed back up to the house eagerly flicking his disguise on as he went.

* * *

Dib slumped despondently at his desk. He was still dwelling on that morning, unable to stop wondering how soon Zim would end up leaving and homework and chores weren't exactly great distractions. Working as hard as he was Zim would have his invention completed in no time. Dib wished he hadn't left so rashly now. He'd acted like a sulky kid storming off, but he wondered if Zim had even noticed. He should have stayed and distracted the Irken from his work or something, but then he realised how silly that sounded too.

He dropped his pen, giving up on his schoolwork for now. He just couldn't concentrate any longer and was too distracted by wondering when he'd next see Zim. They didn't really have any reason to seek each other out and he doubted whether the Irken would attend school after the incident, it was probably too risky.

As if on cue, movement caught Dib's eye in the reflection of his computer screen. He turned around to see Zim's human face peering in through his window sheepishly, suspended by his spider legs outside. The Irken flinched as he was caught red handed, his eyes widening as they locked with Dibs. Not sure what else to do Zim dropped his eyes shamefacedly, and began pawing softly at the glass to be let in. Dib smiled at how cute it was, feeling relieved to see him. He climbed onto his bed and pulled the window open.

"Hey, you alright?" Dib asked uncertainly, not sure what to expect. Zim hung there awkwardly, fidgeting.

"I just wanted to check if you were ok… after yesterday." Zim muttered avoiding eye contact, "I didn't realise you'd left." Dib looked away shiftily.

"Yeah I'm fine thanks to you. I'm sorry I left. I just had stuff to do, you know?" Dib answered feebly, and Zim just nodded.

"So… Zim didn't do anything wrong?" The Irken asked in a tiny voice.

"No of course you didn't! I'm sorry Zim," Dib smiled in bemusement – this hadn't been what he'd expected from Zim at all. Without thinking he leaned out of the window and pulled Zim into a hug, just overwhelmingly relieved that Zim was here and seemed to care.

Zim stiffened, not sure what was going on or why. It felt nice though, it was cool outside and the human was pleasantly warm. It seemed he had worried over nothing again, damned feelings. When Zim didn't respond to the hug Dib pulled back though, eyeing him questioningly. The alien looked a bit freaked out at the sudden close contact, and Dib realised Zim didn't understand what he was doing.

"Jeez Zim it's just a hug." He shook his head in exasperation, but couldn't help but keep smiling.

"A _'Hug'_? What is its purpose?" Zim asked apprehensively.

"It just feels good. Well at least they do to humans. We like holding each other when we're happy or make each other feel better when we're sad. It feels nice."

"Like when you grabbed me last night on the sofa? That was a hug too?"

"Umm... kind of. It's more like cuddling when you're lying in bed together. But I guess it's the same." Dib blushed at his own explanation. He was glad to hear he hadn't imagined it, but now that he thought about what he'd done he felt super embarrassed that he'd been so affectionate - it wasn't like him. He must have been _really_ out of it.

Zim seemed to ponder his answer for a moment before reaching his arms out to Dib, his hands flexing in a 'gimme' motion at him. "Zim wants to try again. I did it wrong." Dib laughed and pulled him back into the hug, and this time the Irken tentatively put his arms around the boy. Dib was pretty sure it was the first time someone had hugged him since he was a toddler, and his heart swelled at the simple comfort of it. A fresh breeze rustled through Dib's hair and an idea struck him.

"Why don't we head up to the roof for a bit? I could do with taking a break from my work." Dib began to withdraw but Zim grabbed him tighter, his spider legs suddenly lifting the human up and off his windowsill. Dib's eyes widened in surprise as Zim gracefully carried them up to the roof, gently plopping the human down before retracting his mechanical legs. Zim surveyed the empty space, unimpressed.

"What's so great about the roof? Your room is warm and comfortable." He complained.

"It's a nice evening. Look the stars are coming out." Dib ignored the Irken's whining and lay down with his hands behind his head, gazing up at the sparkling specks.

"What's so great about the stars?" Zim sat down reluctantly, still not understanding why the boy liked sitting up here so much.

"Well to you I'm sure nothing, but for humans they're a complete mystery. I'm lucky, because of you I've been into space. Most humans will never get the chance. I spent most of my life dreaming of it, sitting here looking up." He looked wistful. "I wish I knew all about them, and which ones have inhabited planets. Would you tell me about them?" He looked at Zim hopefully.

"I suppose," Zim was unenthused. It was all common knowledge to him, just mountains of data stored in his pak. But the Dib was looking at him so excitedly, he couldn't refuse. "Well, that speck there is Kraxus 12 and it has three inhabited planets in orbit. So those are probably the ones closest to you, but that's pretty far away. Your part of space is kind of dead, there's not much around." Zim reeled off uninterestedly, but Dib's eyes were sparkling with curiosity.

"Wow, do you think we'll ever meet them?"

"Not for many thousands of years I'd expect. You can barely get to your moon." Zim scoffed, but Dib remained undeterred.

"Tell me about those planets?" So Zim complied, reciting what he considered to be boring facts but Dib ate them up, gleefully hanging on his every word. There was a slight pause while Dib considered a question.

"Which way is your planet?" Dib couldn't resist asking.

"Irk?" Zim's face fell somewhat. He gazed in the direction, he knew it so well he didn't even have to think any more. He pointed a claw in the direction. "Six months that way. In my voot cruiser anyway."

Dib wanted to ask about it, but he held back as he saw how crestfallen Zim looked. "Wow, six months…"

"You can get there faster if you have the technology, but my ship is quite tiny. I'm sure the Massive could get here much faster, and that's just based on the technology they had years ago. Who knows what they've got now." Zim trailed off despondently, realising how cut off he was from his own people. He felt chilly all of a sudden, and rubbed his arms against the breeze.

"Dib, can I ask you something human now?" Zim asked, deciding he had definitely earned his turn.

"Sure, go ahead." Dib had a feeling he knew what was coming, and swallowed nervously.

"Why did you press your lips against mine yesterday? What does that mean?" Zim looked at him inquisitively.

"Did you like it?" Dib dodged, blushing. He sat up so that he was level with Zim.

Zim thought about it for a moment. "I think so. It made me feel… strange. In my insides." Dib took confidence from this response – it was more positive than he might have expected. His tummy did a little flip. "But you didn't answer the question," Zim pestered stubbornly, and Dib knew he couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Uhh… I guess it's a bit like a hug, but a bit more personal. Usually people only do it when they're… more than friends." Dib cringed. There was no escaping it now. Zim frowned in confusion.

"But when we were in school, you were angry that those humans thought we were ' _more than friends_ '." He air quoted the term sceptically. This wasn't quite the aspect he'd expected Zim to be confused by.

"That… It wasn't…" He stuttered, "I wasn't angry that they might think we were in one, it was more knowing what they'd do to me if they thought that we were. And I was right remember." He scowled at Zim.

"So… you do consider us 'more than friends'?" Zim still looked puzzled.

"No, I… I don't know. I feel so confused." Dib buried his face in his arms. Why did Zim have to be so difficult?

"You are hard to understand Dib-human." Zim frowned. "Does it matter what label we put on our… togetherness?" Dib looked up at that, surprised at Zim's open mindedness.

"Well… not to me. No one likes me anyway. But I thought you would mind."

"I couldn't care less what these human filthies think of me. You should know that by now." Zim said with scornfully, his eyes drifting back in the direction of Irk. Did _he_ care what his own people would think of him for getting involved with another species? Almost definitely, but at least for now that didn't matter. "I have no idea _what_ I feel. All I do know is that I feel less insane when you're around." Dib smiled warmly, knowing what that meant coming from Zim. They both mulled over what had been said silently, until Dib finally plucked up the courage to speak.

"So… if you liked it… do you want to try it again?" He asked sheepishly. He had almost been too afraid, terrified he'd get shot down.

Zim turned to face the Dib, eyeing him suspiciously. He felt his pulse quicken once again and couldn't seem to find his voice, so he just nodded at the boy. Dib beamed at him, and then proceeded to blush profusely. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Wait, could you turn your disguise off first?"

"What? Why?" Zim asked self-consciously glancing about. He knew no one could see them up here, but it seemed like a strange request.

"I don't know, you just don't seem like you looking like that."

"That's because I don't really look like this, moron." Zim glared at him and Dib sighed in exasperation.

"I know that. That's my point. I like how you really look, it's cool." Dib said the last part shyly.

Zim looked at him in surprise. He'd always thought the Dib was repulsed by his Irken appearance. He complied and his human form fizzled out of existence, fake eyes turning a deep ruby. For some reason it made Dib's pulse quicken - there was just something about those eyes. God, he really was crazy. He'd never found a human attractive and now he was falling for an alien?

He shuffled up closer to Zim, and leaned in towards him. He couldn't believe how fast his heart was beating, he almost felt dizzy. Zim's worried expression as his face grew closer didn't help either. The Irken didn't move an inch he was so frozen with fear, so Dib reached a hand out and tenderly placed it on Zim's cheek, gently pulling him forward by the jaw so that their lips could touch. Dib didn't know a lot about kissing, but this just felt so instinctive. His stomach flipped as he felt Zim press back and he pulled the Irken's face a bit harder against his own, his hand still clutching the smooth green skin.

After a few moments Dib broke the contact, sighing contentedly and rested his forehead against Zim's instead. He wanted to deepen the kiss, but he was just so afraid. Afraid of doing it wrong, of Zim rejecting him… afraid of liking it too much. What was he doing, he was just torturing himself. He dropped his hand and pulled back.

"Why does it feel so good?" Zim asked, a bit dazed.

"I dunno," Dib said giddily, "It's to do with how sensitive our lips our partly… I dunno about your kind."

"Your nose gets in the way." Zim protested, glaring slightly at the appendage.

"Well we manage just fine with them." Dib rolled his eyes. There was always something for the alien to complain about. They sat closely in contented silence for a while, both thinking their own thoughts. Dib soon felt his eyes begin to droop, and the cold was making his injuries ache.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed, I'm still really tired." Dib conceded, and Zim's face fell.

"Ugh, already? You were only just asleep." Zim grumbled in aggravation. "How do you humans ever get anything done, you spend half of your lives unconscious."

"Hey I'm still recovering you know. These still really hurt." Dib motioned to the bruises, and Zim looked away guiltily. "How about we spend tomorrow together? If you're not too busy with your project that is." Dib asked hopefully.

"Ok. What will we do?" Zim had little motivation for his work right now.

"I dunno, I'll think of something." Truth was Dib never really did anything much at the weekend, he hadn't thought past Zim actually accepting his offer. He got up stiffly, his wounds throbbing. He moved to the edge of the roof, where Zim once again picked him up and lowered them both back down into his bedroom. Dib was surprised as Zim hovered at the windowsill – the alien clearly didn't want to leave again. When had he got so clingy? Not that he minded.

"You want to stay over again?" Dib asked knowingly, small smile on his face. Zim nodded and hopped in with a grin. "Well you know where my snacks are. I'm guessing you don't need any sleep so you can go on my computer if you'd like. There's some games on it you might like. Do you know how to work it?" Zim glowered at him.

"You don't think I can work a human computer? Smeets-play." Dib just sighed as the Irken sulked, and grabbed his pyjamas.

"Whatever, do what you like. I'm gonna go get ready for bed and get some painkillers." Dib sloped off to the bathroom. Zim looked around curiously as he was left alone. He went straight over to the snack box, and was elated to see that Dib had replaced his favourite round chewies. He grabbed them happily and began nosing around the Dibs room for something interesting.

He slid the other door of the wardrobe open and found himself looking at a lot of pictures of… himself. He knew the boy had achieved a lot of photos of him over the years, but it still felt very unnerving to be standing in front of such a display. He thought about how the boy had asked him to turn his disguise off. Dib really did like how Irkens looked. It was so odd, the boy seemed to have no preference for his own species at all.

Zim considered the Dibs appearance. Did he like it? He supposed it was instinctively attractive to him how tall the boy was, even though it was annoying that he was taller than Zim was. And his spiky hair thing wasn't too unlike his own antennae. The extra features such as ears, nose and additional fingers were just odd, but he was pretty used to them by now. Some of the humans were all kinds of vile and freaky shapes, all fat and blubbery and smelly. But Dib wasn't like that at all. His body was sleek and his skin was smooth and clean, and smelt quite nice. He had all the right number of limbs, two eyes and one mouth, so he supposed he couldn't fault him. He looked as close to Irken-kind as any human was ever going to get.

He still longed to discover what that mop of dark hair felt like, and an idea came over him. His spider legs wooshed out and raised him up to the ceiling, out of sight. He waited until Dib trudged back in sleepily and stopped by his bed. The boy looked around in confusion – had Zim left? He saw he'd found the cookies, the packet lying on the floor amidst some crumbs which he scowled at. Zim smoothly lowered down over the boys head, reaching out his claws and stuck them into Dib's hair roughly.

Dib cried out in surprise and jumped away onto his bed, wincing as his bruises twinged. "What the fuck Zim!" Zim lowered himself back down to the floor.

"I was just seeing what it felt like." He looked sadly at his gloved hand. He had forgotten he'd need to take that off before he could actually feel anything properly. He'd missed his chance.

"You could just ask you know!" Dib smoothed his hair back in annoyance.

"Really?" Zim looked up hopefully.

"Um… yeah?" Dib wasn't sure he should have said that, but Zim gleefully sprang over, pulling his glove off carefully. Dib rolled his eyes and leaned his head toward the Irken, offering his hair up. Zim triumphantly ran his claws through the strange texture, feeling the tangle of so many fine threads – such a strange design. Dib shivered, surprised to find the feeling quite pleasurable. He could feel his eyes sagging as the sensation lulled him to sleep.

"We don't have anything like this." Zim commented casually, not noticing how much Dib was enjoying the touch until he felt the boy's body start to sag towards him. His breathing had grown heavy, and Zim realised he'd fallen asleep. It seemed touching the hair was some sort of calming mechanism - that might be useful to remember.

Zim withdrew his hand and pulled his glove back on, a smug grin on his face. He moved the body so that Dib was lying against the pillows rather than himself, and carefully pulled the duvet up and over him. The Dib looked very endearing and peaceful like this, but he was quickly getting bored of all this sleeping.

Zim moved back over the wardrobes and grabbed some more snacks from the box. He noticed a soft looking blanket on a shelf and grabbed that too, wrapping himself up in its warmth. Why did he find Dib's scent so comforting? He was sure he used to find it just as repulsive as any humans. He stalked over to the desk within his bundle, and glared at the primitive computer.

Well, he supposed he didn't have anything else to do.

* * *

 _A/N: This chapter ended up being a bit uneventful, apologies. I thought it best to get an update done though. I had the first few chapters really well planned so this one just ended up being a bit rambling... but I've had a good think and sorted what's going to happen next so hopefully it will get more exciting from here!_

 _Regarding Zim's weapon, I know it's crazily farfetched and makes no scientific sense, but to be fair this is scifi! ;P My knowledge is lacking haha_


	7. Chapter 6

_A/N: I'm sorry I've been gone for so long! Christmas is a crazy busy time for me, it's been mad. I haven't given up on this story at all I promise! I've been slowing writing little chunks of this chapter in the occasional moment I could snatch for myself, so I hope it isn't too disjointed and still flows okay/generally isn't too shit._

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

Dib groaned and stirred beneath the duvet. He was vaguely aware of some irritating sound that had been disrupting his sleep, and now he was finally starting to come to. He rubbed his blurry eyes and attempted to locate the exit to the duvet nest he'd tangled himself up in in an attempt to escape the noise. When he finally freed an arm he grabbed about aimlessly until his hand hit his glasses at last.

A mound of… something… swam into focus, sitting perched at his desk in front of the computer. The sound was like gunshots he realised, and as Dib squinted at what he could see of his screen he confirmed that it was indeed a shooting game. An evil chuckle sounded from beneath the blanket bundle on the chair.

"Take that pathetic Earth monkeys!" Zim cackled under his breath. "You are no match for an Irken warrior!" On the screen some sort of mass killing was occurring – Zim was wiping the floor with them all. Dib giggled bemused, he'd thought Zim might enjoy his video games.

Dib glanced at his clock. It was nearly 11am, he'd slept for so long! He sat up and stretched, feeling much better after such a good sleep. He softly slithered off his bed, trying not to alert Zim to his presence. He scowled as he looked down at the floor surrounding the Irken; it was littered with snack wrappers and games cases. Sometimes it was like looking after a child.

Dib carefully navigated his way through the mess and snuck up behind the alien. He watched Zim's actions on the screen for a bit, who was so engrossed he had no idea the human was right behind him. Dib noted some of the messages that were popping up from the other online players, ' _Who the hell is this guy?' 'Is he using a cheat?'_.Save for his sister of course he'd never seen anyone play a game so skilfully, he'd even give Gaz a run for her money by the looks of things. Dib watched as in the game Zim began creeping through a dark area – it was the perfect tense moment. He wrapped his arms around the bundle, hugging him tight and bringing his face in close to the Irkens to nuzzle into his neck.

Zim hit the roof. He shrieked and flailed, knocking them both flying backwards, chair and all. From their crumpled heap on the ground they both looked up as a message flashed in red across the screen: YOU ARE DEAD. This was followed by lots of players celebrating onscreen, whomever had shot him getting heavily praised. Zim turned on Dib slowly, his eyes seething. He kicked the chair out from between them and grabbed Dib angrily by the throat.

"YOU BROKE MY WINNING STREAK!" He spat furiously in the boy's face. Despite his smaller size he had the upper hand having landed on top of the human. Dib's eyes bugged in surprise as the grip tightened on his throat.

"Zim I'm sorry!" He choked out, grabbing at Zim's arms to try and pull him off, but the Irken was really strong. Zim seemed to quickly realise what he was doing was a bit drastic as Dib started to turn quite red in the face, his anger softening as he released his hold on the boy's neck.

Dib gasped for air desperately. Undeterred he saw an opportunity and took it. He grabbed the blanket that lay between them and swiftly wrapped Zim up tightly in it, flipping him over so that he was pinning the Irken down instead. Zim looked up at Dib in shock, for the moment speechless. He hadn't expected the human to fight back. He wriggled about in the blanket, but found it too tightly wrapped for him to move.

"Unhand me you APE!" Zim yelled, finding his voice. Dib just grinned down at him smugly. What a rare opportunity!

"Hey you started it Zim!" Dib smirked cheekily.

"YOU started it when you snuck up on me you sneaky SNEAK!" Zim writhed furiously in his blanket. "I order you to let me go!"

"What makes you think I have to take your orders Zim?" Dib teased. "I will let you go, but you have to pay the price first." Zim stopped writhing at this and looked at the boy nervously.

"P-price? What price?" Zim stuttered as Dib leaned in towards him. "What is it that you ask of Zim?" He panicked but the human kept getting closer, until his lips pressed down on Zim's. Zim relaxed into the kiss momentarily, before realising this was the perfect moment to catch the Dib while he was distracted.

His spider legs shot out of his back, ripping through the fabric with ease. The legs freed his limbs and pinned Dib back against the wall all in one smooth motion. "Zim always wins." He grinned smugly. Dib struggled to no avail – he was no match for the mechanical legs. "That'll teach you to touch Zim without permission." He said haughtily, folding his arms and sticking his chin in the air.

"Ok fine, you win. Can you let me go now? These things hurt." Dib struggled to ease the leg that was digging into the flesh of his shoulder. Zim eyed him shiftily, and the legs withdrew. Humans were so damn delicate.

Zim moved back over to the computer and reclaimed his perch, sitting with his feet up on the chair and legs folded in against his chest, his chin resting on his knees. He began tapping his name into the high score screen. "I'd been playing for four and a half hours without dying." Zim growled at Dib accusingly. "Still, no human will ever beat that high score." He gazed smugly at his name on the top of the list.

"Blimey Zim. I should have known better than to get you hooked on video games." Dib began picking up the scattered discs and putting them away, before starting on the litter. "How much sugar did you eat?!" He exclaimed, heading over to check his snack box. It was rather empty. "No wonder you were so hyped up." Zim glanced over at him guiltily, antennae twitching a bit crazily.

"Do you have any other games?" Zim asked eagerly, and Dib just looked at him in disbelief.

"You've been playing them solidly all night!"

"So?" Zim pouted. Dib sighed and rummaged through his shelves to find another box of games.

"I guess you probably like them cause they're so immersive. I know that's why I do." Dib muttered as he selected one. "Do you have Irken video games?"

"Like invaders have time for games." Zim scoffed. "We did have simulations but they were for training purposes." Zim watched as Dib brought a new game over, eagerly trying to nosy at the cover.

"This could be fun, and I can play this one with you." He slotted the disc into his computer.

"You'll slow me down." Zim complained, huffing sulkily.

"Well tough, they're my games." Dib grabbed a big bean bag from the corner of his room and dragged it over to sit on, grabbing an extra games controller too. "Besides, you agreed to spend the day with me remember?"

"You could watch me play." Zim asked optimistically, but soon got distracted by what Dib was pulling over. "What's that thing?"

"It's just something to sit on Zim." He shook his head, Zim could be so dumb.

"It looks comfier than this chair." Zim sulked and Dib sighed again. He reached up and grabbed the Irken's arm, pulling him down on to the bean bag next to him.

"Hey!" Zim yelled, ripping his arm out of the humans grip disgruntledly.

"Oh stop complaining for once. Look there's plenty of room for both of us kay. Comfy?" Zim looked at him crossly, but shuffled about testing the intriguing texture of the seat and found it to his liking. He nodded reluctantly. Dib noticed how cold the Irken was to the touch, and reached over to grab the blanket from earlier. He looked at the holes in it in dismay.

"I liked that blanket." Dib said sadly, but threw it around the both of them anyway. He smiled as Zim snuggled in closer to him to leech off his body heat.

"So what _are_ we playing?" Zim asked, burrowing into the blanket gratefully. The warmth the boy gave off was so addictive, he just couldn't hold a grudge because of it.

"It's a space game." Dib grinned, wondering how the alien would react. Zim turned to stare at him with a severely unimpressed look on his face.

"You want an Irken, highly trained in the ways of galactic war, to play a game comprising what some dumb human _imagined_ space to be like?" He sneered incredulously.

"Hey it's good! Just give it a chance. You liked those other ones made by humans just fine." Dib teased him and Zim snatched the controller back up petulantly. "Besides what does it matter if it's not realistic, it's just a bit of fun."

"It matters to Zim to win. Are you actually any good at this one?" Zim probed.

"Well I do have a lot of spare time, so I've had plenty of practise." Dib smirked.

As they got stuck into the game Zim realised the Dib really wasn't too bad at games – for a human at least. He still wasn't as fast as he was of course, but he was a lot better than any of the humans opposing them and together they made a pretty good team.

"YES! Take that Earth scum!" Zim cheered as they won yet another round. Dib threw down his controller and gave a big yawn. They'd been at it for a good few hours at least, and he was getting bored now. "What are you doing? You can't play if you're not holding that." Zim asked in confusion.

"Yeah I know, don't you think it's time for a break?" Dib looked at Zim in disbelief.

"You have no stamina human!" Zim sulked.

"Maybe you're too easily entertained." Dib teased, grabbing Zim into a playful hug as he pouted. "Hours of playing the same game just isn't mentally stimulating enough for me." Dib puffed out his chest with a cheesy grin.

"Don't flatter yourself human. And I told you not to touch me without permission." Zim protested grumpily, but they both knew he didn't mean it and he didn't put up any resistance as Dib squeezed him. Zim's antenna brushed against Dib's cheek, and Dib leaned into them lightly as they tickled his skin. It was just enough to soften Zim's expression, and his stiff posture eased a little. The boy's breath blew lightly and warmly against them, making them quiver gently. It was such a subtle sensation but it turned his mind to jello.

Dib was surprised when Zim didn't try to push him off, even when he lingered. He felt they could have stayed like that forever, and his heart soared with the simple pleasure of holding the petite alien close. Was this what it felt like to have someone special in your life? He was sure he could get used to it, but maybe he shouldn't he reminded himself. He'd already missed most of today, and it might be the only chance he'd have to spend time with Zim.

"We shouldn't just sit here all day anyway." Dib eventually muttered, withdrawing his arms reluctantly. He finally had a friend (of sorts) and he still hadn't managed to leave his bedroom.

"Why not?" Zim murmured, still lost in his contented state.

"Wouldn't you like to go out and do something different?" Dib sat up a bit, and Zim finally moved away, coming to his senses. He stroked back his tingling antennae as his mind cleared.

"Like what?" He eyed Dib sceptically.

"Well we've already lost most of the day," He pondered their options. Video games was the first thing Zim seemed to actually enjoy, so maybe he should play it safe. "We could go play laser tag? It's pretty much that shooting game you were playing but in real life… sorta."

"We call that war." Zim grinned evilly.

"Well you'd have to behave. As much as you might want to you can't _actually_ hurt the other people playing… it's still just pretend," Dib began to doubt whether it was a good idea to put Zim's competitiveness against normal people in the real world. Zim huffed at that – more rules. "But I think you'll enjoy it, it's fun." Zim looked at him cynically but nodded his agreement.

"Fine. But prepare to taste defeat at the hands of Zim."

* * *

"I don't think I've ever seen any one play laser tag like that… ever." Dib admitted as they left the building, feeling a little shell shocked.

"Of course you haven't Earth-smeet! I'm a trained warrior, or had you forgotten that?" Zim strode down the road smugly with high steps, still very high off his victory. "Those Earth stinks never stood a chance against my superior skills."

Zim had been lightning fast in the playing zone. Dib had barely been able to catch a glimpse of him as he darted about, his movements remarkably elegant. Zim was so different now that his pak was fixed. There was a time he would have just fallen flat on his face in such a situation. Dib found it quite exhilarating to see Zim at his full potential.

They'd tried to make as swift an exit as possible, as several unhappy customers piled out of the building behind them scowling in Zim's direction. They hadn't had much of a game as no one had managed to go more than a couple of minutes before getting shot out of play again. Dib found it kind of funny, as he'd somehow managed to convince Zim to be his ally.

It had also unnerved him though, to see first-hand how lethal Zim could be. It may have been just a game to everyone else but Dib knew the truth behind his expertise was that he'd done this for real many times, and killed many. Heaven help them if the Irkens ever did come here, they truly were a deadly race. He shuddered and tried to brush it off.

"I'm so never taking you there again."

"Awwh, but I had fun," Zim's proud posture fell and he looked at Dib sadly. Dib smiled, Zim could be so cute sometimes. "Why are you always showing me fun things and then taking them away." He frowned. "What are we doing next that I can wipe the floor with you at?"

Dib had a little think. He didn't want the night to be over just yet but there wasn't a vast amount of options open to them. It was getting late, which left them the typical dating activities such as seeing a film or going to a restaurant. But Zim didn't eat much human food and Dib wanted to do something a bit more sociable than go to the cinema. He felt a pang of anxiety that he had slept in so late and done nothing but play games, he felt like he had wasted too much time. This could be his only real opportunity to be with Zim before he left, and he wanted to get the most out of it. His feelings toward the Irken had grown so much in just a few short days, he almost couldn't bear it.

As they walked through town Dib realised they were coming up to a bar that he liked. Perfect, he sure could use a drink right now.

"Hey can you drink alcohol?"

"What's that?" Zim questioned suspiciously.

"How can you not know what alcohol is Zim, everyone at school is obsessed with it." Dib sighed. "It's a drink with… I guess the best way to describe it to you is that it's a kind of diluted poison." Dib cringed at his own description.

"Why on Irk would you drink poison?" Zim looked at him like he was a drooling moron.

"Because it's fun!" Dib laughed, it really did sound stupid when he thought about it. "It just makes you feel good, and it tastes nice. It's not strong enough to actually hurt you unless you drink too much of it. Come on we should go in here for a bit, they play good music." Zim hesitated, but Dib was already dragging him in.

It was an alternative bar, darkly decorated and buzzing with the heavy bass of the music. It was still quite early for a club so it wasn't too crowded at the moment, and Dib headed straight over to the bar and ordered himself a beer. He looked to Zim, unsure what to get him.

"What would you like?" Zim just looked back at him with a mildly worried expression and shrugged. The loud music made his antenna feel funny, and he found it a little disorientating.

Dib thought for a moment and decided to get Zim an alcopop. He was sure Zim would like the sweetness and probably the bright blue colour of it too, plus they were pretty weak for his first taste. He got their drinks and led Zim over to a quieter corner where they could sit and talk. Dib eagerly drained his first bottle. He was keen to calm his nerves and quiet his mind for a time. He just wanted to be able to enjoy spending the night with Zim, and he hoped it might give him a little more confidence. He glanced at Zim who hadn't even tasted his drink yet.

In truth Zim was a bit nervous. He didn't know how this 'poison' would treat his system, though he felt that if the human body could cope with it so should his superior Irken form. He took a tentative sip.

"Mmm, it is tasty." Zim smiled at the sugary flavour. He burped suddenly from the fizz and Dib laughed, smiling at him endearingly. "Why are you staring at me like that human?"

"Sorry," Dib looked away, blushing. "I just… I really enjoy spending time with you Zim." He couldn't look Zim in the eye as he spoke. Dammit, he needed more confidence. Zim just looked back at the boy in surprise, not sure what to say. He felt his cheeks darken as his pulse quickened, though he was thankful that it was hidden by his hologram disguise. He shuffled awkwardly and took another tiny sip of his drink.

"No one's ever said anything like that to me before." He finally said in a tiny voice, and Dib had to strain to hear it over the music. "I… feel good when I'm around you too." Dib's stomach flipped at Zim's words. Was this too good to be true? His mind whirled, his conscience telling him not to get any more involved but his heart was telling him otherwise.

"I'm gonna get another drink, I'll be right back." Zim watched in surprise as Dib got up and strode back to the bar, looking from the boys empty bottle and back to his own practically full one. He hadn't even notice Dib finish it he had drank it so fast.

He watched curiously as the Dib leaned at the bar, waiting his turn to be served. He was quite surprised at himself for agreeing to spend the whole day with him, and even more surprised at how much he had been enjoying himself. Who'd have ever thought they would end up on such good terms. He felt such a fondness for the boy as he watched him, butterflies tickling at his squeedly-spooch.

Suddenly the girl stood next to Dib at the bar turned to face him, and he watched her appraise him with satisfaction. Zim had a strange moment of smugness, and a voice in his head went, _yes human fool, that is mine._ But then she began to talk to Dib and his good feelings dissipated as Dib smiled at her and spoke back. He saw the Dib receive his drink and his stomach dropped when the boy didn't instantly leave and walk back to him, but instead stayed at the bar with this female.

Zim scowled in frustration. He thought Dib didn't like any other humans, and wasn't he here to spend time with Zim? He'd never really seen Dib talk to anyone else before and it evoked a strange feeling in him that he couldn't quite identify. Then the human girl truly pushed her luck – she placed a hand on Dib's arm in a very familiar way, and Zim nearly blew his top. He was sure no one else was allowed to touch the Dib.

He was considering going over there when Dib finally redeemed himself by responding awkwardly to the touch, backing off a bit before gesturing Zim's way and heading back to their table. Zim shot daggers at the girl as she disappointedly looked his way, not phased at all by the aliens glare. Dib's cheeks were quite rosy as he sat back at the table, a small smile playing on his lips. Zim glared at him and his already half-drunk second bottle, until Dib finally looked up and noticed.

"What?!" Dib looked abashed and guilty all of a sudden.

"Someone you know?" Zim asked tersely.

"Zim are you… jealous?" Dib laughed. "Just cause some girl said two words to me? That's never even happened before… figures." Dib mused the last part quietly to himself.

"Why would Zim be jealous? Don't be so ridiculous." The Irken huffed, crossing his arms angrily and glaring in the direction of the girl unintentionally. Dib smiled knowingly, loving Zim's reaction. He'd never expected it from him, it was quite touching.

"I've never seen her before in my life, okay? Her name is Kat and we just chatted a bit." Dib scooched over to Zim and snuck an arm around his waist, pulling him in closer and placing a quick kiss on his cheek. This caught Zim off guard and softened his angry expression.

"What was that for?" Zim asked almost shyly.

"Do I need to have a reason?" Dib smirked. The beer was definitely going to his head.

Zim leaned into Dib's warmth trying to act casually as he sipped delicately at his alcopop, but Dib noticed of course and beamed as he knew that meant he was forgiven. He turned his head so that his mouth was near where he knew Zim's antenna would be and breathed warm air over them like he had earlier. He knew it had had the desired effect as the Irken slumped even more into him.

They talked for some time snuggled close in their booth, and Dib drank while Zim sipped. Little did Zim realise how drunk Dib was slowly but surely getting. Himself he had barely put a dent in his drink, but he didn't think his guts were taking it too well. They grumbled uneasily.

Zim looked up warily as he realised the girl from earlier was approaching their table. He glowered at her but she ignored him, focusing her gaze on Dib.

"Hey, do you want to come and have a cig with my friends?" She asked confidently. She was a slim human, with electric blue hair and wearing a punky black dress with stripy blue and black tights. She was smaller than the Dib, but marginally taller than Zim – a fact that he could not stand.

"Sure! You coming Zim?" Dib clambered up, not really waiting for Zim to answer. Sheepishly Zim got to his feet and followed them through the now quite crowded room. Pushing through the intoxicated youths, he tugged on Dib's sleeve as he struggled to keep up.

"Hmm?" Dib looked back at him woozily.

"What is a 'sig'?" Zim asked worriedly.

"Oh, she means cigarettes. You know, those things people smoke. You must have seen some of the kids at school smoking."

"Oh. I didn't know you did that." Zim was a bit dismayed. It was one human habit he had heard of because he'd seen so many of them doing it, but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't understand _why_ they did it. He just couldn't stand the acrid smell of the things. The humans had even proven that it made them sick over enough time, and yet they still found it fun and even _'cool'_. He was disappointed the Dib had fallen into such a stupid human custom. He'd thought his human was different.

"I don't really, just sometimes after a drink." Dib shrugged it off, not really noticing Zim's disappointment.

Zim was thankful when they finally reached the exit, grateful for the break from the loud music and stale air inside. He trudged along after Dib grudgingly as he went to join Kat and the other humans, hanging back sullenly when they got there.

Dib was feeling very thankful for his liquid confidence at that moment, he didn't think he'd have had the guts to attempt to socialise without it. He was so overwhelmed that this girl was paying attention to him, and her friends amazingly weren't looking at him like he was some hideous freak. He was so astounded that he almost forgot all about Zim. It wasn't until he heard a small coughing sound and felt a pull at his coat that he turned to see Zim's sad eyes gazing up at him.

"Zim, are you ok?" Dib asked worriedly, wobbling a little.

"I don't like this smoke stuff." Zim spluttered. "I feel sick, I'm going to the toilets." He turned and walked away from Dib and back into the club before waiting for any response - he was pretty sure he was actually going to throw up. His guts churned angrily and he felt dizzy. He just about made it into a cubicle before he brought the small amount of alcohol he'd consumed back up. He felt better almost instantly though, quickly becoming very aware of how disgusting the floor he was sat on was. He got up shakily and brushed himself off, taking a moment to just breathe and calm himself.

Now it was time to deal with the human. Zim would not be ignored! He had had enough of this stinking place, and he was leaving with or without the Dib-smell. He pushed his way angrily back through the crowd, not bothering about the glares and curses that he received. He was nearly at the door when someone stepped out directly in front of him, blocking his way. Zim was forced to stop and looked the human male up and down with irritation. He was tall and dressed darkly in gothic clothes, bleached blonde hair falling across his face. He was about the same age as the Dib human by the looks of things. Zim moved to go around, but the boy stopped him by placing a hand on Zim's chest.

"Don't touch me human," Zim snapped irritably, batting the hand away. He felt a tremor of fear at the stranger's boldness, his eyes quickly darting about hoping to find the Dib. He suddenly felt very closed in by all the humans in this dark crowded space, and it was getting too much for him.

"Okay grumpy, I just wanted to say hi." The youth held up his hands to show his innocence and smirked at Zim, winking.

"Hi." Zim said brusquely and moved again to leave, but once more the boy stood in his way.

"Can I get you a drink?" This guy wasn't taking the hint.

"I cannot stomach a single drop more of your disgusting Earth filth, now get out of my way!" Zim's nerves snapped into anger, and he finally managed to barge past the boy and back out of the club. Though he was still quite riled up, Zim felt relieved to see the Dib still standing where he'd left him. It didn't last long though as he saw the stupid human was still smoking with the other teens, and he stormed over scowling all the way.

"Dib, I want to go home. This place makes humans crazy!" Zim demanded throwing his arms up in the air in aggravation.

"Aw really? But I just got a drink. We'll go soon okay?" Dib responded dismissively, his eyes slightly glazed over.

"But you've had lots of drinks. Why are you acting so weird?" Zim was starting to get very frustrated. What was it about this place that made the humans act so odd?

"That's what you do here, you drink. I'm not acting weird." Dib looked at Zim with a puzzled and slightly dopey expression on his face, before turning back towards the other teens.

Zim growled irritably, taking a few steps away to try and calm his anger. He then became aware of someone approaching him. It was that irksome blonde boy again, and he walked right up to Zim and stood closely over him.

"You ran off so quick, I just wanted to talk to you." The teen said flirtatiously.

"Why would you want to talk to me?" Zim asked impatiently. He really didn't need this hassle right now, he was already trying to deal with one frustrating human.

"Because you're cute that's why." The guy raised a hand to touch Zim's face, leaning closer still.

"I'm not interested in your vile affections Earth-pig." Again Zim swiped his hand away, starting to feel nervous again by the boy's confidence. This time the human wasn't giving up, and Zim was feeling very vulnerable. He tried to back away and found his pak hitting the wall of the club. The boy moved his hands to the Irken's waist to hold him in place as he drew their bodies close, and Zim felt the panic rise in his throat. "Let go of me!" He screeched, screwing his eyes shut and covering his face with his arms.

Suddenly the body against him was gone, and Zim peeked through his hands to see if it was safe. Dib had pulled the teen off him, and was now facing him with a face of thunder.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Dib demanded of the goth, his voice low and dangerous.

"What's your problem dude, mind your own business." Zim saw Dib's eye twitch in anger before he slammed his fist into the guys face. He fell to the floor, clutching his chin.

"He is my business!" Dib raged, and lunged forward to attack the kid some more, but Zim grabbed him back.

"Dib I think we should leave." Zim struggled against him, pulling him back by the arms. He was pleased that Dib had jumped to his rescue – at least he'd redeemed himself a little – but they were going to get in trouble if Dib continued the way he was. He didn't like the way everyone had stopped to stare, and Zim just wanted to be as far from this place as possible. Dib's anger ebbed at Zim's touch, some realisation of what he'd done coming to him. He stopped struggling and let Zim drag him away without looking back.

"I'm so sorry Zim, I wasn't looking after you properly." Dib hung his head sorrowfully as Zim pulled him along. Seeing that guy forcing himself on Zim had been more than he could handle, even if he knew that left to Zim's own devices the boy probably would have ended up in a hospital bed. He just couldn't bear the thought of anyone else touching Zim so intimately.

"It's fine." Zim answered curtly. He was still a bit shaken by the audacity of that human, but he was just thankful that they were alone again and away from that loathsome place. He flinched a little in surprise as he felt Dib's hand grab tentatively for his.

"Will you come back to my place with me?" Dib asked in a tiny voice, afraid that Zim was going to turn him down.

"If you want Zim to, I will." Zim grumbled a little sulkily.

"Of course I want you to, I said I'm sorry. I didn't realise you didn't like that place so much." Dib said dejectedly.

"One human at a time is more than enough for Zim. That place was full of them and their loudness and smell. And now you smell of that revolting _'alcohol'_ and ' _cigarettes'._ " Zim said the words with disgust.

Dib pouted. He had been enjoying himself, but he should have known it would be a bit much for Zim. He'd been selfish when Kat had taken an interest in him but it was such a first he'd felt like it was an opportunity he couldn't afford to miss, especially if Zim was going to be leaving soon. He'd been waiting his whole school life for something like that to happen, it hardly seemed fair for it to happen tonight.

He looked over at Zim as they walked in silence, feeling guilty and heartsick. God he didn't want Zim to leave, it hurt so bad. He had to tell him somehow, if only he could find the guts. This weekend had only made his feelings towards the Irken grow and he couldn't help but wonder if Zim felt a similar way, even if he knew it was somewhat unlikely. His head spun from the booze - he really shouldn't have drank so much.

Eventually they reached Dib's house, and once they were safely in his room Zim let out a big sigh of relief. He didn't know why he felt so safe here or when that had started, but for some reason it felt like coming home. He felt the tension leave his body and flicked his human disguise off – that was more than enough being human for one day. He found himself taking off his boots and gloves too, a human habit he seemed to have picked up. Why had he never realised how comfy that feeling of taking them off at the end of the day was? He gave a big stretch and threw himself happily into the messy heap of duvet on Dib's bed.

Dib hung back by the door watching Zim. He smiled sadly at how at home the Irken had become here, it was so heart-warming to see him snuggled up on his own bed. He'd gotten used to this too quickly, he couldn't see how he could ever live without it now. He had to try and tell Zim how he felt.

He clumsily made his way over to the bed, kicking his shoes off and ditching his trench coat before clambering into the pile of duvet next to Zim. They turned to face each other, and for a moment just lay there looking into each other's eyes. Dib's eyes seemed sort of glazed over to Zim – he still didn't seem quite himself, and was acting very peculiarly. The amber of the boys irises gleamed even in the dim light of his room, and Zim realised he found the colour quite beautiful. Little did he know that Dib was thinking the same of Zim's deep crimson orbs. Suddenly Dib's eyes seemed to quiver and his brow crinkled, moisture beginning to gather in his eyes.

"What?" Zim asked in confusion. Dib buried his face into the duvet to hide the tears in his eyes before they could fall. When he didn't say anything Zim prompted him, "Dib?"

"It's just that…" Dib sniffed back his tears, refusing to cry. Dammit, why was he so drunk? "I want things to work out for you, I really do. But… I'm really gonna miss you if you leave." His voice was muffled, his face still buried in the sheets.

Zim's face fell at hearing these words. It was something that had been bothering him too, but he just couldn't think of a solution. He couldn't have both an Irken life and stay with the Dib - at some point he'd have to choose what he wanted. So he didn't know how to respond to the boy, personally he'd just been trying to avoid thinking about it at all. This weekend had been so good. Never before had he felt the joys and contentment of companionship. Even just lying here next to the Dib was such a simple but wonderful comfort. He knew it was something he could never have if he returned to the Irken way of life.

Dib's pulse quickened with worry when Zim didn't say anything, and he lifted his head a little to peak at him. Zim looked vexed, his brow furrowed in thought. He wished Zim would tell him what he was thinking, but he was terrified of him telling him something he didn't want to hear too.

After a few more minutes of silence he couldn't hold back anymore, and reached out towards Zim. He wrapped his arms gently around the Irken's waist and drew him nearer, bringing Zim's attention back on him and their eyes locked once more. Dib couldn't resist the urge any longer and leaned in to touch their lips together. He sighed contentedly into the kiss as Zim responded timidly, snaking his own skinny arms around Dib and bringing them closer still.

Dib felt his heart begin to pound, his alcohol-ridden blood rushing around his body furiously, giving him the confidence he needed to move things on. Tentatively he ran his tongue across Zim's lips, encouraging them to part so that he could gain entry. He successfully deepened the kiss, his body trilling with excitement as he felt the alien texture of Zim's strange tongue against his own. He felt Zim gasp but was elated when he didn't pull back, and slowly began to respond in kind.

Zim hadn't been expecting such a move from Dib, but though it was a shock at first he didn't dislike it. The human's mouth tasted bitter and smoky but it also felt good and it gave off so much heat. He liked the softness of the boy's tongue - it was so much more delicate than his scaly one. Though a voice in his head said he should be finding this gross, the feeling of it moistly running along his own was actually intoxicating. He could feel the butterflies in his squeedly-spooch going crazy, but something more than that was stirring deep within him.

Dib felt a need growing in him also, and he was sure Zim was feeling the same way. He had an idea and reached up to gently caress Zim's antenna between his fingers. Zim moaned at the touch and curled tighter against Dib's body. He wanted to be angry or embarrassed that the boy was being brash enough to touch them, but the combination of sensations happening in his mouth and his antennae were causing so much overwhelming pleasure that he just didn't care right now. He gave in completely to the barrage of feelings as everything else just seemed to fade into the background.

Dib could barely stand it anymore and as Zim pressed against him he thought he was going to finish right there and then. He rolled them over so that he was on top of Zim, who looked up at him worriedly before Dib smashed their lips together once again, more forcefully than before.

"Dib," Zim struggled between gasps for breath. He was starting to feel a little intimidated, the Dib wasn't acting like himself again. He'd never been this rough before, and the grip on his fragile antenna was starting to get too hard. He could feel something else digging into him as well as Dib pressed himself harder against Zim, but he didn't understand what it was or what was really going on.

Dib was oblivious to Zim's growing discomfort, continuing to press himself down on Zim's lithe form. He ran his free hand down Zim's side till it reached the bottom of his red uniform, slipping it under until he felt the smooth skin of Zim's belly. He felt Zim shudder beneath him and took it as a positive sign, and moved his hand downwards over Zim's black trousers and towards his crotch. Was there something there?

"Can you even…. could we do it?" Dib mumbled breathlessly against Zim's lips, not really fully coherent.

"What?" Zim was starting to feel very nervous about where Dib was touching him, even though his body was craving more.

"Can you have sex?" Dib whispered as he began to slip his fingers under Zim's waistband. Simultaneously Dib pulled just a bit too hard on Zim's already tender antenna, sending tremendous bolts of pain shooting through Zim's body and blacking out his vision.

"GET OFF!" Zim yelled violently pushing Dib away, his spider legs involuntarily shooting from his pak and slamming Dib against the wall, pinning him there by his shoulders. Dib coughed, completely winded from the blow. His head spun and it took him a moment to work out what had happened.

Equally it took a moment for the pain to stop lancing through Zim's body before he could think straight. As the throbbing in his antenna eased his vision cleared, what he'd done swam into focus. The Dib was hanging from the points of his mechanical legs where they were impaled in his shoulders, and he was starting to leak red. Zim was horror-struck by what he'd done and quickly withdrew the legs, allowing Dib to fall to his knees on the floor. The boy clutched at his bleeding shoulders, his whole body trembling.

"I… I didn't mean to…" Zim stuttered, but he stopped as Dib finally looked up at him. His eyes burned into Zim with such a terrifying intensity - a combination of fear, anger and pain. Zim felt sick as the look seared into him, until he couldn't bear it any more. He scrambled to his feet and fled through Dib's bedroom window in a flash and was gone.

Dib stared at the open window for some time after Zim had disappeared, his mind in utter turmoil. Things had been going so perfectly, how had it suddenly gone so wrong? He stumbled to the bathroom to inspect the damage done to his shoulders, his head spinning. When he saw the wounds in the mirror his stomach plummeted. How could he trust Zim after this? This was the second time he had sliced him with those dammed things, never mind what he'd done to those jocks at school. He should have learnt the first time that Zim was dangerous, that could have – should have been him lying in hospital.

He had to stop treating Zim like he was a human. It was time to face the facts - Zim was an alien, and he was going to leave Earth and he'd never see him again unless it was destroy them all. What had he thought was going to happen? That Zim would fall in love with him and decide to stay, and they'd grow old together and live happily ever after? He'd been putting all these human emotions on him, but the fact was Zim wasn't human and never would be. Who knew what feelings Zim was capable of even without the inhibitor. Dib thought about what he'd just done, or been about to do… had he really been ready to lose his virginity to an alien?

It was time to start protecting himself mentally and physically. He had to toughen up, there was no point in getting upset over Zim when he was just going to leave anyway. Who knew if he'd even see Zim again after what had just happened. He'd certainly scared him off and he didn't think Zim would be stupid enough to return to the school after the incident with the bullies. It was the perfect opportunity for Dib to move on. Tomorrow was Monday, a new week and a fresh start was just what he needed.

He had to forget about Zim.

* * *

 _A/N: Regarding Zim being able to drink the alcopop – I realise it has water in it and I'm probably pushing my luck but if you want to get really technical he shouldn't be able to even breathe our air cause it has water vapour in it. And then there's saliva of course but he had to be able to kiss Dib :P So I'm just sticking to he's allergic to pure water, and the alcopop made him feel sick cause it had water in it not cause of the alcohol. Also I decided Dib is 18 so he's old enough to drink, I don't think I previously was specific about his age._

 _Anyways! I hope you enjoyed that :3 Naughty Dib shouldn't drink so much. And just so we're clear, Dib is hurt cause he thinks Zim freaked out cause he tried to put his hand down his pants, and also kind of embarrassed cause he feels a bit rejected. He doesn't realise that actually Zim was just in a lot of pain from his antenna being yanked. Silly boy!_

 _Merry Christmas 8D_


	8. Chapter 7

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews :3 I hope you enjoy this update!_

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

The next day Dib walked into the school in a daze. He'd not been able to sleep at all last night, his mind had just kept raging between being heartbreak and anger. Eventually he'd sobered up and now he just had a raging headache. He was just so mad about everything; himself, Zim… just at the whole stupid situation that he had got himself messed up in despite the fact that he'd seen it coming.

He knew he'd gotten too drunk and in retrospect he had been far too forward. His cheeks burned with shame when he thought about his actions last night. He shouldn't have tried to take things so fast, he'd just felt so sure that Zim was enjoying it. The humiliation and rejection he felt just fuelled his anger though. Zim had definitely reacted irrationally he assured himself. He could have just asked Dib to stop rather than trying to spear him. In truth it had really scared him, and he didn't want to be afraid of Zim.

Dib took a deep cleansing breath of the brisk morning air as he approached the doors, to clear his head before he went in. He was determined to try and not think about Zim today, but he knew that was going to be a challenge. Immediately he caught himself scanning the crowd for Zim's face, forcing himself to look down at his feet instead. When he stopped at his locker and finally looked back up, he realised that quite a few people were staring at him. He caught his own reflection in the shiny metal door and remembered the bruises that still patterned his skin.

After everything that had happened over the weekend he'd almost forgotten about the incident with those jocks. Of course people were going to be talking about him after that, it was probably the biggest thing that had happened in the school in years. He was also the only one not in hospital as a result, and no one was quite sure what had actually happened. He groaned as he realised he was probably going to get questioned about it again at some point. He thumped his head against the locker in exasperation. He really didn't have the energy for this day.

As he headed into the classroom his eyes automatically darted to Zim's seat before he could stop himself. What he saw caught him totally off guard however. Sat in Zim's chair was the girl from last night… Kat! It took a moment for his brain to kick back into action, and when it did he recalled that the last thing she probably saw of him was when he punched that blonde idiot. He looked quickly down at his feet in shame and hurried to his seat, hoping she hadn't noticed him.

After a minute or two though he felt someone standing over him, and he looked up into her familiar brown eyes. She smirked down at him knowingly, causing him to cringe.

"Hey! It's Dib right?" She greeted him cheerily.

"Uh yeah, hi Kat." Dib looked up at her reluctantly, waiting for the humiliation to begin.

"I just changed schools, what are the chances I'd be in your class huh? It's pretty awesome." She continued to smile at him while he looked for the catch. A thought niggled briefly in Dib's head that if she was new to the class then she had indeed replaced Zim, which meant he had left the school. Dib quickly tried to shake the thought away. It didn't matter now right? If anything it would just make things easier.

"Yeah, that's pretty weird." He responded belatedly, realising she was waiting for some sort of response.

"So you were pretty drunk last night huh?" She grinned at him.

"Uggh, yeah sorry about that." Dib blushed and dropped his gaze in embarassment, but Kat just giggled.

"Don't worry about it, most of my friends were totally wasted, I'm used to it. Though, none of them got into a fight." She continued to tease Dib. Dib groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"I'm never drinking again! That was so unlike me, I swear…" Kat merely cocked an eyebrow at him, gesturing to the bruises on his face. "Oh… well apart from that I guess. But that was just me getting beaten up so it wasn't really a fight."

"I heard about that." Kat leaned in with interest, resting her elbows on his desk and her head on her hands. Girls and gossip, Dib thought exasperatedly. They were all the same.

"How did you hear about it already? You just got here." Dib complained, realising now that other students in the room were staring at him and muttering, trying to listen in if they were close enough.

"It's quite the headline around here. Five jocks in hospital? That's pretty big news. Lots of people are saying you did it, that you're some kind of psycho or something. They're quite afraid." She said with amusement, and Dib groaned again. So that was why everyone kept staring at him.

"It's okay anyway, I don't believe in silly stories like that." She conceded, having had her fun teasing him. "And last night you were just looking out for your boyfriend right?" Dib gave a tiny nod, blushing furiously now.

"We're not really… _together,_ " He said awkwardly. He wasn't sure they ever had been really, he'd just been kidding himself.

"Oh really? You seemed so close last night… did something happen?" She asked nosily, but not unkindly.

"Yeah…" Dib's face fell. He really didn't want to be talking about this.

"I'm sorry." Kat said genuinely, and Dib looked at her in surprise. She actually meant it, and was looking at him sympathetically.

"Thanks." Dib managed a feeble smile. He was grateful that the teacher entered the classroom then, and Kat sloped off to Zim's– her seat. Dib scowled at himself for how quickly his thoughts reverted to that wretched green idiot.

Still… Dib couldn't help but wonder where he was now.

* * *

Deep in the bowels of his Irken base Zim sat huddled tightly in his chair, a large screen before him. He had been sat there since he had fled Dib's house, and had barely moved an inch. His body trembled with the stress, his legs cramping as he held them close to his chest.

How could this have happened? He'd already hurt the Dib once before and he'd sworn he would never harm the boy again. It had just been such an instinctive reaction, it was totally out of his control. His antennae were so delicate, and the pain that Dib's tugging had induced had been so overwhelming that there had been no room for any other conscious thought or feeling at all. In a life or death situation his pak would always act on his behalf to save his body – did that mean that Dib would never truly be safe from him? Was he at risk from being speared by his spider legs at the slightest mishap?

Zim shuddered, the image of the metal – his metal – piercing Dib's flesh… it haunted him. He uncurled himself slightly, wincing at how stiff his limbs had become. He had to try and get a grip of himself. He doubted the Dib was going to come and save him from his anxiety this time around. He had to think of something else.

He tried instead to think of what had happened shortly before the incident. They had been so close together, closer than ever before. It had evoked such a primal feeling in him that he didn't understand. He had felt euphoric, and he yearned to feel it again. Just the thought of that human tongue sliding along his own, warm hands against the bare skin of his stomach… it was enough to send echoes of those feelings itching at his body once more.

They'd never kissed like that before and Zim wanted to know what that meant. The Dib had used the word 'sex' - could that be a hint? He'd heard it used before around school and on TV but had never bothered to find out what it meant. Determined now to find out what the Dib had been trying to accomplish, Zim decided to use his computer to hack into the global network the humans used to store their information. He could easily steal the connection from the wires feeding into his neighbour's house.

The information that filled his screen thanks to this dubious search term was quite overwhelming. His eyes widened at some of the results, his instinct to be disgusted - especially by the pictures. But he soon worked out that this ' _sex_ ' was just how the humans mated, although they seemed to put an awful lot of value on it. They considered the act enjoyable, aspirational even. He had no comparable – Irkens didn't need to mate anymore with every smeet born in a lab, and it never occurred to him that it could be done just for fun. He was sure they still had all the necessary organs, but he didn't know the first thing about how to use them.

The main thing that stood out to him though (although there seemed to be some debate on the matter) was that it was generally seen as something intimate done between two loving partners. Zim felt honoured that Dib would want to engage in something so intimate with him. His cheeks glowed as he smiled wistfully, but his face soon fell as he realised he would probably never get that close to the Dib again. If only the clumsy human hadn't pulled on his antenna, none of this would ever have happened.

What was he going to do?

* * *

Throughout the day Dib noticed a distinct change in the dynamics of the school. Zim had removed the students who had previously been at the top of the pecking order, and there was a reasonable amount of uncertainty as the sheep-like students didn't know who to look to anymore. There was definitely a more upbeat atmosphere though. Those guys had been responsible for a fair amount of misery amongst a lot of the other students and the school genuinely seemed like a happier place, at least for the time being.

Dib found his own status drastically changed. No longer was he invisible, but quite the opposite. Kat was quite right, a lot of people obviously were afraid of him. There was an air of mystery about him, as people began to realise that he existed they soon discovered no one really knew anything about him at all. He found he didn't mind being feared though. It was the closest he'd ever come to getting respect and hopefully it would be enough to keep the bullies away. Maybe this really would be a new start for him.

' _I… feel good when I'm around you too… Dib-stink.'_ The memory echoed involuntarily through Dib's mind, catching him off guard. He shook his head furiously as if he could shake Zim right out of his brain. For all he knew Zim was already light-years away by now. His stomach dropped at that thought, but it had to be for the best right? He hung his head miserably. It had been so much easier when he'd been drunk and angry, but now he was sober he knew keeping to his resolve was going to be hard. His mind just kept straying to those deep ruby eyes, that cool silky green skin, that scaly alien tongue…

He shook his head again. He shuffled uncomfortably at the tightness in his pants, his body betraying him.

"What are you doing?" A voice suddenly brought Dib to his senses. He realised he'd just been stood in front of his locker shaking his head like a crazy person – great. Cringing he turned in the direction of the voice to see Kat slouching against the lockers next to him. "You know schools over, you can go home now." She smirked at him bemusedly.

"Yeah I know. I was just…" Dib blushed furiously, unable to come up with an explanation.

"Bad hangover huh?" Kat laughed at him.

"You could say that." Dib finished with his locker and slung his bag on his back after pulling on his trench coat. He began to walk down the corridor towards the doors, and Kat fell in step beside him. "What are you stalking me now?" He said jokingly, hoping he hadn't come across as rude but suspecting he sounded bitter.

"Maybe." She just grinned, taking him aback.

' _Maybe I don't care what anyone else thinks.'_ Dib ignored the words that floated through his head.

"Oh." Dib had no idea what to say now. This girl was so confident, pretty even – too pretty for him he was sure. He just couldn't understand why she was still talking to him.

"I thought you could walk me home." Dib just blinked at her until she looked at him for a response.

"Oh… sure," Wait, had he wanted to agree to this? She'd caught him so off guard again that he'd just got flustered and accepted, but he wasn't sure if he'd rather be alone right now. As soon as he _was_ alone though, his thoughts went straight back to… no. This was what he needed.

So he accompanied her to her house which wasn't far and forced himself to make conversation with her along the way. He didn't find it as difficult as he usually did, she was surprisingly easy to get along with. He had the same dilemma running through his head though as he had previously about Zim. Did he actually like her or was he just enjoying the attention? Was it different than when he was with Zim? Yes, definitely. But was it better? Or just different? If he could choose between the two - minus all the complications of course - who would he pick? He had a sneaking suspicion he knew the answer to that one, but he didn't want to admit that right now.

He scolded himself for overthinking. He was just walking her home for Christ's sake, and he'd missed what she'd just said to him. She was looking at him expectantly, and he realised they had stopped. He panicked and opened his mouth, but no words came out. Thankfully she laughed at him well-naturedly.

"Maybe next time huh? I think you need to get some sleep and recover from last night." She giggled at him.

"Um… yeah. Sorry." Dib mumbled bashfully.

"No worries. Thanks for walking me home!" She winked at him before trotting off down her front path. Dib watched as she disappeared inside her house before looking around, trying to get his bearings.

His heart sank when he realised that Zim's house stood between here and his own. He could easily take a different route of course but the temptation to walk past it was enormous. He really wanted to know if Zim was just hiding out there or if he had actually left the planet. His heart hammered at the thought of seeing Zim and he tried to calm himself, logically reasoning it out. If he discovered that Zim was truly gone and never coming back, surely it would make it easier to get over him. It was all the excuse he needed, and he quickly found himself power walking in that direction.

The closer he got the more nervous he felt. As he neared Zim's street he imagined what he might find there. A gaping hole in the ground where Zim's base and labs had been uprooted? But as he rounded the corner there it stood, in all its magnificent green and purple glory. He couldn't deny that he felt relieved, but the betrayal of his feelings angered him.

Dib's emotions raged as he stood before the house. His heart ached for the Irken there was no doubting it. But as he took a deep breath to calm himself, the small action caused the wounds in his shoulders to catch against the straps of his backpack and he winced in pain. It was enough to relight the anger he also felt towards Zim. He gritted his teeth as his shoulders throbbed and stepped back. What was he doing here? He turned away and angrily stormed off.

Deep within the base Zim's hope crumpled as he saw the boy walk away.

* * *

Zim couldn't bear that the Dib had gotten his hopes up before tearing them back down. He'd been so close, standing right outside his base… why had he come here if he wasn't going to knock? The worst part though had been the look of anger that had been plastered on the boy's face before he stalked away.

After some time of mulling it over Zim decided he couldn't leave it this way. He couldn't take it anymore, he just had to face him and make things right again. He had to apologise for the misunderstanding, and for hurting the boy again. If he didn't he was sure the guilt would eat him alive.

Zim slunk out of his base and into the night, swiftly climbing over the rooftops with his spider legs. When he reached the Dibs house he hesitated. How should he approach this? Using the mechanical legs he lowered himself down from the roof, just enough so that he could peek into Dib's room. The boy was sat on his bed with his knees up and his head in his hands, shaking. Zim peered a little closer, confused until Dib moved his arm and Zim could see the moisture rolling down the boys reddened cheeks. His squeedly-spooch lurched sickeningly. He was… crying? Was it about him? He wished he knew.

Zim thought carefully before deciding to flick his disguise on, and headed down to the front door to ring the bell. There was no response for a few minutes and Zim began to think that no one would answer. But just when he'd been about to head back up to the window the door opened, and his pulse quickened as he saw that it was Dib. He'd dried his eyes, but they were still quite red. The boy's eyes widened in shock as he saw who it was.

"What are you doing here Zim?" Dib asked coolly, quickly trying to regain his composure.

"Ca…can't I come in?" Zim's voice was barely louder than a whisper. Dib's face contorted at Zim's words, but the Irken just couldn't read what was going through the boys head. Dib dropped his gaze, unable to meet the Irkens eyes any more. They both knew that Zim had only rung the doorbell as he'd almost certainly been to the window first and seen him crying. This angered Dib further, his hand gripping the door-frame tightly turning his knuckles white.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea." Dib eventually answered, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Oh…" Zim's disappointment was overwhelming. He sucked it up and tried to continue. "I wanted to take a look at your shoulders, I was going to fix them up for you."

"No." Dib said quickly. "They're fine, I don't need your help." Zim's face crumpled at his words.

"Dib… I'm sorry." Dib finally met his eyes at this, and Zim continued hopefully. "The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. Please…"

"But you did." Dib's resolve almost crumbled at Zim's emotional apology, but he swiftly recovered his stern expression and dropped his eyes once more. He mentally kicked himself for not having the guts to say these things whilst maintaining eye contact. "Just go Zim. Please."

Zim's eyes welled up and Dib's heart broke all over again. If the alien didn't leave soon he wouldn't be able to keep this up.

"I don't want to be alone." Zim choked out, barely audible. Dib's throat clenched and he had to force his next words out.

"That's just it isn't it. You don't care about me, you just want someone to keep you company until you go back to your own people."

"You know that's not true Dib-"

"I can't trust you not to hurt me." Dib cut him off quickly, he couldn't afford to let the alien speak. "What's the point if you're just going to leave? You'll go back to your own planet, and then _I'll_ be alone. I'm done." And with that Dib closed the door, unable to bear the sight of Zim's heartbroken face any longer and unable to hold back the tears he didn't want Zim to see. He leaned against the closed door sobbing quietly, knowing that Zim was stood on the other side.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that weeping against the dark wood, but some time later he eventually opened the door, almost hoping the Irken would still be stood there. Instead he stared out into the empty night.

* * *

Zim didn't know what to do any more. How had he managed to screw this up so badly? He considered his options. His invention was complete, so he could go ahead with his plot at any time. He didn't have to be alone, he had a real opportunity to prove himself to his own people. And all he had to do to take this pain away was to turn his inhibitor back on and he wouldn't care any more.

So why _was_ he still sat here in misery? There was something about Dib's wording that halted him. _'What's the point if you're just going to leave?'_ Was that what this was all about? Did the Dib want him to stay?

It suddenly seemed so clear to him. He was totally ready to fulfil the plan to return to his old life and yet he was still halting. All he could think about was fixing things with the Dib, and when he thought about pleasing his Tallest and being loved by his people he felt nothing. However when he thought about the Dib human holding him close he felt totally overwhelmed by emotions. He'd made his choice some time ago, he just hadn't realised it yet.

He felt a swell of joy. Maybe that was all he needed to do - tell the Dib he was staying and everything would be alright again. It suddenly seemed so simple and he felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders by finally making a decision. But how to tell him? Dib didn't seem to want to hear anything he had to say right now. The human was still so angry at him even after Zim's heartfelt apology. He probably wouldn't even answer the door to him again. So how was he going to get close enough to tell him how he felt?

Tomorrow the Dib would be at school again - that had to be his best shot. He wouldn't be able to go as 'Red' though, he'd have to alter his disguise first. His pak swiftly connected to the console and he brought the hologram disguise up on screen. He couldn't change the image too drastically. It wrapped around the shape of his Irken body pretty closely, as this made it look more realistic and reduced other risks. He would be in trouble if for example he made his arm much longer and didn't realise that his hand was sticking halfway through a table. If someone tried to touch his hand they would pass straight through the image of those extra fingers and feel his three bony claws, so he had to be careful.

He changed the style and colour of his hair to an average looking messy brown, changed his eye colour to green and slightly darkened the tone of his skin. He changed the clothes to something more plain and boring too – tomorrow he didn't want the Dib noticing him straight away. Zim was sure the boy wouldn't come anywhere near him if he knew it was him right away.

Nervous butterflies filled Zim's belly at the thought of being at school with Dib again. Someone had already taken his place in their class, but he supposed that was probably for the best or Dib might work out it was him too quickly. He was anxious to see that the boy was okay after his latest injuries, knowing that he hadn't cared for the last one properly on his own. But mainly he was just excited to see him, regardless of the hurtful words that still echoed around his head. The Dib had become like a drug to him and he just couldn't function properly without him. He felt so confident that he was going to get him back now, and he could barely wait.

* * *

The following morning Dib trudged into school in much the same manner as he had the previous day. Yet again he had barely slept, the incident with Zim playing over and over in his head. He still couldn't decide if he'd made the right decision about turning Zim away. The image of Zim's dejected eyes seared into his memory. He'd spent most of the night regretting it deeply, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around the Irken and hold him close.

At the same time though he was proud of his resolve, and perhaps the hardest part was over. He tried to look ahead and think instead of seeing Kat today, but he couldn't pretend to himself that he was looking forward to seeing her. He put it down to the lack of sleep and emotional trauma and tried to get on with his day.

Dib had agreed to meet Kat outside for lunch, and as he stepped out of the doors into the fresh breeze he took a minute to clear his head. After a moment of peace he scanned the playground for signs of her. She was easy to spot with her vibrant blue hair, but his stomach sank when he saw she had chosen the same spot under that tree that he and Zim had spoken under last week. Had that really only been a matter of days ago? It felt like a lifetime. Sighing he made his way reluctantly over to her.

He put on a brave face for the girl that lunchtime. He did genuinely like her and he knew she was exactly what he needed right now, but somehow it still felt like bad timing. A week ago he would have been overjoyed to meet her, and would probably have fallen for her in a day. But now… there was just something indescribable missing.

Zim watched from his hiding place as the Dib sat himself down beside that scrawny human girl. He had taken a much stealthier approach to observing him this time around. He knew despite the alterations he had made to his disguise Dib wouldn't fall for it a second time. It was enough to fool the other stinking humans but he knew Dib was too smart and knew his face too well to be fooled. Besides the second Zim opened his mouth to talk Dib would recognise his voice.

He'd probably only have one shot at trying to confront him. He'd been trying and failing to pluck up the courage to face Dib all day and had hoped to catch him in this quiet corner, remembering it was where they had talked once before. He'd been right about the location of course, but he'd never expected the Dib to have company. He couldn't hold back the anger and frustration he felt at his new companion. Why did it have to be _her_? Dib had assured him that he didn't know this human, had he been lying to him? He just couldn't understand this emotion that raged through him. It was a potent mixture of anger and hurt that made him want to rip her smug face off.

He knew he should just walk away and try another time, but he still couldn't tear himself away. Perhaps if he heard the Dib talking it would help him to understand how the boy was feeling, he reasoned to himself. It could be beneficial to his cause. So he justified hiding around the corner, just within hearing distance and peeking around the wall at the humans to watch their actions. They talked for a while, though he thought Dib didn't seem all that interested.

"You're miles away again aren't you?" Dib started as he realised Kat was looking at him for some sort of a response.

"Huh… what? I'm sorry I…" Dib blushed.

"Don't worry. Are you alright? You look so tired."

"I had a bad night." Dib said rubbing his eyes wearily. Kat paused for a moment before asking.

"Was it Zim again?" She asked delicately. Dib locked eyes with her for a moment before nodding hesitantly. Before he really knew what was happening she was hugging him. Dib froze in shock, before awkwardly putting an arm around her.

' _Zim wants to try again. I did it wrong.'_ Dib winced as Zim's voice echoed through his head once more. Would this ever end? He hoped Kat couldn't sense his reluctance, but she soon pulled back.

"Don't let him get to you. If he's hurting you, you just need to move on." Dib frowned a little at her words. He knew that's what he needed to do but he didn't feel it was her place to tell him that. What did she know anyway? "I can help you with that you know…" She leaned in towards him.

Zim's blood had boiled at Kat's mention of him and her touching of his Dib. But now as she leaned her face in close to his it ran ice cold, a nauseous feeling punching him in the stomach so that he couldn't breathe. He pulled back around the wall, suddenly unable to watch any more.

Dib panicked as he realised how close Kat had somehow managed to get her face to his. He could _not_ do this right now. He flinched backwards, and thankfully it was enough to make her realise he wasn't going to kiss her.

"S-sorry. That was silly of me." She apologised, and for the first time she was the one blushing.

"No… I'm sorry. I really am. It's just… I'm not ready for this. It's too soon." Dib mumbled flustered, quickly getting up to leave. He didn't wait for her response, he couldn't even look at her right now in case he'd ruined everything. He grabbed his bag and rushed away, turning the corner brusquely and walking straight into someone, knocking them hard to the floor.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry." Dib muttered embarrassed, still feeling very agitated and wanting to put distance between himself and Kat. He bent down to offer a hand to whomever he had knocked down, grabbing their arm to pull them up and lifting their petite body with ease. The face he looked into confused him even more. He froze, his brain trying to process everything that was going on. Why did it sort of like… Red - well Zim, but not Zim…

For a moment they both just stood, immobilised. Zim stared at Dib horror struck, not sure whether to be upset and angry at what he had just witnessed, or embarrassed and scared that he had been caught watching them. The feeling of Dib's warm hand on his arm tingled on his cool skin.

"Dib… I…" Zim stuttered, momentarily forgetting he was wearing his disguise and that hearing his voice was all Dib needed as confirmation.

"It IS you isn't it? What the fuck Zim! Are you spying on me now?" Dib exploded, quickly whipping his hand off the 'boys' arm.

"Dib I just need to talk to you." Zim said urgently, ignoring the human's drama. He couldn't miss this opportunity, he just had to tell Dib he was staying and then he wouldn't have to be mad at him anymore. But Dib didn't want to listen.

"I said everything I needed to say last night Zim. Seriously, this is the last straw." Dib knew he was partly only so worked up because he was embarrassed that Zim had seen him nearly kiss Kat. He knew it shouldn't matter to him but he didn't want Zim to see that, and he felt guilty. It was easier to let the anger take over.

"Dib please! Just listen!" Zim begged him, grabbing onto his shirt in desperation and bringing them closer together. It was more than Dib could handle to be so close to the Irken right now. He could feel those claws against chest and it made his heart miss a beat even now. His body's betraying reaction just made him angrier, and he brushed the claws off his top with a swipe of his hand.

"Why won't you leave me alone Zim? What makes you think you can go around snooping on me after I've told you that I'm done with this? Just get it through your head already." His voice fell to a low, dangerous tone. "I don't want to be around you anymore. I need to be with my own kind, to have a chance at a real relationship. Don't you want that for me? After all I did to help you, how can you be so selfish?"

Zim wanted to respond but suddenly he couldn't find his tongue any more. Every word Dib said was a knife in his chest. He'd never seen the boy so incensed and he was actually frightened, the human towering over him.

When Dib saw that Zim wasn't going to respond he turned away and began storming back towards the school. He'd never felt so angry in all his life. He growled as he heard his phone buzz with a text message, and cringed when he saw that it was from Kat. She had probably heard all of that.

' _Are you okay?'_ It simply read.

' _Fine. Do you want to come over to mine after school to hang out?'_ He quickly text back, his decision made. Her response was instant.

' _Sounds great ;)'_

* * *

Dib spent the rest of the school day in emotional turmoil. He had come up with a million excuses to cancel on Kat, but every time he'd get angry again and force himself to stop chickening out. ' _I need this'_ he kept telling himself, over and over. If he went home alone he might cave and seek Zim out. He was just so angry at the little green squirt for spying on him. How long had he been following him around for anyway?

Eventually the day passed and before he knew it Dib found himself sat in his bedroom with Kat perched confidently on his bed. He shuffled about uneasily, feeling embarrassed about the state of his room. He hadn't thought his plan all the way through when he'd asked her over, he'd been too busy being pissed at Zim. He quickly scuttled about picking up the litter from his floor, trying not to think too hard about who had made it. He froze as his eyes fell on Zim's gloves and boots that the alien had left here two nights ago in his hurry to flee. He couldn't make himself pick them up so he ignored them, moving on to tidy another corner of his room.

"Dib stop fussing, it doesn't matter that your room's messy. Everyone's room is messy. Come and sit down!" Kat urged him, getting bored of waiting. Dib gulped, dumping the rubbish in his bin and heading over to the bed. He sat down awkwardly about as far from the girl as he could manage.

"What would you like to do?" Dib asked awkwardly, not meeting her eyes.

"Mmm." Kat looked around his room curiously, her eyes landing on the video games that still lay near the beanbag. "We could play some video games?"

' _Zim always wins.'_ Zim's words echoed through his head.

"No thanks, I just… don't really fancy playing on that right now." Dib muttered his excuse. She raised an eyebrow at him before shrugging it off.

"Okay, we could snuggle up and watch a film?" She winked at him.

' _Human TV is stupid.'_

Dib cringed again. Was there anything in this room that didn't remind him of Zim anymore? She didn't spot his reaction and walked over to his desk where 'Donnie Darko' lay at the top of the pile, and picked it up. "Hm, good film. How about this?" She held it up for him to see and his stomach dropped. He quickly got up and took the DVD out of her hands, putting it away on the shelf.

"Not this one." He muttered quickly, trying not to sound rude. "Um, I only just watched it the other day you know?"

"No problem, something else then." She picked up a different one and Dib nodded, putting the disc in without even looking to see what she had chosen. "Are you alright? You seem a bit weird." She questioned.

"I'm fine, I just have a bit of a… uh a headache. Yeah." Dib knew how pathetic he was sounding, but this was harder than he thought. Just having her here felt so strange. It was where he and Zim had spent the most time together he supposed, and although it was just his bedroom it had so quickly come to feel like _their_ space. It was so much harder to have her here in Zim's place than he had expected, and suddenly the anger he'd felt towards the alien all day was somewhat hard to find.

They settled down on his bed together to watch the film, Dib being very careful not to sit too close. He didn't take much of the film in. It was all he could do to keep his eyes focused as his mind whirled sickeningly with thoughts about the last few days. So it was quite a surprise when he realised that Kat had somehow manage to snuggle right up next to him, her hand resting delicately on his chest. Dib felt himself go rigid, not sure how to react or feel. He closed his eyes for a moment and imagined it were Zim lying against him instead, and felt a swell of warmth flow through his body.

Without meaning to Dib sighed in contentment and it didn't go unnoticed by Kat. He was still miles away when he felt her lips brush against his again. He knew he must be giving off mixed signals, but damn this girl was forward. He tried not to freak out, and slowly began to respond to the kiss. It was all the confirmation she needed and suddenly she was ravishing him, deepening the kiss and running her hands up and down his body needily.

Dib gasped at the suddenness of it all - he couldn't think. His body craved this so badly (he was a virgin teenage boy after all). What if this was his only shot at it? No one had ever been interested in him before let alone be ready to make out with him, and maybe no one ever would again. Even if he got back with Zim, maybe it wasn't a physical possibility between them. Their bodies might not be compatible. Perhaps that was why Zim had freaked out so much? This really could be his only chance.

So he let his mind go numb, and allowed his body to take control.

* * *

Zim was so angry at himself for messing up at school today. It really couldn't have gone much worse. It hurt so bad to see the Dib acting intimately with that stupid female - worse than he could ever have imagined. He was at his wits end. He had to tell Dib the way he felt, and at the very least say goodbye if he refused him. This was his last chance he realised. His last two attempts to talk to the boy had gone so badly, so he knew now it was all or nothing.

Despite all this Zim was still eager to see the Dib, without that irritating human hanging around him too. He wanted to tell the Dib that he was ready to try the sex thing, that he was excited even. He had psyched himself up for this final confrontation. He wouldn't be ignored, this time the Dib would shut up and listen to him.

And so this found him clambering over the rooftops on spider legs, on the route to Dib's house that he knew so well. He slowed as he reached Dib's roof, nervous butterflies wriggling in his guts. This really could be it for them. He wouldn't disturb the boy again if he turned him away this time, he had made his decision. He couldn't take any more heartbreak.

Carefully he lowered himself from the oh so familiar roof, to peer into Dib's room. It was dark, the only light coming from the TV screen which drew his eyes in first. The dim light fell on a figure on the bed and for a moment his belly fluttered. Then the figure became two, and his blood ran cold. They were pressed so closely together that at first he hadn't realised. A flash of blue hair and he knew instantly who the other person was.

Her hands were deep in Dib's hair, holding his face fiercely against her own as he kissed her just the way he had kissed Zim not two days ago, and in the same bed too. Their hands eagerly explored each other's bodies and thanks to his newfound knowledge Zim knew what was going on. And all happening in what he had come to think of as his special place of security and comfort. He felt something within him break, an agony worse than any physical pain he could imagine.

So this was it. They wouldn't even have a goodbye. Zim knew what he had to do now, he couldn't live like this anymore. Not now.

He turned and left, unnoticed by those within.

* * *

 _A/N: Dib is so messed up right now :O Poor Zim. /3_


	9. Chapter 8

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than usual, I got indecisive and ended up moving a chunk of it into the next chapter instead, but at least that means I'm already well into writing the next one. I hope you enjoy it :3_

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

Dib gasped at the sensations ravaging his body, his mind lost in a world of pleasure. He couldn't think… was thinking important? Something niggled at him, but every time his mind reached for it it was drowned in another wave of desire. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. How long had he waited for this? It seemed like forever.

The hand that caressed him suddenly squeezed tighter, urging him to make a move. He whimpered as the touch sent fresh surges of ecstasy through his body. He knew he had to do something in response. Instinctively he moved his hand upwards, reaching for an antenna to stroke. Instead he found his fingers entangled with… hair. Wait, was that right? Dib pulled back from the creature that was latched onto his mouth, opening his eyes in confusion. The fog of pleasure parted as he looked down into not red eyes like he had expected, but brown human eyes.

"What's the matter?" Kat said breathlessly, her voice so close on his lips.

"What am I doing…" Dib muttered to himself, ignoring her. He couldn't explain it, but he suddenly felt repulsed at being so close to her. He had been kidding himself – he couldn't do this. He pulled away from the girl hastily, covering himself with his duvet.

"Excuse me?" Kat sat up, looking at him testily. "What just happened?"

"I… I'm sorry I just… can't do this right now." Dib muttered distractedly as he located his clothes and began to dress himself. Kat huffed impatiently at his words.

"Don't tell me this is about Zim." She complained. This got Dib's attention at last.

"So what if it is?" His eyes burned into hers challengingly, but she didn't even flinch. "What do you even know about me anyway? We only met a couple of days ago!"

"I didn't hear you complaining a few minutes ago." She said pointedly.

"Well... I had a moment of weakness." Dib blushed, looking away in embarrassment from how easily he had succumbed to his urges.

"Talk about mixed signals." Kat grumbled beginning to search for her own clothes now, realising whatever this had been it was now over.

"Look I'm no good at these things okay? I've never done this before."

"That much was obvious." Kat mocked as she pulled on her top. Dib's cheeks burned furiously.

"Look I was with Zim before I was with you okay. You have no idea how complicated it is." Try, ' _I'm in love with an alien'_ for complicated Dib thought to himself. He should be sectioned.

"Exactly! I was gonna help you get over him. I thought you said you ' _needed_ ' this." She air quoted the word and gestured to herself. Dib slumped, some of his fire leaving him.

"Maybe you are what I need, but I can't help it if it's not what I want." Dib couldn't look her in the eye as he said it, but he heard her sigh in defeat.

"Well I hope Zim enjoys complicated too. I'm out of here." And with that she was gone. His only chance he'd ever had at a normal relationship. Was he crazy? Definitely. But that wasn't going to stop him.

He had to see Zim, and now. Before he could think of all the reasons he shouldn't and managed to talk himself out of it again. He pulled on his boots and trench coat as fast as he could before bounding out of the house and practically running down the street towards Zim's house.

Dib couldn't help but feel that if he didn't fix this now he'd regret it for the rest of his life. Zim was an _alien_ after all, how often did that happen? Maybe it would only be for a little while, but that just meant he shouldn't waste a single second more of the precious time they had left together. He knew that now, he just wished it hadn't taken him so long to figure out. Even if he had to beg Zim to stay on Earth he would try, or maybe he could leave with him. He'd be willing to leave everything behind, what had this world ever done for him anyway? His heart pounded as he thought about what that might be like, travelling through the stars with Zim. Whatever happened, they could work it out right? As long as they were together, that was what mattered.

He worried over all the awful things he'd said to Zim over the last couple of days in his attempts to push him away. God he hoped Zim could forgive him. He thought about how persistent the Irken had been, even to the point of sneaking around and following him. Suddenly that didn't anger him at all anymore, instead he found it strangely endearing. Surely if Zim had been that desperate for his attention he would welcome him back?

His head was a whirlwind of emotions as his anxious excitement spurred his legs on faster, his heart skipping a beat as the green house loomed into view.

* * *

Zim's claw hovered over the key that would complete the process. His head hung miserably over the console, his antennae drooped and his eyes half closed. He knew once he pressed the confirmation he would be saying goodbye to the Dib forever, but he also knew now it was the only way. These emotions were a sickness and they were killing him, there was no escaping it. His body trembled from stress.

He didn't want to give in, he really didn't. He'd loved the positive side of these emotions, it had been the happiest time of his life. But he just couldn't handle the flipside. When he'd seen Dib in bed with that human girl he was surprised he hadn't died right there on the spot from the agony that it sent ripping through him. He'd vomited several times, and now he felt dizzy and breathless.

He just couldn't see any way past this. There was no one else to care for him, so if he didn't have Dib what was the point of leaving the inhibitor off? Even if he did get killed by the Tallest, he'd rather that than continue living a lonely, pointless existence feeling this way.

He calmed himself and let his thoughts drift once last time to Dib. He imagined his beautiful amber eyes, his sleek, tall figure, that messy mop of black hair. Zim felt a brief moment of peace before the pain returned once more. Dib didn't want him anymore, he'd told him that to his face. He had a human companion now just like he'd dreamt of all his life, so of course he didn't need Zim. Dib probably wouldn't even notice that he was gone.

Zim looked up in bewilderment. His mind felt beautifully numb, and it took a moment for him to come to his senses. He stared at his own claw which was still pressing down on a key on the console. The cable that was latched into his pak withdrew and tucked away back into the ceiling. He stood and swayed a little before finding his footing. He no longer felt sick or dizzy at all, what bliss.

His memories felt strange, like they didn't belong to him. Had all of that really happened? Good Tallest he was a disgrace. He felt disgust at himself for how long it had taken him to turn the inhibitor back on. That feeling quickly turned to anger as he remembered how he'd been moping around that stupid human like a lost puppy, how humiliating. He'd been acting like such a… _human._

Zim's anger at Dib burned furiously. All the other feelings he'd had for him had been stripped away, and now rage was all that was left behind. How dare he treat Zim in such a way! And Zim had been pathetic enough to keep pawing at him for his attention? How nauseating. It was beyond time he redeemed himself. He was an Irken, and Irkens got even.

Zim instantly set to work. He had his plan all set up and ready to go, all he needed to do was to get in contact with his Almighty Tallest. They'd never need to know that the human had helped him with his mission, or any of what had gone on in the last week for that matter. By Irk he'd make sure they never knew. All they needed to see was that he was fixed and capable, and still loyal to his race. Why had he doubted it so much? His invention was ingenious, of course it would be enough to win their trust back. It just made sense.

He marvelled at himself as he worked – how good it felt to be fully functional at last. All he had to do to reach the Tallest was to locate the Massive, home in on their coordinates and boost the signal. He grinned as his call connected, and before long an image of his great leaders appeared on his screen.

He quickly stood to attention and puffed out his chest, showing the utmost respect at the same time as showing off his full height. The two faces peered closer to the screen, their expressions dumbfounded.

"Z… Zim? Is that you?" Red spluttered, blinking hard as if his eyes were deceiving him.

"No. That can't be… he's too tall," Purple dismissed, not wanting to believe it.

"It is sirs. Greetings." Zim stood proudly, enjoying their surprise at him and recognition of his stature.

"But… how? It's been years Zim…" Red trailed off, speechless.

"Yes, I apologise for my absence. Before I say anything else I want you to know that I became aware of my defective pak, and after several years of hard work I finally fixed all of the faults." There was no way he was going to admit that a human fixed it for him. "And as you can see my height is no longer impaired." He stuck his chin in the air smugly.

"Wow… yes. We can see that." Red and Purple exchanged a worried glance.

"I wanted to formally apologise for all of my actions previous to the fixing of my pak. I acted disgracefully, and I intend to make it up to you and prove that I truly can be an invader for the Irken race."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Purple asked suspiciously, still not quite sure if he believed Zim was no longer defective, half expecting something to blow up in the background at any moment.

"I have invented a new device sirs, one I think you will be quite impressed by. By combining the finest Earth technology had to offer with superior Irken mechanics, I have created a device capable of altering a planets orbit." Zim proceeded to explain the workings of his invention in great scientific detail, pleased as the Tallest hung on his every word. He'd dreamt of a moment like this for years. After he'd finished the Tallest simply gawked at him, hardly able to believe this was the same Irken they had come to know and despise.

"And you built this? All by yourself? And it works?" Purple asked in incredulously, still waiting to hear the catch.

"I have done everything save for a physical test run of the device, but I have triple checked all the calculations. It _will_ work. My plan was to first invite you here to witness its trial run on the humans. The fools won't know what hit them. And then you can do what you will with this useless planet, leave it as ash for all I care. I have long awaited this day my Tallest." Zim stood proudly awaiting their response. There was a moment of silence as the Tallest thought about this. Red gave a small nod to Purple, who shrugged back.

"Okay Zim, we will come and see this machine of yours. Make sure that everything is ready – what is that?" A shrill alarm suddenly sounded in Zim's base, and Zim growled in aggravation as he realised it meant an intruder.

"It's nothing sirs. Everything will be ready, please excuse me." He cut the transmission quickly before anything else could go wrong. He'd been so close to making that call perfect, of course that stupid human had to mess it up somehow. He quickly brought up a screen showing the living room of the upper house and sure enough there was the Dib. Zim gritted his teeth and headed to the lift.

"Zim! Zim are you in here?" Zim could hear the human calling out as he shot up and out of the pedal bin lift. He scowled as the Dib came in to view, stopping a few metres away from the boy. He was shocked as Dib actually smiled at him – why was he grinning like a fool? Didn't he realise he was about to get destroyed? Zim's eyes burned fiercely back, and the boys smile soon faded.

"What do you think you are doing here human? Do you think you can just waltz into my base any time you like?" Zim growled dangerously, and Dib gulped. He hadn't expected Zim to be _this_ mad.

"I wanted to see you. Needed to see you." Dib stumbled over his words. This was hard enough to say without the way Zim was looking at him.

"Why would you want to see _me_?" Zim snarled.

"Why do you think?" Dib matched him tetchily snapping back. Zim always had known how to press his buttons. He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. "Zim… I'm sorry for pushing you away these last few days. I'm sorry for everything."

"Your apologies mean nothing to Zim!" Zim remained completely unmoved by the human's words.

"Zim I'm trying really hard! I miss you okay! I regret everything I said!" Dib could feel his eyes beginning to water. Why was Zim being so difficult?

"Regret all you want Earth-stink, at least you won't have to suffer for long!" Zim smirked evilly.

"Wait… what?" Dib was confused now, and that glint in Zim's eye was so very unnerving.

"My creation is complete and fully functional. Soon it will be implemented on this spinning ball of filth and the humans will finally taste my wrath. My Tallest are on their way here right now to witness it." Zim grinned, loving the look of horror on Dib's face as it dawned on him.

"You… you promised… you swore if I helped you you wouldn't use it on the Earth!" Dib's anger was building now, rivalling Zim's. "It was a lie all along wasn't it? Were you just leading me on this whole time so that you could get what you wanted from me? You TRAITOR!" Tears began to escape Dib's eyes as he screamed at Zim.

"YOU were the one that betrayed ME you WORM!" With this Zim's fury overflowed, and he lunged at the boy madly.

Dib barely had time to process this before he was knocked viciously to the ground, Zim's claws raking at his arms and body. He managed to punch out and caught Zim in the chin. They rolled over on the ground, Zim clawing and hissing as Dib flailed back.

"I SAW you! I saw you with HER!" Zim screamed, his face so close to Dibs. Dib's stomach dropped like a stone, horror-struck. Zim had seen them together? But did that mean… he finally understood what was going on.

"No… tell me you didn't…" His head spun from shock and pain as they wrestled against each other. "Tell me you didn't turn it back on Zim!" Dib was taller than Zim, but the Irken was stronger and eventually managed to pin Dib to the ground, his claws wrapped around the boy's soft throat. Dib struggled against Zim but soon gave up, unable to move beneath the aliens hold. Silence fell save for the sound of them both panting for air. Dib looked mournfully up into blazing red eyes, shuddering as Zim's hot breath fell against his face.

"Everything good I felt for you is gone." Zim said, his voice low now.

"No…" Dib gasped, clutching at the claws around his neck.

"But I can still feel anger. And anger is all I feel for you now!" With that Zim hit the boy hard across the face, and Dib fell back lifeless. Zim let go of the boy's neck, his unconscious body sprawled beneath him. He sat for a moment over the body as he caught his breath, staring at what he'd done.

After a few minutes he felt an inexplicable need and reached to press a claw against the boy's neck, checking for a pulse. It was faint, but there. He wasn't sure why it mattered, but it did. He _should_ finish the job. He should kill this treacherous nuisance now and be done with their petty feud forever.

So why couldn't he do it?

He shook his head at himself in exasperation and got to his feet. The boy could rot in one of his cells, he didn't care. He would suffer more that way. Why should he give him the mercy of a quick death? All the humans would be dead soon anyway.

He grabbed the boy's arms and slung the body over his shoulder, carrying him over to the lift that would take them down into his lab. It was strange he mused, to sense the Dib's warmth against him and not feel anything anymore. He knew he used to feel _something,_ but his pak just couldn't quite decode the memories to make any sense out of them, as if there was some vital piece of data missing.

Once he reached the containment chambers he threw Dib's body unceremoniously into one of the tall tube-like cells and locked it down. He stood for a moment, gazing perplexed at the pitiful creature through the purple tinted glass. Nothing. He felt nothing.

He turned and walked away, to begin setting up his device.

* * *

Dib groaned. God his head was killing him. Come to think of it most of him hurt. He straightened his glasses on his face and tried to make his eyes focus. Where the heck was he? It was dimly lit, and at first all he could make out was his own body illuminated by a dull purple glow. As he came to his senses he soon realised he was in one of Zim's containers. Well that was nothing new to him. Sure it had been a while but he was well used to these things. Still he felt a swell of anxiety at being enclosed in such a small space.

He pressed his face against the cool glass and peered into the surrounding darkness. He could make out parts of the lab, the Irken technology looking much like any room within Zim's base. The only light came from the glow of various screens and buttons on the consoles. Dib sighed and sat back once more. Zim wasn't here.

He winced at the pain in his head – just how hard had Zim hit him anyway? They'd fought a fair bit in their time but it had never been as _real_ as that. Dib was actually surprised Zim hadn't just killed him, was that a positive sign? No. Dib shook the thought from his head. It was impossible for Zim to care now, caring was hardwired out of his system. He felt his heart splinter at that thought. This was so much more than them just falling out, this was final.

He knew he should be worrying more over the fate of his planet, but somehow all of that seemed so unimportant in comparison. Perhaps he was too used to Zim's plans being insane and he'd gotten complacent. He needed to not forget how lethal Zim truly was now. He only needed to move to be reminded of that fact as the pain lanced through his body again.

He shrugged off his coat and rolled up his top to inspect himself for damage. Just as the old bruises were starting to fade they were being replaced by new ones, accompanied by angry red scratch marks from Zim's claws. None of them were too bad though, he was just going to be sore for a couple of days. Just for a change. It was nothing compared to his splitting headache. His stomach rumbled queasily, but he couldn't tell if it was from concussion or despair.

Despite all that Zim had done though, he still wanted nothing more than to be close to him again. Was there nothing that idiot could do to deter him? Zim had slashed him, speared him and knocked him senseless, and yet still Dib yearned for his company. He was so mad at himself for still wanting him even now. Perhaps it was the cold, lonely environment that just made him wish he had someone to wrap his arms around. He shivered miserably in the bare space, and pulled his coat up around him like a blanket in an attempt to comfort himself.

Why was he letting himself think about Zim this way? It was never going to happen again, not ever, and it was all his fault. He cringed at the thought of Zim seeing him with Kat. He must have been at the window, but how much had he seen? Enough clearly to hate him, but maybe not enough to see Dib break it off. Not that that mattered now, the damage was done. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have hurt Zim so badly as to drive him to this? He'd hurt him so much that Zim would rather be numb than have any feelings at all. And all because he'd been so selfish as to try and spare _himself_ the pain. He'd only made everything ten times worse. Perhaps even gone and got the whole Earth destroyed. _Way to go Dib. You just killed the world with your cock._ He grimaced to himself.

And what would happen to Zim? He'd told Dib that if he went back to his leaders they would almost certainly kill him. Did he not care anymore? Did that mean he'd got Zim killed as well? This thought was the first one to actually motivate him, and he felt a flicker of purpose relight in him. But what was he supposed to do from inside this damned thing? He wondered if Zim would even come back at all, or if he'd just been left here to waste away. He had to get out of here.

Shakily he tried to get to his feet. His head swam sickeningly and he vomited, leaning heavily against the glass wall of his enclosure. Luckily there was next to nothing in his stomach. Not that that was going to help him survive any length of time in here without food, he just hoped Zim wouldn't be that cruel. Once his head had ceased spinning he began a quick inspection of his container. Of course there was nothing of any use, just perfectly smooth sealed sides. He began to bang his fists on the glass.

"Zim! Hey ZIM!" Dib yelled as hard as he could, not sure how much his prison insulated his voice. "I know you're here somewhere. You can't just leave me here! ZIM!"

Dib yelled until his voice gave out. He didn't even know if anyone had heard him at all. He eventually sank miserably to his knees, and wept.

* * *

"Zim? Tall?" Purple yelled frantically, arms flailing.

"Calm down a minute, just let me think." Red hushed him, brows furrowed in concern.

"Zim? TALL?!" Purples voice only increased in volume and panic. "This can't be happening! It's like our worst nightmare is coming true!"

"Just relax alright? Nothing bad is going to happen." Red reasoned with him, grabbing his arms to stop them flying about.

"What do you mean relax? What if he gets taller than us? Did you see how much he's grown in just a few years? That's enough that we'll have to give him a proper status of importance already! Imagine all that insanity in a tall body!" Purple ranted madly. "Why did you tell him we were coming? We should be flying in the opposite direction and leaving him there to rot!"

"You're forgetting one important fact. We _are_ the Tallest. And what we say goes." Red leered at him menacingly, and Purple looked back curiously. "If he really isn't defective any more then that means we can't just ignore him. What we need to do is eliminate him."

"Go on." Purple prompted him, intrigued.

"We have to do it quickly before any one sees how tall he is, before they start to respect him. He's still a disgrace remember, no one back on Irk is going to forget everything he's done. We just have to execute him quickly before he can prove that he's not defective anymore." Red said mischievously.

"How are we going to do that?"

"We fly for Earth, act to Zim like we're bringing the armada to take the planet so he won't suspect there'll be anything amiss. Then easy - we just arrest him, throw him in a cell before anyone else can see, and have a brief private trial. We'll say he committed some treason or something. It's not like we really have to explain ourselves is it?" Red chuckled.

"I dunno. There are different laws that apply to tall ones. Laws I like." Purple looked very nervous.

"They don't apply to defectives." Red dismissed.

"But there's never been a _tall_ defective before!"

"Ugh look, we'll just kill everyone else who saw him then and say that he killed them and that's why we had to execute him so fast, for being so dangerous. No one will ever know, trust me." He smiled at Purple deviously. "It's not like it's the first time we've dealt with a threat to our reign." Purple smirked back wickedly.

"You're right. Of course, it's still just Zim right?" Purple laughed, beginning to relax.

"Exactly. He's no match for us. Plus I'd quite like to get a hold of that thing he's created, if it really does work. Don't you worry, before long he'll be dead and we'll never have to worry about him again. We should have done this years ago." Grinning Red turned to leave the room they were in, leading Purple back onto the main deck.

"Pilot! Set our course for Earth."

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for reading! :D_


	10. Chapter 9

_A/N: To think I was worried about this chapter being too short, it turned out the longest one yet! I hope I didn't ramble too much ._._

 _Thanks again for your lovely reviews, your delightfully kind words make me want to write more 8D_

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

Zim had been aware of the human's shouts for attention but had chosen to ignore them, favouring instead preparing his device for his Tallests arrival. The drill had begun burying itself deep in the Earth and needed some time now to complete its task. It would probably be a few days until the Tallests reached the Earth. They had been in a relatively nearby galaxy when he'd called them, but he didn't know what sort of technology they had these days as to how fast they could travel.

Zim suddenly found he had nothing else to do, so he decided to return to the room where he was holding the Dib-human to check on him. He'd gone quiet some time ago, but despite this he just couldn't seem to forget about that wretched creature. He swore he felt nothing for him but for some reason the human was frequently on his mind. It was frustrating.

As Zim entered the room he spied the pathetic figure bundled up underneath his coat, his tearstained cheek pressed against the glass. The Dib was asleep for now, he'd clearly worn himself out screaming like that. How pathetic. Zim stalked closer to the tube, peering in curiously. Ugh, disgusting – it had vomited, regardless of being in such small quarters. Filthy humans.

Zim moved back to the console and tapped some buttons, sending the tube shooting upwards into the ceiling and causing the boy fall out and onto his face.

"What the-" Dib panicked, waking up as his cheek smacked the cold floor.

"Don't even think about moving. I'm just getting rid of your disgusting mess." Zim growled without looking up. He tapped a few more buttons and the tube slid back shut, turning white hot and incinerating Dib's mess. Dib looked nervously at the tube. He didn't like the thought that Zim could potentially turn that on while he was still in it. Feeling a bit dazed Dib scrambled to his feet, looking towards the Irken who seemed to be avoiding meeting his eyes.

"Why bother?" He muttered, scowling as he rubbed at his sore cheek.

"I won't have your filthy germs anywhere in my base." Zim replied tersely.

"Well then you'll have to get rid of all of me won't you?" Dib looked at Zim defiantly, but he still wouldn't look him in the eye. Zim glanced at the container to see that the process was complete and opened the prison once more.

"Get back in." He gestured at the prison and finally looked towards Dib, his dark expression daring the boy to disobey.

"What's the point? What are you gonna do just leave me in there?" Dib saw Zim's anger flicker.

"What difference does it make? All you stinking humans will be dead soon."

"Then why keep me alive at all? Why don't you just kill me now and be done with it?" Dib knew he was digging now. He wanted to know if Zim really would kill him. Even if he did, he wasn't sure if he cared that much anymore.

"Get back in that cell!" Zim yelled, starting to lose his temper. The truth was he didn't know why he couldn't kill the boy. He sure felt like he wanted to right now.

"NO! Don't make me watch! I won't sit here and watch you throw your life away!" Dib's voice cracked with emotion.

"What?" Zim chuckled, bemused by the Dib's words. "It's the humans who'll be dying not Zim."

"I thought you were supposed to be smart now." Dib said bitterly, wiping the smile off Zim's face. When Zim had no response he continued, "You told me that if you went back to the Tallests they would most likely kill you. You were going to send them your invention, keep a safe distance, not bring them to see it."

"It was the most logical action to take, to use it on the planet I'm on now and prove that it works. They'd never respect me otherwise." Zim dismissed his words.

"But Zim what if they don't care about your stupid machine? What if they're just coming here to kill you?" Dib deplored Zim to see reason.

"Zim's creation is not stupid! And neither are my Tallests! They _will_ see the brilliance of my machine and it will prove to them that I am a worthy invader." Zim said confidently, looking at Dib challengingly.

Dib wilted. There would be no getting through to him. With the inhibitor on Zim's loyalty to his leaders couldn't be overridden by any other feeling. Dib sniffed back his tears of frustration, refusing to cry right now. He had to do something or Zim was going to walk straight into a trap, he felt sure of it. Plus, he was _not_ going back in that damned tube.

"You're such an idiot." Dib mumbled, gathering his courage as he formulated a plan quickly. He saw Zim bristle. "You're just as stupid as your leaders, and it's going to get you killed."

"Irken's are not stupid." Zim growled dangerously baring his teeth, his antennae folding back rigidly.

"You are. Stupid enough to believe they're going to take you back. They probably can't wait to get here and kill you. Then they'll finally have rid of you like they wanted all along." Dib couldn't look Zim in the eye as he said it, but it had the desired effect.

He saw Zim's tolerance fail as he snapped and lunged for the boy much like he had earlier, but this time Dib was ready for it. He dodged Zim smoothly, ducking down and bursting into a run instantly as he heard Zim crash to the floor behind him. He was grateful now for having dedicated such a large portion of his life to knowing the layout of Zim's base and understanding Irken technology. He took as many twists and turns as he could to try and delay Zim, knowing the Irken would soon be hot on his heels. He only had moments - he could already hear those metallic spider legs clacking against the passageways. Dib's head spun as he ran and he was amazed that he didn't fall over, adrenaline carrying him forward.

"Do you really think you can hide from me in my own base you fool?" Dib heard Zim's enraged voice echoing from another chamber. He sounded just far enough away, he had to take his chances.

Dib rushed over to the nearest console, gasping to catch his breath as he began typing furiously into the keypad. He knew he probably only had less than a minute before Zim caught him. There were censors everywhere in his base so he'd soon know where the human was. Dib swiftly programmed a pair of mechanical arms to fall from the ceiling primed and ready, and isolated their controls from voice commands so that Zim couldn't instruct them. He calibrated the arms to restrain the next thing that passed through the entrance, completing the coding just in time as he heard that metal clattering closer.

Dib's heart pounded as he waited, the seconds suddenly dragging out into slow motion. Just at that moment a figure appeared at the doorway and in a flash of movement Zim was ensnared by thick cables. They twisted around him, holding his arms in close to his body so that he couldn't move. His spider legs got entangled too, rendering them useless as the stronger arms mangled them. For a moment Zim was stunned into silence, but his rage quickly flared as he realised the restraints wouldn't respond to his voice, and he began snarling and writhing against them. Dib let out a relieved breath hardly believing it had worked, shakily approaching the struggling Irken.

"How DARE you use my own base against me!" Zim's fumed, completely incensed. Dib winced a little, Zim was kind of terrifying right now and it wasn't helping his confidence.

"Zim… please calm down, you're going to hurt yourself," Dib could see grazes appearing on the Irken's arms at his shoulders where the skin was exposed as Zim thrashed against the metal. "ZIM STOP!" Dib snapped grabbing Zim's by the shoulders. Finally the alien stilled, a shiver passing through both of them as their skins touched.

"Get your hands off me now." Zim warned Dib in a low voice, his red eyes blazing.

"No not until you listen!" Dib took a moment to calm himself. "I don't want to see you get hurt. There _has_ to be a way we can work this out, I refuse to accept that this is how it ends. We were so close Zim… I still care about you!" Dib searched Zim's face for emotion. The Irken seemed to calm somewhat and looked back at him quizzically. _Why on Irk would the human still care about him?_

"You must still have the memories. Don't you remember? Playing video games, sleeping over, sitting on my roof and stargazing…" Dib smiled wistfully. He began rubbing small circles against Zim's skin absentmindedly. Oh how he'd missed being this close to Zim. "I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. If I could take it back I would, I'd do anything. Please Zim." His words seem to wash over the Irken, his red eyes staring back in mild confusion. Zim thought back over those memories. It was so strange, they just didn't feel like his anymore.

"You _must_ feel something. I know you do, that's why you can't kill me." Dib squeezed Zim's arms, his eyes welling up. Zim was so unreadable right now but he was being so calm, and it gave Dib courage. "I know there's good in you…" He couldn't hold it in any longer, and he leaned in to press his lips against Zim's keenly. For the briefest of moments he thought he'd won, elation bubbling up inside him. But then he felt the Irken's sharp teeth sink into his lip as Zim bit him viciously.

Dib fell backwards from the shock and pain, blood spilling from his mouth.

"What makes you think you can touch me like that human?" Zim growled, spitting the taste of Dib's blood from his mouth. "Did you think that my emotions would come back magically by your _luurve_ power?" He mocked spitefully. Dib felt his heart break just a bit more. He had been stupid to think he could win Zim over with the inhibitor switched on.

"Computer!" Zim yelled suddenly, "Activate the secondary arms and GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

A second pair of mechanical arms flew from the walls and began ripping apart the ones that held Zim. Dib felt his heart sink more as Zim jumped free - he'd failed. Why had he wasted so much time? He should have just locked Zim away properly, and now it was too late. He held his lip against the flow of blood, not bothering to get up off the floor. He couldn't get away from Zim now. He felt the Irken approach him and looked up to see Zim scowling down at him, arms folded - he looked livid. Dib sniffled and looked away. He couldn't face those eyes any more, they weren't the ones he'd grown used to.

"This is how it _should_ be. You grovelling and snivelling at my feet, not the other way around." Zim looked down at him, wiping his mouth once more to rid his lips of the taste of human. He couldn't help but feel like he should be getting more satisfaction than he was at seeing the boy so crumpled and defeated. He knew the sight used to bring him joy, but now he found it made him somewhat uncomfortable. He grabbed Dib roughly dragging him up to his feet so that he could bind the boy's wrists together behind his back. He walked his prisoner in silence back to the container, releasing his wrists before throwing him back into the tube and locking it down once more.

"I won't make the same mistake twice." He warned bitterly through the glass. "Try anything like that again and I will bite your lip right off." He waited for some kind of response but the Dib merely slumped to the floor, turning his back on Zim and huddling up as best he could under his coat once more. Zim's anger prickled but he shook it off, turning away.

"I have to go and fix my pak legs now thanks to you." Why was he explaining himself? He shook his head and left the human in silence.

* * *

Warm skin, soft delicate lips brushing against his own, arms pulling him close. Gentle fingers caressed his antennae so caringly, and suddenly an alien tongue was in his mouth. Such a familiar scent, and a feeling of belonging and security.

Zim opened his eyes. It took him a moment to find his bearings in the dark space as he sat up slowly. The room he was in wasn't soft blue colours and comfortable bedding like the one he'd just been dreaming, but dark hues of red and purple, everything cold and sharp and metallic. He shook his head sleepily trying to find his senses.

He'd just been grabbing a few hours of rest before his Tallests arrived so that he was fresh-faced, but somehow he just felt more tired. Why had he been dreaming of the Dib creature? He was sure it was a memory, but it was from when his inhibitor was inactive so he couldn't make any sense out of it. He could think of his actions, of every move they'd both made but he just couldn't fathom why or what he'd been feeling. The Dib had tried the lip pressing thing on him before and he hadn't liked it. But had he before? He must have if he'd let him. He felt so very confused. Perhaps his brain had been trying to work it out while he was asleep, while his pak was on standby.

' _You must feel something. I know you do, that's why you can't kill me.'_

Why _hadn't_ he killed the Dib? He had told himself that he wanted the boy to suffer as punishment for betraying Zim, but was that really it? It was time he worked this out. For some reason he couldn't stop thinking about the Dib, but whenever he did all he felt was confusion. It was out of instinct that he didn't kill him, it just didn't feel right to. But it wasn't like he felt affection, or want for him. He didn't feel happy when he was near him or looked at him.

By Irk, he really had to sort his head out before his Tallests got here, he so wanted to please them. That triggered a new thought. What was it that he felt for his Tallests? Like didn't really come into it, it wasn't his place. It didn't matter what he thought of them – that was irrelevant, they were his leaders regardless of his personal opinions. What he did feel though was respect, a desire to serve and protect… _loyalty_. His stomach dropped sickeningly. That _was_ similar to what he felt towards the Dib. But why should he feel loyal towards the human? Was that why he was keeping him here? He thought of the coming invasion. Had he been keeping the human in his base to subconsciously protect him?

Zim growled in frustration at himself. He was still mad at the boy, but now knowing he couldn't kill him made him feel stressed. He couldn't have his Tallests find him keeping a pet human, that just wouldn't do. He was going to have to figure out what to do with the nuisance.

Before he had even realised where he was headed he was on his feet and approaching the containment chamber once more. It had been at least a day or two since the incident, and Zim hadn't been in since. He'd deliberately kept himself busy and preoccupied. He'd spent most of the time fixing his mangled pak legs, the human had really messed them up. Loath as he was to admit it though, he was impressed that the Dib had been able to operate his base like that.

The boy was still huddled up on the floor, leaning against the glass wall. He was sleeping but his face didn't look peaceful at all. Zim crouched down next to the tube to get a closer look at him. Dib shivered suddenly in his sleep, his eyes scrunching tighter shut. Was it cold in here? Zim couldn't tell. Maybe it was for a human. The boy was certainly very pale save for where blood stained his face around his injured mouth. The wound glistened grotesquely. Dib looked more pathetic than he'd ever seen him before.

Zim exhaled and rested his head against the glass, closing his eyes for a moment. Try as he might he just couldn't see a solution to this problem. He couldn't be loyal to both the Dib and his Tallests, it just wasn't possible. Once the planet was invaded the Dib would be taken too, there was nowhere he could hide him that he wouldn't be found. Besides Zim would be too busy to look after him, he was sure the Tallests would want to deploy him to a new planet right away. All of mankind would be slain. Perhaps some might be enslaved, but was that really better? It was certainly no life.

Zim slowly opened his eyes and found amber ones looking straight back at him. He felt a jolt of shock but couldn't move, a rabbit caught in headlights. Dib hadn't moved either, he was just staring back at him mystified. The silence hung thickly in the air and finally Zim caved, hurrying to his feet. He brushed himself down self-consciously and folded his arms, feeling irritated at having been caught looking at the Dib-thing and refusing now to meet his gaze.

However as Dib began to get to his feet Zim couldn't help but turn and look as the boy wobbled about, leaning heavily against the glass for support. The boy leaned his forehead against the glass near Zim, continuing to stare.

"What are you looking at?" Zim complained, feeling unnerved. Dib shrugged weakly.

"You started it." His voice was small and croaky. The boy looked so pained, Zim could see his legs shaking. Dib sighed, giving in and turning away – what was the point. Zim's antenna quirked, noticing how the fight had completely left the human. Dib dropped himself clumsily back to the floor, leaning back against the glass.

"What's wrong with you?" Zim asked irritably.

"This is what happens when you don't have any food or water." Dib muttered sullenly, trying to get himself comfortable on the cold, hard ground.

"Ugh…" Zim moaned, throwing his head back in exasperation. "Humans need so much sustenance."

Dib looked up in surprise as Zim walked promptly away without another word. Maybe he should have tried being nicer. He knew it almost definitely wouldn't have made any difference, but he regretted it now. Even fighting with Zim was better than the emptiness of this cell. He was starting to go stir crazy, anxiety and dehydration taking their toll. Even so he soon lost consciousness, too weary even to keep his eyes open.

Dib jerked awake what felt like only seconds later, though it could have been hours, or even days for all he knew. Zim had thrown a bag onto the console nearby and was now hitting keys typing some command into the computer. He yelped in surprise as the tube flew up from behind his back and into the ceiling once more, and again he fell inelegantly backwards where it had been supporting him.

"Why are you letting me out this time?" Dib asked warily. He wanted to sound angrier than he did, but he was just too grateful to be out of that damn thing.

Zim said nothing, but pointed to the brown paper bag on the counter. Dib stumbled to his feet and shakily made his way over to the desk. He peered cautiously into the bag, expecting some kind of nasty trick. His eyes bugged in surprise as his eyes fell upon food – there was a sandwich, a bottle of water and even some candy. He turned to Zim questioningly his mouth agape, but was speechless.

"What are you waiting for? I thought you were hungry?" Zim frowned back at him.

That was all the confirmation Dib needed. He plopped himself down in a chair at the console and eagerly grabbed the bottle of water first. His throat was raw, and the cool fluid felt so good. It stung a bit as it washed over the crusted blood on his lip where Zim had bitten him. Damn, that was going to be a problem. He was so hungry he felt like he could stuff the sandwich in his mouth whole, but it was going to be painful trying to eat it. He tore off a little bite, wincing as the action pulled at his sore skin. The bread tasted so good but the crusty edges were murder to his injured mouth.

Zim watched the Dib curiously, and was about to question the boys hesitation. Had he not chosen right? He had no idea what flavours the human liked but he couldn't care less, he could eat it or starve. The creature should be grateful he was getting fed at all. But then he realised it was because he was physically struggling with his wounded lip. Zim really had done quite a number on him. He felt a little smug, but the feeling soon faded. Zim shuddered in disgust as the human's fresh blood stained his food. Zim sighed and got to his feet.

"Come with me." He instructed firmly. Dib looked worriedly at him and clutched his sandwich tighter. "You can bring the sandwich." Zim rolled his eyes impatiently.

Nervously Dib got to his feet, tightly gripping his bag of food as though someone would take it from him at any moment. He staggered along the corridor after Zim, nibbling at small bits of food along the way. What was about to happen to him now? Zim was acting so strangely. What reason could he possibly have for feeding him?

Dib lurched clumsily onwards not really taking in his surroundings, so when they reached their destination he looked up in surprise – it was the medical bay. Dib paused uncertain what he was supposed to do as Zim went straight to the control panel and began entering commands. When he was done Zim turned around and saw the boy just standing there dopily gawking at him.

"Sit." He commanded brusquely, pointing at the bed in the centre of the room. Dib obediently perched on the edge, still feeling very nervous. Zim marvelled again at how defeated the Dib was. Crushing the soul out of these beings was so very easy. He walked over to the human, feeling a small trill of gratification at seeing the boy flinch as his sudden closeness. He took the boys chin in his claws, angling it so that he could lean in close and inspect the damage.

"So fragile." He muttered disapprovingly to himself. Dib felt his heart pound at the sudden intimacy of the moment. Zim's face was so close all of a sudden that he could feel his cool breath on his face. Dib stared at his smooth green lips, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. And then just as quickly Zim was gone again, moving back over to the controls. He had to remind himself that Zim had no idea how personal that moment had been. The Irken probably couldn't even comprehend the concept of intimacy anymore. It hurt that Zim felt nothing in that small moment that had Dib's heart racing, he hadn't even noticed Dib's reaction. He felt his eyes well up. He couldn't seem to stop crying lately, it was so frustrating.

Zim walked back over with the correct tool in hand, but stopped short when he noticed the water starting to spill from the boys eyes.

"What is it now?" He asked impatiently.

"It's nothing." Dib wiped at his face angrily though more tears just replaced them, rolling down his cheeks and mixing with the blood still on his face. Zim's face pinched in repulsion.

"Stop snivelling, the pain won't last long. It won't be half as bad as when I fixed your ribs." Zim told him as he switched the tool on.

"It's not that, the pain doesn't bother me." Dib muttered sulkily, not meeting Zim's eye as the Irken took hold of his face once more, tilting it towards the light as he began sealing the wound. Dib was actually glad when the pain started. Having Zim take hold of his face once more was almost more than he could bear, and the pain distracted him focusing his mind away from Zim's closeness. Why was he doing this, was he just toying with him? Was Zim even aware of the pain he was causing him? It didn't seem so, but then why would he bother to help him if he didn't care?

"Why _are_ you crying then?" Zim's voice brought Dib back out of his musings.

"What's the point of explaining, you don't even understand why people cry at all do you?" Dib said bitterly, wincing as the tool neared the sensitive edge of his lip. Zim's antennae quivered angrily.

"Humans cry when they are hurting, mentally or physically."

"But you don't understand _how_ it feels. To _need_ to cry because you're hurting." Dib added.

"Why is that bad? Look at you, you're miserable. What's the point of being unhappy if you don't have to be?" Zim paused, lowering the tool for a moment, genuinely interested in the Dib's response. He would love to understand what it was that had made him keep the inhibitor off for so long.

"Does that mean you're happy now?" Dib finally met Zim's eyes with this question. He was almost too afraid to ask it, but he desperately wanted to know. Zim scowled back him, frustrated at the Dib's evasion of his own question.

"Happy isn't important. Irkens don't need to be happy, they just need to do their jobs." Zim took up the tool once more, "Now hold still and stop talking. This bit _is_ going to hurt." Before Dib could protest Zim hooked a claw in his mouth, pulling the lip out so that he could get the tool to the torn up inside. Dib only had a moment to be stunned by the claw in his mouth before the real pain began. He trembled with the strain of trying not to flinch away, doing his best to sit as still as possible.

Finally it was done and Zim pulled away, wiping his claw in revulsion against the bed. Dib sat a moment trying to catch his breath, trembling.

"Better?" Zim asked bluntly. Dib felt his lip nervously. It tingled still, but the pain was easing rapidly. He could feel the smooth patches where Zim's sharp teeth had done their damage. He wondered briefly what it looked like – was that another scar he would bear for the rest of his life? He'd have fun trying to explain that one. Then he remembered his current predicament and how little it mattered in the grand scheme of things. Dib nodded curtly, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face clean of tears and blood.

"You can finish eating now." Zim reminded him. Dib reached for his sandwich with somewhat less enthusiasm than before, but after the first bite he recalled just how hungry he was and quickly wolfed it down.

Zim watched absent-mindedly as the boy finished eating. His question had struck a bit of nerve in him. _Was_ he happy? It seemed a bit of an abstract concept. What was happy exactly? He thought it was success, achievement, so maybe when his Tallests arrived and he had impressed them with his magnificent invention then he would feel happy.

"Why are you helping me?" Dib asked, interrupting Zim's thoughts. He saw Zim falter at his question, but couldn't understand why. To be honest he was still waiting for the catch, for it all to be a nasty trick.

Zim genuinely didn't know what to say to the boy. He didn't want him to know about his mysterious feelings of loyalty, he didn't even understand them himself.

"Well? I thought you hated me? Why go from kicking the shit out of me and locking me up to feeding and healing me?" Dib felt his confidence increase at Zim's uncertainty, that and the sugar rush he was getting from finally eating.

"I don't know okay." Zim snapped. He didn't need to hear these questions asked out loud when he was already thinking them.

"I thought you didn't care?"

"I don't!" Zim yelled, and he meant it.

"Then why are you acting like you do?"

"Did you want to starve to death in that container?"

"Obviously not, but you still haven't explained why you didn't want me to!"

With that Zim lost his patience, grabbing Dib by his top and dragging him out of the room. He didn't want to have this conversation, he'd had enough.

"Why won't you answer me? Huh?" Dib persisted, struggling awkwardly along behind Zim as he was yanked down the corridor.

"I liked you better when you were starving and weak," Zim grumbled.

"Then why didn't you leave me that way?!"

Finally Zim's tolerance shattered. He stopped and slammed Dib fiercely against the wall, his top bunched up in his claws.

"Look, if you think that this is working out like some kind of fairy tale and my feelings for you are coming back miraculously just because you forced your lips against mine then it's not! I don't care about you! I don't feel anything for you!" Zim yelled in his face, trying to convince himself just as much as the Dib.

"Then kill me." Dib said seriously, and Zim's eyes widened in surprise, his grip loosening a little.

"You _want_ to die?" Zim asked in confusion.

"I do if this is it now. If all of humanity really is doomed. If you really don't feel anything for me. Then I have nothing left to live for. You're just going to put me back in that fucking tube aren't you? So why keep me alive? So you can keep me as your prisoner, as your pet? So you can break me and then fix me so you can break me again? I'm already broken! Everything's broken…" Dib trailed off as fresh tears escaped his eyes. "If this is punishment for what I did, I'm sorry. You know I am. Just stop toying with me! I can't take it anymore, please just kill me. I can't go back in that cell… please…"

Zim looked at the Dib in bewilderment. It wasn't a concept his pak could process, wanting to die. It was so hardwired in him to survive, by any means necessary. Zim sighed, releasing his grip.

"You know I can't kill you." Zim looked at him sternly. Dib looked at him in surprise, amazed to hear Zim admit the truth. "And it really isn't because I have feelings for you. I don't know what you've done to me, but somehow I just can't. It's instinctive, my gut just tells me not to do it. So there, you got your answer." It wasn't the whole truth, but Zim was probably going to regret saying this much. When had he gotten so soft?

Dib didn't know if this made him feel much better. It was something, but it didn't really help.

"So… what now?" Dib asked nervously, feeling he knew what the answer would be. Zim looked at him ruefully. "Please don't." Dib whispered, closing his eyes in despair.

Zim pondered his options. It felt kind of wrong to lock the boy back up in his cell after all this, and it clashed against his feeling of loyalty. He wouldn't dream of locking his Tallests up, so why would he do it to the Dib? He couldn't just let the Dib free though, he would try to stop his plans and probably mess up everything. He couldn't let him wander his base either, he couldn't be trusted not to escape. Zim knew how well the boy knew his lab and how well he could work Irken technology. So if he didn't lock him back up he was going to have to supervise him constantly. Well, at least he didn't have anything else to do until the Tallests arrived.

"What do you want to do?" Zim muttered eventually. Dib looked up in surprise. This was not at all the response he had expected.

"To be honest, sleep." Dib chuckled wearily.

"More?" Zim looked at him cynically.

"It wasn't exactly restful sleep I was getting in that freezing metal tube you locked me in. I couldn't even lie down properly in there." Dib complained.

"So needy." Zim berated. Great, because what he wanted to do was watch the human sleep for hours on end, he thought sarcastically. At least it would keep him out of trouble. Zim huffed in exasperation, and began walking in the opposite direction. Dib stared blankly after him for a moment uncomprehendingly before hurrying to catch up.

"So where are we going now?" Dib tried, but Zim ignored him, not even bothering to look back.

Eventually they reached a smaller room than all the others, and to his surprise it was actually one Dib didn't recall having seen before. It was dimly lit, with a small platform to one side and the usual screens and console on the other, though they were much smaller and simpler than in the other rooms.

"These are my resting chambers, you can sleep there." Zim motioned to the platform before moving to sit at his desk. It was so simple that Dib hadn't at first realised it could be a bed, but he supposed Irkens didn't sleep all that often. It felt intimate to Dib that Zim should offer up his own bed to him, but he knew that Zim probably wouldn't even consider a bed to be a personal thing. It was logical - that was where he slept, and Dib had asked to sleep.

Dib approached the platform apprehensively, trying to remind himself just to be grateful. It was mostly flat, but where humans would have pillows and then perhaps a head board, the platform simply curved upwards. He presumed this was to support the head and compensate for the Irken's pak. He sat down on the surface testing its comfort – it wasn't so bad. It was very minimally padded, but it was still heaps comfier than the cold metal floor and glass wall he had been sleeping against so it was a big step up.

"Is there not any blankets or anything?" He criticised. Zim's base was so cold.

Zim glanced sheepishly to a corner of the room. He was ashamed to admit it, but the bedding that he had created for Dib when he had stayed on the couch lay there he knew. He recalled the night that it had all begun to go wrong between them, when he had stabbed the Dib in the shoulders with his spider legs. He had been so distraught, and he had found comfort in that bedding because it reminded him of the Dib's bed, and also still held his scent. That memory seemed such a world away. How silly to take comfort from such a pointless inanimate object. Still, the boy didn't need to know why they were down here.

Thankfully Dib didn't need telling and followed Zim's gaze to the corner. He was surprised to see a duvet there, discarded in the corner. He was sure it was the same one he'd slept with that one time. He got up and went to grab it, pleased to find the pillows here too.

"I don't know how you can sleep without any bedding. Don't you like being comfortable?" Dib said as he carried them over and began to make himself comfy.

"Not important." Zim mumbled without turning around.

Dib shook his head – he should have known that would be the answer. He lay down and felt his eyelids grow heavy almost instantly. He bundled himself up tight in the duvet, smiling as he thought of the last time they had cuddled up under them on the couch. They still smelt of Zim a bit, and Dib caught himself inhaling the scent deeply. It shouldn't bring him comfort but it still did, and it soon lulled him off to sleep.

Zim relaxed a little as he heard the humans breathing deepen. That meant no more annoying questions for a while, he could finally get some peace and quiet. He brought up the details of the drill to monitor its progress and began checking that everything was running correctly, running several fairly unnecessary diagnostics for the lack of anything better to do.

Zim was quite engrossed in some lines of data when the Dib began moving about restlessly. Zim groaned in annoyance. It hadn't even been an hour yet, he'd been sure the Dib would be out for longer than this. He turned around expecting to see the human getting up, but found he was still sound asleep. He was just tossing and turning, fussing as per usual. Zim scowled and turned back to his computer. A short while later the Dib began making small noises in his sleep. Zim growled in frustration, his concentration shot. He couldn't focus on his work with all this noise and distraction. He stormed over to the bed in irritation.

He looked down at the boy's face. It was scrunched up tight as if the human were in pain, and beads of sweat were forming on his skin. _How gross,_ Zim thought. He couldn't handle the annoying noises the Dib was continuing to make, he was going to have to wake him up to tell him to be quiet. Zim perched on the bed so that he could reach over and shake the boy awake, but no sooner had he touched the boys arm than had Dib rolled over towards him and grabbed at his wrist.

Zim's eyes widened in shock and he was about to yell out angrily, but he soon realised Dib was still asleep. He watched as Dib pulled his arm in close to his chest, clutching it possessively. He didn't look pained any more, but instead a peacefulness had been restored to him. Zim huffed in aggravation but conceded. At least the boy was being quiet now, and the diagnostics could run themselves. Zim pulled the rest of his body onto the bed and tried to make himself comfortable, fitting his pak comfortably into the curve as he lay on his back. No sooner had he done this than he found Dib wriggling closer to his body. He stiffened warily, but the boy stopped before he encroached too much on his personal space, simply snuggling his face against his upper arm and hugging it closer.

Zim tried to make himself relax. This was so wrong, imagine if his Tallests could see this. How would he explain it? They would certainly kill anything that rivalled his loyalty to them. But did it? His loyalty to his Tallests was simple, logical. They were his superiors, and it was obligatory. That's why he couldn't comprehend his loyalty to the Dib though – it _wasn't_ logical. He had absolutely no reason to feel this way, in fact quite the opposite considering the way Dib had betrayed him. Perhaps it was instinctive due to the boy's height? That was a distinct possibility, he mused.

He scowled at the ceiling in frustration. Having his inhibitor back on was supposed to make everything simple again, so why wasn't it? At least it didn't hurt any more he supposed. He pulled tetchily at the boys iron grip on his arm, trying to loosen it a little. The Dib was so damn needy – humans were useless. Regardless of his taller stature there was nothing about him to feel inferior to, no Irken no matter how short would ever bow before a dumb human.

Zim soon grew tired of trying to puzzle it out, and decided to get some extra rest. Hopefully this time his sleep would be peaceful and clear of confusing dreams.

* * *

Dib stirred some time later. His first thought was that he felt quite stiff from the hard, unforgiving bed, but he still felt better rested than he had in a while. Even an Irken bed felt like bliss after trying to sleep in that tube. The second thing he became aware of was that he couldn't see. No, that wasn't right – it was just that his face was pressed against something warm. He drew his head back and tried to focus on what was in front of him.

His heart nearly stopped when he realised it was Zim's arm, and that the Irken was lying on the bed next to him. When the fuck had that happened? Dib carefully peeled his grip away from the arm, frightened of waking Zim and invoking his wrath. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and sat up carefully.

It was so strange to see Zim sleeping, it was amazing how much it changed him. When he was awake he seemed to have a permanent frown on his face – at least since turning the inhibitor back on that was. But now his expression was so soft, his mouth hanging ever so slightly open, his chest rising and falling peacefully. It was like back before he had turned it back on, and Dib couldn't help but smile at how sweet he looked.

Suddenly Zim shifted, and Dib panicked that he was going to wake up and catch him staring at him. What he wasn't expecting was for Zim to roll off his back and towards him, his arm reaching about dopily for the hold it had lost. Zim's brow crinkled in his sleep, and he made tiny mewling sounds that just made him even cuter to Dib. Dib knew it would probably get him in trouble, but he couldn't resist the urge to reach for the hand that clawed at the bed. His heart skipped a beat as their fingers intertwined and Zim seemed to be at peace once more.

Maybe there was hope for them yet, Dib smiled. Zim seemed to be having doubts today, maybe there was a small chance he could convince him to turn the inhibitor back off? He glanced at Zim's pak wondering briefly if he could do it himself, but quickly discarded that idea. He'd got in more than enough trouble with Zim already. He noticed a blinking light on the pak, which reminded him of a computer on standby. Was it possible that while he was asleep the pak and henceforth the inhibitor were switched off?

"D… Dib…" Zim mumbled in his sleep, barely audible. Dib gasped, a blush forming on his cheeks. He lay back down facing Zim, their faces close and their clasped hands between them. Dib marvelled at how perfectly Zim's claws seemed to fit between his fingers, despite being so different.

"Zim…" Dib sighed, his gaze drawing back up to the Irken's face, and lingering on his lips. "I wish you knew how much I love you." He whispered.

Before he knew what he was doing Dib leaned over to plant a gentle kiss on Zim's lips. His heart pounded as he felt Zim respond, and before he knew it his tongue was in Zim's mouth, feeling once more that beautifully strange alien tongue. It was a slow and passionate kiss, one that Dib thought he would never feel again.

Just as it was starting to get heated he felt Zim groan and shift, bringing Dib to his senses. Quick as a flash he rolled himself over facing away from Zim, pulling his fingers from the Irkens claws. He pulled the sheets up to hide his blazing cheeks and waited anxiously. He felt Zim sit up, waiting for some kind of angry yell or attack… but nothing happened. He sensed Zim lie back down and cautiously turned to peek. Zim was lying with his pak back against the curve again, but his eyes were open. He stared ahead, frowning lightly. Dib was dying to know what was going through his head.

Zim was in fact feeling incredibly embarrassed. He'd just been having another one of those awful dreams again, one where the Dib was mashing his face against his own. He knew the Dib couldn't know that but he still felt guilty and terrified of getting caught out. He suddenly became aware of a pair of eyes peeking at him from under the duvet. Shit… had the boy seen something? Dib's eyes widened as Zim looked right at him.

"Hey," Dib said in a tiny voice, feeling self-conscious and not sure what else to say. Zim simply narrowed his eyes at the boy. Dib tried to gather his confidence. He had to give talking Zim around one last shot. They were running out of time so it was now or never. "How come you got into bed with me?" Dib asked as he emerged from the duvet, rolling back over so that he was facing Zim.

"I was tired." Zim lied, turning his gaze back to the ceiling. First words out of the boys mouth and he was already being annoying. "It is my bed after all." Dib didn't buy it, but tried to ignore Zim's cold response.

"I'm sorry I was sorta… clinging on to your arm in my sleep." Dib confessed.

"It's fine." Zim replied bluntly.

"Really?" Dib looked at him in shock, and Zim turned back to him questioningly. "I just thought… I thought you'd be mad that's all." Zim didn't say anything, and just returned his gaze to the ceiling once more. Dib thought for a moment before proceeding, trying to be delicate. "You were so mad at me before, but you don't seem it anymore."

"I am still mad at you." Zim said quickly.

"You're not acting like it."

"Do you want me to be mad at you?" Zim bristled. Not this stupid argument again.

"No of course not! I was just wondering what had changed."

"Punishing you helped I guess. Maybe I should do it some more." Zim grumbled, folding his arms.

"Zim… you do know how sorry I am don't you?" Dib said sincerely.

"I already told you, your apologies don't mean anything to me."

"Even so. I wanted you to know that I realise how badly I must have hurt you to make you want to turn your inhibitor back on. I'd do anything to change what I did. _Anything._ " Dib waited anxiously for Zim's response.

"You can't change it though." Zim's cold words cut through him like a knife. There was silence for a time as they both brooded over their own thoughts.

"You admitted you can't kill me," Dib knew he was on thin ice bringing this back up so he spoke carefully, "You said it was instinctive, because of something I'd done. But you still have all those memories. Don't you _know_ why you can't kill me? You should."

Zim thought about this for a moment. He was mad at this subject being poked at again, but in all honesty he wanted to know the answer himself. Maybe he _should_ talk to the Dib about it. He was probably the only one with the answers.

"I can remember it all. But it all seems so… surreal. Like it happened to someone else. Those memories don't make any sense to me anymore." Dib's heart sank at Zim's words. "But…" Dib looked up in surprise, "I do have another feeling for you." Zim admitted awkwardly. "The only thing I can liken it to is my feeling of loyalty that I have towards my Tallests." Dib's jaw nearly hit the ground, butterflies swirling in his stomach.

"You… you feel loyalty to me?" Dib was astonished by this revelation. It explained why Zim hadn't been able to kill him, and why he'd eventually released, fed and healed him. He knew he shouldn't get too excited, but it was so much more than he had expected from the conditioned Irken.

"I suppose it's only logical. Clearly we had some sort of friendship when I could feel other things. All of those other emotions have been removed so that friendship no longer means anything to me, but there still seems to be some sort of residual obligation from having had that bond, even if it doesn't make sense anymore. The inhibitor doesn't change feelings it removes those we don't need. Turning it back on was never going to make me hate you." Zim attempted to explain, the truth suddenly tumbling unbidden from his mouth.

"Loyalty is important to an Irken. But it's not meant to be for anyone other than our own race. I never would have developed it for you in the first place if you hadn't deactivated my inhibitor." Zim grimaced. He could see the human still smiling giddily from the corner of his eye. "It's not going to do you any good though, so you can wipe that stupid smile off your face. I'll never feel more loyal to you than I do to my Tallests, and when they get here you're going to wish that I had just killed you." Zim finished coldly. "I might not hate you but I _can't_ like you either. With the inhibitor on it's just not possible."

He locked eyes with Dib. The human looked so hurt and moisture was gathering in his eyes, but Zim simply frowned back unmoved. Just when Dib thought his heart couldn't break any more he kept being proven wrong. He felt a lump forming in his throat and tried to choke back the urge to start sobbing.

"Zim… I-" Dib began his voice thick, but they both fell silent at the sound of doors opening somewhere down the corridor and loud urgent footsteps.

"What the…" Zim sprang up in a flash, his antennae standing on end.

"Irken Zim, show yourself!" He heard the Irken voices echoing down the corridor. They were close.

"Quickly, take those sheets and get under the bed!" Zim whispered urgently to Dib.

"But Zim-" Dib began to protest but Zim cut him off.

"NOW! You can't let them see you, they'll kill you on sight!" Zim hissed.

Dib quickly bundled himself up inside the duvet and wriggled beneath the bed, leaving a gap in the sheets for him to peek through. He could just make out Zim's booted feet as he walked briskly over to the door and opened it.

"Guards, what is the meaning of this? I would have happily come aboard the Massive-" Zim began formally, but he didn't get to finish. Dib heard a sickening _thwunk_ , and suddenly his eyes met with Zim's as the Irken hit the ground hard. Zim's expression was pained, a look of terror that turned Dib's blood to ice as their eyes locked. Dib made to get up, desperate to try and help but he stopped short as Zim shook his head at him briefly, his eyes imploring him to stay put.

Dib watched in horror as one of the guards put his foot harshly on Zim's back to hold him down as he clipped some sort of device over Zim's pak, and cuffed his wrists together behind his back. Dib could feel himself trembling so hard he was surprised the Irkens couldn't hear it. He had to do something, he just had to! He couldn't let this happen! But Zim's eyes kept him rooted to the spot, never once leaving his. Without warning one of the guards drove his weapon down ruthlessly hard across Zim's head and the Irken fell limp, his eyes turning empty.

Dib had to clap a hand to his mouth to stop himself from yelling out. The brutality of the scene was nauseating. He could do nothing but watch, helpless as his precious alien was dragged mercilessly away, leaving a thin trail of blood in his wake.

* * *

 _A/N: This was a tough one. I wanted Zim to not just be a total heartless bastard but I felt I was constantly walking a fine line of making sure he wasn't getting emotional, I hope I pulled it off okay. It's very tempting to get carried away and start writing fluff. The urge to write fluff is so strong D: I felt I had some leeway as he's never been not-defective before, so it wasn't like he was just going to go back to being super crazy. That's why loyalty is the best way for him to describe his non negative feelings. He needs to act conditioned, but not dumb, but still feel like Zim… it was tough basically. I like the idea that when he's sleeping his pak goes onto standby like a computer, and maybe that means when he's asleep the inhibitor is also on standby, so he gets crazy emotional dreams that confuse the fuck out of him when he wakes up. Ha._

 _I hope this didn't turn out too rambly, it did start to feel like I was to-ing and fro-ing between them a lot, but then I suppose that's a fairly realistic representation of when you fall out with someone. :P Anyway thanks for reading! x_


	11. Chapter 10

_A/N: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update T_T I promise I haven't given up on this story. I've been unusually sociable of late and just didn't get any hermit time to do my writing in. I was also admittedly a bit stuck on this chapter. I had a real bit of writers block getting it going as I prefer writing the domestic stuff rather the action parts, so I really hope this doesn't suck too bad x_x_

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

Dib's heart pounded as he lay frozen under the bed. He heard the footsteps gradually fade to nothing, but still he couldn't move. He felt his head swim nauseatingly, his mind whirling in panic. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? He couldn't go up against the Irken armada single handed!

He was so tense that the sound of his own choked out sob startled him, causing him to jump and hit his head on the underneath of the bed. It brought him to his senses. Trembling furiously he pulled himself out from under the platform, falling dizzily onto the bed as he tried to stand. For a moment the room continued to spin sickeningly and he screwed his eyes tight shut, desperately trying not to throw up.

"Calm the fuck down Dib." He whispered to himself taking several deep, cleansing breaths until the dizziness subsided. "Calm down. Zim needs you." That did the trick, and suddenly he was full of adrenaline again but this time it was the kind that powered him into action.

Dib leapt to his feet and rushed over to the console at the side of the room, hands typing frantically and his eyes scanning the various screens for information. There were no other life forms registering within the base so they must have left _._ They had most likely used one of the teleporters to arrive, so he quickly did a scan for which one had been most recently used and sure enough he was right. He swiftly identified the teleport tube they had used and began decoding the data to find out where they had teleported to and from. Another screen popped up with the co-ordinates - there was a large ship positioned not too far from Earth. It was surrounded by lots of smaller ships which Dib presumed meant that it was the Massive supported by the whole armada. His stomach roiled. He knew he had to get aboard, there was nothing he could do from here. He was so screwed.

Dib took a moment to think. He could use Tak's ship to get there. It was fully functional now and he knew how to fly it, but he hadn't had that much practise. He didn't like the thought of flying into space in something he wasn't 100% sure about, never mind into a fleet of alien warships armed to the teeth. They'd shoot him down before he got within miles of them for sure.

So he'd have to take the teleport. He looked again at the Massive's location, and was shocked to find it had already moved a little. How long would it be before they went out of range? His pulse quickened. He didn't have time to think about this anymore, if he didn't go now he wouldn't have a hope in hell of ever reaching Zim. He bolted to the door, running as fast as his shaking legs would carry him down the corridor and towards the teleportation room.

This was a nightmare. Was he really doing this? His heart thumped painfully hard in his chest. He tried to reassure himself as he ran that at least if the armada was leaving then that might mean the Earth was safe. It was one less thing to worry about, but it was hard to find comfort from it right now. Since when was Zim more important to him than the Earth? He shook his head of that disturbing thought.

Dib paused against the doorframe as he reached the teleportation room, panting for breath. Was he going to go into this unarmed? He panicked and looked around the room for something he could use as a weapon. Whether he'd be brave enough to use it, he wasn't so sure. However Zim didn't just leave super weapons lying around (almost surprisingly) and he growled in frustration. He didn't have time for this but he couldn't go totally empty handed. He grabbed a large metal tool lying nearby, feeling marginally comforted by its heavy weight in his hands. At least he could knock someone out with this.

He quickly moved to the control panel to check the co-ordinates and powered up the teleporter. Dib stood before the opening, hesitating before stepping inside. How was he going to get back? _They,_ he corrected himself. How were _they_ going to get back. He shook his head at his own stupidity. He was worried about this one small detail? Barging into a place like the Massive, the flagship of the Irken military, conquerors of a vast part of the galaxy, with no plan and no real weapon. He was insane. What would await him? Hordes of guards? He could only pray not. This was his only choice - it was that or let Zim go.

It was then that he noticed the droplets of blood around the teleporter. Zim's blood. He frowned resolutely, clutching tighter at the cool metal of the tool in his hands, and stepped inside.

* * *

Zim blinked his eyes blearily. Pain sparked in the back of his head fiercely, and for a moment the pain was so intense he thought he'd gone blind. Slowly but surely light began to filter into his vision, blurry shapes swimming about in front of him. Bit by bit he became aware of various sensations returning to him. Cold hard metal against his cheek – no, his whole body. Sideways. He was lying down. Tightness around his wrists. Painfully tight. His arms ached. The taste of blood in his mouth. Cool air. Murmuring voices. Colours… red, and purple.

Zim could hear his pak whirring angrily, working harder than normal in an attempt to bring him to his senses. He could cope with the pain better as his pak gained control filtering the worst of it out, but his lack of coherence was what was really disconcerting. What had happened? Where was he? His mind groped for his most recent memories.

He tried to sit up and found it difficult – of course, his wrists were bound behind his back. He then discovered his pak too had been restricted as he instinctively made to use his spider legs to help him get up, and nothing happened. He managed instead to roll onto his knees and took a moment to let his insides settle at his sudden uprightness.

"Ew look, it's waking up." Zim heard a voice sound from nearby and looked up in uncertainty. That voice sounded familiar. His squeedily-spooch jolted as his eyes finally focused on the figures before him, and realisation slammed into him.

"M-my Tallests…" Zim uttered fearfully as he looked up into their smirking faces. "Why… what's the meaning of this?" He asked, trying not to sound as pitiful as he felt kneeling before them beaten and cuffed. Red snorted.

"What were you expecting? Honestly Zim, if you really aren't defective any more then you should have known we'd never accept you back." He scoffed.

"But…" Zim began feebly.

"But what? Did you really think we were going to forget everything you've put us through?" Purple exclaimed loudly, shuddering at the memories. "He can't be telling the truth, I refuse to accept it." He sulked, folding his arms.

"Zim is fixed!" Zim called out desperately. "I am fully functional now, and… and tall," Zim tried to stand, wanting to show them his newfound height. He had barely got off the floor before he felt something slam into his back, throwing him back to the ground. He coughed, winded. Glancing over his shoulder he spied a guard looming over him. He knew that he would be just taller than this Irken if he could stand, that was the worst part. He felt sure this Irken knew it too, he looked distinctly uncomfortable to have struck someone above his height.

"You can't just stop being a defective Zim." Red sneered.

Zim spat blood as he struggled back into a sitting position. "I told you… I didn't just stop. I fixed it." He said between coughs, wincing as the motion jerked his now tender back.

"How could you possibly have fixed such an intricate piece of technology with your level of malfunction?" Zim cringed as Red hit the nail on the head, looking down in shame. He couldn't possibly tell them that the Dib had fixed it. "Mmm? See, you haven't got an answer have you?" Red smirked as Zim remained silent.

"So… he is still defective?" Purple asked nervously.

"It hardly matters. It's _Zim_." Red said waving a dismissive hand in Zim's direction. They chuckled together.

"What are you going to do with me?" Zim asked in a tiny voice, not able to look them in the eye.

"Mmm. The usual probably. A bit of punishment, maybe some torture. Then a standard execution." Red spoke as if he were reciting his plans for a boring day.

Zim flinched. The Dib… he'd been right all along. Shouldn't he have been smarter than this? If the human had seen that he was walking straight into a trap then why hadn't he? He already knew of course, it was because of his damned sense of loyalty. For the first time in his life he saw his devotion for his Tallests for what it really was. There was no mutual respect, it was just servitude. And now his unwavering trust had been betrayed, just as it had been by the Dib. Even with his inhibitor on there was no escaping the misery.

Dib. He couldn't believe after everything that had happened, even after how badly Zim had treated him the boy had still tried to warn him about the Tallests. He had thought they would accept him now that he was functional, but the truth was they just didn't care at all. The Dib cared. At least Zim was fairly sure he did, but he clearly wasn't so good at interpreting these things.

He felt a strange shift then. All this time he'd spent around the Dib he'd been fighting to win back his Tallests, but now that he was here he felt the need to get back to the Dib. That mysterious loyalty. Maybe he'd do better just to ignore it, look where it had gotten him this time. Zim hung his head. Why was he even thinking like he had a choice? This was the end for him. None of it mattered now, he'd never see the boy again. He'd never felt more thankful for his emotional inhibitor as he did in that moment. He was sure the grief would have killed him otherwise.

He wondered absent-mindedly whether the Dib would be safe now. It didn't seem like the Tallest were interested in the Earth at all, but he never could tell. His was base was probably the safest place the boy could be, unless of course the guards had discovered him there after knocking Zim out. He took a shaky breath – he had to know.

"What about Earth?"

" _What_ about it?" Purple asked impatiently.

"Will you still destroy it? I set my device to begin the process."

"Too much effort." Purple shrugged. "That planets not even worth blowing up. I can't believe you lived there so long." Purple pulled a disgusted face.

"Your machine has been deactivated and teleported aboard the Massive. It's our property now." Red said smugly. Zim frowned in irritation. It was the best thing he had ever made _and_ he'd made it for them. He seethed at the unfairness of it and his own stupidity, but he supposed it was the least of his worries right now.

Zim was forgotten momentarily as the Tallests talked over which poor unsuspecting planet to test the device on, bickering over which one had annoyed them more. He hoped that the Dib had stayed hidden from the guards. He couldn't ask directly because that would probably put the boy in more danger, but they hadn't mentioned him so that must be a good sign. Zim wondered how far away from Earth they already were, glancing about to see if there was a window in the room. He saw nothing but cold metal walls.

"Oh… it's still here. What shall we do with it?" Purple abruptly noticed Zim, his attention drawn back by the smaller Irkens movement.

"Oh yeah. Mmm." Red moved over towards Zim, towering over him. Zim flinched nervously, gulping as he stared up at the enormous Irken. Suddenly Red glowered fiercely. "Who said you could look at me you pathetic smeet?" He brought his arm down, backhanding Zim hard across the face. Not having his hands free to catch himself Zim fell heavily to the floor, the uninjured side of his face smashing into the cold metal. His vision swam drunkenly and he felt his stomach heave. Red couldn't contain a smirk from spreading across his face, and Purple giggled nastily behind him.

"I think I've had enough of looking at him for now. That was just a taster, you can think on what's to come from a prison cell." Red said as he nodded to the guards, turning away and not even bothering to look back as the guards dragged Zim out of the room.

* * *

Dib cracked his eyes open as the blinding light of the teleporter faded. His heart was in his mouth as he peeked out of the tube, half expecting to be shot dead before he could even blink. He exhaled heavily as he saw the room was empty, barely able to believe his luck. He stepped out on shaky legs, gazing around the enormous chamber he found himself in.

There were far more teleporter tubes than there had been at Zim's base, and there was a huge console opposite adorned with screens. Dib crept over to it, thankful when he found he recognised the controls. They seemed more advanced than the ones at Zim's base but the basics were the same. He was about to try his luck when the sound of laughter suddenly reached his ears. He panicked, his heart racing as he looked about wildly, but he soon realised the sound was coming from another room.

Cautiously he followed the echoing noise a short way down a corridor, creeping close against the walls. The metal tool was clutched in his hands so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He located the room that the amused sounds were coming from and slowly peered around the corner. It was a much smaller room than the previous one, mostly consisting of a vast array of screens. Two Irkens sat at the console and a third stood behind them, all of them viewing one monitor in particular.

He couldn't see what they were watching from his position so Dib slipped silently into the room behind them, ducking hastily behind some machinery before he could be noticed. He peeked out from the other side and found the screen was no longer obscured from his view. His stomach lurched as he realised what they were watching.

" _I am fully functional now, and… and tall,"_ Zim's voice reached his ears, and Dib watched in horror as he saw his beloved Irken struck forcibly to the ground once again. He shuddered as he saw Zim plead to them, spitting blood from his mouth. The Irkens laughed again, obscuring Dib's hearing. He scowled at them in frustration, hating them intensely.

" _-hardly matters. It's Zim."_ He caught one of the leaders saying contemptuously, and Dib's stomach churned in disgust and hatred. Zim was so precious to him, it tore Dib apart to see the Tallest treating him as though he were nothing more than litter cluttering their floor.

" _What are you going to do with me?"_ Zim's voice was barely audible, and Dib waited with bated breath for the response.

" _Mmm. The usual probably. A bit of punishment, maybe some torture. Then a standard execution."_ Dib's heart nearly stopped at hearing these words, even though he'd known the answer was more than likely. He saw Zim recoil and his heart broke. He must feel so utterly alone right now, if only he knew Dib was coming for him. The Irkens in the room began to woop and cheer at the Tallest's response, before chattering excitably about what they thought might happen to Zim.

"Ooo maybe they'll feed him to a Slarpax?" One gabbled excitedly.

"No way that's too kind! I bet they'll drop him in Taplarian acid and dissolve his insides." Another chuckled spitefully.

Dib clenched his utensil tightly, biting down on his lip and scrunching his eyes closed as he tried to block out their voices. It was making him so mad he thought he might jump out and murder them all with his bare hands, but somehow he managed to restrain himself. If he got caught he couldn't rescue Zim. He took a deep breath and turned back to the screens, trying to focus himself.

He heard the Tallest admit that they were leaving the Earth alone, but Dib found he didn't get any relief from this news. He'd already guessed as much anyway and right now he didn't even know if he'd ever see Earth again. He'd left it all behind to come after Zim.

For a short time the Tallests seemed to forget that Zim was even there, kneeling silently on the floor with his hands bound behind his back. Dib could make out blood stains where he'd be struck, and some still trickled from the alien's mouth. He suddenly had a sickening thought – what if they killed Zim right now? What if he never even got a chance to get to him? His pulse quickened as he saw the red Irken move right up to him, and for a moment he felt sure that it was all about to end. The Tallest struck Zim hard, another blow to his poor face which sent him flying at the floor so fast Dib saw his head ricochet off the ground. Even with his inhibitor on Dib could tell how much it hurt as Zim swayed and his body convulsed. Dib couldn't believe he managed to stay conscious at all, though he didn't seem entirely with it.

" _I think I've had enough of looking at him for now. That was just a taster, you can think on what's to come from a prison cell."_ Dib breathed a sigh of relief as the Tallests finally dismissed Zim. This had to be his chance, he just needed to locate the cells. His eyes tracked Zim's progress carefully across the screens as he was hauled down various corridors, until at last he was taken into what must be the prison.

The Irkens in the room soon lost interest after the spectacle was over, and one by one they returned to whatever they had been doing. After what felt like a painfully long time Dib finally found himself alone in the small room. He nervously crept out from his hiding place and over to the monitors, quickly bringing up a schematic of the ship and using it to work out how far from Zim he was. Thankfully it didn't look too complicated a route, though he could hardly bear the thought of how he was going to manage it without being seen.

His eyes lingered on the image of Zim lying in his cell. He wasn't moving, he could already be dead for all he knew. Dib shook the thought from his head and hurried from the room. He found his childhood coming back to him as he slunk stealthily down the halls. Years of sneaking into Zim's base had equipped him surprisingly well for this task. Well, it was good to know his childhood hadn't been a total waste.

He didn't encounter many other Irkens until he came to the entrance of the prison cells. His stomach flipped when he saw the guards. How was he supposed to get in there? He could slip past one or two – they didn't seem too interested in what they were doing, in fact they looked downright bored. Dib speculated that trouble was probably quite rare, after all who would be stupid enough to try and break in to the Massive? Perhaps that was how he had managed to get so far relatively easily. Their technology probably did most of the hard work anyway. If the cells were anything like Zim's they would be impossible to break out of.

He'd have to create some kind of diversion. Dib glanced about quickly and located a control panel on the wall. He'd seen similar things in Zim's lab, but realistically he had no idea what was going to happen when he messed with it. Oh well. He took a deep breath and prised the covering open, revealing a mass of colourful wires and buttons. Cringing he grabbed a fistful and pulled, just praying he didn't get electrocuted. He felt a rush of adrenaline as lights went out further down the corridor in the direction away from him, and several alarms began to sound.

Dib couldn't believe his luck as all but one of the guards went rushing off and out of sight. He was sure his fortune was going to run out soon. The remaining guard stood a little apart from the entrance, staring in the direction his colleagues had run. Dib didn't waste a second and swiftly darted behind the Irken's turned back and into the prison.

He couldn't believe the size of the place. There were rows upon rows of tube-like cells in varying sizes, all quite reminiscent of the one Zim had locked him in. He shivered in revulsion as he thought of that maddening confinement, but swallowed back the queasiness rising up his throat. This was no time to chicken out, he was so close now. There was hundreds of cells if not thousands, all filled with wretched looking creatures in every shape and size imaginable. If he had been there in different circumstances Dib would have been thrilled to see them all, but now he just fretted that a single one could raise the alarm. Thankfully they all seemed much too disinterested, or possibly too ill or wounded to even notice him walk by. A couple gave him brief curious stares, their eyes focusing on him for a moment before zoning back out despondently. Many he felt sure were dead.

Dib gulped, feeling his body tremble at the scale of it. He had only ever heard Zim talk of the Irken's galactic conquest, but getting a taste of it up close was a different matter entirely. Of course with half the galaxy invaded they were bound to have this many prisoners. He didn't have time for this though, finding Zim here would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. He looked around for the nearest control panel and sure enough it wasn't long until he came across one. He managed to pull up a list of the prisoners and found Zim's entry right at the bottom, the newest inmate. He made a mental note of Zim's cell number and began navigating the aisles.

Dib's heart pounded anxiously as he found the right aisle, and at long last he could make out Zim's slight figure slumped against the glass wall of his cell. It was strange to be on the other side looking in after what Zim had done to him but he felt no satisfaction, only sick to his stomach as he saw the sorry state his alien was in. Dib knelt down next to the tube and tapped softly on the glass.

"Zim! Hey Zim, can you hear me?" Dib whispered urgently, trying to be as quiet as possible. Slowly the Irken's eyes cracked open, one of his eyes puffy and swollen. They soon widened as Zim realised who it was.

"Dib? But… what? How?" Zim struggled to crawl over to where Dib knelt, his legs and arms trembling.

"How do I get you out of this thing?" Dib ignored his questions, desperate to be out of this place.

"Y-you can't! How did you get in here? It's not possible!"

"Give me some credit." Dib gave a small smile despite the situation. "It doesn't matter how, I'm here to get you out."

"You shouldn't have come, you'll never get back!" Zim's voice was panic stricken.

"I got in didn't I?" Zim simply shook his head in despair.

"They're going to kill you Dib."

"And you, that's why I had to come. I couldn't just let them take you could I?"

"Of course you could. You could have been safe, they're not touching the Earth. You've thrown your life away… for what?"

"I know you can't understand it right now Zim, but you are my life. And as long as I'm able I'll give everything to try and save you. If I lose my life trying to save you then so be it, at least I tried. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't." Dib spoke passionately, but Zim just stared back at him in bewilderment.

"You fool." Zim muttered through clenched teeth. He felt so frustrated at the human for doing this, there was no way they'd get out of this alive. After everything he'd done to Dib, here he was risking his neck to save him. It was unfathomable. It just wasn't a concept an Irken could grasp, to risk so much for what he deemed to be so little. Zim wasn't important, what on Irk did Dib see in him?

He was secretly quite impressed by Dib's strength of character. It had taken a lot of skill and intellect for the boy to get this far, and no small amount of bravery. Or perhaps that was stupidity.

Dib faltered as Zim's eyes dropped and his antennae wilted. He put his hand against the glass, desperately wishing he could reach out and touch Zim.

"Zim, you have to tell me how I open this thing." Dib said sternly. Zim met his eyes doubtfully, but sighed in defeat. They were both dead now anyway, it had to be worth a shot. Zim opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. His eyes went wide and Dib swore he saw his skin turn a paler shade of green.

"Run…" Zim barely managed to choke out, but it was already too late. Dib turned to see three Irken guards standing behind him, all pointing menacing bladed spears at him and advancing cautiously. His blood turned to ice in his veins.

"Halt alien! Don't move!" One of the guards ordered him.

Dib glanced frantically around for an escape but it was useless. He was totally backed into a corner and the Irkens were only getting closer. The metal tool in his hand felt ridiculous as the blades glinted horribly sharp at the end of their staffs. He looked back over his shoulder and met Zim's eyes one more time. He'd failed him, this was it.

"I'm sorry Zim." He said despairingly. Instinct made him attempt to dart past the advancing guards but he didn't stand a chance. The nearest easily reached out and knocked him to the ground with the blunt edge of his weapon, and the others instantly rushed in to cuff Dib's hands together behind his back.

Zim gritted his teeth in frustration, unable to do a thing as the human struggled fruitlessly against his captors. He'd already come to terms with never seeing the boy again, but that was when he'd thought Dib was alive and safe. Who knew what they would do with him now? Zim slumped miserably to the floor of his cell as the guards dragged the boy out of sight, unable to do more than wait.

* * *

Zim wasn't sure how long he lay there waiting for something to happen. It felt like a lifetime but it could have been only a few hours. At long last he heard footsteps break the awful silence. He tensed as they approached, waiting to find out if they would continue past him. He wasn't sure if he wanted them to be coming for him or not, but somehow he knew they were.

One of the guards tapped a device on his wrist and energy suddenly jolted through Zim's body, knocking him senseless. When he came to he realised he was being hauled along by the guards, his arms cuffed once more behind his back. His legs dragged painfully along the ground but he didn't feel like he had the strength to try and pick himself up. That shock had knocked him sick, which he guessed was the point.

Finally they reached their destination, and Zim found himself in one of the main decks near the front of the ship. Once again he was thrown down at his Tallest's feet, and he cringed as he glanced up at them. What did they want this time? They both lounged before him in floating recliners, munching casually on a plethora of snacks. A look of amusement spread across their faces as Zim was plonked before them, which didn't exactly fill him with confidence.

"Is this yours?" Purple smiled smugly as he pointed across the room. Baffled Zim followed their gaze to his left. He felt acid rise in his throat when his eyes landed on what they had gestured at.

Dib lay sprawled on the floor, his skin stained blues and purples and his torn clothes covered in blood. Zim wasn't completely certain the boy was still conscious as his eyes were shut, but he could see his laboured breathing from where he knelt across the room. What the hell had they done to him?

The Tallests of course had noted Zim's shock with glee, but still awaited his answer.

"Well?" Purple prompted him.

"I don't understand what you mean my Tallest." Zim replied, his voice cracking from the shock and betraying him.

"This thing followed you from Earth. You had it in your base. Why?" Purple asked sternly, patience tested by Zim's blatant denial.

"It's not _mine_. I don't know where it came from." Zim remained stubborn. He couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed by Dib's actions. He had worried about his Tallests finding out about the Dib all along, they'd never understand. He barely understood himself. Purple looked enraged as Zim continued to lie, but Red just laughed wickedly.

"Oh come _on_ Zim. Give it up." Red snapped his fingers and the guards began to lay into Dib once again, kicking and striking him with their staffs. Zim turned away from the sight, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor and trying not to hear the pained sounds Dib was making. What did the Tallests want from him?

Red ignored the gruesome scene occurring before him with ease, instead watching Zim intently for any signs of a reaction. Seeing that he wasn't going to get one he snapped his fingers once more, and the guards backed away from Dib. Zim heard him splutter and gasp, but still kept his gaze fixed on the ground.

"You could have saved him from all that you know. We already know you have an… _association_." Red said the last word with distaste. At this Zim's head finally snapped up and Red smiled at finally having gained his attention.

"We don't-" Zim began but Red cut him off.

"Enough." Red silenced him sharply, no longer finding amusement from Zim's stubborn denial. He spun his chair around to face the large screen on the wall behind them. "As well you know all Irken invader bases are fitted with surveillance cameras that we have access to." Red pressed a button and footage of Zim's 'bedroom' came up on screen.

Zim shuddered in humiliation as he saw himself lying in bed with the Dib human cuddled up to his side, clutching at his arm. He knew he shouldn't have done that. Why? Why had he? He mentally kicked himself but the video kept playing, drawing his attention back. The Dib had awoken in the video while he still slept and was now clasping Zim's hand into his. Zim cringed – he hadn't even known the Dib had done that. How dare he touch him whilst he was unconscious? After allowing the boy to sleep in his own bed instead of a cell! Suddenly Dib's voice came through the screen, quiet but clear.

" _Zim… I wish you knew how much I love you."_ The words meant little to Zim, but it was what happened next that truly shocked him. The human leaned over and pressed his lips to Zims, just like he had tried to do when he had trapped Zim in those damned cables. Zim felt the anger and shame bubble up horridly inside him, but just when he thought it couldn't get worse it did. Somehow in his unconscious state Zim saw himself begin to kiss the boy back, their lips and tongues sliding wetly over each other's. It was like having an out of body experience, and for a moment Zim felt the room spin. His Tallests could _not_ be seeing this, he'd never felt so mortified in all his life. This just couldn't be happening to him.

"That's enough of that." Red said with disgust, turning the screen off. Purple looked down at his snacks queasily, setting them aside. "As you know Zim any kind of relationship with species outside of the Irken race is strictly forbidden, and as for physical contact… well." He chuckled, looking down at Zim darkly. "That's treason." Zim tried desperately to calm his boiling blood, focusing hard to make his voice stay level.

"I can assure you my Tallest, I had no idea about this. As you can see I was sleeping… the human took advantage of me." Zim struggled, knowing how feeble it sounded.

"Oh puh-lease. Is that the best you can do Zim? Why was that thing even in your base in the first place, never mind in your bed! Your security defences should have annihilated it before it got within a mile of your labs."

"I…" Zim had no idea what to say. Why hadn't he just killed the Dib when he had the chance? He still didn't really know himself so how could he explain it to his Tallests?

"Honestly Zim I know you must have been lonely and desperate, but I wouldn't have put even you down to this. You're crazier than we thought. Developing feelings for an _alien_ …" Red shuddered in revulsion.

"I haven't! I feel nothing for him!" Zim cried out desperately, but he already knew he'd slipped up by saying 'him' instead of 'it'. Red grinned smugly.

"Fine, we'll just have him shot then." Red held up his fingers to snap them.

"NO!" Zim yelled out before he could stop himself. He cringed his eyes shut, furious at himself.

"Pfff, knew it." Red said reclining in his seat.

"Ughh… it's just so… ugggh!" Purple shuddered, clasping his claws to his mouth. "To think that you let it touch you… and you liked it!" Red burst out laughing at this.

"I guess we really did do a number on him abandoning him on that grimy planet for so long. Long enough to make those things start to look attractive to him!" Red teased nastily, and Purple joined him laughing. "That's only one bit of footage too, can you imagine what else they might have got up to?"

"Ugggh don't! I'm trying not to be sick here!" Purple exclaimed as Red held his sides from laughing so hard.

Zim seethed as his leaders mocked him cruelly. He felt so betrayed. Betrayed by his leaders. Betrayed _again_ by the Dib. It was more than he could stand. Legs trembling he got awkwardly to his feet, forcing them to work.

"I'll shoot him myself." Zim hissed bitterly, his voice low.

"What?" Red turned back to him, barely able to hear Zim's small voice over his own laughing. He looked Zim up and down curiously as he stood shakily before them.

"I said I'll do it myself. I'll kill him." Zim's voice trembled with rage.

"Fine, prove it." Red snorted, nodding to the guard. The Irken moved over to Zim and undid his cuffs, hesitantly handing him a laser.

"Are you crazy?" Purple turned to Red looking very concerned, but Red seemed unfazed.

"Stop fussing we're totally safe." He batted the flapping Purple away. "I want to see him do it." Red leaned in curiously.

Zim took the weapon confidently and marched over to where the Dib knelt, determined to be able to do it this time. The boy had managed to pick himself up a little, and knelt hunkered over in a puddle of his own blood. Dib looked up pleadingly as Zim approached him, towering over the pathetic form.

Zim could feel Dib's eyes desperately searching his own for some kind of emotion or recognition, but he held a scowl firmly on his face. He felt no sympathy as he gazed down at the wretched face covered with blood, his glasses cracked. His anger for the human had been relit, and it burned in his gut furiously.

He could do this. He had to. He wanted to. Zim lifted the gun and held it point blank at Dib's face. He watched as Dib closed his eyes in resignation, and waited for the inevitable. His claw hovered over the trigger.

"Tell you what Zim." Red began as he saw Zim hesitate, "If you do this we'll pardon you for your treason. All you have to do is shoot it." Purple opened his mouth to protest but Red shushed him, muttering something quietly to him and they both sniggered.

Zim went rigid when he heard Red's offer, his claws trembling around the gun. Why couldn't he do this? Why couldn't he hate the Dib enough? How could he feel this loyalty towards him even now, even after this fresh betrayal? He took a deep breath and tried to reason with himself. His anger clearly wasn't strong enough to make him do it, so he had to try it from a different perspective. Wouldn't it be kinder to just shoot the boy now? They'd never get away, and even though they'd already hurt him so much he knew they'd only just scratched the surface of the kind of torture they were capable of. His finger twitched over the trigger.

But then Dib opened his eyes once more, those shining golden irises staring into his. His gaze was gentle, forgiving even, and Zim felt like Dib was saying it was okay to do this. That should have been enough, but it was that exact look that had Zim knowing that he couldn't do it. Zim lowered his arm, dropping the gun to the floor forgotten. His eyes dropped away from Dib's and he stared at the floor emotionlessly.

"You see, I told you so. That'll be 5 000 monies!" Red snickered and Purple sulked. "Oh we are gonna have so much fun with this."

Dib looked up longingly at Zim - he was so close but so far. He reached a hand tentatively towards him but was too slow. The guards snatched Zim away roughly, throwing him down and replacing the cuffs on his wrists. Red got to his feet, a serious expression adorning his face now.

"Irken Zim you have been found guilty of consorting with an alien, with undeniable proof. As an act of treason consider yourself imprisoned and awaiting execution." Red said. "Take them both away."

Dib winced as he was grabbed under the arms and pulled forcefully to his feet by the Irken guards. He wobbled unsteadily, pain lancing through his many injuries. One Irken prodded him roughly in the back with his weapon to urge him forwards and he stumbled on dizzily. It was all he could manage to focus on Zim's back as they were marched back down to the cells.

It felt like it took an eternity to reach the prison once more. He never thought he would be happy to be thrown into one of those damn tubes, but he was just relieved to be able to sit down and be still. He didn't want to try and assess his injuries, he was sure it wouldn't make him feel any better.

Dib propped himself up against the glass as best he could, wincing at the pain it caused. He looked over into the tube next to him where Zim sat, hugging his legs into his chest with his head rested atop his knees, staring dead ahead in silence. Dib had never hated glass so much. He couldn't bear that it was the only thing between him and Zim when all he wanted was to wrap his arms around the Irken. Words weren't going to go down too well he knew, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Thank you for not shooting me." Dib spoke softly.

"You will wish I had." Zim snorted, not turning to meet Dib's gaze.

"We're both still alive for now, that means we still have a chance."

"Don't be stupid. Look at us, we have no chance." Zim snapped bitterly.

Dib didn't really have a comeback for that, they were in pretty bad shape. Silence hung in the air thickly.

"Why did you do it?" Zim asked suddenly, and catching Dib off guard.

"What?" He asked confused.

"If they hadn't seen that…" Zim drifted off, and Dib knew he meant the kiss. He'd been questioned by the Tallests himself before Zim was brought in, and tricked in the same way. He hadn't known they had seen the footage – how could he have? He'd never regretted anything more. He knew that one selfish kiss had given the Tallests the perfect excuse to have Zim executed, and it killed him.

After the interrogation his memories had grown a little foggy, a blur of pain. He'd had his fair share of beatings in the past so he could take a hit, but this was something else entirely. These Irkens were stronger than those dumb kids by far, and not afraid to use their full strength in every blow. They were utterly merciless. He knew the Tallests had only done it to see Zim's response, and that just made him feel even more guilty. Dib was just a tool now that they were using to hurt him and he couldn't stand it. Why did he always manage to make everything worse?

"I don't know." Dib admitted ruefully, unable to find words to justify his actions. "I'm sorry, I just… wanted to. You seemed to be enjoying it."

"I was unconscious," Zim growled at him, shooting the boy a death glare.

"I know I shouldn't have. But you were different when you were asleep. It was like before you turned your inhibitor back on."

"Do you realise how stupid you sound?" Zim began, but Dib was losing his patience.

"Just stop okay! You just don't get it! You need to turn that damned thing off I'm sick of it! I know that you feel something for me, you just won't let yourself!"

"What would be the point now?" Zim gestured at the cells.

"If this really is our last little bit of time to live, then all the more reason. Make the most of what's left."

"If I already feel this miserable and angry at you now how is it going to make me feel any better with the inhibitor switched off? It'll just be ten times worse! That's why I switched it back on in the first place!"

"You're always so mad at me. Shouldn't you be mad at your Tallests? They betrayed you worse than I did, and they're going to kill you!" Dib turned his back on Zim, angry tears filling his eyes. Could they never have a conversation without it turning into an argument? He heard Zim sigh heavily.

"There's no point in me being loyal to anyone is there, all I ever get is betrayal. I can see that now. Both you and the Tallests, you've left me in ruins." Dib's stomach turned at Zim's brutal words.

"Don't compare me to them… it's totally different." He replied in a small voice, filled with shame at all the mistakes he'd made.

"How is it?"

"Well for starters, I'm really sorry for hurting you. I'm sure as hell that your Tallests don't give a crap." Dib cringed at his own wording, he could sense Zim flinch at that. "The difference is that you are loyal to your Tallest, but they're not loyal to you. I am, I'd do anything for you. I came here didn't I?"

Zim pondered that for a moment – the boy was surprisingly right, he couldn't argue with that logic. He may have made mistakes but he was still trying. He was only a dumb human after all, it had to be expected that he was a bit useless. The magnitude of his decision to try and rescue Zim still overwhelmed him a little. He couldn't have been so stupid that he didn't know there was a good chance he would die trying, and yet he came anyway. It was still something he couldn't comprehend. The Tallest had given up on their pretence altogether. What had they _ever_ done for him?

"I was." Zim said simply, and Dib looked around, confused.

"You were what?"

"I _was_ loyal to them." Zim didn't look up from his knees as he spoke the truth he had only just himself realised. It was strange to speak such treasonous words aloud, and he felt a little giddy at the rebelliousness of it. Not that it made any difference now.

"Woa... really? I wasn't sure that was even possible."

"I'd have to be pretty stupid to still be loyal to them wouldn't I? I'm not defective any more remember?" Zim replied tersely. Dib thought for a moment, a question he almost wasn't brave enough to ask lingering on his lips.

"Do you still feel loyal to me then? After I betrayed you?" Dib waited tensely as the silence stretched out, fearing the worst.

"Yes." Zim eventually answered. It was the truth whether he tried to deny it or not, whether it made sense or not. He still did.

"I'm glad." Dib sighed in relief. "It isn't all bad you know. _Loyalty,_ " Dib wanted to say 'love', but he knew Zim wouldn't grasp this concept. "It can be the best thing in the world, when it's with the right person." Zim remained silent. His anger still seethed just beneath the surface, but he hadn't the energy nor the will to argue any longer.

"Is there anything I could ever say that would convince you turn your inhibitor off?" Dib asked futilely.

"….no." Zim turned away from Dib now, making it clear he'd had enough. He was so mad at the boy that he wanted to hate him, and it frustrated him that he couldn't. He just wanted to be alone.

Dib sighed in defeat. It was a strange feeling, knowing that they would both soon be dead. A human would want to make the most of his last moments, but Dib could tell that Zim just wanted it all to be over. He was resigned to his fate, and there would be no getting through to him. Dib shifted himself trying to get comfortable, and eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

 _A/N: Well I hope that wasn't as bad as it feels it was. I figured security would be relatively lax on the Massive, as no one would usually be stupid enough to attempt to break in, that and Irkens being so cocky. So that's how Dib got as far as he did without being detected, I know it's a little farfetched but at least he's had a lot of practise._

 _I will do my utmost to not let the next update take so long, I do have ideas about where this is going but it is less well planned than the previous bit of the story was, so I do need to take some time to think it through._

Also random bonus, I just thought I would share this – I heard this song the other day, 'White Tiger' by Our Last Night, and it made me think of ZADR right away and now I can't get it out of my head ._. You should go listen to it! Thanks for reading (and waiting) XD


	12. Chapter 11

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys :3 **Beck** i: thanks for the continued support! I'm sorry I'm being so mean to them XD Damn you for guessing what I was gonna do next! I hope this chapter isn't too predictable haha! **like please** : thanks for the offer but I'm going to respectfully decline, I do a lot of proofing before I submit a chapter and often change a fair bit of stuff. I'm a bit of a perfectionist *cough*controlfreak*cough* so I just couldn't imagine anyone else doing this for me. I'd rather spend the time on it and get it right anyway, after all writing this story has been an enjoyable process and though I do appreciate people are waiting for an update I don't really want to rush through it and sacrifice enjoyment and quality. Please have faith, I **promise** I will finish this story, it is always on my mind :) I know myself how painful it is to have a fanfic you love become abandoned! This chapter only took so long for me to post because I got carried away with writing the next one, so at least that shouldn't be too long coming._

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

The first thing that Dib became aware of was pain. It resonated through his whole body, drawing him out from the blissful ignorance of sleep. Shakily he pushed himself up from the cold metal ground of his cell and into an awkward sitting position, unable to prevent a pained groan escaping his mouth. This made his stay in Zim's cell seem like child's play - he doubted he was going to get any food or medical treatment in this place.

Dib wondered whether the Tallests would kill him after they'd finished using him to hurt Zim. He supposed they would, what other use would they have for him? He didn't think he'd like to find out. The thought of being aboard this ship without even Zim for company terrified him. This was of course if they didn't kill him in the process of tormenting Zim. Part of him selfishly hoped this would happen, at least that way he wouldn't have to witness Zim's execution. But he knew the guilt would have him hanging on for dear life as long as he could muster the strength, the thought of leaving Zim alone here was just as bad.

He looked across into the cell next to him. Zim sat neatly poised with his back rested against the glass and his eyes shut, but Dib couldn't tell if he was awake. His face was bruised and spattered with his own blood – he wasn't in much better shape than Dib was himself, except that Dib knew his inhibitor helped him to deal with the pain. What he wouldn't give for one of those right now. He knew it was selfish of him to plead with Zim to turn his inhibitor off but it made him feel so alone, like _his_ Zim wasn't really here, and he was so afraid. Dib felt like such an alien surrounded by all these conditioned, heartless Irkens, and Zim wasn't much solace right now.

Of course Zim had every right to be mad at him. Dib bowed his head in anguish. Had he done the right thing by coming here? Perhaps he had only made Zim's death more agonising and shameful. Why could he never do anything right? All he had ever wanted was just a friend, was that really so much to ask? Dib felt a tear escape his eye and soon the flow was uncontrollable, rolling quicker and quicker down his bloodied cheeks. He sniffled moistly, trying to wipe his face with his sleeve but it was soon soaked through. A choked out sob escaped his throat.

"Don't cry." He heard a voice from nearby. Dib looked up to find Zim's head turned towards him, red eyes staring at him expressionlessly.

"Why not? I think I have plenty of reason." Dib replied sullenly, his voice thick with tears. He felt so immature blubbing like this whilst Zim remained so composed.

"It doesn't help anything." Zim said rationally.

"It makes me feel better."

"Does it really?" Zim pulled a face.

"Doesn't matter. I can't help it anyway. Just leave me alone." Dib grumbled sulkily.

"I don't like to see it." Zim admitted. This made Dib look up in surprise, his expression softened.

"I thought you didn't care?"

"Stop grubbing for attention. You know how I feel." Zim looked away, his voice weary. Dib was quiet for a time as his sobbing eased, feeling calmer than before.

"How long was I out for?"

"I'm not sure. Quite a long time. By human standards… maybe a day, or a bit less." Zim replied.

"Woa…"

"You needed it. Your injuries are substantial." Zim sighed heavily.

"Were you awake this whole time?" Dib asked, but Zim just remained silent. Dib continued after he saw that Zim wasn't going to respond. "Are… are you still mad at me?" Dib felt himself blush at how juvenile he sounded given the circumstances. This whole scenario made him feel like a child - he was nothing but a baby compared to these Irkens, not just in experience and knowledge but in actual years too, and that included Zim.

"I guess not." Zim conceded, though to Dib it seemed more like he had just given up caring rather than forgiven him, and it didn't make him feel much better. He'd seen Zim panic stricken and depressed, but never so defeated. The fight had completely left him and it was heart wrenching. Zim had always been so passionate and full of life before and now he was so broken, and it was all because of him. If only they could get away from this putrid place, Dib would make it up to him. He'd prove that he could stop making these mistakes and look after him.

He gritted his teeth, absent-mindedly reaching his hand towards Zim and placing it against the glass. Zim watched the boy's movements uncertainly, before slowly reaching his claws out and placing them against the glass of his own cell facing Dib's. Dib felt his pulse quicken. It was such a small action but it felt like it meant so much.

Suddenly he saw Zim's eyes go wide and he retracted his claws quickly from the glass. Dib soon understood why as the sound of footsteps reached his ears. He felt bile rise in his throat and shrank back in his cell as the guards stopped before them both. There was only two reasons they would be coming here – either to torture them or to kill them. If he had a choice he wasn't even sure which he would pick right now. He dared to glance over at Zim to find that he had risen to face the guards, and was glaring defiantly at them. Dib felt ashamed at himself for cowering but he could barely even stand for the pain he felt in his body, and the thought that he was about to sustain more was unthinkable.

He felt a sudden jolt like an electric shock ripping through his body, and the next thing he was aware of he was being dumped at the Tallests feet once more. He looked about dizzily to find that Zim was a little to his right kneeling also, looking at him worriedly. Dib wanted more than anything to smile back at him to let him know that he was okay, but he just couldn't muster one. His heart raced sickeningly.

"Now then Zim, and… _human_ ," Red said the word sneeringly, "We've been doing a bit of digging and we've found some quite _interesting_ footage." Zim quailed at his words. Could it really be any worse than what they'd already seen? "It seems you weren't entirely honest with us earlier." Red looked down at him knowingly.

"My Tallest?" Zim asked questioningly, uncertain what Red was referring to. Dib noted that there seemed to be an edge to Zim's voice, something subtle but distinctly less fearful or respectful than previously. He was sure it didn't go unnoticed by his leaders either, and he felt nervous for the consequences. Red merely raised a brow at Zim.

"When you denied your association with this thing. When you told us the human was merely 'taking advantage' of you and that you 'felt nothing' for it." Red air quoted the words mockingly, but Zim said nothing in response. What _could_ he say? "We've seen everything now Zim, so there's no point in denying any of it anymore. We saw you caring for it like it was your very own pet. Taking care of its injuries, feeding it, even sleeping all snuggled up with it." He scoffed.

"There was even another mouth on mouth incident, and you certainly weren't unconscious that time." Purple added, gagging.

"But that wasn't all we found out. We discovered the real root of all this was the fact that this human was actually the one who fixed your pak in the first place." Red revealed and they both began laughing jeeringly, as though it were the best joke in all the universe. Zim remained unfazed throughout, his face blank as he waited for their snickering to cease. Red wiped moisture from his eyes as he finally calmed down and continued.

"As if that joke weren't good enough on its own, it turns out that the human also managed to turn off your emotional inhibitor." At this Zim did flinch, and Dib shot him a worried glance. "Not _only_ that but after quickly realising this you made the decision to _leave_ it off…" Red shook his head, flabbergasted.

"Awww Zim, are you gonna cry? We know how emotional you can be. And that you like being that way." Purple mocked him derisively, giggling. Dib saw Zim's antennae twitch in aggravation, but still he kept his cool.

"I was actually surprised that you turned it back on in the end. What's the matter, did the nasty human hurt you?" Red joined in on the taunting, and Purple laughed appreciatively at his ridicule. Dib blushed profusely at this, lowering his eyes to the ground. "Any way it did give us a good idea." Red looked down at them both menacingly. He snapped his fingers and a cable came shooting from one of the walls and joined to Zim's pak roughly, jolting him forwards.

"Since you seemed to enjoy those emotions so much, we thought we'd do you a favour and give you them back." Zim's eyes widened with panic, and Dib's heart nearly burst out of his chest.

"No… please! Not that!" Zim's calm pretence was completely erased as he begged for their mercy. Dib couldn't help but feel wounded that Zim was treating it as the worst thing they could possibly do to him. Given the circumstances, perhaps it was.

Regardless it was already too late. Dib saw something change in Zim's eyes then, in his expression… even in the way he held himself. His whole body sagged as the weight of the emotions flowed back into him against his will. He choked out a sob, screwing his eyes tightly shut. The Tallests smirked in satisfaction. The cable slowly retracted from Zim's pak and he sank more into the ground, as though his spine weren't enough to hold up his body any longer. Zim cracked open his eyes then, and Dib flinched as he caught his gaze. He could feel all the heartbreak in that one tiny look, piercing like icy claws into his insides. It simply said, _what have you done to me?_

"Don't think you're so special any way Zim. This is a fairly standard procedure for us. There's no point in inflicting torture on an Irken who can't feel real pain or misery now is there?" Red muttered nonchalantly as Zim trembled on the ground. "So, now the _real_ fun can begin." Red smirked, nodding to someone behind them.

Dib didn't have time to process this before he felt something wrap around his neck and yank him backwards. He landed hard on his back, knocking out what little breath was left in his body and reawakening every injury he already had. He grasped wildly at the cord that choked his throat, his eyes going blurry as he gasped desperately for air.

"Please… you don't have to do this, he's innocent…" Zim pleaded his Tallests futilely, but it only made their smiles grow wider.

"Innocent? He's hardly innocent after touching you in that disgusting way." Red smirked.

Zim cringed as he saw the human's face turn a disturbing shade, before the cord was finally released. Dib rolled over, coughing and gasping for air and clutching at his sore throat. He was totally defenceless in his disorientated state, not even noticing as the guard holding the whip like instrument stepped closer. The Irken lashed it brutally against the boys back, knocking him flat down to the ground and leaving awful gashes across his skin.

Zim couldn't stop himself any longer. His head was whirling with such powerful emotions that he felt like he was no longer even in control of his own body. He rushed forwards with the intention of throwing himself between the whip and Dib's body, but he didn't get that far. Something slammed him hard to the floor and he had to take a moment to come to his senses. Another guard stood over him menacingly, daring him to get back up. Zim had forgotten how much pain really hurt without his inhibitor, it was so totally overwhelming. He could only imagine what the Dib was feeling right now if this was what one simple blow felt like. He looked up and met the boys eyes, and was astounded to see worry in them.

"Don't… Zim," Dib choked out. How could the boy be so brave?

"Now now Zim, look but don't touch." Red lectured him sardonically.

"Please… just punish me. Leave him alone, he doesn't deserve this." Zim begged.

"Don't be silly now why would we do that? This is clearly the best torture we can apply to you."

Zim grimaced as his limbs shook with the urge to fight back, but he knew that if he did the Tallests would only make it worse for the boy. He realised all the anger he had felt for the Dib was long gone. Whatever he'd done to hurt Zim it was nothing compared to what he was going through now. Zim couldn't bear it, but he also couldn't look away for fear that they would kill him while he wasn't looking. Terror and distress raged through his body relentlessly. Were the Tallests planning on killing Dib this time? Whether they wanted to or not Zim wasn't sure how much more the boy's body could even survive.

"Mmm strange." Red muttered distractedly, observing Dib's bright red blood. "Your bodily shape is quite similar to Irken but you seem quite different on the inside. So much red. Perhaps we should open him up and see? Guards, restrain the human." Zim gasped in horror at the suggestion. Were they really going to dissect the boy alive? The worst he knew was knowing that Irkens had the tools to do such things without killing him, but the pain and the stress just might.

Dib cringed as he was rolled onto his raw back, cables gripping his wrists and ankles and pulling his limbs out so he was spread-eagled flat on the floor, his front exposed. He pulled feebly at the restraints, sweat beading on his pallid skin.

"My Tallests…" Zim choked out, barely louder than a whisper. He didn't know what to say or do anymore.

"Don't worry Zim we'll put him back together. We won't let him die, this is much too fun! After all this is only like what you did to him isn't it?" Red smirked and Zim almost retched.

"I didn't… I didn't hurt him on purpose…" Zim uttered through gritted teeth but the Tallests just ignored him, favouring instead to lean in towards their 'experiment' to observe with interest. They beckoned over an Irken scientist who stood close by with a cart of tools. They had clearly come prepared.

"Thank you for this opportunity my Tallests, this will prove most interesting. It's always invaluable to investigate a new species." The scientist said curtly as he readied a menacing looking tool and prepared for his investigations. The Irken leaned over Dib's body, removing what was left of his torn clothes before lowering a sharp blade to the boy's soft skin.

Zim's view was obscured as the Tallests and other Irken scientists crowded around Dib's body, but he couldn't escape the boy's bloodcurdling screams. They ripped darkly throughout the room, burning into Zim's soul. He heard Dib's cry break after a time as his voice wore out, and Zim was surprised to find the silence was more unsettling than his shrieking had been. Had they gone too far? Was it all over? Zim knew he was being selfish now. It would be better if the boy did die, at least then they couldn't use him anymore. His claws raked at the metal ground in frustration.

Zim could hear the Irkens muttering amongst themselves as time wore on. He listened intently as the scientists speculated over the human's different organs and what the equivalents could be in Irken bodies, just hoping for some indication that the boy was still alive.

"Fascinating," Red murmured though Purple seemed somewhat bored, favouring instead to watch Zim's mortification.

"I advise we conclude this session for now sirs. The creature has lost a lot of this red bodily fluid. It would seem they need it to survive just as we do, so if you don't want it to die we should finish up." Red nodded reluctantly to this.

When they all eventually stepped back it revealed Dib lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood, his torso covered with silvery scars where he had been opened up and sealed once more. He panted shallowly, his face wet with tears and sweat and his skin sallow. Zim couldn't tell how coherent he was, his eyes were unfocused and distant.

"I would have to have further sessions with the subject to determine whether his race has any value to us or not scientifically." The scientist said to the Tallests as he packed away.

"Of course, I'm sure that can be arranged." Red took the opportunity to shoot Zim a dark look before sending the scientist away. "Human… _thing_ , get up." He ordered Dib, and Zim's eyes widened. How could he expect the boy to move after that? He saw Dib blink and slowly he turned his head to look toward them, his face uncomprehending. "Do you really want me to have to ask twice? I said, _get up_." Red added dangerously, and he saw the fear flicker in Dib's eyes with satisfaction.

Zim was shocked as Dib slowly rolled over onto his hands and knees, groaning as he did. How did he still have the strength? It took a few attempts to get to his feet but eventually he managed it, swaying unsteadily.

"Well Zim? Don't you want to go to him?" Red teased and Zim looked at his leader in bewilderment. Dib looked quickly to Zim, eyes begging him to obey. Without another thought Zim rushed over, claws grabbing onto Dib's upper arms to steady him. Dib's hands shakily clasped onto Zim's own arms, and Zim could feel the trembling that racked his whole body. The boy's skin was sickly cold and clammy, and an even worse colour up close. Zim looked mournfully over the blood-stained scars on his chest and belly.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered, knowing it didn't do the situation justice but unable to say anything else.

"Bet you want to press lips now huh?" Red jeered, and Purple looked at him in shock.

"Red you're sick! Don't make them do that in front of us!" There was a pause as Dib and Zim looked at each other sorrowfully.

"Do it."

Zim looked away unhappily, avoiding Dib's eyes. He wasn't ready for this. After everything that had happened it just felt too complicated a thing for him to add to the pile. He had decided against this kind behaviour, and had put all his hopes for such emotional engagements with the Dib behind him. He didn't want to have to say goodbye to it a second time.

Conversely he felt the Dib lean in eagerly. How could he be so quick to act like nothing had gone wrong between them and forget where they were now? He was clearly desperate to grab anything he could get while it was available, he didn't seem to care about the circumstances at all. How like a human. He knew the Tallests wouldn't be satisfied until they had humiliated him – little did they know this wasn't the reason why he hesitated – so for Dib's sake he reluctantly looked up back up into the boy's eyes.

Dib could feel Zim's unwillingness to kiss him and he tried not to feel hurt. He knew Zim's feelings must be in turmoil right now and that it was definitely too soon for him. But he'd do anything for one last kiss, for all they knew it could be their last ever chance. Finally Zim looked up at him and as their eyes met Dib could at last see _his_ Zim was back, broken and shattered though he was. His emotions shone clearly from his deep ruby eyes and suddenly they fell into the kiss easily. He tried hard to focus on the texture of Zim's soft lips and ridged tongue as the rest of his body raged with agony.

Clumsy though it was Zim was surprised by the intensity of Dib's kiss, as though it were his last moment alive. He realised it could well be, so Zim fought to let go of his woes in that moment as their tongues intertwined. He tried to imagine they were back in Dib's room, resting on his soft warm bed in total peace and safety. The dark blues of the decoration were soothing, and a sliver of moonlight crept in through the curtains highlighting Dib's pale skin.

Zim flinched as he tasted the bitter tang of Dib's blood in his mouth, a cruel reminder of where they really were that shattered the peaceful illusion he had created around them both. Zim shrank back, breaking the contact. He opened his eyes and gazed into Dib's, those familiar amber irises surrounded by white stained with red. Dib raised a hand to Zim's cheek, cupping his face softly in his palm.

"Zim…" Dib began, but they were abruptly torn apart.

"Disgusting." Red shook his head at them. "Still, there's nothing like making the torture worse than by alleviating it with a little taste of what they want. Taunting really devastates the mind." Red's voice brought them both harshly back to reality as guards pulled them apart and cuffed their hands behind their backs once more. Purple gagged in the corner. "Back off to the cells with you now." Red waved them away.

"Wait… aren't you going to turn my inhibitor back on?" Zim panicked as he was pushed towards the doors.

"Why would we do that when you can have so much fun thinking about your upcoming execution?" Red smirked as Zim's skin went pale.

The walk back down to their cells had become a maddening, sick routine they couldn't escape. They were uncuffed yet again, and thrown into their adjacent cells.

Dib winced as he hit the ground, his body screaming with pain. He lay there for a time until the throbbing eased enough that he could think straight once more. When he tried to sit himself up his hand slipped against the floor, painfully jerking his body. He stared at his sticky hands uncomprehendingly, before realising he was covered with his own blood. Looking down at his naked torso he saw that that too was stained with red, and began frantically wiping the blood away as best he could. He was glad he couldn't see the mess his back was in - he didn't want to considering how much it hurt. The sealed up scars on his front now matched perfectly with the one that Zim had left him, he grimaced. They didn't hurt at all, but his insides felt abused where they'd been poking and prodding at him. The thought of it made him retch, but his stomach was too empty for anything to come up.

He was surprised to find a bowl of clear liquid had been left in his cell for him. Could that be water? Or some kind of horrible trick? He reasoned that they didn't want him dead yet, as they were enjoying torturing him too much. It had probably been at least a day since he'd had a drink, and now that he thought about it he was parched. He sniffed at the fluid timidly. It smelt a bit strange, but not bad.

"Hey Zim?" Dib was surprised at how much his voice rasped. He looked over into Zim's cell and the Irken looked up at him despondently. "Is this water?" Zim peered over.

"It won't be water but it'll be similar. It's a fluid a lot of organisms need to drink, easily synthesised. It should be fine for you." His voice was weary.

Dib took a tentative sip and found the fluid bearable. It tasted metallic, a bit like drinking from an old water fountain. Still it was refreshing and he gulped it down, just praying it didn't make him sick. Thirst quenched, Dib looked over into Zim's cell. He had no supplies of any kind.

"Don't you need something?" Dib asked nervously, not sure what Irkens actually needed to survive. Zim didn't respond, but just kept staring down at the ground. Dib felt guilty then. He had got his way – Zim had his inhibitor back off, and he was miserable. He tried to think of all the things he'd wanted to say to Zim before, but now they all escaped him. In the end Zim surprised him by speaking up first.

"I'm scared…" Zim's voice was tiny, and it broke Dib's heart. Zim was clutching himself, shaking quietly. "How… how do you act so brave when you feel this way?" Zim pleaded.

"I don't _feel_ brave. I guess I'm just more used to it than you are." Dib tried to think of anything that would reassure Zim, but what could he say? It'll all be alright? It'll work out in the end? Maybe something more along the lines of, don't worry we'll both be dead soon.

"I never wanted to feel this way again. It's too much." Zim screwed his eyes tight shut. "I wish they'd just killed me." Dib flinched.

"Well I'm glad they didn't."

"You… I don't even understand why you're here." Zim's voice suddenly sparked with anger. "Why did you come after me? Why did you even come back to my base at all that night?"

"I already told you, because you're important to me!" Dib tried to shout back but his voice shook with exhaustion.

"If I'm so important than what were you doing with _her_?" Zim finally cracked. Dib should have known he wouldn't be able to escape this conversation, no matter what situation they were in. Zim knew how irrational it was to be hung up on this considering the position they were in, but he couldn't help it. Somehow Dib's betrayal still hurt more than everything the Tallest had done to him. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't…" Zim's voice broke with emotion, and he let out a small sob. Dib clenched his fists – he didn't need reminding of that.

"I know it's all my fault. I can't tell you enough times how sorry I am Zim." Dib spoke despairingly. There were no words he could say that could possibly fix this.

"Then tell me why?"

"I didn't do anything with her. Not really." Dib cringed at himself – that had been a bad way to start.

"I'm not a smeet Dib, I _saw_ you 'doing things' with her." Zim snapped irritably.

"We only kissed okay? Yeah it was an intense kiss I'll admit… and she… touched me a bit," Dib winced awkwardly, "But it never went any further I swear. I sent her away when I realised I couldn't go through with it."

"You… couldn't?" Zim looked up meekly, intrigued.

"Because it made me realise that I only wanted you." Dib locked eyes with him then. "I was only using her to try and get over you in the first place Zim, because I thought that you were going to leave and hurt me."

"Dib I…" Zim gulped the lump that had formed in his throat. "That night… I was coming to tell you that I wanted to stay with you, that I was ready to try things…"

Dib's eyes widened in shock. Zim had come over to try and tell him that and instead he'd seen him sucking face with that girl? God he was such an idiot. Things… did Zim mean what he thought he meant by that? It only made everything hurt all the worse, thinking about how different things could have been. Dib felt the tears begin to prick his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Zim. I know I have no right to ask this of you, but please forgive me. I'm so _so_ sorry." Dib wept against the glass, longing for the Irken's touch. "I can take whatever shit those fucking leaders of yours throw at me, I don't care. But I can't bear the fact that I hurt you so bad. I can't face things being so broken between us."

Zim's anger softened at the human's emotional apology, watching intently as the boy sobbed on the other side of the glass. He really did mean it, and he hadn't done those things with that human girl after all. That changed everything.

"So… you don't feel things for her? You'd rather be with Zim?" Zim asked sheepishly. Dib looked up, an intense look burning in his eyes.

"No, I feel nothing for her! Of course I'd rather be with you!" Dib said passionately, his eyes blazing fiercely into Zim's. Zim could feel himself quaking with the weight of his emotions. It was bad enough being on death row when everything had gone to shit, but now knowing that things could have worked out between them… he didn't know whether this revelation was even a good thing, it just made their fate harder to accept. He didn't want to die, he could barely even imagine how painful it would be. But more importantly he didn't want the Dib to die. He pressed his hands against the glass in desperation to be as close to the human as he could manage, his pulse quickening as Dib mirrored his actions.

"This can't be how it ends… we have to think of something. We _have_ to get out of here!" Dib said frantically, a note of panic rising in his voice. Zim sighed heavily.

"It's just impossible… even if we managed to slip away, we'd never both get out of here alive." Zim hung his head despairingly.

"Well I don't know about you, but I'd rather die trying than die being torn apart by those bastards." Zim looked back at him – the boy had a point. He thought about it intently for a moment.

"The only opportunity we'd get is when the guards come to transport us back up to the Tallests. But even then… they'll cuff us both, they'll outnumber us, they'll be armed… and even if they weren't, look at you! You can barely even stand Dib." Zim noted the boys trembling body, a dribble of blood creeping down his arm from his flogged back. It turned his stomach. "You should rest while you can."

"We still have to try. The next time they come it could be to kill us." Dib said determinedly. "All we need is some kind of distraction, something to give us enough time to slip away. There must be escape pods on this ship?"

"Yeah… there is." Zim admitted. Dib had no idea what he was talking about. Escaping this ship? It was ludicrous to think that they could. Perhaps if he focused all his attention on getting Dib into one of those pods… he could distract the guards long enough for him to get away. That was all that mattered after all. Dib was right, it had to be worth a try. They had nothing left to lose now.

"If I could just use my damn pak," Zim clenched his teeth in frustration. The device they had attached to his pak when they had first arrested him prevented the use of the numerous tools it held within. He caught a glimpse of it in his reflection in the glass walls and tried to study it closer.

"Can you get that thing off?" Dib peered over, trying to see it.

"I've never seen one of these before. I can just about reach it… but I'm not sure how it detaches." He clawed at the device futilely, before sighing in defeat. "They'd never make something I could take off myself."

"I think I have an idea," Dib thought hard. "What if you pretended something was wrong with your pak? It's your life support right? But they'd have to take that thing off to look at your pak wouldn't they?"

"Yes, but why would they care if something was wrong with it?"

"Well they wouldn't want you dying would they, the Tallests… they want to do that themselves surely." Dib said awkwardly, though there was little need to be delicate.

"True… it could work. If we act sicker than we are… well. If _I_ act sicker than I am." Zim looked at Dib's wounds with concern. "Dib… what if you can't keep up?"

"I will. I'll do whatever it takes." Dib wished he felt as brave as his words made him out to be. Zim was right of course, right now he could scarcely stand let alone run. He would be heavily dependent on Zim's aid. Still, his heart trilled giddily with hope at the thought of their plan. He saw Zim's face scrunch with worry and smiled determinedly at him.

"You should sleep then, so that you're as strong as you can be."

"I don't want to waste a single second I might have left with you." Dib shook his head, and Zim couldn't help but smile.

"Don't be silly. We're trying to win the rest of our lives back remember? Some sleep now could make all the difference." Dib knew he was right, and no sooner had he thought of it than his eyes suddenly felt too heavy to keep open. He knew Zim saw this and conceded defeat, settling himself more comfortably against the glass. "I'll be right here watching over you, I'm not going anywhere." Zim grinned as he leaned back too, astonished at himself for having the capacity for humour right now.

"You know I think you could be right about emotions Dib. A few moments ago I felt so horrible I could have died from it, but now… I feel sort of hopeful. It's so powerful. I feel like… maybe we could do it." After getting no response he glanced back at the Dib and found the boy was already fast asleep. He smiled warmly before turning to rest his head back against the glass once more.

His mind wandered then, back to what had happened after he had turned his inhibitor back on. He felt ashamed for how he had treated the Dib, but despite his anger and lack of emotions they had somehow still wound up lying on that bed together. He was quite amazed that he had softened to the boy even with his inhibitor on. He started then as he remembered something he had heard the boy say from the Tallests footage, something that hadn't meant anything to him before…

" _Zim… I wish you knew how much I love you."_

Dib… loved him? He still wasn't a hundred percent certain he understood the concept, but he knew it was big. Humans valued it so much, to love someone and be loved in return was a precious thing. He could understand why now of course. Was it how to describe how he felt about the Dib? He looked back at the sleeping boy. His poor delicate skin was littered with scars, dried blood and bruises. It was unbearable.

"I promise I'll get you out." He whispered resolutely.

* * *

Zim started as he heard someone approaching, he must have drifted off. How long had it been? He looked across and saw that the Dib was stirring too, but he was taking longer to come around. His pulse quickened as the human blinked his eyes groggily. Finally he caught the boy's gaze.

"Pretend to be unconscious and they won't shock you! Once they cuff you act weak like you can barely walk, just follow my lead!" Zim uttered urgently under his breath. He knew the human probably wouldn't need to act much at all, but there was no time to dwell on that now. His skin was pasty white and his eyes were unfocused, but he gave Zim a small nod and quickly lay back on the floor, closing his eyes. Zim just prayed it worked. He could get over the brutal jolt much quicker than Dib could. He glared determinedly at the guard approaching him.

The guard approaching Dib looked into his cell in uncertainty.

"Is it dead?" He muttered to his colleague, who shrugged.

"Dunno, it was in pretty bad shape. Just bring it anyway. It won't give you any trouble." He turned menacingly to Zim. "You on the other hand, I hope you're ready to die." He smirked as he jolted Zim.

Somehow Zim managed to not quite lose consciousness this time, he was getting used to it. He slowly felt sensations returning to his limbs after the cuffs were replaced, and they began that long march once more. Dib had managed to stumble to his feet eventually and he tottered along convincingly, though Zim wondered how real it was.

He had already calculated the best place to do it, where they would have the shortest journey to an escape pod. He had spent a long time thinking over how he was going to jeopardise anyone trying to follow Dib's pod or stop anyone that might try to shoot it down. It was the main reason he couldn't go with him, though he knew how mad Dib was going to be at him. He guessed that didn't matter. At least the boy was smart enough to pilot himself home, he had faith in him.

As the spot neared Zim shot Dib a quick look. He just hoped his acting skills were up to this. He suddenly fell to his knees and tried gasping for breath dramatically.

"What the… get up you! Stop messing around!" The guard demanded, though clearly unnerved.

"I… can't… b-breathe! It's my… my pak!" Zim wheezed.

"Huh?" The guard was unconvinced.

"My pak! It's… not… working!" At this the guards exchanged a glance.

Dib panicked, was it not going to work? He barely had to act himself, Zim's scene was distressing enough for him to witness and he was already so tense.

"Do something! Help him!"

"Silence! Why should we?" The guard snapped at him angrily.

"The Tallests sent you to fetch him so they could execute him right? What do you think they'll do to you if he dies before they can have their fun?" This succeeded in making the guards look worried and cautiously they knelt down to peer closer at Zim's pak.

"I can't see anything for the restrictor." One guard muttered.

"This guy was meant to have a defective pak right? Maybe we should take a look…" The first nodded in agreement.

"I certainly don't want to be taking his place in the execution." Dib's pulse quickened as he saw the guard tap the control on his wrist, and the device clicked free. Zim's speed was immense. The split second he felt the mechanism release his pak his spider legs shot out so fast that the guards didn't even realise what was going on before they died. He sliced through both their throats and was off the ground and on top of the others before their bodies even hit the floor. He finished the others off just as quickly before landing in front of Dib.

"Wow… you're pretty scary you know that?" Dib muttered, his heart pounding frantically in his chest. Zim didn't pause for a second, swiftly bringing a laser-like tool from his pak to sever the cuffs from his wrists, doing the same for Dib's.

"We're lucky no one's around, but someone will be here soon to look for them. We don't have long." Zim grabbed Dib's wrist and yanked him down a corridor. He scowled in frustration as Dib stumbled along behind him - they weren't going nearly quick enough. His eyes widened as he heard Irkens ahead and his spider legs quickly wooshed back out and pulled him up into the ceiling, his arms grasping around Dib's waist as he pulled the boy up with him. He could feel the Dib panting heavily against his neck as the boy clutched him tightly, and could feel his frail heart beating furiously. Dib winced as Zim's arms held against his wounded back, burying his face in the alien's chest and just trying to focus on inhaling his comforting scent.

As soon as the Irkens had passed out of sight Zim continued on, staying on his spider legs this time and carrying the boy in his arms. He knew they had less time now, as those Irkens were headed straight for where the bodies lay. Any moment they would be discovered.

Zim felt a flutter of hope as he saw the nearest escape pod deck come into view ahead of them. They were so close. Zim set Dib down in the room and ran over to a pod, quickly checking it was functional and opening the doors.

"Get in!" Zim demanded as he bent over the control panel next to the entrance, typing furiously to activate the pod and simultaneously beginning his job of disabling the Massive's weapons and tracking devices so that the boy could get away safely.

"Not without you!" Zim grimaced. He should have known the boy would be too smart for this. His heart lifted as the pod showed as ready to launch, the main button flashing readily. All he needed was for Dib to get in, but he had frustratingly positioned Zim between himself and the doorway.

"Get in _now_ Dib," Zim growled in frustration, ignoring Dib as he continued his task. "I'll be there in a-" Zim was cut off abruptly as the boy threw himself forcibly into his side, flinging them both to the ground. He heard the sound of laser shots hitting the wall where he had just been stood moments ago.

"Stop right there!" The guard yelled at them, several more rushing in to flank him.

Stunned and winded Zim looked up just in time to catch Dib's eye. The boy smiled at him softly from where he lay on the ground just apart from Zim, his golden eyes radiating feeling.

"I love you." Dib uttered softly, as the doors closed in his face.

It took a moment for things to make sense. It wasn't until he felt the ground beneath him shift and heard the mechanics of the pod clicking and whirring, releasing it from the main ship that Zim realised what had happened. The Dib must have pressed the activation button as he fell and had managed to throw Zim into the pod.

But not himself.

* * *

 _A/N: Eeps. Gotta stop being so mean... nah. XP_ _I hope their escape didn't seem too sudden/easy. Well Zim's escape I suppose. I really wanted to get to the execution scene but I figured if I got to that point there was no way they'd be able to escape._ _I also kind of decided Zim's inhibitor had to be turned off by someone other than him, as I'd said all along he'd never do it himself._

Thanks for reading :D


	13. Chapter 12

_A/N: Sorry this took longer than expected, I ended up doing a lot of work to it and kept getting carried away. I hope it was worth the wait :) Thanks so much for the reviews they always put a smile on my face! 3_

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

The shock was so intense that Zim momentarily forgot how to breathe. As his brain kicked back into action he scrambled to his feet, clawing uselessly at the door.

"No! NO!" He slammed his fists against the metal, even though he knew it was pointless and even if the doors did open it would be to the black emptiness of space. His plan had been going so well, how had this happened? It wasn't supposed to end this way.

Zim swallowed against the painful lump that had formed in his throat, gritting his teeth. He knew he had to get a grip. If he didn't do something soon he would be blasted out of the sky by the Massive. His body felt as though it were made from lead as he got up and turned to the control panel in the small space to begin working. He poured his focus into his task and began to pick up speed, promising himself that if he managed to get away there would still be a chance for him to save Dib. Without him the boy didn't stand a chance so he had to save himself first, the logical part of his brain argued. However as he sped ever further away from the human his heart screamed with guilt.

Zim swiftly managed to activate a cloaking device which would protect him from being seen or tracked, and then began working on increasing the shields should he take a hit. This technology was newer than his voot cruiser but he found it came to him quickly, and he was impressed by its capabilities. Soon he was out of range from being fired at – whatever he'd managed to complete whilst he was still on-board the Massive must have thrown them off just long enough to allow his escape.

He exhaled heavily, not realising he'd forgotten to breathe. It was like holding that breath in had been holding him up though, and as the air rushed from his lungs it was like a tidal wave of emotion knocking him to the floor. His body trembled as it was racked with sobs, his head spinning nauseatingly. This hurt like nothing he'd ever felt before. Worse than when he had seen Dib with that girl, worse than the Tallests condemning him, worse even than watching the Dib be dissected alive. This was so much worse he thought the pain was going to split him clean in half. He had promised Dib he would get him out, and he'd failed him. He hugged himself tightly as though it might keep him from falling to pieces.

A temptation arose then. He was free, he could turn his inhibitor back on if he wanted. It was an enticing thought, that he could be released from this agony in the flick of a switch. But no. He couldn't do that. While he was still alive he could still do something, he just had to master his emotions to motivate him rather than debilitate him. Besides he didn't deserve to be freed of this pain, it was his punishment and he deserved to suffer it as long as the Dib was suffering too.

His breathing calmed then as he turned his anguish to determination. Sobbing wasn't getting him anywhere, he had to make a decision on what he was going to do next. He tried to think about it logically. Would they have executed the Dib? They had certainly fired several lethal shots at them both as they'd tried to escape - perhaps they'd killed him on sight. The not knowing was going to drive him mad. However his head told him that no, it made more sense for them to use the boy in some way as it was their only leverage on Zim. He just hoped that wasn't wishful thinking.

Regardless until he knew for certain he had to act as though Dib were still alive, he couldn't take the risk. He'd sooner die pointlessly trying to save the boy than give him up for dead and have Dib think he'd abandoned him. That was never going to happen. He would spend his every last breath rescuing the boy.

Zim shakily picked himself up from the floor and sat down at the console, the window before him showing a vast expanse of empty space, the blackness littered with specks of light. He took a determined breath and swung the ship around, heading back towards the Massive. He intended to shadow them, flying as close as he could manage without being seen but hopefully close enough to intercept their transmissions. As soon as he came within range a button on the dashboard began flashing, causing him to jump. He froze for a moment thinking that he was being hailed and they had located him, but quickly realised it was an open transmission. The Tallests must be airing a message into the near vicinity in the hopes that Zim would pick it up and see it. His guts twisted into tight knots. Whatever this was, he was sure it wouldn't be good. Hesitantly he pressed the button, and a live feed of his Tallests appeared on his screen.

"-know you'll be nearby you little worm. We're not stupid." Red was talking sternly – boy did he look pissed. Purple paced agitatedly nearby. "We've seen it all remember, we know you wouldn't dream of going anywhere without your little pet." He stepped to one side then and revealed the human lying on the ground just behind him. Zim gasped at the sight, reaching a claw out to the screen futilely. The boy was covered in fresh wounds, blood spattered across his pale skin.

"So are you going to play nice and come get it or do we have to punish this thing further for your actions?" Red continued.

"D-don't… Zim…" Dib managed to splutter out, barely audible. It earned him a hard kick to the stomach which sent him rolling across the metal ground. When he came to a stop he convulsed, coughing blood from his mouth. Zim couldn't bear it. Even now the Dib was still fighting for him, close to death as he was. There was no way his poor, fragile body could take much more of this.

Red could clearly sense this too, but Purple suddenly lost his cool, his frustration overflowing. He flailed towards the human wildly but Red grabbed him and pulled him back firmly. Zim had never been so thankful to Red.

"Calm down, that thing is our only chance at getting Zim back." Red grimaced against Purples struggling.

"But it's not FAIR! How did he get away? HOW!" Purple kicked a fit like a small child. "Bring all the guards in! I'm going to kill them all!"

"Ugh, cut the transmission." Red called out, and the screen went blank.

Zim stared at the empty space, frozen in horror. It hadn't exactly been reassuring but at least now he knew Dib was still alive, though barely. And Red at least was intent on keeping him that way until they found Zim. But Zim had no intention of being caught, so what would they do if he couldn't rescue the boy before they gave up searching for him? He shook his head – it was too soon to be thinking like that.

He considered briefly if they would accept an exchange, freeing Dib in his place, but he knew the Tallests better than that. Heck he knew Irken-kind better than that. He would give himself up in a second if he thought it would work, but he knew that they would never release the Dib until Zim was in hand, but once Zim was in custody they would have no need to stick to their word. Irkens didn't really compromise, they just took what they wanted. Bargaining wasn't an option.

Zim began analysing the Massive and quickly discovered that their shields were on maximum and their weapons were all primed and ready to fire. The second he did anything to alert them to his presence he would be obliterated, he couldn't even send a transmission of his own. He had no choice but to sit this out. Until they let their guard down there was no way he was getting anywhere near the Dib. His heart sank.

He made a silent deal with the Dib. _Just stay alive._ He thought bitterly, wishing more than anything that Dib could hear him. _Stay alive long enough and I will save you I promise. I'm sorry you have to endure this but there's no other way._ It would surely be a test of his own endurance too. He had thought what he had already experienced was heart-wrenching but it turned out to be nothing compared to this. He wished he were the one receiving the physical pain instead.

So here he was, on the run. He tried to focus his mind on sensible things like surviving and being ready for the slightest opportunity, constantly analysing the Massive for any weaknesses. The first task he had was to acquire a better ship and supplies from a nearby planet. He knew the Tallest would begin scouring the galaxy immediately and soon he would not be able to dock anywhere, so it was best to stock up now and be ready. The only thing in his favour was the sheer scale of the universe of course. He was sure the Tallests had put a warrant out for him the second they heard about his escape, so all Irken owned planets would be on red alert. But he had a small window of opportunity for those that hadn't been conquered yet, though soon even those would be crawling with people searching for him as bounty hunters heard the news.

He selected a small trading planet not yet under Irken rule and approached cautiously. Using his human disguise he was in and out smoothly. Should he have chosen an Irken planet – and that was a considerable few – he would have been discovered as soon as he entered the planet's atmosphere due to the unique signature in his pak. It acted like an ID, and allowed the Tallests to identify any Irken instantly. It was quite vital given that Irken's were experts at disguising themselves, though it was incredibly rare for an Irken to go rogue considering the emotional inhibitor. Zim was just lucky they couldn't track him from it whilst he was out of range.

Deactivating his ID was his next task. Soon he probably wouldn't be able to go anywhere safely unless he did something about it and he sure as hell wouldn't be able to get anywhere near the Dib. He wasn't even positive that it was physically possible to change it, but he had to try. So this was how he occupied himself, the live stream from the Massive his only companion as he stalked the fleet across the galaxy.

He watched helplessly waiting for an opening as his leaders tormented his precious human in an attempt to lure him in. He could tell that each time they beat the boy close to death that they had fixed him up from the previous session, only so that he could endure more cruelty and not die. One of the worst sessions was when they had branded the boys skin with the Irken logo, indicating him a slave of the empire. They had pressed the mark against his chest over where his heart would be, and Zim had watched in distress as tears streamed down the boy's face from the searing pain. They had held the brander against him unnecessarily long and then ripped it away from his flesh brutally, leaving the messy shape red raw against his otherwise pale white skin. The sound of his screams still pierced Zim's memory. No matter what happened that mark would be with the boy forever, a permanent reminder of his torment.

Time wore on and still Zim worked, his mission the only thing keeping him sane until at last he finally achieved his goal and successfully gained access to change the ID signature in his pak. He was so enthused by his triumph that he very nearly stormed the Massive right there and then. He soon rationalised himself though, it would be foolish to attempt it. Even if they didn't recognise him as Zim they would never allow anyone to spirit the Dib away. He would be under the highest form of security available to them, with no exceptions. Zim forced himself to patience, waiting for the day that they slipped up.

As more time passed Zim identified uncountable traps that had been set for him, and even though he had more than a few near misses he remained undiscovered. He could see the boy growing ever paler and thinner though, his face turning gaunt and his bones jutting out under his skin. They had to be feeding him something, but it clearly wasn't much and he didn't like to think what. His glasses were long gone too and Zim could tell by the way he squinted and frowned that it was causing him constant discomfort. He was amazed that the human had survived so long and just prayed that it wasn't all in vain. He wondered if Dib thought that Zim had abandoned him or whether he had faith still. Perhaps there was little even left to his sanity, and if Zim ever saw him again he would just be an empty shell.

Eventually the day arrived when things changed. Zim had noticed that the Tallest's efforts had grown less frequent, and lately their attention was drawn instead to a fresh dispute with another species who had tried their luck whilst the Irkens appeared to be distracted. Dib grew forgotten, though not unguarded. Zim had hacked into their on-board surveillance by now and monitored their actions closely. He worried they would just let the boy die, but one day the Irken scientists plucked up the courage to come before their Tallests. They wanted the human for testing, as a new species he offered new information which they hungered for. They convinced their leaders that the boy was valuable as a unique sample and the Tallests agreed to send him to an Irken planet which was dedicated to scientific research.

Zim felt his pulse quicken as he witnessed the scene, excited that things were to finally progress. It seemed the Tallests had grown bored of waiting for him, and had decided he probably didn't care enough about the boy or that perhaps he had turned his inhibitor back on and no longer cared at all. Dib was still to be kept under a high level of security and was not permitted to be transferred anywhere without the Tallests permission, so it was still going to be tough. At least it meant that Zim might be able to get close to the Dib and see him with his own eyes.

Zim created himself an Irken disguise in preparation. He didn't change his appearance too drastically, but he made his skin a slightly different shade, his eye colour green and changed the shape of his head and antennae somewhat. He had also created a device which would slightly alter the sound of his voice which he tucked into his collar. He was glad of his height as it meant he would be questioned little and should be able to gain a reasonable status within the labs. Despite all this realistically he had no idea how he was going to get Dib out. It would be a gargantuan task with the Tallests demands for high security.

Zim tracked Dib's transfer closely, and infiltrated the lab the moment he discovered the boy's destination. His heart was in his mouth when he first set foot on the planet. He had been in isolation for so long, it was strange to face his own kind once again. He found his voice rasped the first time he had to talk to someone and he felt sure his nerves were going to give him away. He had to remember that his emotions set him apart from the other Irkens and it would give him away if he didn't act like the rest of them.

He had set his pak ID to tell that he was a head scientist called Vax. Many of the Irkens gave him curious looks and inquired as to why they hadn't heard of him before. Someone of his height would usually be quite well known and respected, but thankfully none were brave enough to question him. He was thankful for the time he had spent in the labs way back when, and found he could easily blag the role he faked.

Zim had to pull rank as he entered the lab where he knew the Dib was being held for the first time, demanding that as a head scientist he should be involved in the 'human-testing'. He panicked as he saw their alarmed expressions – of course, no one was supposed to know about this highly secret test subject. They were clearly suspicious of him, but after they checked his ID and saw his rank they gave him clearance to the 'project'. Zim had to focus hard to stop himself from trembling, he could only pray that they let it be and didn't check up on him any further. He had invented plenty of background on his fake character, but if they mentioned him to the Tallests he felt sure they would ask to see him.

His pulse beat ever harder as he made his way through the labs. The thought of seeing the boy face to face after all this time was both a terrifying and an exciting concept. Still, nothing could have prepared him for how he'd feel when his eyes finally fell on his poor human. There were so many details that he hadn't been able to see via the transmissions. The boy's eyes were sunken and bloodshot, his lips were dry and cracked, and threads of white hair mixed in with the tangle of black, the whole lot a matted mess. His skin was marbled with colours, though at least they had had the decency to fix up his wounds and clean him of his own blood. He still wore what was left of his clothes, which admittedly wasn't much. His torso was bare and his trousers were in tatters. The Irken symbol stood out angrily red against the boys pale chest.

Dib was being set down on a platform that was tilted at an angle to hold him mostly upright, and scientists buzzed about him excitedly as he was restrained. Zim hadn't realised he had frozen to the spot until the head scientist stomped over to him angrily.

"Who are you? You do realise I'm in charge of this test subject don't you?" Zim had to tear his eyes away from the sight of the Irkens strapping the boy down to face his accuser. The scientist looked nervous at questioning Zim due to his shorter height, but was clearly determined not to lose his position to a newcomer.

"Scientist Vax. Please don't worry, I only wanted to take part in the experiments. I'm not trying to tread on anyone's toes." Zim would have liked to be in charge but he supposed it was for the best. He'd never be able to do a convincing job because he'd always be too concerned for the boy's welfare, and the others would almost certainly find his behaviour suspicious. He didn't want to draw any attention to himself, so it would be better to let someone take the lead and manipulate the tests from the side lines. The Irken huffed and eyed him up and down, surprised that Zim didn't put up more of a fight. Zim tensed until the scientist caved, dismissing him with a shrug.

"Mek, lead scientist." He introduced himself brusquely, and Zim simply nodded politely. Mek turned his gaze back to the human. "Ugly looking thing isn't it."

"Quite." Zim said bluntly, hands balling into fists at his sides.

"Still, the others are quite excited about it. It's been a long time since we've had a new species to investigate." With that the Irken moved off to get to work, leaving Zim alone.

Zim stared at the Dib as his wrists and ankles were cuffed to the platform. His eyes grazed over the multitude of scars that littered the boy's skin, grimacing at their permanency. He knew it was only vanity and that he should just be grateful the boy was alive and not missing any limbs or something vital. It was a miracle he had survived this long.

His blood ran cold as his eyes lifted to the boy's face, and met with Dib's. His heart skipped a beat as their gaze locked. His beautiful golden eyes were bloodshot and tired, and seemed duller than before, but it was still his Dib on the inside.

The boy frowned at him in confusion, or perhaps he was just squinting to focus with his lack of glasses. Zim realised then how odd it was that he had just been staring, and probably pulling a face as he did so. He would have killed to know what Dib was thinking then, could he possibly see through his disguise? Zim shook his head and broke the stare, swallowing hard as he made to go about his business.

This was going to be tough.

* * *

Weeks passed and still the Irkens persisted with their trials. Some of the experiments were not as bad as others. These Irkens at least were only interested in learning, and cold as they may be were not particularly interested bloodshed just for sport. Zim worked hard every day, pulling long hours and never missing a test. He made sure the boy was fed sufficiently and ensured that experiments never got out of hand, steering their direction when he knew one would be fatal to the poor human. He had to pull rank a few times to stop something, but reassured his colleagues that it would not do to kill such a good a specimen when so much more could be learnt. However he worried more and more what would happen when they did run out of things to investigate.

He waited and waited for an opportunity but the Irkens were so enamoured by the boy that it just never came. Dib was hardly left alone and didn't get much sleep, and when he did it was usually because Zim demanded it. Besides, Zim had to sleep sometimes too. It was another thing that he demanded, that no experiments went ahead when he wasn't present. He could see how much it vexed Mek who was supposed to be in charge, but for the most part he let the Irken have his way to keep him quiet. Thankfully the Tallests never did check in.

Zim was surprised to discover that he was smarter than most of the other Irkens here, even though these scientists were some of the best and brightest Irk had to offer. He had previously thought the feeling of swiftness and ability he had been graced with since fixing his pak was just the result of being defective for so long, but it turned out Zim was genuinely an impressive specimen. The realisation of that and his healthy height made something twist in his gut. He really could have been something special within Irken-kind had he not been fitted with a faulty pak. It seemed so cruel and unfair that his future had been stolen from him, but then he thought of the Dib and realised they never would have met if it hadn't happened.

Perhaps it partly down to his emotions that allowed him to think of things differently and succeed where others failed, but it did set him apart from the rest. He felt so alone amongst these Irkens. They had no idea what they were missing, or how conditioned they all were to the Tallests will. They were drones with no real life of their own and no idea of the experiences they were being deprived of. It was hard to believe there had been a time when he couldn't see this.

There came an evening when Zim found himself alone with the Dib at long last. He was the last one there after a long shift and had said he would finish tidying up. It was unusual for there to be no one else in the lab, and Zim felt himself tense with nerves at the thought of them being alone together. He knew there was no chance of getting the boy out tonight though, and he clenched his jaw in frustration at how useless he felt.

Zim wearily approached Dib where he was still strapped to the platform, taking a moment to appraise him. He at least had put a little weight on since being here under Zim's care, but his ribs still showed through his skin and his cheekbones stuck out sharply. Zim's insides churned at seeing his human reduced to this.

"What are you staring at?" Dib muttered bitterly, and Zim couldn't help but give a weak smile. It was incredible to see that the boy still had some fight in him even now. Dib pulled an appalled face at Zim's amusement, not understanding what was so funny. "Sick fuck." He spat, turning his face away angrily.

Zim remembered then that the boy was in fact strapped to a table naked in front of him, and felt suddenly bashful. He brought a blanket over and tucked it around the boy's body carefully, gasping at how ice cold his skin was. Next he brought a cup of fluid to the boy's lips for him to sip from, but Dib ignored it stubbornly.

"You have to drink." Zim said firmly, trying to keep his voice void of emotion.

"So you can experiment on me some more? Why bother." Dib tried to sound tough but his resolve quickly crumbled as his throat rasped, and he allowed Zim to pour the soothing liquid into his mouth.

Zim gave Dib's body a quick looking over for anything he could help, reaching for some ointment to rub around his ankles, wrists and waist where the constant restraints were giving him sores. He wished more than anything that he could let the boy free for a time and just hold him, but there were surveillance cameras in this room. He couldn't afford to be seen caringtoomuch.

"Why are you different to the others?" Dib asked tentatively and Zim tensed. As much as Zim wished he could tell Dib who he really was he had decided it would be safer not to reveal himself. He didn't want Dib to guess it was him in case he gave Zim away in a moment of agony and disorientation. He worked so hard to try and act as cold as the other Irkens, but he just couldn't help tending to the boy. He had to watch his every word. All it would take was for the boy's name to slip from his mouth and it would give him away. No one else knew it or cared of course, Dib was just an 'it', 'the human' or 'the test subject' to the rest of them.

"I'm not." He replied simply. He knew he would be better off ignoring Dib completely, but the temptation to talk to him was too great. Just hearing his voice was music to his ears. The boy rarely spoke, mostly he just screamed.

"You are. You're gentle." Dib leant his head back and closed his eyes. "God I'm insane."

"I am cautious. Not gentle." Zim corrected him bluntly.

"You always stop them, right when they're about to do something awful." He gave a shudder.

"If you died there would be no more experiments, it's my job to keep you alive." Zim moved a bit away from the boy and began to potter about, feeling more and more self-conscious. Dib clearly suspected him.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you cared." Dib tested.

"But thankfully you do know better." Zim stopped now to glare at him, forcing himself to look fierce and praying it looked convincing. The boy finally sighed and gave up, admitting defeat.

"Just my imagination running away from me." He muttered under his breath. He stared up at the ceiling, lost in deep thought. Zim felt his gut knot as a tear escaped the boy's golden eye and rolled slowly down his pale cheek. He almost crumbled in that moment, wanting nothing more than to rush to the human and promise him everything would be okay. He wanted to stay longer but he didn't trust himself, and he'd run out of logical reasons to explain his extended stay. He had to let the boy get some sleep while he could, and get some rest himself.

As yet more time passed Zim began to notice Dib's decline. He was deteriorating in spirit and body – it seemed he just couldn't take much more. There was little Zim could do. Dib was kept so deeply within the labs and the security was still just as high as it had been the day he was brought here. He had examined every possibility he could imagine and still come up with nothing. It would take a miracle to break him out of here.

It was the end of a particularly brutal session that day, and Zim had had to call a halt to the experiment. The other scientists darted about, packing things away and recording their findings as Zim and Mek observed the human. Dib hung limply from his restraints, sweat beaded on his pallid skin as he gasped desperately for breath. He vomited what little his stomach held and Mek scowled in disgust.

"I do wonder how it is you are still alive you pathetic creature." Mek remarked callously. "Why don't you just give up and die? What are you holding out for?" Zim shot him a shocked look. "What? He's reaching the end of his usefulness now. There's only so many experiments we can run."

"What will happen to him then?" Zim asked carefully, trying to hold his voice steady. Mek shrugged indifferently.

"Dunno, that's for the Tallests to decide." He said as he walked off. Zim grimaced. Was all this waiting, all of Dib's agony going to be for naught? He looked at the boy and saw a different expression there now, one he had been dreading he would see for some time. It was defeat.

Zim couldn't help himself then. If the boy let himself die this would all be for nothing anyway. He would have to be swift and subtle as there were many other Irkens in the room, but thankfully they were all preoccupied with their own work for now. Zim moved over to the Dib and fiddled with one of the restraints that held his wrists, pretending to be adjusting it. He allowed his hand to brush the boy's skin ever so slightly as he toyed with the strap. Zim leaned his face in as closely to the Dib's ear as he dared without looking conspicuous.

"Don't give up Dib." He whispered quickly under his breath, allowing his voice to momentarily be his own. He felt Dib flinch but didn't wait for any kind of response, instead quickly darting away to busy himself with something else.

* * *

Dib quickly looked up to see which Irken had spoken his name but he was already gone, disappeared into the crowd. He felt sure he knew which it had been though, one of them had always stood apart from the rest. The one who showed him kindness. Could it really be _him_ though? Or had he just been hallucinating again? It wouldn't be the first time. Surely if Zim actually was here he would have gotten him out by now?

Dib weighed it up his head, the voice repeating in his memory again and again. It would be so easy for him to let go now. He felt if he let himself slow he could easily just not wake again. It was almost unfair. He'd been holding out so long waiting for a miracle and just when he was at the end of his tether and ready to surrender to the peace of death he felt the fire of hope relit inside him.

He decided to take it as a sign. He couldn't stop fighting, couldn't stop hoping. He felt sure Zim would never give up on him, all he had to do was hold on.

And hold on he would.

* * *

Zim lay in the dim light, unable to find sleep. He stared at the blank ceiling above him, his mind turning over and over the same old things. He was stuck in a rut, treading water. Nothing was going to change unless he did something and soon. Right now he was basically waiting for the Dib to either die or be moved to yet another impossible prison. His only chance was to try and find out what the Tallests had planned for him next. He thought of how he had escaped the Massive - the security would be most vulnerable while Dib was in transit, so that would have to be when he struck.

Zim got up from his uncomfortable 'bed' in agitation, fed up of tossing and turning. He found he just couldn't get settled on these things anymore, and didn't know how he had ever slept soundly on one. His room was modest, just a standard living quarters for a scientist. It was small and simple with only the bare essentials required for efficient functionality. He could have claimed a better one with his status, but didn't feel he should keep such luxuries whilst his Dib slept strapped to a cold metal table. He would hardly have noticed anyway.

He threw on a fresh uniform and headed towards the labs. He was fairly early so he hoped they would be deserted, that way he could use the computers to hack into the Massive and see if the Tallests had made any new plans. He did this whenever he could but so far he had heard no mention of Dib. He worried that the Tallests might instruct the scientists to kill the boy if they had finished with him, as they seemed to have totally lost interest.

However he was surprised when he walked into the lab to find a bit of a commotion. He spotted Mek and approached him anxiously.

"Mek, what's going on here?" Zim's eyes darted about, searching for the boy. When his eyes landed on the empty table his stomach sank. Did he die in the night? The thought made him feel sick, that after all this the boy might die alone in a place like this. His pulse quickened.

"Oh Vax, I was hoping you would come in. They moved the boy this morning." Mek grinned a little snidely, knowing full well that Zim would be cross for not being informed. He liked to assert his leadership whenever he could.

"Moved… where?" Zim choked out, barely able to breath. The room was beginning to swim.

"It's highly classified. They came at the crack of dawn and took him. Woke me up in the middle of the night to come down and supervise." Mek grumbled smugly that it was him that had been called and not Zim. He wasn't prepared for Zim's response though.

"Why was I not informed this was happening?" Zim yelled enraged, roughly grabbing Mek by the collar. Mek was taken aback and had the decency to look afraid of the fuming taller Irken.

"No one was told. When I got here they were already moving him." Zim's grip loosened a little as he realised he was drawing far too much attention to himself. Everyone in the room had stopped to stare, but it was near impossible to hide his panic. How could he have missed this? This could have been his only chance!

"I have to know where he was sent." Zim growled darkly.

" _He_? Well no one can tell you, I already said. Only the Tallests know." Mek looked at him suspiciously. "Why does it matter?" Zim knew then he'd gone too far. He had to get off this planet and fast. He wasted no more time and bolted out of the lab without a second look back.

He didn't know if anyone was pursuing him or not but within minutes he was in his ship and speeding away from the planet. His own safety wasn't high on his priorities right now. He couldn't stop the shaking in his claws and his chest felt so constricted he thought might suffocate. How could he have let this happen? While he was sat there doing nothing the Dib had been taken from under his nose, and now he might never find him again.

It could be worse he tried to rationalise himself. The boy had been moved not killed, at least that was what he had been led to believe. The information would be there somewhere, he just had to find it. He hastily hacked into the Massive, scanning the ships surveillance cameras before locating the Tallests in their usual luxury room up at the front of the ship. The scene showed nothing out of the ordinary, they were just sat munching on snacks as per usual. A quick scan of the prisons showed that they hadn't had any new inmates in the last couple of days either.

So the boy wasn't on board the Massive he concluded. That only left the rest of the galaxy. His pulse increased further. He literally didn't have the first idea where to look next.

No. Don't panic. Panicking doesn't get results. Zim clenched his fists tightly, consciously trying to calm his breathing to stop his head from spinning. Someone _had_ to know. The Tallests never did anything themselves, so it was just a matter of analysing everyone they had been in contact with in the last day. Zim rapidly hacked into the Massive's communications and brought up a list of all the contacts. His jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw how long the list was.

Investigating each one would take a _very_ long time and he just wasn't sure how much longer the boy could hold out, especially seeing as he didn't know what they would be putting him through next. He had to stop himself from thinking that by the time he found him the human could be long dead. He gritted his serrated teeth against the feeling of overwhelming despair, forcing it back down. He would face that if and when it came to it. If this was the only way, then he was only wasting time. He'd spend the rest of his life searching for him if he had to.

He'd never give in.

* * *

Zim had to remind himself to breathe as he stepped out of his ship. Aliens in every shape and size bustled about down the narrow streets, and it was so noisy it made Zim's antennae ache. Many of them were inebriated in some way, and all of them seemed to be loving it. This was a planet where those who could afford it came to party and enjoy themselves in every way you could think of, and more than a few ways that you couldn't. It wasn't exactly a respectable planet to be found on, but at least it wasn't under Irken rule. Yet.

Zim felt his stern expression stood out a mile off, but he was far too stressed to pretend to be happy so he pulled his hood up to shadow his face and walked briskly on. This place probably didn't see too many Irkens, after all most of them were too busy trying to take over the universe for such frivolous activities.

Eventually Zim came to a stop before the doors to a large establishment, the tall building illuminated with gaudy signs and lights. Zim's pulse accelerated painfully and he had to grab the door frame to steady himself as a bout of dizziness knocked him off balance. For the most part he'd become quite adept to coping with his panic attacks, but this was always the hardest bit. That brief moment of possibility whilst hope still lingered, before it was crushed once again. He'd tried so many places already and each time the disappointment became harder to swallow. Every time the Dib wasn't there he died just that bit more inside.

He gulped his fear back down and stood up straight, regaining control. Better just to get it done with quickly rather than prolonging the agony. If the boy wasn't here he could be on his way instead of wasting precious time. It had already been so long, he mused as he passed through an extravagant reception area and climbed the stairs to one of the upper floors. Even if he did find Dib now he wasn't sure what would be left of him.

As he entered the main room of the venue he threw down his hood so that his eyes could scan the area rapidly. Deep thudding music rumbled in the background and the lights were dim but colourful. The décor was bizarre and lavish to Zim and he found it hard to define which race the style was inspired by, though it was most likely a combination of several. It was truly unlike anything he'd ever seen, he could see why this place was so renowned. Aliens of several species sat about at tables or hidden away in various nooks and crannies socialising, dining and drinking. His heart sank a little though as his first glance determined Dib wasn't in this room. He straightened up and strode towards a nearby bar determinedly. There was still a chance, this was only one room after all.

A few of the aliens glanced at him as he strode across the room. Irkens generally did evoke either a nervous or an aggressive response, it was only to be expected. Though the latter was less desirable it often made things quicker and easier to have people be afraid of him, which was why he kept his form Irken. Besides he had used so many different species as disguises by now that sometimes it was hard to remember which role he was supposed to stick to, it was just easier this way and gave him one less thing to worry about. He had only made subtle changes to his Irken disguise since being Vax the scientist but he knew it was still a necessary precaution. Even if the Tallests had given up searching for him he was sure there would still be a pretty hefty bounty on his head.

The bartender lingered nearby and regarded Zim as he approached. He was a repulsive looking creature, huge and fat with four slit like eyes and knobbly dark purple skin. His name tag read 'Bo'. Zim noted how his manner changed as Bo appraised him. He stood up taller and grinned confidently as he made his way over. He probably knew that a tall Irken usually meant a rich Irken - how wrong he was in Zim's case.

"What can I interest you in today sir? We have an exotic range of foods and drink, and an equally exotic range of servers." The alien winked at him deviously. Zim knew that this institution was famous on this planet for basically being a freak show. The owner obsessed over collecting rare and unusual aliens from the far reaches of the galaxy so that others could come and see them, and those who could afford it could use them however they wanted. Zim clenched his jaw and tried to act casual, leaning against the counter.

"What's your _most_ exotic server?" He gazed at Bo challengingly. The alien beamed, clearly seeing an opportunity for a good sale here.

"We have Xia'Tsa, a stunning beauty from Kra'Li." Bo swiped a chubby finger across a screen on the counter, swiftly bringing up a photo of a slender blue lizard like creature with shining iridescent scales. Zim shook his head disinterestedly and Bo's confident smile slipped before he quickly replaced it and moved onto the next contender.

"There's Swarmmto, a Warrtom from the far-"

"No." Zim cut him off quickly. His nerves couldn't take this floundering, he decided to get straight to the point. "I heard that you have a human here. Is that true?" Zim held his breath as he awaited the answer, this was it.

"Ah, the one from Earth. Yes we still have that one. Are you sure? That's a strange request. No one else has ever heard of a human before coming here so far. We have better options than that one that I might be able to tempt you with sir." Zim barely heard him as his chest nearly exploded with emotions. For a moment the room swam and stars flickered across his vision.

He was here. He'd found him.

"Sir?" Bo prompted.

"Um, yes. That one. I'm sure." Zim's voice came out choked and he cleared it hurriedly.

"Very well." Bo was clearly disappointed at Zim's choice of a lower rate server. "What would you like to book it for? Will the human just be serving you today or would you like a private room?"

"A room please. Soon as possible." Zim realised his claws were trembling and quickly hid them down at his sides.

"Very good sir. I'll go and get everything ready." Bo traipsed off, his footsteps heavy as he plodded out of sight.

Zim gasped for air as the alien left, trying to calm himself. He looked around at the room again and observed the other servers. They all looked fairly miserable and a bit thin but none of them looked injured or ill. He could have found the boy somewhere worse, he tried to reassure himself. There had certainly been some places he'd been glad _not_ to find the boy. At least in a place like this the 'servers' had to be in a sellable condition. It was clean and sheltered at the very least.

He scrutinised the wretched servants while he waited. They all wore similar clothing, simple black silky numbers with purple patterns that flowed elegantly about their bodies, revealing a tasteful amount of skin and flattering each ones unique shape quite well. But it wasn't that that Zim was interested in. His eyes focused in on the collars that they all wore – that would be what kept them here. The device was a slender metal band that was fixed tightly to the flesh of the neck (or the closest equivalent to a neck), a blinking light at the back showing they were active and each one inscribed with the species name in various alien languages. He looked to the doorway and perceived that the security system was indeed connected to the collars. It would probably kill any server that tried to step out of the building instantly. Zim was just grateful that that was all there seemed to be. The collar should be easy enough for him to remove with the aid of his pak.

"This way." Bo announced from a doorway, making Zim nearly jump out of his skin.

Zim followed the alien down a long corridor with many rooms of varying luxury, some open and others engaged. Zim's head raced with thoughts as he lurched along in a dream-like state behind Bo. What if it turned out not to be _his_ human? He suddenly thought, before scolding himself for getting paranoid. There were no other humans to be found beyond Earth, that was why the owner would have wanted to buy the boy in the first place. The Tallests had probably got a healthy sum of monies for him.

"Your room sir." Bo gestured to a door, before bowing his head a little and lumbering off back down the corridor. Zim waited until the monstrous alien was out of sight. His pulse felt so loud he could feel his antennae bouncing along to the rhythm.

This was stupid. What was he waiting for? He tapped the panel to the side of the door and it slid open with a smooth woosh. The room was quite a generous size so he stepped in and quickly made sure the door was locked behind him. Light was filtering in from a window, the red sky of the planet's sunset casting an intense fiery glow into the room. The décor wasn't as opulent as the rest of the building Zim had seen so far, but it was still very pleasant. A figure sat amongst a pile of large, plush cushions by the window, leaning on the windowsill and gazing out at the planet below. Curtains billowed in the breeze obscuring the face, but it was clearly a human.

Zim gulped nervously. Two arms, two legs… he checked off the list of anxieties he had going around his head. Feeling minutely more confident he stepped forward. He could have sworn his pak stalled as the human pulled his head back from outside and turned to look at him, black hair rustling in the breeze. He squinted at Zim briefly before his eyes went wide.

"No… please no! Not an Irken, anything but an Irken!" The boy scrambled backwards against the wall hyperventilating, sending cushions scattering. Zim gawped at him dumbly before he realised he still had his disguise on. He was so stupid! He clicked it off quickly.

"No… Dib it's me! Calm down it's me!" He rushed over to where the boy was trying to press himself into a corner as far as he could. Dib had buried his face into a pillow and refused to look up. Zim knelt down before him amongst the cushions. "Look at me Dib!" Zim spoke more firmly and the boy's trembling finally stilled, and slowly he peeked out from behind the cushion he so fiercely clutched. He was silent for a few intense minutes, his golden eyes staring into Zim's. The tension was agony as Zim awaited some kind of response. Was the boy too far gone? Perhaps his wits had abandoned him.

"But… it can't be you. You're never real." Dib's voice was tiny and pathetic, muffled behind the fabric.

"It _is_ me. I am real Dib." Zim managed a small shaky smile. He reached a claw out very slowly towards the boy and pushed it through his hair gently. Dib flinched and tensed, but as he realised the touch was kind he relaxed, the stroking of his head soothing.

"Zim?" Dib whispered, his voice thick and his eyes growing moist. Zim's smile grew bigger as he nodded.

Dib struggled to sit up, his arms shaking like crazy and tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. He reached a hand out to Zim's face, his pale fingers grazing the green cheek timidly. At last a smile crept across his lips.

"You are real!" He whispered. Zim's squeedily-spooch flipped with emotion as the fingers tickled his face. He gasped as Dib's eyes suddenly became unfocused and the boy went limp, falling against his chest and into his arms. Zim blushed lightly.

"Dib?" He asked softly, but the boy had just fainted. From shock or exhaustion Zim wasn't sure. Perhaps it was the sheer length of time the boy had been holding on for and he could finally feel safe and let go, unable to hold on for a second longer.

For a brief minute Zim allowed himself to indulge in that precious moment, hugging the boy tightly to him like a ragdoll. He couldn't believe how lucky he'd gotten. The Dib was alive, intact, and at least for the moment didn't seem to hate him. Zim buried his face into the messy black mop of hair on the top of the boys head, breathing his scent in deeply. He didn't smell the same anymore of course, not after all he'd been through, but somehow there was still a hint of that unique Dib aroma mixed in with the foreign smells. For the first time in months Zim felt happy, and it very nearly overwhelmed him.

Against all the odds Zim had found him. Dib was safe.

* * *

 _A/N: Eek, I just got meaner and meaner until I couldn't stop. I could have been cruel but I decided to not leave you on a cliffhanger for once! I sure put Dib through hell and back, sorry dib X3 There may not be a vast amount left to this story I am sad to say, I don't want to stretch it too thin and I've already taken it further than I initially intended. There's at least 2 more chapters I'd say but we'll see how I go, I will have a good think about it. Thanks so much for reading!_


	14. Chapter 13

_A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews as always!_ _ **Becki:**_ _I would love to try and think of another story after this one, I just hope I didn't use all my best ideas on this story haha! I have one idea in mind but it needs more inspiration yet. I might turn to drawing some scenes from this story first over on DA, I've been itching to do that but haven't the time to do both._ _ **E:**_ _Thanks so much for that incredible review! It made me feel warm and fuzzy XD I'm irrationally proud I made you cry so much. And what a coincidence… the rating just increased with this chapter ;)_

 _ **Please note:**_ _This chapter backtracks just a little at the start so that you can read Zim finding Dib from Dib's point of view._

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

Dib gazed out of his window distantly. It had been another humid day but the breeze was cool and refreshing as the suns began disappear beneath the horizon. Under different circumstances he might have found the sunset beautiful as it cast fiery colours across the alien landscape. He used to dream of a view like this. He shivered a little as a gust of wind whipped the silky fabric of his top about him. It was sleeveless so it didn't do much to keep him warm at night but the days were usually uncomfortably hot and sticky, especially in the close atmosphere of the club. He lived for these brief moments of peace when he was unneeded and allowed to just rest in his room. He worked long hours every day and they only really fed him enough to keep him alive and able. It was all part of keeping them weak and unable to fight back.

He supposed it wasn't really that bad here but maybe that was just in comparison to where he had been previously. It wasn't as though he _liked_ it here but he was fed and sheltered, and not tortured or experimented on on a daily basis so it was a definitely an improvement. Sure the customers could be unpleasant but at least the club protected them, most of the time at least. Aliens came here from all over the galaxy to see the freaks this place housed. The customers were for the most part allowed to do whatever they wanted to them, so long as they could pay for it and so long as they didn't inflict any permanent damage – they got fined for that. Of course it still happened but Dib considered himself fairly lucky so far. The abuse he did receive was nothing compared to what he'd already been through.

Dib didn't get that many customers compared to some of the others, so he spent most of his days waiting on tables. He guessed he just wasn't attractive enough. Like he cared. It just meant less aliens groping and drooling on him. The only thing that did worry him was what would happen if the owner decided he wasn't getting enough clients to be worth keeping. Dib was sure he had been bought off the Tallests for a fair sum of monies.

He had been on the brink of death when they first brought him here, so he didn't remember too much of it. The club had had no choice but to feed and rest for a time him due to his condition, he'd been in no fit state to work. He vaguely recalled the owner's anger at the mess he'd been in. Of course he was too much of a coward to complain to the Irken leaders so there'd been nothing else he could do. As his condition had improved and lucidity returned to him Dib had become increasingly confused as to where he was and what had happened to him. Of course no one had bothered to explain. He quickly worked out he'd been moved but he had no idea what to expect next and each day he had grown more fearful. They may have cared for him but there was certainly no kindness to their actions, so he could only wonder as to their motives.

Dib wasn't afraid anymore though. Now he just felt numb. After all, what else was there for him to be afraid of? Everything bad he could possibly imagine happening to him had, and then some. He was amazed he was even still alive, he must be stronger than he thought he mused to himself with a grimace. Sometimes he even wondered if he _had_ actually died and this was all just some vivid fantasy.

The wind rustled through his hair and he closed his eyes taking a deep, cleansing breath. He heard the door woosh open behind him but didn't turn to look.

"Make sure you're ready, you've got a customer." He heard Bo shout in before plodding back off. Dib sighed, not bothering to move. He wondered vaguely what this one would want, but work was work.

He gazed up at the sky wistfully. Stars were beginning to show where the sky had turned a purple hue, flickering brightly against the darkness. He wondered if he would ever leave this planet. He wondered if… if Zim was still alive. The last time he could be sure he was still alive was when the Tallest were using him to lure Zim in, but that felt like a lifetime ago now. They'd been very keen to rub it in his face how horrible the traps were that were set for Zim, but as far as he'd known Zim had evaded them all. He could also be long dead though, and that would mean that no one was ever coming for him. He cringed away from that thinking. He had to believe that Zim was still out there somewhere, otherwise he had nothing left to live for.

He felt so conflicted though. It hurt to think that Zim might be out there and _not_ trying to rescue him, but at the same he wanted Zim to be safe. He couldn't bear the thought of him dying trying to save him. But still… how he wished he could see him one last time. Perhaps he had succumb to his depression and switched his inhibitor back on? He could be out there living his life without a thought or a care for Dib. _That_ hurt. It seemed like a likely option too. Dib shook that thought from his head too, this wasn't doing him any good. It was always the same old thoughts spinning pointlessly through his head.

He still dwelled on that day in the labs when he had been close to giving up, when he had been so sure he had heard Zim whisper his name. The words still echoed in his head, haunting him. He realised now that they had probably just been another hallucination. He had hallucinated Zim several times in his desperate state. Whether they had been real or not though it had saved his life, dragging him back from death. Could Zim really have been in that lab with him? He had thought about it so many times. If it had been Zim why hadn't he said anything? Why hadn't he rescued him?

Dib tried to ignore the sound of the door as it opened, allowing his customer to enter the room. His stomach roiled briefly with nerves but he continued to lean out of the window for as long as possible. It wasn't all that common for customers to actually want to bed him but this moment of uncertainty was always the time that managed to bring his fears back out. Not many could afford it he supposed. The club was first and foremost advertised as a freak show. It wasn't publicised as a brothel, it was just willing to accommodate for those who had the money. Some just wanted the company, or to witness him first hand. Some just wanted to be held, and some just wanted to hit something. He lived in dread of those that _did_ want more though.

It was strange, he mused as he pulled at his collar absent-mindedly, he still considered himself a virgin. It never really felt like sex for him as their bodies were so alien and so different to his, they weren't really compatible. It was a plus side of being such a rare and unusual species – no one understood how his body was actually supposed to work. It could also be his downfall of course, for those who enjoyed trying to work it out. Usually he just touched them where and how they asked and they were simple enough to pleasure. He had never got any personal enjoyment out of any of them of course, they weren't interested in pleasuring him after all and most of the time he was physically repulsed by their strange bodies.

He heard his customer approach, but whoever it was remained silent. That was unusual, most of them barged in loudly, not wanting to waste a second of the time they'd paid for. Curiosity got the better of him and he pulled away from the window, turning to face the figure that stood across the room. For a split second he thought he was hallucinating again – he could have sworn Zim stood before him. He squinted, trying to force his eyes to focus without his glasses. It wasn't Zim of course, but it _was_ an Irken.

No way. He could _not_ do this.

"No… please no! Not an Irken, anything but an Irken!" He panicked. Doing it with an Irken… it would just be too heart wrenching. He had so wanted to share himself with Zim but that dream was long dead now. Regardless of his feelings for Zim, though he didn't know what to expect from an Irken they were certainly more humanoid by far than anything else he'd had to satisfy, and that made it more real. His stomach churned sickeningly and he wanted to throw up. He scrambled back against the wall wildly, sure that the Irken was going to hurt him for acting in such a way, cold unfeeling bastards that they were. He panicked and childishly buried his face in a cushion, curling himself up tightly in the corner. If the Irken didn't hurt him first he was so going to get punished by Bo for this, but he couldn't help himself.

"No… Dib it's me! Calm down it's me!" Dib heard the voice but it didn't register. He felt the Irken sit himself close in front of him on the cushions before he spoke again, more forcefully this time. "Look at me Dib!" Wait… had he just said his name? That voice… it couldn't be, could it? Ever so slowly, afraid of breaking the illusion, he pulled his face up from behind the cushion just enough to peek at the face before him. His heart nearly stopped as it landed upon those familiar ruby orbs. He stared at them, waiting for them to change, waiting for the face to turn back into the one he didn't recognise. But it didn't.

"But… it can't be you. You're never real." Dib tested the Irken. Surely that would shatter the fantasy.

"It is me. I am real." The Irken smiled at him. _Zim_ smiled at him. Dib flinched as a claw came towards him and he waited for the pain to come, but instead he felt nothing but the gentle sensation of fingers stroking through his hair. It was the softest, most beautiful thing he'd felt in… he didn't even know how long it had been. He felt some of the tension leave his body.

"Zim?" He whispered questioningly, still waiting for the catch, still waiting for the illusion to break or the dream to end. When Zim simply smiled back him he felt a jolt of adrenaline rush through his body. He clumsily tried to sit up, his weak arms shaking from the shock. He gingerly reached out a hand towards Zim's face. If he could touch him he might believe it. He held his breath as he waited for his fingers to pass straight through the face, but instead they touched the cool, silky skin of Zim's cheek.

"You are real!" Dib could hardly grasp the enormity of the moment. He felt his head spin wretchedly from the adrenaline and suddenly it was more than he could handle. He felt warm arms surround him before everything went black.

* * *

Dib strained his eyes open as he slowly came to, but the room was dark so he couldn't see anything. He felt so stiff and heavy, how long had he been asleep? It was strange, they didn't usually let them sleep for very long. It always felt as though he had only just closed his eyes. He couldn't even remember the last time he had slept this deeply. Had something happened to him? Maybe one of the customers had knocked him out, he tried to remember.

He was sure he'd been having a wonderful dream. It was always harder to wake up and face reality again when he'd been lost in the bliss of a dream like that. He was glad of them though, it was the only place he got to feel any happiness anymore, and the only place he could still see Zim. This one had been particularly vivid, and the weight of reality came crushing down on him as his mind recalled the fantasy. Zim had turned up in his room as a customer - he'd come to rescue him. If only. His heart sank painfully.

He was reluctant to get up but he would probably be in trouble if he slept for much longer. He groggily rubbed his eyes and rolled over, carrying the thick duvet with him. He frowned then, bunching a fistful of the soft, warm covering in his hand. This wasn't his, he didn't have anything this nice. Where had it come from? He tried to look around the room but found it was too dark to make anything much out. He could tell this wasn't his room though, it was much smaller and he'd never had a bed like this. It was so quiet and peaceful too he realised… too quiet. The sounds of frivolity that usually rose up from the streets and the thudding music from the club were missing. He felt a flurry of panic and pushed himself up, stumbling to his feet. Had he been sold again? His hand went quickly to his neck and he gasped – the collar was gone. His pulse quickened. He couldn't remember the last time he hadn't worn any kind of restraint. It should have liberating but he found the freedom strangely terrifying.

He could see a faint light coming from a control panel on a far wall and aimed for that, hoping for a door. It successfully swooshed open and he flinched back from the sudden light. Dib peeked nervously out of the doorway to find a narrow corridor. He quickly summarised he was on a small ship, he could feel the quiet hum of the engines now. There was a small selection of rooms but all of the doors were shut, and there was no sign of any other life forms. His nerves increased as he stepped tentatively out of the warm room into the chill of the passageway. It looked as though the hall opened out to the main control deck at the end of the short corridor to his left. He gulped back his anxiety and headed towards it, leaning against the wall as he went as his legs shook with the weight of his body.

Dib shuffled into the small space and his suspicions were confirmed. He was faced with a broad window looking out into open space, and there was a wide control desk with a single high backed chair in front of it. His breath caught in his throat as he spied a pair of booted feet resting up on the console as whoever it was reclined in the seat. He must have let out a sound then, a sob or something because it alerted the pilot to his presence. The chair whipped around and Dib felt sure he was still asleep.

"It… it wasn't a dream?" His voice rasped from misuse. His legs suddenly gave out and he sank to his knees. Zim rushed out of his chair and to Dib's side in a flash.

"You shouldn't be out of bed, you're still weak." Zim muttered softly, kneeling down in front of him.

"How… just… how?" Dib had so many things to ask but couldn't seem to find the words to ask any of them. Zim looked at him sadly and sighed.

"I'm so sorry Dib." He whispered.

"Sorry? How can you be sorry you just rescued me!"

"You wouldn't have needed rescuing if it weren't for me. And… I'm sorry that it took me so long." He looked down guiltily. Dib's brow creased in thought.

"It all feels so surreal, I don't even know. How long has it been?" Dib wasn't even sure if he wanted to know. If Zim told him it'd been years he didn't think he'd be surprised.

"In Earth time… five months, three weeks and four days." Zim's face scrunched with remorse and he couldn't look Dib in the eye.

Dib reeled. It'd been nearly six months… six months of torture, experiments and abuse. And Zim had clearly been counting every moment.

"I just want you to know… I never stopped looking for you. This whole time, every second of it. When you were on the Massive I was watching every moment, and when you were in the labs I was right there with you." Zim admitted quietly.

"So that _was_ you," Dib gawped at him and Zim gave a small smile.

"I knew you suspected me." His smile soon crumbled as moisture gathered in his eyes. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't get you out of that damned place. I failed you."

"You didn't fail me. I'm here aren't I?" When Zim still wouldn't look up at him Dib lifted a hand to his face and gently turned it towards him, forcing their eyes to meet. "It was me that came after you in the first place remember? And me that pushed you into that escape pod. All I ever wanted was to get you out of there."

"But that was what I wanted too." Zim sniffled.

"It doesn't matter now any way. None of it does, cause we're together now. Just… just tell me that we're safe?" Dib's voice wavered at the end, betraying his fear.

"We should be. I faked your death back at the club so no one should come looking for you. And I've been flying around in this ship for months without being discovered, so I know it's reliable. I don't think they're looking for me that hard now anyway. We should be fine. We're enroute to Earth now."

Dib's heart pounded at the mention of Earth. It seemed so strange that they were going back, he couldn't imagine fitting in there anymore. Not that he ever done though, so nothing would really be that different. He didn't want to hurt Zim's feelings but he was secretly glad. He longed for the peaceful familiarity of his old room, even of Zim's base.

"It should only take a few weeks to get there, the planet you were on isn't so far from your galaxy. You've already been sleeping for a couple of days."

"I was asleep for two whole days?" Dib gawped.

"You needed it." Zim said glumly. "I did what I could for you while you were sleeping, but now that you're awake we should get some food into you."

"You have food?" Dib gasped in surprise. His stomach gurgled loudly on cue. All this time he'd only been on meagre rations, and most of it had been either terribly bland or actively unpleasant. Some of it had even made him sick. The thought of real food made his mouth water and his stomach ache.

"Of course." Zim chuckled and helped Dib to his feet, blushing lightly as Dib wobbled and leaned against him.

Zim led them along the corridor, keeping a tentative arm around Dib's waist to keep him from falling as the boy's feet clumsily stumbled along. Somehow it felt awkward, almost like Zim didn't want to be touching him but Dib tried to shake it off as his imagination, deliberately leaning onto the Irken more heavily just so he could get closer. The sensation of Zim's slender body against his was so exhilarating after months of nothing but hallucinations and dreams. He breathed in his scent eagerly.

They reached what seemed to be a basic utility room and Zim rummaged about until he brought out a small package.

"Sorry it's nothing exciting, but it's probably better than what you've been used to." Zim grimaced as he passed it to Dib. The boy hardly noticed as he eagerly took the packet, ripping the wrapper off urgently.

"W-what is it?" It felt strange to ask after so long of just accepting whatever he could get. The snack seemed to be similar to a sandwich, with some sort of purple-ish filling.

"Probably best you don't ask, you wouldn't know what any of the ingredients are anyway." Zim smiled well-naturedly. "Just trust me okay? It's not so different to Earth food, essentially plant and meat based." Dib began to scoff the food greedily. "Woa… take it slowly okay? You'll make yourself sick after the diet you've been on." Dib's stomach growled angrily in agreement and he paused for breath.

"Yeah… maybe you're right." Dib faltered uncertainly. They stood in comfortable silence for a bit as Dib waited for his stomach to settle. Zim leaned against the counter casually, watching him with gentle concern as the boy gripped his belly. As the pain eased Dib glanced across and their eyes locked, and he found he couldn't stop staring at the Irken.

"It's so amazing to see you again Zim. I wasn't sure if I ever would. I'm still not even convinced this is real." Zim flinched in surprise at Dib's words before looking down at his feet ruefully. Dib took a step closer to him and placed a gentle hand on Zim's face, yearning to touch him and be close. "Please don't look so sad all the time."

"But I… I just can't bear it. Everything you had to endure…because of me…"

"And you saved me from it. It's over now." Zim's eyes darted nervously to the branded Irken logo that was just visible above the neckline of Dib's top.

"It'll always have happened though." He said regretfully.

"If we always let it get to us though it's like they're still winning." Zim still wouldn't look Dib in the eye.

"How can you be so strong after everything you've been through?" Zim uttered despairingly.

"I dunno." Dib shrugged. "I don't feel strong, I just feel grateful." When Zim continued to look miserable Dib attempted to lighten the mood. "Shouldn't this be the other way around? Shouldn't you be comforting me after all I went through?" Dib smirked in good humour and Zim gasped in shame.

"I-I didn't meant to… it's just… after all this time… and knowing that it was my fault..." Zim floundered.

"Zim." Dib sighed, his smile fading. "I want… no. I need to put all this behind me. If I don't I'll never be able to deal with everything that happened. Blaming yourself and feeling guilty all the time isn't going to help anything, I hate it. I just want to go back to how we were, how we should have been before it all went wrong. I just want to forget." Dib closed his eyes and tried to stop himself from shuddering.

"How can we?" Zim whispered.

"Well I guess it won't ever be quite the same, but can't we accept that this made us stronger? I mean, look at everything you did for me."

"And everything you went through for me."

"Exactly." Dib said promptly, and Zim finally met his eyes. He could tell what Zim needed to hear, and even though he didn't feel like he needed to say it for himself he said it for Zim's sake. "Zim, I forgive you." It did the trick, and Zim's crimson eyes went huge and shone with emotion.

"You can't mean it…"

"I do." Dib managed a small smile. "What did you think that I would hold this all against you personally? That I'd end up hating you for it?" Zim looked away shamefacedly. "Don't be so silly." Dib chuckled and he couldn't hold back any longer, leaning forwards to press their lips softly together.

He felt Zim flinch in surprise but he didn't recoil. It had been so long since they had done this and they were both nervous, but adrenaline and excitement soon kicked in. Dib parted his lips hopefully and Zim's tongue snaked in right away, making his cheeks grow hot. He wrapped his arms around Zim's waist, drawing him in tight to his body. Dib gasped as the serpentine tongue coiled around his own, the sensation exquisite. He dub his nails into Zim's back desperately wanting them to be closer still, but he felt Zim's grip loosen somewhat and pulled back, looking searchingly into his eyes.

"Dib…" Zim huffed catching his breath, his cheeks flushed dark green. "You're recovering from months of torture and abuse…"

"It doesn't matter, I want you," Dib tried to lean in again keenly but Zim resisted, turning his face away.

"It _does_ matter. You need to rest." He gazed at the boy worriedly.

"Don't treat me like I'm fragile Zim, haven't I proven how much I can handle?" Dib grumbled.

"Dib if I weren't holding you up right now you'd be on the floor." Zim grinned, and Dib realised it was true. He hadn't noticed how heavily he was leaning on the alien. He shifted his weight so that he was supporting himself once more and suddenly remembered how exhausted his body still was. He had been worn so thin. He pulled back reluctantly, feeling frustrated but kept a firm grip on Zim's hips so that the Irken couldn't escape.

"Just rest some more okay?" Zim did his best to smile at the boy reassuringly.

"Only if you promise to stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere Dib." Zim promised him. He never wanted to let the boy out of his sight again. "Come on." He took the boys arms from his waist and began guiding him back to his room. As they reached the doorway Dib peered in, the light from the hallway illuminating the small space that he hadn't been able to see before. It was mostly filled by the bed.

"I'm sorry it's such a tiny room, it's only a small ship but it's good and fast and I didn't want it to stand out. I tried to make the bed as human as possible. Is it comfortable enough?" Zim asked as he led Dib over.

"It's perfect, thank you." Dib smiled. Zim nodded, turning to leave but Dib grabbed his arm.

"Please… don't go. Just stay." Dib's frailty showed then as his small voice shook, and Zim could hardly refuse.

Zim closed the door and pulled off his gloves and boots as he once had oh so long ago, and climbed onto the bed as Dib got comfortable under the sheets. Before he lay down Zim leaned over and tapped a switch on the wall, opening the shutter from a small window that Dib hadn't realised was even there. Dib gazed gleefully at the stars, feeling content as they cast a soft, peaceful light into the room.

Zim settled into the bed and Dib instantly scooted up next to him, wrapping his arms around the Irken's skinny waist and pulling him in close. Zim blushed as he returned the gesture, his arms embracing the Dib's bony body as the human's head rested against his chest. Great Irk he was so thin.

"Don't be gone when I wake up. Please." Zim knew the boy was talking to himself really, and it tore his heart up to think that he still didn't quite believe he wasn't dreaming. The Dib's breathing soon deepened as sleep took him, and Zim thought over everything that had happened.

He couldn't believe the boy could forgive him just like that. He had half expected the journey back to Earth to be painfully awkward, and that the Dib would hate him with a burning passion. This was more than he ever could have hoped for, but he didn't feel like he deserved it. Still, the boy was responding well to treatment and should be able to gain a reasonable amount of weight before they reached Earth.

He was so damn lucky. He had to keep telling himself that. Not only had he managed to find the boy but he was in surprisingly good condition. Aside from the various scars and the branding he didn't seem to have suffered any permanent damage. He could easily have lost a few limbs or even his mind, but he seemed… okay. Zim smiled at the ceiling.

Maybe, just maybe, things would be okay.

* * *

The next time Dib awoke his head felt somewhat clearer. He still had a nervous moment of doubt as to whether Zim's rescue had been a dream within a dream, but he quickly relaxed as he rolled over to find the Irken lying in bed next to him. He smiled softly as he gazed at the Irken's face. He seemed to be asleep – he was lying on his side facing him, his expression peaceful. Dib reached out for the green claws that lay between them, gently clasping their fingers together. He loved it when Zim took his gloves off, he loved feeling the silky texture of his alien skin. Zim's eyes instantly opened and looked into his.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Dib apologised.

"I wasn't sleeping, I was just resting." Zim muttered softly, giving a big sigh and stretching a little. "How are you feeling?" Dib thought for a moment.

"Good. I feel good." He grinned at the novelty of it. Sure his body still felt stiff and not capable of much, but nothing actively hurt for once.

"I'm glad." Zim smiled warmly back at him and Dib felt butterflies twirling excitably in his stomach. Zim seemed more optimistic than before, and right now there wasn't a hint of sadness to be found on his face. Unable to help himself he cuddled up closer to Zim and pulled the Irken in tight for a hug. Zim tensed briefly before Dib felt him relax and nuzzle his face into Dib's chest. His heart beat faster and he was sure that Zim could feel it pounding given where his head rested.

They lay like that for a time and Dib let his mind wander. He felt so happy in this moment. He felt as though he would be completely content if nothing ever changed and they never even got back to Earth. Just here and now on this ship, in this room, everything was perfect. But what _would_ happen once they got back to Earth? He wondered how he would explain his absence and whether anyone was even searching for him. Would he just carry on like before? Going to school? Getting a job? Living a mundane life? It all felt so ordinary after what he'd been through. In a way he wanted the normality, at least for the time being. He just wanted some peaceful recovery time for now but that didn't mean he always would. He couldn't imagine being happy with a human life, but then he'd always wanted more than that. Now that he'd had a taste of the stars Earth would seem so small.

More important though was what Zim was planning on doing. He had no real reason to stay on Earth now that the pretence of him being an invader was completely gone, but he had no reason to go anywhere else either, especially with him being on the run. Dib hoped that he would stay, that he would _want_ to stay with Dib, but all that had happened just highlighted how much their two lives really were worlds apart. How could Zim ever be happy living a humdrum human life? He _wasn't_ human, so it wasn't fair of Dib to expect him to live like one.

"Zim…" Dib began nervously.

"What is it?" Zim pulled back from Dib's chest so that they could face each other. Dib's hands slid from the Irken's back to his arms as he withdrew, and began stroking them distractedly as he thought of how to ask.

"If you're taking me back home, then… what are you gonna do?" Dib was truthfully terrified of the answer and waited tensely.

"I don't know." Zim admitted. "I guess I don't have a purpose anymore. I don't belong anywhere." Zim looked away glumly, fiddling with his claws.

"You could belong with me." Dib blurted out before he could think, his face reddening. "I mean… you could stay on Earth?"

"Is that what you want Dib?" Zim asked seriously. The last thing he wanted was to be apart from the boy, after all he was the only being in the whole universe that had ever cared for him. But he wasn't sure the Dib would want that constant reminder of what had happened to him.

"Of course it is! What, did you think I would _want_ you to leave?" Dib exclaimed urgently.

"I… I wasn't sure." Zim conceded ruefully.

"You better not leave. You hear me?" Dib gripped Zim's arms tighter, a hint of panic in his voice. "What was the point of any of this if not to find each other again?"

"To save you from unendurable pain? To get you safely back home?" Zim said in mild confusion, and Dib just smiled and shook his head.

"Home is where you are Zim. I don't care about Earth." Dib spoke softly, his voice thick. "Please… please don't leave." Zim stared at the boy intensely as he begged, the silence between them stretching out.

"Zim will stay… if you want." Zim eventually uttered in a tiny voice, looking away bashfully.

"Only if it's what you want as well." Dib said uncertainly, causing Zim's eyes to flicker back to his momentarily before looking away again. He curled in on himself self-consciously bringing his arms in to his chest, his claws hiding his mouth and muffling his voice.

"You're the only thing I want in the whole universe." Zim's voice had gotten so small now that it was barely audible, and his cheeks darkened. Dib's own face turned bright red once he realised what Zim had said. He beamed and gently pulled Zim's hands away from his mouth so that he could lean across and land a soft kiss to the alien's lips.

It was such a shy and tender kiss but it felt so meaningful. Zim could feel the heat radiating from the Dib's face, bathing his skin in warmth. His claws clasped at the boys chest, his fist bunching the fabric of Dib's t-shirt tightly as their lips danced together. He felt the boy sigh deeply into the kiss as their lips finally parted and he cracked his eyes open.

"I still can't believe I found you." Zim admitted softly, their faces close. His mind reeled at the thought of what might have become of the human if he hadn't.

"I never thought to ask, how did you get me out of there?" Dib rubbed absent-mindedly at his neck, almost surprised not to find the collar there as he realised he had fallen into the old habit. He flinched as his fingers grazed against the small wound where the device used to pierce his flesh.

"Oh please, that place? That was easy." Dib smiled as Zim seemed to regain a little of his confidence.

"Still though, how? That collar was supposedly integrated with my spine. How did you take it off without… you know, paralysing me or something?"

"There's little security that can stand up against the tools I have in my pak now. I had plenty of time to modify and add to them. It just took some finesse and a bit of skill." Zim looked a little smug. "After that I just spirited you out of the window using my spider legs. Once you were safe I went back to the room and reactivated the collar before throwing it out of the window. The collars explode with quite a force when they pass a boundary so it would have conveniently incinerated you before you hit the ground, so I ran to the bartender and said how you'd had enough and committed suicide. He tried to fine me for it but he couldn't prove anything in the end. When he went to check the surveillance he found the footage of that room was corrupted." Zim smirked at his own cleverness. "Like I said, it was smeets-play compared to some of the other things I had to do in order to find you. The Tallests clearly never thought I would find you." His grin faded as he mentioned his leaders.

"Woa… cool." Dib said in awe as he thought it over. "I bet Bo was pissed. Man I hope he got in trouble." Zim eyed the boy curiously.

"Dib…" He started but found he couldn't muster the question.

"Go on?" Dib prompted him when he didn't respond. Zim looked away, frowning sheepishly.

"No, it's nothing."

"Just say it." Zim stared at him for a moment but Dib's gaze was unfaltering.

"I was just wondering… what happened to you while you were there." Zim felt bad now for asking, but for some reason he couldn't leave it alone. He knew every little detail of what the boy had been through at the labs and on board the Massive, so it felt strange that his time at the club was a mystery. Part of him knew it might be better not knowing, but he just had to know. He knew what some of the customers went there were looking for and it tied knots in his guts thinking about it.

Dib hadn't been expecting this and he regretted pushing Zim now. He rolled onto his back, frowning lightly up at the ceiling.

"It wasn't so bad really. I mean I didn't get tortured or experimented on so it was definitely an improvement." Dib meandered around the answer. Zim looked at him expectantly, waiting patiently for him to continue. Eventually Dib sighed and carried on. "Mostly it was just serving people their food or drinks. Sometimes they just wanted to spend time with someone or talk to me. I had to clean up the tables and the kitchens sometimes, stuff like that." He paused again. "Sometimes it was worse." Zim's breath caught in his throat as Dib let those words hang in the air.

"Sometimes they did hurt me physically, but they usually got fined for that. Some of them…" He couldn't bring himself to say it. Back then it hadn't really mattered as much as long as it hadn't brought physical pain, and knowing he would be fed and left alone afterwards if he behaved. But now that he was safe again it was different. And to admit some of the things he'd had to do, to Zim of all people… it was actually humiliating.

Zim's heart lurched. It was clear the boy had been forced to commit erotic acts. He had hoped he might have been spared from this. He knew it was silly of him to linger on this fact, it should have been enough that the boy was just still in one piece.

"It's okay Dib. I'm sorry I made you talk about it." Zim backtracked guiltily.

"No… I want to tell you it's just… I guess most of the time I didn't even know _what_ I was doing, so it's hard to explain." He grimaced as he thought back. Some of the aliens he'd had to 'service' had been truly grotesque. "Ughhh," Dib suddenly sat up, holding his hand to his mouth as he heaved. Zim jolted up in alarm. "Uhh. It's okay. Sorry." Dib said, taking deep breathes as the nausea passed. "I just… don't want to talk about what happened there. Okay?" Zim nodded urgently. It was a wonder the boy even wanted to kiss him after what he'd been through.

As he calmed down and his stomach settled Dib looked back to Zim. The Irken was looking at him wide-eyed and anxious. His huge ruby eyes shone beautifully, his delicate frame poised neatly. Dib sighed, smiling.

"I'm so lucky. You're so beautiful." Zim's eyes bugged in shock, totally caught off guard.

"Um… thank you, I think." Zim blushed furiously, not really sure how to take the compliment. Dib's smile only grew at Zim's adorable coyness. Zim was about to say, 'are you sure you can see straight' when he suddenly realised. "Oh, I almost forgot." Zim suddenly hopped off the bed nimbly and grasped something from a counter. "I made you these."

Zim climbed back onto the bed and held something out to him. Dib gasped as he realised it was a pair of glasses. It had been so long since he'd worn a pair, his had been long since broken and forgotten back on the Massive. He almost couldn't remember what it was like to see the fine detail in things, or to not have a constant headache.

"How… where did you get these?" Dib said in awe as he placed them eagerly on his face. He blinked hard as his eyes tried to adjust. It took a moment before everything came into sharp focus once more. "Wow, they're perfect!"

"I scanned your eyes whilst you were unconscious. They were simple enough for the computer to recreate." Zim watched pleased as Dib looked around the room at things, just enjoying the sensation. It finally seemed like his Dib was back again, seeing him wearing those strange visual aids. He could probably correct the boy's eyesight permanently quite easily, but somehow he just didn't seem like his Dib without his glasses.

"That's so much better. Thanks Zim!" He suddenly looked down at what he was wearing, not having thought of it before now. "You made these clothes too?" Zim nodded. It was just a loose fitting plain blue t-shirt, and on his legs he wore something halfway between trousers and leggings, a soft but resilient black material that fitted slimly to his legs, much like Zim's own trousers.

"I'm sorry they're so basic, I don't know much about human clothes. There are some more layers if you're cold."

"No they're fine. Better than fine, they're great. Thank you Zim." Dib thought about it for a moment before something else occurred to him. Zim had dressed him… he blushed furiously, but then he realised Zim had also been there in the lab. He'd been naked for a lot of the experiments of course, but not only that it had always been Zim who had cleaned him up afterwards. He cringed and buried his face in his hands.

"What's wrong?" Zim's antennae quirked in confusion.

"Nothing." Dib groaned from behind his hands. He peeked out from between his fingers and saw Zim continuing to stare at him questioningly. "I just feel a bit… ashamed. By how pathetic I was in the labs. And fainting on you like that at the club too." He knew how stupid he sounded given the circumstances, but it was funny how things that were so unimportant became significant now that he was safe.

"Dib… it was incredible you were even alive, how can you feel embarrassed? You survived so much!" Zim was totally baffled.

"Ugh. It's just… no one's ever seen me so… vulnerable before." Dib attempted to point out his meaning, absent-mindedly tugging his t-shirt down. Zim's eyes widened as he finally caught on.

"Oh, well. You know. It was just necessary to look after you." He knew humans valued their modesty, most organisms were much the same. He himself had never allowed anyone to see him out of his uniform, but then there had never been a time were such a thing would even occur. Dib was probably the only one who had even seen his bare hands and feet. He felt a little guilty that it clearly bothered the boy, like he'd invaded his privacy. How would he feel if the tables were turned? It did seem instinctively like a personal thing to expose one's self. They sat awkwardly in silence.

Dib gulped nervously and decided to take this opportunity. If it didn't go down well he could always play it off as a joke.

"Maybe you should even up the odds." He tried to keep his voice from trembling but wasn't entirely successful.

"What?" Zim looked up in alarm. It was like the Dib had read his mind. Was he really suggesting what he thought?

"You know. Let me see you in return for seeing me all those times." Dib couldn't meet Zim's eyes as he said it, trying to act cool but turning beetroot red instead. Zim didn't know what to say, he suddenly felt so shy. His cheeks had never given off so much heat before.

"I'm nothing special to see… really." Zim fidgeted with his sleeve, mentally toying with the idea and still trying to decide if the boy was serious. This made Dib look back over, and he scooted closer to the Irken.

"I think you are. I think you're stunning." Their eyes locked then and the intensity of the moment was almost tangible. Dib reached out nervously, his hands trembling as he put them on Zim's hips, feeling for the hem of his red invader top and catching the bottom with his fingertips. He searched Zim's eyes desperately – he didn't want to push his luck. The last thing he wanted was to force Zim into doing something he didn't want to do. But he saw only a look of nervous anticipation in the Irken's eyes as he slid his fingers underneath the top and up Zim's smooth torso, pushing the top ever so slowly up with them. Was he really doing this? He must be mad.

Zim shivered at the sensation but didn't resist. He was apprehensive but another part of him didn't want the Dib to stop. The feeling of the boy's warm fingers brushing against his cool skin was both soothing and exhilarating. As Dib reached Zim's armpits he waited to see if Zim would lift his arms for him. It was like waiting for consent to continue. Zim knew it was his chance to decline if he wished, but he slowly raised his arms and allowed Dib to carry on.

Dib's pulse quickened with relief and excitement and he pulled the top keenly up and over Zim's pak and head, being careful of his delicate antennae. Zim smiled a little at Dib's tenderness. He was such a gentle and caring creature, even now after all the brutality he had faced. Dib gazed down at Zim's exposed chest, the pale green skin smooth and perfect.

Zim wasn't sure what to do next. He knew that the undressing ritual was how humans started their sexual endeavours from his research, but he didn't know if this was on Dib's mind or whether he was genuinely just curious to see his body. He didn't want to make any mistakes, but it felt like he should be removing Dib's top. He just didn't know if he had the guts and part of him didn't want to see the scars or the branded mark. He wondered if Dib would rather never be naked again because of them.

In truth Dib didn't know how to progress either. Taking off Zim's top was one thing, but taking off his trousers was another altogether. At least it was for humans, perhaps Irken's didn't even have anything down there? He so wanted to find out, though he was admittedly a little afraid of how disappointed he would feel if there wasn't. Zim was the first to break the tension, he couldn't handle it any longer. He just needed to know what the Dib wanted.

"Aren't you going to continue?" He uttered quietly as his face flushed darkly. "I thought you wanted to see me?"

"I do," Dib swallowed nervously, "I just wasn't sure if you were okay with it or not."

"It's fine, I'm just nervous. No one's ever seen me like this before." Zim said timidly. He fiddled with the hem of Dib's t-shirt without realising what he was doing, but Dib noticed.

"We could do it together if it would make you feel more comfortable?" Dib offered, and Zim looked up at him hopefully. With that Dib quickly lifted his top up and over his head, discarding it to the side. Zim's face fell as his eyes landed on the Irken logo. It had healed quite well in all honesty, but it still stood out starkly against the boys pale skin. Dib saw Zim's reaction to the mark and sighed.

"It's not so bad. I guess it just means I'm yours now right?" Dib grinned cheekily. Zim couldn't believe the boy was being so reasonable about it, going as far as to make jokes. But it did the trick, and he even managed a small smile. He ran a claw over the mark gently, causing Dib to shiver. Zim blinked as goose pimples rose on the boy's skin and looked up at him inquisitively. Dib had a strange look in his eyes then, and suddenly Zim became overly aware of how close they had gotten.

Some kind of instinct took over Dib in that moment. He closed the distance between them, keenly pressing their lips together. He teased Zim's lips with his tongue until they parted, and his excitement trilled as Zim's tongue slithered into his own mouth. Zim's tongue had more reach than his own and the sensation of it exploring his mouth was intoxicating.

Dib began to move his hands down Zim's back, massaging the skin lightly before gaining enough confidence to slip his hands down to Zim's waist, grasping him firmly by the hips. It was getting awkward with the way they were sitting and Dib wanted to get closer, so he used his grip to pull Zim down with him as he lay them both back in the bed. He pulled the sheets up around them so that Zim would feel less exposed and returned to kissing him, hugging him in closer so that the fronts of their bodies were pressed against one another. It was rare enough that he even got to feel Zim's hands ungloved, so the feeling of so much of their bare skin touching was incredible. He cringed as he realised how aroused he was and wondered whether Zim could feel it, and whether he knew what it meant. His words from earlier echoed through his head.

" _That night… I was coming to tell you that I wanted to stay with you, that I was ready to try things…"_

Try things… how much did Zim really know about sex? Enough to understand what he was doing with Kat clearly. Regardless, the need within him was growing with every moment and he wanted Zim so badly. He decided to test the boundaries, slowly pressed his lower region a bit closer against Zim, trying to make it seem coincidental but also hoping that he would notice.

Zim did notice of course, and he did understand. It was only science really. The Dib was of a young-adult age and this was a reaction caused by his human bodily urges to mate. He found it strange but somehow thrilling that the boy's body should react to his own in such a way, defying nature, but he couldn't deny that he felt something too. In Irken years he was in much the same stage of life himself. When he felt the boy's organ press against his own crotch he felt his body react. He felt… strange… down there.

Naturally all Irken paks contained the anatomy and science of the Irken body, but less clear was the _usage_ of some of those parts as they had faded from importance. At this point he knew better what humans liked than what Irkens did. He felt an instinctive urge though, one that had not quite escaped evolution yet. He just hoped he could trust his body to know what to do, but also that their bodies would turn out to be compatible. Given how similar the rest of their anatomy was he didn't see why not.

As Zim felt the Dib thrust himself against him once again he decided to take a leap of faith. The boy clearly wanted to be touched, so he ran a hand down to the area and touched the hardness through his trousers. Dib gasped in surprise into Zim's mouth and pulled the Irken tighter, his nails digging into the skin of Zim's back. Gratified by the response Zim began to stroke the area gingerly, growing in confidence as the Dib let out a whimper and pressed himself more firmly into his hand. Zim smirked but Dib quickly wiped the look off his face by reaching up and grasping one of his antenna between his fingertips.

Zim melted under the touch as Dib began to massage the delicate stalk. It made him tingle all over and sent all kinds of crazy hormones rushing through his body. He wondered if this was how Dib felt as he stroked his organ and decided they had similar roles. He fretted that Dib might get a bit overzealous like last time and end up hurting him, but this time definitely felt different. Though he was intense and eager he wasn't being rough or forceful, it just felt passionate. Zim opened his eyes a little as he felt Dib's other hand grasping at the waist band of his trousers. He tugged at them shyly and Zim could see his brow crinkle as he tried to work up the guts to pull them off him.

Dib broke the kiss for a moment and opened his eyes to find Zim looking at him curiously, his eyes slightly glazed over. Zim gave him a tiny nod of permission and Dib's heart pounded as he slowly began tugging the black material down. Zim pulled them the rest of the way off as Dib removed his own quickly. Dib was glad of the sheets covering them then as he felt his exposed erection lie between them, feeling bashful even though he knew Zim had already seen him.

"Are you okay with this?" Dib whispered to Zim, trying to reassure himself just as much. He was so excited and nervous to discover the alien's slender green body. Zim simply nodded in response, he couldn't seem to remember how to talk right now.

Dib leaned in to resume the kiss as his hands began to wander over Zim's lithe body. He slid a hand down Zim's front, his pulse racing as his fingers reached lower and lower. He held his breath as fingertips grazed over smooth skin where he expected… _something_ to be, but kept them moving until he felt a part in the skin. Zim instinctively flinched back breaking the kiss, his eyes huge as Dib's fingers hovered there and Dib felt the Irken's body go rigid. Was Zim like a girl? It didn't really matter to him as long as something worked, it just hadn't been what he was expecting. He had never had much preference for girls or boys, he'd not really given it any thought. Apparently it was aliens that turned him on.

Dib gulped nervously and applied some pressure to the parting, and finding it slightly moist his fingers slipped in slightly. It was Zim's turn to whimper now. Dib began massaging an antenna once more and the combination of sensations had Zim writhing next to him. He smiled in amusement at Zim's face until he felt something bulge under his fingers. He looked to Zim questioningly but the Irken was miles away. He tried to press against the resistance and found something wet suddenly popped out in his hand.

"Aghh!" Dib exclaimed, his hand recoiling.

"What?" Zim panted, his faced dazed. Dib couldn't stop himself. He propped himself up on one arm and pulled the sheets back to look at Zim, who blushed furiously. An organ seemed to have emerged from Zim's opening, and Dib watched as it hardened and grew erect, not dissimilar to his own. It reminded him of Zim's tongue – slender and ridged, tapering down to a point. Zim looked at Dib indignantly. "What's wrong? I didn't react like that to you!"

"I'm sorry Zim, I just… I wasn't expecting it!" Dib couldn't help but giggle at Zim's pouting face. "Besides that's not fair, you'd already seen mine." Dib gazed at it some more, biting his lip distractedly. He felt a surge of confidence then as desire overwhelmed him. He still wasn't sure how this was going to work, but he was damn sure he was gonna find out.

He set Zim beneath him, grabbing some pillows to support his head where the Irken's pak made being on his back awkward. Dib leaned over Zim and drew their bodies up against each other, their organs both tingling with exhilaration as they touched one another's between them. He returned to kissing Zim passionately and began fondling the other antenna this time, whilst his other hand returned to Zim's crotch to touch the newly exposed flesh.

Zim groaned under him as the human's soft fingers caressed his length, rubbing it up and down. It felt incredible so Zim reached his own hand down to feel Dib for the first time and began mimicking his actions. Dib almost drew blood from biting Zim in surprise as the claws wrapped around him and began stroking, but Zim surprised him by kissing him back just as fiercely, his actions growing more frenzied by the moment. He just prayed he could last long enough.

Dib moved his fingers down Zim's erection to where it emerged from the opening, still curious. He tested the entrance and found that there was room to slip his fingers inside, so he pushed them into the tightness deeper than before. Zim wriggled from the sensation and Dib couldn't tell it felt good to him or not.

"Does it hurt?" Dib whispered, his breath hot against Zim's mouth.

"No, just… just go slow…" Zim winced as Dib began to thrust his fingers inside him, but it seemed to get easier and soon Zim appeared to be enjoying it. After a while Dib couldn't hold back on the temptation anymore. He pulled away slightly and took Zim's claws from his throbbing erection. He positioned himself over Zim's entrance.

"Promise you'll tell me if I'm doing something I shouldn't?" He looked at Zim firmly, and the Irken nodded nervously.

"It should work… just… be gentle." Zim's voice shook a little and Dib cupped his face with his hand.

"I don't want to hurt you. Are you sure you want to?" Dib whispered, their faces close.

"Yes, I want to. I want you to." Zim said with more certainty this time, matching Dib's gaze determinedly.

Dib pushed himself against Zim's opening and began to ease his way inside the tight passage. His breath caught in his throat at the feeling, the ridges of Zim's organ grazing against his as they passed inside him. Zim grimaced and gripped onto Dib's arms tightly, his eyes screwed shut and his teeth gritted.

"Zim?" Dib panted worriedly. He was hyper aware that Zim's body wasn't designed to match his own, and he was so afraid of injuring the Irken.

"Slow…" Was all Zim could choke out. Dib paused to lean down and press a kiss to the Irken's green forehead, and began softly caressing his antenna once more. It had the desired effect and as he felt Zim begin to loosen up and relax beneath him started to move again, drawing himself slowly in and out of the moist opening.

God this feeling… it was more than Dib could ever have hoped for. To think that mere days ago he was a barely fed slave, thinking that that was it for the rest of his life, that he'd never be happy or see Zim again. He wished he could go back and tell his past self how worth it it had all been.

Dib soon became aware that he couldn't hold himself back much longer, it was his first time after all. He glanced at Zim's face to find the Irken was definitely finding it pleasurable, but he didn't even know if sex was the same for Irkens. Would Zim climax?

Dib shifted his body weight onto the arm that was handling Zim's antennae, propping himself on his elbow to free up his other hand. As the action brought them closer he had the strongest urge to taste Zim's skin, so he leaned in to his soft, immaculate neck and began kissing and nibbling at it. Zim squirmed under the touch appreciatively. Dib traced his free hand tantalisingly down the length of Zim's body until it reached his erect organ, feeling its alien texture before taking it into the palm of his hand and beginning to stroke it again, more firmly this time.

"Oh Irk…" The words escaped Zim's mouth as the ecstasy began to overwhelm him. Dib grinned into his neck and began to move his hips harder and deeper. It was all getting too much for him, he was definitely going to finish soon. Another thought occurred to him then, and he worriedly struggled the words out whilst trying not to slow.

"Zim," He panted, "Do you need me to pull out?"

"Uhh…" Zim didn't manage words the first time so Dib prompted him.

"If I finish inside you will it hurt you?" Dib just hoped Zim really had done his research, and knew what he meant.

"It's fine… just… don't stop," Zim gasped. He knew it probably wasn't sensible, who knew what the human's fluids were made of. But right now he just didn't care. His whole body was in a frenzy. Who knew this mating thing could be so incredible? He felt like he was going to burst. He winced a little as Dib began to pound harder into him, but the pain was somehow clouded by the pleasure it also brought, causing the sensations to come to a peak. He cried out as waves of climax racked his body, clutching onto the Dib as the boy continued to thrust into him.

Dib looked down at Zim as he called out, and when he realised the Irken was climaxing the sight of Zim lying beneath him with that look on his face tipped him over the edge. He thrust one last time into Zim as he let everything go, groaning at the sweet release. His body collapsed over Zim's and he lay on top of the Irken as they both gasped for breath. After a few moments Zim flapped a claw ineffectually at the Dib's hand which still gripped his antennae.

"Too… too sensitive," It took a minute for Dib's brain to function again before he released the delicate appendage. He gave the Irken a quick kiss on the cheek before carefully sliding out of him and rolling off to one side. They both lay on their backs panting, savouring the sensations as they began to subside.

"Wow." Was all Dib could manage. Words couldn't really do what had just happened between them justice. He knew sex didn't equal love, but man… did he love that little green lizard right about now. He rolled his head to the side to gaze at Zim as the Irken lay there with his eyes shut.

"I can see why humans are so obsessed with sex now." Zim spoke breathlessly. "You'll never conquer any planets while that's an option instead. Perhaps your race should consider eradicating the temptation so that you can finally progress." Zim teased, smirking. Dib leaned over and grinned at him mischievously.

"I think I'll take the sex thanks." He reached over and planted a soft kiss to Zim's lips.

Zim reached a hand down to himself and felt the moisture that was beginning to escape from his entrance.

"What have you left inside me?" Zim asked curiously, bringing his claws back up to his face to inspect the stuff.

"Sorry. I got some of yours on me too you know." Dib teased, nodding towards the mess Zim had left on his own belly. "Is it hurting you?" He asked with real concern now. It may not be pure water but everything human had some water content, it was bound to irritate the Irken especially in such an intimate area.

"No, well I don't think so. Everything's a bit sore at the moment anyway." Zim shifted and cringed a bit. "I'd better go clean myself though to be safe." Zim made to get out of the bed but Dib grabbed his arm.

"You'll come back won't you?" Dib pleaded and Zim smiled down at him.

"So needy." He smirked, but quickly caved. "Yes, Zim will return. I'll bring you some food too, you need feeding up." With that he swiftly darted from the room.

Dib lay back again, suddenly remembering how tired his body was. He probably hadn't been quite ready for that kind of exertion. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, but his mind wouldn't stop racing. He just couldn't believe that they'd just had sex. Incredible sex. On top of all that he was light-years from Earth in an alien spaceship right now. His head whirled with thoughts.

He didn't stay awake long enough to see Zim return.

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 _A/N: I was so nervous about posting this as I've never written a sexy scene before, so I hope it wasn't awful and cringy. I hope it's not too wordy as well but I just kept getting carried away. I wasn't planning on the sexy times, it just sort of happened. I guess they earned it 8D It was hard to choose what 'bits' I wanted Zim to have, but I like the way he's portrayed in MKLiers 'Discovering You' the best so I couldn't get that image out of my head, so I just ran with it. I kinda like that he might have both parts, like maybe the sexes of Irkens has blurred over time from lack of use or something. I made it up as I went along in all honesty. As for Dib's worry about coming inside Zim, he was purely worried it would hurt him, not that he would get him pregnant or anything, before anyone starts guessing that's gonna happen. Stories where one of them gets pregnant are really a no go for me. Different species on this planet can't even get each other pregnant so there's no way in hell it would work with an alien, and I think they're both smart enough to know that so they're not worried. I mean no offense and each to their own, I'm just saying I would never write a baby/preggers fic._

 _As always thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it :3_


	15. Chapter 14

_A/N: I'm sorry this has taken me so long to update D: I've been so busy lately and then when I finally sat down to write I had writers block. **Becki:** I am waruiokamix on DA. There's not much up there yet, but hopefully I will get a chance to finish the multitude of rough sketches I started! Thanks as always, I do have at least one more chapter after this one :)_

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 **Chapter 14**

It had been a couple of weeks now since Zim had rescued Dib from slavery, and they drew ever closer to Earth. They hadn't spent much of this time out of Dib's bed. Admittedly Dib had been asleep for much of it but when he wasn't they spent most of their time exploring one another's bodies. It was all starting to feel like a very surreal dream, but as their destination grew nearer a tension began to build at the thought that this simple, carefree time was coming to at an end. Neither of them really knew how things were going to work out once they reached Earth, it was the constant elephant in the room. They didn't want to talk about it, but it ate away at their minds in private.

Zim felt sure Dib would be fine on Earth, he could see how well the boy had recovered. It was quite incredible really, a testament to his strength. He'd been so worried that there would be lasting damage of some kind, either to the boy's body or to his mind, but other than the multitude of scars that littered his pale skin his body seemed fit and healthy. He was still thin but then the boy had always had a skinny frame, but he no longer looked gaunt and ill. As for his mind the Dib seemed to be fully revelling in their newfound freedom. He had been very clingy at first, panicking every time he awoke if Zim wasn't there, but now much of his confidence seemed restored. Zim marvelled at the boy's seemingly carefree attitude, how could he just spring back to normal after everything he had been through? Most of the time Zim felt like it affected him more than it did the boy.

As for his own future on Earth though… Zim worried. His emotions may make him act more human than before but he was still Irken. Like right now for instance - here he was with nothing to do but wait until the human woke up again, a common occurrence. Zim knew that Dib was still recovering and that was why he was sleeping more than usual, but even now that he was getting back to old self the boy still needed far more sleep than he did.

He didn't mind lying in bed with the boy, he loved it in fact. But he could only do it for so long before he got too restless again. Being alone with his thoughts brought his anxieties spinning back out of control and he had to find something to busy himself with. He'd do his best to fit into a human life with Dib if that was what he wanted, he'd do anything for him. He felt guilty. All he _really_ wanted was to be with Dib but still he worried that it wouldn't be enough, and that life on Earth would leave him unfulfilled. He wanted being with Dib to be enough for him but what if it wasn't?

Zim sighed and meandered over to the compartment where the remaining food was kept, and slid open the door. He gazed despondently at the measly few bundles that were left. His stomach growled angrily but he shut the doors again without touching the supplies. He had been careless feeding the Dib so much at the start, but the boy had been so hungry that he couldn't refuse him. He wished now that he had rationed it of course, there simply wasn't enough to get them back to Earth and he knew it.

Perhaps he could hold out another week, he didn't need much sustenance after all. He closed his eyes and focused on the gentle humming of his pak, feeling the mechanics working harder than usual. His pak energy could sustain him a while longer. He could feel his organic body growing weaker but the power of his pak would keep him alive for a good while without food. He'd lasted this long on just scraps, being careful to make sure the Dib didn't realise how hungry he actually was whilst the boy ate whatever he pleased without a care in the world. Zim would always say that he had eaten while the human was sleeping. His tummy grumbled again and he grimaced.

He'd have to deal with it. The last thing he wanted to do was have to stop for more supplies. He began to calculate in his head how much he could ration to the boy to get him home, and how he was going to broach the subject. He frowned, knowing the Dib would have many questions, the main one being why he hadn't thought to ration the supplies sooner. He heard a sleepy noise from the doorway and turned to see Dib standing there rubbing his eyes groggily and yawning.

"Hey Zim, what you doing?" Dib greeted him drowsily, moving over to wrap his arms around the Irken's shoulders. "Were you getting something to eat?"

"No, I'm not hungry." Zim had to suppress the angry protests of his stomach as he said it.

"Well I am, I'm starving." Dib said as he reached over to the cabinet and grabbed a wrapper. Zim watched him in despair, his mouth hanging open but still he couldn't find the guts to stop him. "What?" Dib asked when he caught the way Zim was looking at him, startling the Irken. "Do you want some?" He offered the sandwich towards Zim.

"No it's fine." Zim turned away and started pottering about, tidying things away so that he didn't have to watch Dib eat.

"You know you're acting kind of weird. You'd tell me if something was wrong wouldn't you?"

"I told you I'm fine." Zim replied a little tetchier than he meant to, but it was hard to keep a level head when he was so hungry. He could see that Dib wasn't convinced and was perhaps even a little hurt by his curt response, but thankfully the boy let it go and was quiet while he finished his meal.

"So… how much further is it?" Dib asked, trying to ease the tension.

"I haven't checked for a while, shall we go and have a look?" Zim made a conscious effort to calm his voice, and Dib nodded. They walked down the short corridor and up to the main control room at the front of the ship. Zim moved swiftly to the control panel, rapidly tapping at the keys to bring their current location up on screen.

"We still have about another week to go." Zim automatically converted their eta into Earth time for Dib. It felt like nothing to him, but he knew it felt longer to Dib and that the boy was starting to get restless. Humans required so much effort and attention.

"What inhabited planets are we near?" Dib asked wistfully as he gazed at the map onscreen. Zim's antennae twitched in irritation but he tried hard to keep his temper from flaring once again. This conversation always ended up the same.

"There's two not so far off course, neither of particular interest. Thromm is a wasteland of a planet, mainly just mined for it's mediocre materials. Saklax is the other. It's just a fairly average planet, there's nothing exceptional about it. And it's cold." Zim reeled off the information disinterestedly but Dib looked up at the map in wonder.

"Have you ever been?" He asked eagerly.

"No." Zim replied bluntly, in a tone which implied 'and I don't plan to.'

"Oh come on Zim, don't you want to get off this ship for a bit? Get some fresh air?" Dib nudged Zim playfully, but Zim remained rigid.

"How do you even know the air there is fresh? It could be deadly to humans for all you know." Zim grumbled.

"You know what I mean Zim." Dib sighed in exasperation, his positivity quickly dissipating as he saw Zim's mood was unchanging.

"I told you no."

"You can't shelter me forever you know. Bad stuff could happen to me on Earth too."

"It's not the same and you know it. Humans have such short memories. Don't you remember everything that just happened to you?"

"Like I'm ever going to forget." Dib's eyes burned intensely into Zim's but his expression soon softened when he realised Zim was more upset than he was angry. Zim broke the stare, looking away shamefacedly.

He was quiet for a moment, absent-mindedly reaching for Dib's hand and fondling his soft digits between his sleek claws. He hadn't bothered to wear his gloves since that night, nor the rest of his uniform. Dib smiled softly as he looked at the Irken standing before him in one of his discarded t-shirts. Zim had stolen it from him one night, and once Dib had cut a hole in the back for his pak to sit comfortably he had been wearing them ever since. The sight was adorable, the casual clothing changed him so much. He almost looked human, though Dib would never tell that to his face. It hung off his lithe frame, much too big for him.

"You're such a fragile creature." Zim whispered.

"I'm not." Dib huffed.

"Out here you are. I feel like you're made of glass." Dib looked at him curiously. "Humans aren't ready for the stars. All the aliens that are out here have evolved to get here. They're tough. Either their bodies got stronger or their technology did. Dib you're like a child next to them, you're so vulnerable."

"That's not-" Dib began to protest but Zim cut him short.

"Other species can sense it a mile off. They'll treat you like humans treat animals because that's what you are to them." Zim looked at him seriously now, his eyes imploring him to give in. Dib sighed in defeat.

"You're strong enough for the both of us." Dib stroked his cheek gently.

"We both know that's not true. I've failed you so many times."

"And you know I don't see it that way." Dib sighed. "Come on, let's not argue about this again." He pulled Zim in close for a hug, squeezing him against his chest. He rubbed reassuring circles against Zim's back, breathing his scent in deeply. He felt Zim relax a bit in the embrace and placed a small kiss to the top of his head. How could he make him see that he would be okay? They couldn't be like this forever. He took Zim's hand and gently led him back to the bedroom.

* * *

It wasn't until a couple of days later that the lack of food began to really take its toll on Zim. In truth he couldn't keep up with the Dib's bodily demands, and he was starting to worry that the Dib would get the wrong idea. Zim's arms trembled as he leaned against the counter in the washroom trying to catch his breath. He would have to go back soon or the boy would start to wonder where he was. He had fled as quickly as possible in the hopes that Dib wouldn't notice how exhausted he was.

"Zim?" Zim heard Dib calling him from the bedroom and tried to straighten himself up, taking one last deep breath. But as he stood up straight the room began to swim, and suddenly the floor was rushing up to meet him.

Dib heard a bang and sat up in the bed. Could that have been…?

"Zim?" He called again louder this time, but still there was no response. He'd thought Zim had seemed off when he had left the room so fast, but then he'd been acting strangely for a few days now. Something was definitely not right. Dib clambered out of bed and hurried down the corridor, heading for the washroom. As he peered inside his heart nearly stopped. Zim's body lay sprawled lifelessly across the floor, his skin a sickly pale green.

"Zim! Oh my god, Zim can you hear me?" Dib crouched down and pulled the limp form up against his chest, gently shaking him by the shoulders and patting his cheeks to try and make him come round.

"Mmm," Zim began to groan, his eyes slowly opening.

"Zim! What happened? What's wrong with you?" Dib panicked, the relief overwhelming as Zim finally opened his eyes. Zim simply blinked up at him for a few moments in confusion, until things finally made sense. His heart sank, there was no getting out of this one. Shakily Zim tried to push himself up but Dib refused to let go of him.

"Zim you're shaking… please, just tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me." Zim looked up in surprise at how fearful the boy's voice had become. He had to tell him now.

"I just… I need something to eat that's all. It's nothing to worry about." He grumbled, looking away shiftily as he let the information sink in.

"W-what? You're just hungry?" Zim nodded. "But why… how can you be _that_ hungry?"

Zim knew the Dib wasn't stupid. He restocked the small cabinet where the boy always got his snacks from regularly from the main supply, which Dib himself had never actually seen. So he had no idea they were running low, and it had never even occurred to him. Zim knew it wouldn't take him long to catch on now though.

"Zim don't lie to me. You expect me to believe you fainted just because…" Dib trailed off as he thought it through, and the penny finally dropped. "We… Zim… are we running out of supplies?" Zim's silence was the only answer he needed and the Irken refused to meet his eyes guiltily. "But I've been stuffing my face! You're telling me you've been letting me just eat whatever I want while you went hungry? What's wrong with you!" Dib's worry quickly flared into anger, releasing his grip from Zim.

"You needed it so badly, you were skin and bone Dib." Zim mumbled as he unsteadily sat himself up.

"Maybe at first but I'm okay now! Jeez Zim… we have to stop at that planet." Dib's gaze turned determined.

"No I can make it." Zim muttered stubbornly.

"Are you kidding me? You can't even stand up right now Zim. We have to stop."

"We can't stop it's too risky, I've already told you! There's enough food for you to make it."

"I don't care. If you don't eat I don't eat." Dib glared at the Irken obstinately, and Zim turned away in frustration. He knew full well the human was tenacious enough to starve rather than concede on this. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a time while they both seethed, Zim unable to think of a retort and as much as he hated to admit it unable to get up. Eventually Dib couldn't take the silence anymore, he wanted to hear Zim admit defeat.

"Well Zim? Shall we go plot our course?"

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" Zim suddenly screamed and Dib flinched back in surprise. Zim panted a little from the exertion.

"Zim?" Dib whispered uncertainly.

"You have no idea how scared I am. Every day, every moment. I'm going insane thinking of all the things that could happen to you. All the ways I might lose you again." Zim trembled as he confessed his feelings.

"Zim… you can't go on like that." Dib was a little taken aback. He knew Zim had been stressing over his safety, but he hadn't been expecting this kind of an outburst. Sometimes he forgot Zim was still new to all these emotions, he was still learning how to deal with them. He supposed he would feel the same way though if the tables were turned. In some ways it was probably easier to suffer the torture yourself than have it happen to the person you care about. He thought back to how he had felt when Zim had first been captured and arrested – that had been bad enough to witness and Dib had been through far worse.

"I know that." Zim snapped. "I'm losing my mind." He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing at them wearily.

"You managed to master your fears so well while you were trying to rescue me."

"That was because I was so focused on saving you. I poured it all into that."

"So that's why you're so dead-set on getting to Earth then, it's like your next goal right?" Zim nodded and Dib sighed, his voice gentle now. "I know you don't want to hear this but being on Earth isn't necessarily going to be any safer for me, not really. The Tallests could decide to change their minds and blow it up after all for all we know. And even if they don't I could just as easily get hit by a car, or catch an illness, or get killed by another human."

"I wouldn't let that happen." Zim growled protectively.

"You can't always be there to protect me. You have to learn to deal with it somehow, otherwise you'll spend all the time we _do_ have together fretting and wishing it away until it's gone. You'll make living at all pointless." He saw Zim's tension ease a little. "I know it's hard but it will get easier, you'll see. I promise I'm stronger than you think." Dib grinned at him, turning the Irken's face towards his.

"You are strong Dib. I know that, I don't mean to discredit you. You are _so_ strong. I envy it." Zim conceded softly. "I'm sorry I always spoil things."

"Don't be silly." Dib pulled him in tight for a hug. "Now let's go get some food into you, and then we can talk about how we're going to get some supplies right?" Zim gave him a long look before finally nodding in acceptance.

* * *

Their boots crunched into the freshly fallen snow as they stepped from the ship and out onto the planet. Zim shuddered and wrapped his cloak tighter about himself, glancing over to Dib in concern.

"Are you going to be warm enough?" Zim tried to keep his teeth from chattering as he spoke. Dib wore a hooded jumper and a thick cloak similar to his own, but his cheeks turned pink as the cold air bit at his pale skin.

"I'm fine, it's you who looks cold." Dib looked back at the Irken worriedly. He knew Zim struggled in cold climates due to his cooler body temperature. He had never coped well during Earth winters.

"Let's just get this over with." Zim replied evasively, heading towards the snow blanketed city that lay before them.

He had parked the ship just outside the settlement, hidden amongst the vegetation and quickly becoming buried under the falling snow. Saklax wasn't a massively advanced planet but the native race _had_ reached other planets so they still made humans look like cavemen. It didn't have much to offer but it would at least have food. Zim was also hoping to pick up some equipment that he could use once he got to Earth. He wouldn't dare risk ever going near his base again, which pretty much left him with only his ship. He hoped he could acquire enough to make a decent base once more, after all Earth couldn't provide him with everything he needed to survive.

Zim shivered as an icy wind caught his cloak and whipped the hood from his head, cringing his eyes closed as the flakes of snow stung his face. Dib stopped and turned to face Zim, carefully pulling the hood back over the Irken's antennae and then placing his hands on the alien's cold cheeks, letting his warmth soak into them.

"Now _I'm_ starting to think this was a bad idea." Dib said, smiling softly as he gazed down at his frozen alien. Zim scowled at the snow, hunching his shoulders and hugging his arms in tight to his body. "Let's get inside somewhere quick." He pulled Zim in close to his body and ushered them along, feeling guilty.

Zim clicked on his hologram disguise as they neared the first buildings. He chose to use his Vortian appearance. Their bodies were much the same shape as his own except that the legs were slightly differently shaped, the eyes smaller and instead of antennae two curling horns sprouted back from his head. Dib frowned at him with unease.

"I hate it when you use that thing." He shuddered at its effectiveness. "You would only have to change it once when I wasn't looking and I'd never find you again."

"Like I'm going to let you out of my sight." Zim responded sharply. "You know I have to use it. I wish I could make one for you, you're so vulnerable." Dib pulled his hood down lower self-consciously.

"No one's _looking_ for me though. I'm dead remember?" Dib snapped back, and Zim scowled at his choice of words. "Just relax, you said it yourself no one's ever even heard of a human before let alone knows what they look like. I'll be fine, just look after yourself."

Dib didn't want to admit that he was in fact a little nervous. It was the first time he had left the safety of Zim's ship since being rescued, so it was only natural. But he was also excited. It was the first alien planet he had visited on his own terms with the freedom to look around. He gazed up in wonder as the buildings around them grew taller and taller, and the streets became crowded and noisy. Many of the aliens looked to be of the same kind, which he presumed was the native species. Zim had said there wasn't much reason for other races to stop on this planet other than for supplies and trading so it only made sense.

They were called the Scarrap, and their skin was a scaly, dull blue-grey, their four tiny eyes beady and unblinking. They were all taller than he was and much more heavily built, with stubby tails carried along behind them. He instinctively drew Zim closer as they bustled past and Zim looked up at him questioningly, seemingly unphased by their size difference. He supposed if he had a pak like Zim's he wouldn't be so unnerved either.

Zim had told him they lacked imagination which made them a very plain and boring race, they certainly all looked very alike to Dib. They all wore more or less the same clothing and there was nothing to really distinguish individual characters. Neither did they give the impression that they were a welcoming, friendly race that was for sure. They were all far too preoccupied with what they were doing and where they were going to even glance at the two aliens that wandered down their streets. Given the harsh environment Dib couldn't blame them, there was nothing to hang around outside for.

Zim pulled Dib into a large nearby building with a wide entrance which seemed marginally more inviting than the others to Dib. It appeared to be the equivalent of an Earth supermarket, though Dib couldn't read any of the signs or tell what any of the items were. Zim went straight to a nearby screen and swiftly began interacting with it. Dib watched curiously as Zim deftly tapped at the monitor, his actions quick and unfaltering whilst Dib could only guess at what he was doing. He marvelled enviously at how easily Zim could adapt to technology he'd never encountered before, and could clearly understand the language.

"I've ordered more than enough food amongst some other stuff, and had it sent to the co-ordinates of our ship." Zim turned to Dib matter-of-factly.

"Just like that?" Dib said a little stunned.

"What were you expecting? Shopping trollies and fumbling till attendants? This isn't Earth Dib." Zim scoffed, promptly moving towards the exit. Dib hurried after him, frowning at the slight. Though he'd never admit it being here with Zim made him realise how clueless and vulnerable he truly was. Zim claimed to have never been to this planet before but he acted so swiftly and confidently, whilst Dib stumbled along behind him dumbfounded.

"Where are we going next then?" Dib puffed as he tried to keep up with Zim's pace, despite having longer legs.

"I'm looking for a shop that trades in technology, but one that's a bit less… reputable." Zim put it delicately. "Ideally I want to get hold of some Irken technology, but it's forbidden for any race other than Irkens to own it. So as you can imagine there's a pretty big black market for it, because it is so superior."

"Isn't most of the technology you call Irken stolen from other races in the first place?" Dib criticised, earning him a scowl from Zim.

"Anything that has been conquered by Irkens _is_ Irken." Zim said simply, powering on ahead.

Zim drew Dib close to him as they turned down darker, narrower streets, the bustling crowds dying away gradually. Dib was surprised as Zim took his hand and pulled him along, feeling Zim's unease at bringing him here.

"I'm right behind you Zim, calm down." Dib muttered.

"I don't see why you couldn't just wait on the ship." Zim retorted irritably. Dib bit his tongue against arguing back. He'd already won that fight so there was no point in dredging it back up.

Zim eyed up a nearby establishment briefly before ducking though the doorway, dragging Dib along with him. It was a dingy, cluttered place, piled high with bits and bobs Dib could only guess at.

"Don't touch anything and don't say anything. Just stay there." Zim muttered under his breath, fixing Dib briefly with a firm stare. Dib opened his mouth to protest but Zim had already strode away from him and towards the presumed shop owner. He took a deep breath and tried to let it go. He knew how stressed Zim was right now, he just hoped he wouldn't continue on like this once they reached Earth.

Dib watched patiently as Zim and the shopkeeper haggled over god knows what. The owner seemed aggravated, and Zim's Vortian horns twitched erratically which Dib knew was reflecting the movements of his antennae, betraying Zim's feelings no matter how calm he kept his voice. Eventually some kind of deal was struck and Zim turned back towards Dib, rubbing his brow tiredly with his claws.

"Let's get out of here." He uttered quietly, urging Dib towards the exit and back out into the alley.

"What happened in there?" Dib asked worriedly as Zim powered back towards the busier side of town, longing to be lost once more in a sea of faces. "Did you manage to get some Irken tech?" Zim sighed.

"I did, but he didn't give it up easily. It took long enough for him to even admit he had any. I think he only trusted me because my disguise is Vortian, as much Irken technology is from Vort. That was why I chose it."

"Did you get enough to build yourself a new base?"

"I think so." Zim smiled then, the first time since they had left the ship. Dib grinned back, happy to finally see Zim relax a little.

"Where next then?"

"Back to the ship of course, we're done."

"What, already? Aww come on Zim, we only just got here." Dib sulked.

"In case you haven't noticed Dib this isn't the most exciting of planets. Besides it's too risky, why would we stay longer than we needed?" His smile long gone, Zim was beginning to get irritable again. He longed for the safety and comfort of their warm bed back on the ship.

"Well there must be places to eat at least. Why don't we get some food before we head back?"

"I just ordered loads of food, it's back on the ship."

"I mean something fresh, something not straight out of a wrapper!" Dib complained.

"You don't even know what the food is like here, it might be horrible!" Zim snapped back, stopping now to face Dib angrily.

"It might not be! It's good to try new things right?" Dib responded hopefully, trying his best not to lose his temper.

"Why are you doing this to me? You know how badly I didn't want to come here!" Dib faltered as he saw Zim's anger turning to distress, his clenched fists trembling at his sides and his eyes growing moist.

"Zim…" Dib sighed and walked up close to the Irken, putting his hands on Zims arms and rubbing them soothingly.

"Don't call me that here." Zim snapped, trying to pull away but failing.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to loosen up a bit and try to enjoy things."

"Why would I enjoy this frozen wasteland?"

"It doesn't matter that this planet's not the best one you've ever been to. We're here together, here and now that's what matters. There's a pretty high chance we'll never come here again and who knows what will happen next so let's appreciate what time we do have."

"Living in the present, throwing caution to the wind. That is so human." Zim grumbled.

"It's not a bad way to live. We don't have as much time to waste." Zim looked up at Dib strangely then, and Dib couldn't work out what he was thinking.

"Fine. We'll get something quick to eat. And then back to the ship?" Zim looked up at the boy pleadingly and Dib smiled warmly.

"And then back to bed." His grin turned cheeky then, and Zim blushed.

* * *

Dib patted his full belly as he reclined in the booth leisurely.

"You know that was surprisingly good. I'm still not sure exactly what I've eaten though." Dib grinned, his cheeks flushed from fullness. Zim on the other hand still pushed most of his food around his plate. The Irken flinched every time someone walked past their table. Dib sighed, his smile fading.

"Can we go now please?" Zim asked in a tiny voice, jumping yet again as a waiter strode past them.

"Sure." Dib gave in. There was no way Zim was going to enjoy himself here, there was no need to push his luck any further. "I'm just gonna use the bathroom before we go, if I can figure them out that is." He tried to lift the mood, grinning.

Zim looked up worriedly as Dib got up to leave, but the boy swiftly pecked a kiss to his cheek and strode off before Zim could object. Zim watched him like a hawk as the boy crossed the room and passed through another doorway. He wanted to follow but he knew the Dib would be mad at him. He hunkered down further in his seat, waiting anxiously for the boy to reappear. That was when he noticed the pair of eyes staring at him. A shiver ran down his spine as the shadowy figure across the room held his gaze for a moment before looking away. Cursed human, couldn't he just have held it until they got back to the ship?

A few minutes later Dib ambled back out of the bathrooms. He felt proud of himself for navigating them by himself, it hadn't turned out to be so different from human toilets. He looked towards the booth where they had been sitting but stopped dead in his tracks. Zim wasn't there. He tried to calm his beating heart as he looked around the room, trying to act casually and trying not to jump to conclusions. Zim wouldn't just leave him, he'd be here somewhere.

But the longer he searched the quicker and more frantic his pulse grew. What was he supposed to do? Perhaps Zim had just gone to the bathroom too? Maybe he was paying the bill somewhere? Dib hung back by the doorway for a few anxious minutes, paranoia churning his stomach. He kept reminding himself he was looking for a Vortian not an Irken, desperately trying to remember every detail of Zim's disguise. But the harder he tried the harder his brain tried to convince him he'd forgotten what Zim looked like and that he'd never be able to find him again.

He couldn't take it anymore, this just felt wrong. Very wrong. Dib strode back down the steps towards the exit of the restaurant to see if Zim was waiting outside. He knew there was no logical reason he would be but he just had to be doing something. Zim was going to be furious with him for leaving the place without him.

As he burst out onto the street his eyes scanned the area frantically, but his heart sank as he recognised no one. He felt like he was going to puke. He stumbled backwards to lean against the wall, getting out of the way of the passing natives who suddenly seemed even bigger than before as they loomed threateningly over him. He took a deep breath, trying to rationalise his manic thoughts and stop his head from spinning. That was when he heard it… the sounds of a scuffle. Of someone taking a beating.

Dib stood tall once more, his eyes flashing about for the source of the noise. He followed the faint sounds around to the side of the building and peered down a narrow alley. His heart skipped a beat as he saw Zim struggling against two dark figures. They were taller than him but of a slim build, so they weren't natives like these huge lumbering creatures. They were hooded and cloaked though so Dib couldn't make much out, save for the razor sharp claws that protruded from their sleeves.

He gulped and took a moment to assess the situation. One of them was holding something against Zim's pak to prevent the spider legs from emerging, probably the reason why they had taken Zim so easily. His disguise flickered around the area where they struggled against him. All Dib would need to do was get that one off Zim's back and the fight would be over, but he was going to have to strike quickly to avoid coming into contact with those lethal talons. All he had was the element of surprise, if he lost that he was a goner for sure.

He did his best to quell his hammering heart as he crept down the alleyway, keeping to the shadows. Once he was close enough Dib lunged as hard as he could at the one impairing Zim's pak, throwing all of his bodyweight onto the alien who quickly forgot about Zim's pak. He slammed his fist remorselessly into what he hoped would be a face under the hood, sending the alien falling hard to the floor. Adrenaline pounded through his blood as Dib kicked frantically at the fallen figure until it was still. Gasping for breath he turned to see what had befallen the other assailant.

All four of Zim's spider legs impaled his attacker's body, a brown-ish liquid seeping rapidly from under the creature's cloak as it hung limply against the wall. Zim panted heavily, his weight supported by the mechanical legs almost as though he didn't realise they skewered a dead body.

"D…Dib… you… kay?" Zim gasped, his voice laboured. He finally retracted his spider legs from the carcass, his attacker falling heavily to the ground. Zim turned towards the creature that lay unconscious at Dib's feet and used what strength he had left to drive one of his spider legs into its chest, before withdrawing them completely back into his pak. Dib rushed over as he saw Zim's steps falter, catching him as he began to fall.

"I'm fine, what about you?" Dib tried to keep his voice from shaking. This was all his fault, why hadn't he listened to Zim?

"We have… to get out of h-here… now." Zim managed to splutter out.

"I know. We'll go right now. Can you walk?" Dib looked down as Zim's eyes seemed to grow unfocused, and he didn't respond. "Zim?" Dib felt a warm moisture against his top, and looked down to see a blue stain spreading there.

"What the…" In that moment Zim must have lost consciousness, as his hologram disguise flickered off and revealed his true form. Dib's eyes grew wide as the penny dropped, horror turning his stomach. It was Zim's blood that was soaking into his top, his poor Irken was covered in gashes. "Oh my god… Zim! Zim?" Dib shook him urgently but Zim was out cold.

He set Zim down for a moment so that he could grab one of the alien's cloaks – he'd not thought to pick up their own from the restaurant and he sure as hell wasn't going back in there. He wrapped Zim up tightly in the dark fabric, being sure to hide his appearance as best he could, before picking the limp form up and hurrying back towards the outskirts.

* * *

Zim groaned as pain throbbed dully through his body, dragging him back to consciousness. His mind flailed as he tried to grasp onto a single logical thought, without much success. He forced his eyes open reluctantly, his surroundings slowly coming into focus. He was back in their bed, on his ship. He wasn't sure if this surprised him or not, he couldn't seem to remember where he'd last been. He winced as he tried to sit up and the bruises that covered his body smarted, bringing the memory of his ambush flooding back with a wave of panic.

"Dib…" He whispered, but then louder and more frantically he began to call. "Dib? DIB!"

The boy burst through the doorway of the bedroom frenziedly, his hair dishevelled and wet and clutching a towel to his body haphazardly. Zim eyed him swiftly, inspecting the human's delicate body for signs of damage. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realised the human was without injury, the tension slowly leaving his body.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Dib gasped.

"Sorry I just… I didn't know where you were, or what happened." Zim looked away sheepishly, but a relieved smile spread over Dib's face.

"That's okay. Sorry, I was just having a wash." Dib left out the detail that it was Zim's blood he was having to clean off his skin. He moved over to the bed and sat down next to Zim.

"Wait… we need to get off this planet, we need to take off-" Zim began to get out of bed but Dib pushed him back down.

"Calm down, I've done it. We're already miles away."

"You… flew the ship?" Zim looked at the boy in disbelief.

"You know I can handle Irken tech Zim, give me some credit!" He chuckled softly. "I've taken care of everything. Look, I fixed you up too." He gestured to the sealed cuts on Zim's torso.

"You figured it all out by yourself?" He gazed down at the new marks that tainted his skin.

"Of course, I've seen you do it on me twice already." Zim knew the Dib was more than capable, and he suddenly felt bad for underestimating the boy. He'd forgotten that although he may be vulnerable he certainly wasn't helpless. He was actually highly intelligent, for a human.

"I didn't have much choice any way. You were losing a lot of blood, those bastards really did a number on you. Do you feel okay?" Dib looked at him worriedly.

"Zim is fine. Thank you Dib." Zim said in a small voice, unable to meet Dib's eyes. Dib's face softened into a smile.

"See, I told you I'm more capable than you think. After all that fussing it was me that rescued you!" Dib grinned cheekily, pleased he'd had an opportunity to prove himself.

"I'm so sorry Dib, I almost failed you again."

"Hey… no that's not what I meant. I should have listened to you in the first place. You _were_ right, it wasn't safe. I'm the one who should be sorry not you."

"So… maybe we were both wrong." Zim managed a small smile and Dib beamed once more, pulling Zim into a tight hug. Zim inhaled the humans scent deeply, tasting his comforting aroma on his tongue. For a moment on that planet he'd truly thought it was all over. He pushed the memory to the back of his mind.

"What were those things?" Dib asked after a while, pulling back from the embrace.

"I don't know, I never saw their faces. Only their claws." Zim flinched at the thought of those talons ripping into his flesh. "They jumped me in the restaurant and tried to sneak me off. I'm presuming they were bounty hunters."

"But how did they see through your disguise?"

"It was because I bought Irken technology. The shop owner must have alerted them, they'd been watching me ever since we left the shop. They kept asking me why I'd bought it and demanding I remove my disguise, but I don't think they ever saw my face. I can only hope the threat died with them."

"Shit… even now, even this far from everything…" Dib muttered in disbelief, and Zim nodded grimly.

"The bounty on my head must be enormous to bring them out this far." Zim speculated, shaking his head in incredulity.

"Do you think there would be any looking for you on Earth?" Dib was almost too afraid to ask. Zim pondered it seriously.

"I think it's unlikely. It would be hard for them to blend in and there would be nowhere for them to get supplies from. Earth is a pretty boring place for an alien to spend any length of time." Dib flinched at his words, unseen by Zim. "Those creatures had probably been laying low on Saklax for some time waiting for a chance. Plus no one thinks I'd have any reason to go back there, or to be stupid enough to." Zim grimaced bitterly. "The Tallests will have my base under lockdown if they haven't destroyed it, so other than that no one would have the first idea where to look for me. Everyone will have already scanned it for my pak ID and found nothing."

Dib wasn't sure how reassured he felt. The threat suddenly seemed so much more real, and he wondered if he would ever sleep soundly again. The sheltered, cushy couple of weeks they'd spent on Zim's ship had made him complacent.

"Thank you Dib, for saving me." Zim leaned tiredly against Dib's bare chest, soaking up the boy's warmth gladly as it eased his aches.

"At least we got what we needed. It's a straight shot back to Earth now." Dib pulled the Irken in closer, placing a soft kiss on the top of his head. Zim's breathing soon lengthened as Dib realised he had fallen back to sleep.

He felt so guilty about what had happened to Zim. All of his fretting had been justified after all, and it had very nearly got them killed. Zim had been so preoccupied with Dib's safety that he'd failed to realise how much danger Zim was in himself. He'd never imagined something like that would happen with Zim wearing his hologram disguise, or that there would even be people still looking for him this far out and on such a nondescript planet. Had there been more of those aliens, or if they'd been bigger, or if Dib hadn't had the element of surprise… it could have ended so very differently.

He shuddered at the thought, pulling Zim in tighter to his chest. That had been _way_ too close.

* * *

 _A/N: I hope this didn't feel too pointless a chapter. It wasn't really planned, I just saw an opportunity for something else to happen before they got back to Earth and couldn't resist squeezing some more drama in. I thought it would be a good/realistic idea to have a chapter where Zim comes to terms with not molly-coddling Dib too much, as would be expected given what he went through trying to get him back. So I just squoze this in here owo_ _I also couldn't resist making them squabble a bit, as you could imagine those two would after 2 weeks on a ship together without a break. Thanks for reading! I think there is just one chapter left..._


	16. Chapter 15

_A/N: I'm sorry this has taken so long, it has been sat unfinished for ages because it was such a long chapter. I even considered splitting it into two chapters but decided it was probably better in one big lump. So this is the last chapter, and probably rightly so because I haven't been so good at updating lately and I promised I wouldn't leave this unfinished as I know how frustrating that is. I don't have a lot of free time and I really need to be spending more of it on my art (which is what I actually do) and I've also been making some comic con costumes so as much as I'd love to be doing everything there just aren't enough hours in the day! Hopefully in the future though I will be back with another story, I have loved writing this one so much :) Hope you enjoy the last chapter!_

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

Dib stepped up to his front door and hesitated. This was so surreal, he couldn't be sure if he was dreaming. The familiar red painted wood was the only thing separating him from his home. The only thing was, he wasn't sure it felt like his home any more. He'd had similar feelings when they had first approached Earth. It was only a tiny speck of light when they first spotted it, but soon the memorable swirl of green and blue had become visible and Dib's heart had begun to race.

He didn't feel as happy as he'd thought he would to be here. He _was_ happy, in a way. He had spent quite some time believing that he would never breathe Earth air again, and countless sleepless nights longing to be here. The familiarity of it all _was_ reassuring, and he was looking forward to human food and other creature comforts that he had missed. Just standing in the sunlight of his own star felt glorious, feeling the breeze against his skin and smelling recognisable scents. It certainly made a change from the false recycled air of the ship and the chill of empty space.

But still this homecoming felt tainted. This was the place that had brought him so much misery. The place where everyone rejected him, where he had always felt outcast and useless. He'd spent several months in space and on other planets… returning to this depressing little house where he knew no one was waiting for him just felt like an anti-climax. What's worse was that he knew Zim didn't really belong here. They still hadn't even talked about what he was going to do. What if he decided he didn't want to stay after all?

"Dib?" Zim prompted him, drawing Dib out of his thoughts. He had been faltering before his front door for too long. Dib took a deep breath and stood a little straighter, and bracing himself grasped the handle.

He found it unlocked and as the door swung open to reveal his living room Dib wondered who was home. His breath caught in his throat as he spotted a familiar mop of purple hair protruding from the back of the sofa. He genuinely didn't know what kind of reaction to expect from his sister. Would she be mad? Or would she have even noticed he'd been gone? It wasn't like he didn't care about her at all, it was more that they didn't have much of a relationship. They had always kept to themselves and they'd never had much in common. Particularly as Gaz had grown old enough not to need his supervision (like she ever had) they never had any reason to spend time together and they had grown further apart. She had relished her independence and Dib had grown tired of her constant disregard for him.

In truth he didn't know how Gaz honestly felt about him. He liked to think that she cared a little even though she never showed it, but perhaps that was just wishful thinking. If something happened to her he would care, but he wasn't sure he'd miss her.

Dib tensed as her head spun around to see who was entering her home, awaiting the abuse that would surely follow. He could have sworn he saw her eyes widen somewhat as they landed on him, but if she had been shocked she swiftly recovered, her face betraying nothing. Her real emotions would forever remain a mystery to him.

"You could have told me you were going away." She grumbled, her voice acidic. Dib saw her eyes graze over his body, taking in his appearance. Dib gulped, well aware that his skin was still littered with scars and his body thin. She seemed to decide something and turned back towards the TV screen before continuing. "Figured you were off somewhere with stupid Zim. Didn't know if you were gonna bother coming back at all."

Dib realised then that that was as much emotion as he was going to get from her, but exhaled with relief as the tension eased. She wasn't going to kill him at least. He glanced over at Zim – he was wearing his original human disguise, 'Red', once more but Gaz had seen through it without batting an eyelid. He'd had to check Zim was even still wearing it. He should have known better than to underestimate his little sister, despite the front she kept up little escaped her attention.

"Um, yeah. Sorry about that, it wasn't exactly planned." He muttered awkwardly, not really sure how much to say but quickly realising Gaz didn't care. All he really wanted to know was whether the police had been searching for him. "Hey… am I going to be in trouble?" He phrased it awkwardly, but Gaz knew instantly what he meant.

"I covered for you. Dad didn't even notice." She said bluntly, not bothering to spare his feelings.

Dib felt a bittersweet swell of relief. He was glad he wouldn't have to go through any complicated explanations, but it hurt that his father hadn't even noticed he'd been abducted. He could very well have died out there, in fact he very nearly had, but no one here would have even known. He got the feeling Gaz had worked out that he'd been off planet somehow, but even if she had cared realistically there was nothing she could have done. He couldn't imagine it had kept her up at night though.

Dib gritted his teeth as Gaz continued on with her game, her focus fully returned to the screen. Her disinterest always astounded him. He flinched out of his self-pity at the feel of Zim's cool hand slipping into his own. Zim could tell he was hurting and gazed up at him anxiously. He tugged on his hand, urging them up to Dib's bedroom.

Dib fell into the well-trodden path to his old room, climbing the stairs and turning down the corridor until he reached his door. Nothing had been touched, his clothes and bed sheets strewn about messily as though he had just woken up there this morning. It seemed so much smaller than it had before, and he found himself wondering how he'd always locked himself up here day after day.

He walked over to the bed and shuddered as he remembered that the last time he'd been in here it had been _that_ night, when Kat had been over. The night he had fucked everything up. The night it had all begun. Suddenly his old place of comfort and security felt toxic, he could barely stand to be in here.

"What's wrong?" Zim ask softly, confused by how unhappy Dib seemed to be to be back in his home.

"I've gotta leave. I can't stay in this room." Dib said abruptly, and instantly began rummaging for his duffle bag, throwing clothes into it haphazardly.

"…what?" Zim was taken aback. He thought Dib had wanted familiarity, not change. In truth Zim had once thought of this room as his safe place too, but he'd ruined that the night he'd assaulted Dib with his spider legs. That and… the last thing he'd seen happening in here. His insides churned as he recalled it, and suddenly he felt very glad for Dib's reaction. He didn't think he could face sleeping in that bed with the knowledge that Dib had shared it with someone else, no matter how briefly.

So Zim sat patiently while Dib packed his life away, taking a surprisingly small amount of his belongings. He favoured only the essentials, leaving so many things that used to be precious to him behind, much of it now meaningless. His whole life's priorities had been rearranged by what he'd been through. He carefully packed his laptop and some of his other tech, and after considering it a moment also packed his game controllers and some discs, knowing that Zim had enjoyed playing them. Finally he rummaged through his coat pockets for his wallet, checking he still had his bank cards.

"The one thing dad has ever been useful for." He muttered to himself. The professor had given them both accounts that were regularly topped up with a sum of money so that they could care for themselves. It was barely a dent on what he earned, not that he ever stopped working long enough to spend any of it. Dib had always complained that his father had thought money could replace him in their lives, but right now he couldn't be gladder. It meant he could slip away and do whatever he wanted without a second thought. He'd never really considered moving out before, but suddenly it all seemed so simple he wondered why he hadn't done it sooner.

"Come on Zim, we'll stay at a hotel tonight courtesy of my dad. I'll search for somewhere to live tomorrow." Zim obediently crossed the room and took Dib's hand as the boy led them away, taking one last look at the room. Dib didn't glance back once.

* * *

The next few weeks they spent settling into a life on Earth passed by in a surreal manner. They still didn't talk about their long term plans, constantly skirting around the issue with unease. Dib had quickly found them a flat to live in in the city centre. He could have had pretty much any place he wanted with the bank balance his dad had left him, but he chose a comfortable yet modest place. Dib had taken the basement flat so that Zim could build a new base underneath the building, but he soon tired of the few high, tiny windows that hardly let in any sunlight. It almost defeated the point of coming back to Earth to be shut up in such a place.

So after a few days spent mooching about Dib went in search of a job, leaving Zim to continue the construction of his labs. He supposed it was the sensible thing to do in case his dad ever decided to cut off his funds. Besides, despite the fact that he was now a high school dropout Dib knew that he could walk into any laboratory in the city and get a job instantly just because of his name, so that was exactly what he did.

He enjoyed the work, more or less. They basically let him play around experimenting with whatever technology he wanted, so it was the best job he could hope for. The only thing that interested him truly was Irken technology, and since he had such a good understanding of that he attempted to recreate it with human equipment. His success rate was frustratingly slim of course, there was too much of an evolutionary gap. He had grown used to Irken technology so quickly that it felt like a huge step backwards, and he often reached for a tool he no longer had before realising with irritation.

Once Zim had finished setting up his own labs Dib began to feel guilty about leaving him to go to work. Zim had even less purpose than he did after all. He suggested Zim come into work with him but the Irken politely declined for fear of discovery. His knowhow could rewrite human history after all, and it would bring too many questions. Though Dib couldn't help but think that would make things more interesting he conceded for the sake of Zim's safety.

And so time became dreamlike, everything was as perfect as they could hope for and yet it grew stagnant. It felt like they were just treading water with day to day life. Flats, jobs, food shopping, house chores… was this going to be it for the rest of their lives? Dib grew anxious that Zim would think he was unhappy with their relationship, whereas Zim was the only thing that he lived for. He could feel the tension building. The longer they pressed on, living this pretend life, the worse it became. Or was it all just in his head? He longed to talk to Zim about it but the longer he remained silent the more frightened of asking he became. He cursed himself for not discussing it with Zim back when they were still on the ship, back when everything had been easy.

He became sure that Zim was growing more distant from him, spending more and more time hidden away in his lab. Was he unhappy? He never owned up to it if he was, perhaps Dib was overthinking things. And yet there were parts of his lab where Dib could not go, that Zim kept secret from him. Zim said that he could enter his base whenever Dib felt like it, but certain sections were always closed to him and it was a total mystery to him what Zim found to do in there. Often he would come seeking the Irken only to find he couldn't locate him, concluding that he was shut away in one of his clandestine chambers. Eventually he gave up trying. Was Zim tired of sitting at home waiting for Dib to come home every evening? Was he tired of waiting for Dib to finish sleeping? Though he never complained it ate away at Dib that all Zim did was wait for him. He knew he couldn't offer Zim the life he deserved… and perhaps needed.

That Friday evening as Dib came in from work he was surprised to find Zim sat on the sofa waiting for him. He'd barely seen the Irken all week he'd been so busy with… whatever it was he did in his base. Dib thought that he looked sad at first, but he looked up and smiled warmly as Dib approached and plopped himself down next to him. Dib tried to ignore the fact that the smile didn't reach Zim's antennae as they sagged low against the back of his head. Sometimes you can know someone too well.

"Hey you," He wrapped an arm nervously around Zim's slender waist and pulled him in close for a kiss. "I wasn't expecting you to be up here, have you finished working on your project?" He knew better than to ask what it was Zim was doing these days, he never got a straight answer.

"Not really, but I've done enough for now. I wanted to spend the evening with you." Zim responded and Dib beamed back at his Irken, his pulse quickening with happiness.

"I'm glad," He leaned in again for a second kiss, deepening it this time as he slipped his tongue into Zim's mouth. One thing that hadn't changed was their lust for one another, they just couldn't get enough of it. They soon fell into their usual pattern and before long they were both spread-eagled across the rumpled sofa cushions, naked and gasping for air. Dib clutched his alien desperately, holding him close against his chest.

"Come on, let's go into the bedroom." Zim quietly urged Dib, beginning to get up.

"Again?" Dib panted. Sometimes Zim's stamina outmatched his own. Zim just grinned cheekily back at him, his sharp teeth showing. "What's got into you tonight?" Dib giggled as Zim took his hand and pulled him off the sofa.

"Do I need a reason?" Zim smirked at him, and Dib felt butterflies in his stomach at Zim's wicked gaze.

It was an intense and passionate night they spent together, the best Dib had known for some time now. He slept contentedly with his Irken draped across him, feeling hopeful that their closeness had been somewhat renewed. He had only been asleep a couple of hours when Zim woke him the next morning. The Irken was up at the crack of dawn, bouncing up and down on the bed like a puppy trying to rouse Dib from sleep.

"Go away Zim, I'm sleeping. You kept me up all night remember?" Dib complained as he buried his face in the pillow. He could have sworn he had only just closed his eyes.

"Zim is fed up of your sleeping human. We shouldn't waste the day!" Zim complained, persisting.

"But it's a Saturday, what's there to get up for? Just let me sleep!" Dib grumbled but he couldn't hide the grin that spread across his face. He suddenly caught Zim off guard, grabbing him into a crushing hug and pulling him back into the bed with him.

"I thought we could do something today." Zim gasped as he wriggled against Dib's grip.

"Like what?" Dib asked, wondering what Zim was up to.

"I don't know. Whatever the Earth-stinks enjoy doing in their free time." Their eyes met then, their faces close as Dib looked deeply into Zim's ruby orbs, trying to figure him out. This seemed like unusual behaviour, but Dib took a deep breath and swallowed back his fears. Maybe Zim was just trying to make an effort, in which case he shouldn't ruin it by being suspicious.

"Fine." Dib released Zim and began to sit up, stretching his aching body and rubbing the sleep from his eyes before reaching for his glasses. "Do you want to go into town or something?" Zim seemed to ponder it for a moment.

"We've done that plenty. I'm fed up of all the noise and the stench of humans. Can't we go somewhere different? Somewhere quieter?" He asked hopefully.

"I guess we could get out of town, go to a nature reserve or something like that? Explore a bit?" Zim smiled at this and nodded. "Fine. You go find somewhere on my laptop, check bus times and print a map or something. I'll go get washed." Zim sprang off instantly to do his bidding and Dib gawped after him. What on Earth had gotten in to him? He'd have to just play along for now.

Before long they were jostling in the queue for a bus out of town. Zim huffed at the crowd, scowling impatiently as they tried to find a seat, his eyes shooting daggers at any human that dared get too close to him.

"What are you pouting for? We're doing what you wanted." Dib teased him as they squeezed down the aisle to a pair of free seats. He was much more used to public transport than Zim was.

"It's disgusting in here. It's too loud and it's hot and sticky and it smells." Zim grumbled, hunkering down in his narrow seat. Dib smirked at the sulking alien. "How long do we have to endure this for?"

"Only an hour or two. Come on, you wanted to go somewhere different. This'll be fun." Dib tried to lift Zim's mood, watching the Irken's face carefully. Most of the anger left his face then but he didn't return Dib's smile. Instead he gazed forlornly out of the window without saying another word, and Dib knew from instinct that his antennae would be drooping flat under his disguise. It made Dib's heart beat faster, it wasn't like Zim to give up on a sulk. Dib jumped in surprise as he felt the Irken's claws wrap around his fingers then, though he continued to stare out of the window despondently. Zim really hated environments like this, was he truly miserable living with him here on Earth?

Dib's mind began to race once more with the same old anxieties until the engine sputtered to life, jolting him from his thoughts. He shook himself, determined not to let his worries spoil their day. Zim wanted to spend time with him and that was a good thing. Maybe he was just frustrated with whatever experiments he'd been working on in his lab, or perhaps it really was only the crowded atmosphere of the bus. He had to stop assuming the worst.

Eventually they reached their destination – a nature reserve with lots of forest and open space. The majority of the passengers got off with them and Zim continued to scowl at that, but his frown soon eased as he took a breath of fresh air and sprung away from the crowd.

"I've never tasted your Earth's natural air before. It's always so polluted by your vehicles and factories." Zim said as he slowly drew a long breath in through his mouth, smelling and tasting the air as it passed over his tongue. "It's actually not so bad after all. Why are you so intent on ruining it? How can you stand the stink?"

"I dunno. It's great out here I'll admit, but I wouldn't be without the conveniences of living in town." Dib shrugged, drawing in a lungful of the air himself. "I guess your senses are a lot more sensitive than mine anyway." Dib watched as Zim continued to scowl at every human that walked past them.

"I thought you said there would be less people here?" He complained.

"You're so impatient." Dib sighed, taking Zim's hand and leading him away from the bus stop. "There _are_ less people here, this is just the entrance."

It was a beautiful day so there were lots of other visitors much to Zim's chagrin, but Dib proved himself right. Most of them stuck to the trails and the pair soon lost sight of everyone by finding their own path through the trees. It was something Dib had rarely done in the past, and he found himself regretting that decision. It was surprisingly enjoyable to just wander through the forest and explore. Sometimes they walked in companionable silence and others they chatted amicably. They even found themselves regressed to little more than children, chasing and hiding from each other between the dense trees.

Still, Dib couldn't shake the feeling that Zim was hiding something. The peaceful atmosphere had calmed Zim but there were times when he would seem to drift off, lost in his thoughts.

The sunset found them resting on a grassy bank overlooking the forest and a small lake, not another person in sight. They would have to be leaving soon or they would miss the last bus back. Dib gazed at Zim as the dappled evening sunlight speckled his fake tan skin with gold. He hadn't spoken for some time, but when Dib looked at him he saw that Zim wasn't observing the view like he'd been. Instead he was staring down at his feet glumly, and Dib's heart sank.

"So are you going to come out with it or what?" Dib finally let out. He just couldn't take it anymore, he needed to know what Zim was up to. Zim started at the sudden outburst, glancing at Dib guiltily.

"What do you mean?" He said sheepishly, his voice small. Dib sighed in exasperation.

"Don't you think I know you by now? I can tell that something's up. I just want you to tell me what it is so that I can stop imagining the worst." Zim remained silent, his face turned away and Dib felt his anger building, fuelled by his anxiety. "Zim!" He yelled, his temper snapping.

"I'm leaving." The words took Dib back, confusion dampening his anger.

"W-what?"

"I have to go away from Earth for a bit. And… I don't know how long I'll be gone. I'm sorry." Zim's voice was sombre but calm, which didn't help Dib's comprehension.

"This is a joke right?" Was all that Dib could manage.

Zim furrowed his brow at that. He clicked his hologram disguise off, revealing that for the first time since he had rescued Dib he was dressed in his invaders uniform.

"Shit…" Dib whispered, the sight of Zim wearing those clothes once more sending a chill down his spine. He watched dumbfounded as an arm emerged from Zim's pak to pass him his black gloves. Zim slipped them on without turning to look at Dib, his expression unreadable as he got neatly to his feet. The gravity of the situation slammed into Dib then, his heart beginning to race. He'd been so wrong, this was so much worse than he could have imagined.

"But… why? WHY!" Dib's voice became loud and panicked as he clambered up after Zim, his legs shaking.

"I… I can't tell you why." Zim winced, and Dib laughed manically.

"You can't even tell me? Are you fucking kidding me?" Dib's temper rose up once more to battle for control with his fear. "After everything we've been through? Everything I went through for you, you're just going to up and leave?"

"It's not like that Dib."

"Then please for the love of God, tell me what it's like!" Dib's eyes burned desperately into Zim, who still refused to look back at him.

"There's just something I have to do. It's important."

"It's what you've been working on right? Why I've hardly seen you?" Zim nodded. "But you're still not going to tell me what it is? Don't I deserve that much?" Zim simply lowered his eyes further, the silence elongating. Dib felt tears begin to prickle at the corner of his eyes.

"What did I do Zim? If there's something wrong can't we talk about it? I know you've been distant lately. Just tell me what to do." Dib's voice grew shaky with desperation.

"It's nothing you've done Dib, I'm not leaving because of you I just told you that. What I'm doing is for us, I swear."

"Well… let me come with you then. I can help, you know I can-"

"No." Zim said firmly cutting him off, meeting his eyes at last.

"But-"

"Absolutely not. Never." Zim's whole body language changed to one of conviction in that moment, but he soon softened when he saw the moisture filling the boy's eyes. "Where I'm going you can't go. It's just not possible."

"Y-you're going somewhere dangerous then?" Dib's lip quivered.

"I'll be fine." It was so blatant a lie that Dib almost laughed again. Instead a tear spilled down his cheek. "Remember when you told me to trust you, even though I couldn't understand why at the time because of the inhibitor?" Zim said softly.

"Yeah I do. You didn't listen." Dib said sulkily, and Zim gave a bitter smile. They were both silent for a time.

"This is real isn't it…" Dib said eventually, reality dawning on him. Zim nodded. "Can I get in touch with you while you're gone?" Dib began grasping hopefully, but his face fell when Zim sighed heavily.

"No, it won't be possible." He muttered quietly. He'd considered this himself but decided it wasn't worth the risk. He didn't want anyone undesirable to pick up on their calls and trace it back to Dib, it would just endanger both of them. But it wasn't just that. He didn't want Dib to waste his life waiting for him. What if he didn't make it? Dib would be sat there waiting for him forever. It was fairer on him this way. "Just live your life Dib, you fought so hard for it."

"But I don't want a life without you." Dib couldn't stop the tears now as they rolled freely down his cheeks. "I fought for us, so we could have a life _together._ I thought that was what you were fighting for too, I never imagined…" Dib's voice broke as sobs shook his body. "Why are you doing this to me? I don't want to be alone again."

Zim felt his heart splinter as his once strong human crumbled before him. He'd known that the Dib would be mad, but he never imagined he meant quite this much to him. This frail creature could withstand torture and slavery, but a few simple words and look at him now. Zim moved closer to face the boy and pulled him into a tight hug. Dib wanted to push him away but he couldn't find the resolve, and instead clung to Zim's lithe frame desperately.

"I _was_ fighting for us. I still am. Please Dib, _please_ just trust me." Zim buried his face into the boy's neck, inhaling his scent deeply and trying to memorise every last detail.

"How long are you gonna be gone?" Dib sniffled, almost too afraid to ask. Once more Zim remained infuriatingly silent. "What are we talking about here… weeks, months… years?" His voice shook on the last word.

"I told you Dib, just get on with your life. I don't want you wasting it hanging around for me." Zim responded evasively, pulling away from the quaking boy. Dib wobbled unsteadily at the sudden lack of Zim's presence, knowing that his response meant the worst. He stared at Zim, his mouth hanging open. He had nothing left to say.

"Just focus on your own people for a bit. Invent something incredible. You're intelligent, you can help them." Zim gave Dib a brave smile, but it wasn't reciprocated.

"I don't know if I can do this." Dib whispered.

"You've been through far worse than this Dib, don't discredit yourself."

"Right now I'd take the torture, experiments and slavery all in one." Zim's eyes widened at that comment, and it was the first time he'd doubted what he was doing. He quickly shook it off - he couldn't change his mind now.

"You don't mean that Dib." Zim said firmly, and Dib scowled. Zim turned his back on the boy before he could argue again, an arm springing from his pak to pass a small device to him. Zim's claw hovered over the button.

"Zim wait…" Dib reached out hesitantly and Zim paused. He knew the device in Zim's hand was the controls to a teleporter. "You're just going to go… just like that?"

"It's easier this way." Zim muttered.

"Easier for you." Dib grumbled. "Please… just stay one more night." He begged feebly.

"If I stay now it will always be just one more night. And this way I know you're not sneaking onto my ship somehow." Zim grimaced and Dib mentally cursed. Zim knew him too well.

"Zim…" Dib reached forward and took the Irken's hand, cursing his gloves that he couldn't feel the skin anymore. Zim spun around to face him once more, the slanting evening sunlight catching his ruby eyes as he turned, making them seem deeper and richer in colour than ever. Dib leaned in and touched their lips, hesitantly at first but growing in confidence. He kissed Zim passionately in a last desperate attempt to get him to stay, his final shot.

They gasped for breath as they parted and Dib stared at Zim searchingly, awaiting some kind of response.

"I need to do this." Zim whispered. He knew full well what Dib was trying to do. He saw the fight leave the boys eyes in that moment, defeated. "Goodbye Dib." He breathed the words so quietly that by the time Dib had comprehended them Zim was gone.

Dib stood there alone on the hillside, his arms suddenly empty. He looked towards the distant city, and sure enough he spotted the glint of something speeding off from the horizon, heading vertically upwards. In the blink of an eye it was gone, and Dib knew that it had been Zim. He sank to his knees and wept.

* * *

It took some time for it to truly sink in that Zim was gone, it had all been so sudden and Dib had not seen it coming. The journey back home from the nature reserve was the worst time moment of Dib's life, worse than any of the time he'd spent in captivity, but perhaps topped only by the moment when he had got back to their flat to find it empty. Some part of him had still clung onto the hopes that Zim had changed his mind, or that it had been some horrible prank and Zim would be sat there waiting for him with a smug grin on his face. He had imagined it so vividly the whole way back, that when he'd come back to an empty room the pain was unbearable.

Unable to do anything else, Dib had gone straight to bed and cried himself to sleep, clinging to Zim's pillow that still held his scent. The next morning was even worse. He had been exhausted but had still slept terribly so he awoke confused and disorientated. He was used to waking up alone due to Zim's need of less sleep, so it took a while for him to come to and recall everything that had happened. Whilst sleep still fogged his mind he had tried to convince himself it had been a dream, but as his mind cleared he could no longer fool himself. It had been like losing him all over again. He still wore the same clothes and had not eaten, but still he didn't get out of bed that day. He slept in short, fitful bursts, each time hoping he would awaken to a different reality. But of course he never did.

The following day he was due in at work, and he was surprised when he found himself headed there early. He had thought he wouldn't bother going back, but he soon realised the only thing worse than having to continue with his life and interact with people was staying at home with his empty flat that reminded him of Zim at every turn. He simply had to go to work, just for the distraction.

He decided that Zim was right, his only option to keep him even remotely sane was to engross himself in some project. So that was exactly what he did. He spent almost every waking moment working on some piece of technology or other, never truly caring if it succeeded or not much to the frustration of the company that had hired him. But his work was still unparalleled so they kept him on.

He had briefly toyed with going back to get Tak's ship where he knew it still lay dormant in his dad's garage, but where would he start? He couldn't just fly off into deep space with no idea where to go. Zim had planned it so that even by the time he had got back to the city from the nature reserve he would already be miles beyond Dib's reach. He would never be able to track him, and he hadn't the faintest idea where he had gone.

Dib had tried several times to break into Zim's lab, desperate to find out what lay beyond the locked doors, but of course he had never had any luck. The rest of the base had gone into standby, and nothing responded to his attempts to hack in. And so the entrance to Zim's base remained there behind a closet door in his flat, a taunting reminder that Zim would always be on his mind but never physically there.

Dib kept to himself, rarely finding himself talking to anyone else. If he had stopped to notice he might have seen heads turn at his presence as people began to notice him, not just for his brains but also for his appearance as his body matured. He grew taller still as time passed, and his body remained slim as he only ate what he required to survive, finding a disinterest for pretty much anything that involved living. His grief turned him angry and bitter, and he had no patience for anyone else. And because he never spoke to anyone no one really knew anything about him, so he became this tall dark stranger who was quiet and mysterious, but with a short temper that made him intimidating. Perhaps it was his attitude that drew people in – as soon as he stopped trying or caring people began to notice him. People were fickle, and Dib couldn't care less.

He worked as long hours as he could manage so that when he got home he would be so tired that he would fall straight to sleep and not have to face his empty flat. The flat killed him to be in, but he just couldn't bring himself to move out. He was terrified that if he went anywhere else Zim wouldn't be able to find him. That was if Zim was ever coming back.

At first he had been hopeful of Zim's return and all he had felt were grief and loss, but as more and more time passed his grief turned sour and his anger brewed. It was easier to be angry. If he wasn't angry he was mourning the abandonment and potential death of his lover. There were nights when it drove him out of his mind wondering if Zim was even still alive, and whether he'd be wondering for the rest of his life.

He felt so betrayed and abandoned by Zim. He spent many hours thinking over what he could possibly be doing that justified his absence. The only thing he could think of was if Zim was trying to clear his name somehow so that people would stop trying to hunt him down. But how on Earth would he do that? He felt sure that Zim would never be able to change the Tallest's minds, not after what he had witnessed. None of it made sense to Dib.

It was about three years later that Dib found himself walking home late after work one night. It had been a long, fruitless day and he wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and forget everything to the blackness of sleep. Another of the female scientists had asked him out today. He rolled his eyes as he thought back. Dib shook his head as he took out his wallet, screwing up the handwritten number and tossing the scrap of paper to the wind. Why was it that everyone seemed interested in him now that he all he wanted to do was avoid all of humanity? Perhaps he was starting to look too much like his father - the thought made him shudder.

He found himself fingering a worn scrap of paper tucked into one of the compartments of his wallet. It was one of his old photos of Zim that he had kept in his wallet ever since school, in case an opportunity ever arose. He didn't know why he'd never taken it out, it wasn't even a good photo. An ancient moment stolen when Zim was unaware and out of his disguise. Without looking at the photo he closed the wallet, tucking it back into his pocket.

Dib shivered against the brisk night air and tugged his long coat tighter about himself. The walk home always got him thinking of Zim, without fail. It always made him think of the day that Zim had left, when he had gone home hoping he would still be there. Even now, three years later he still felt that glimmer of hope as he stopped in front of his door.

"Don't be stupid Dib. Get over it." He muttered to himself, sighing heavily as he pushed the key into the lock and opened the door. He deliberately kept his eyes low as he stepped into the flat and dropped his bag and coat by the door, another habit he had picked up. The sooner he looked up the sooner he would be disappointed that Zim wasn't there. This way he could keep the pretence alive a few seconds longer. He walked up to the kitchen counter and set his keys down.

"Dib…"

Dib froze as the voice reached his ears. It was so soft… had he imagined it? Now he _really_ didn't want to look. He felt his pulse increase and cursed himself for it. Even if the voice had been real it would only turn out to be someone else. He tried to ignore how implausible it would be that _anyone_ else would bother coming to his flat.

He remained glued to the spot, waiting for something to happen. Eventually he sensed someone walk up behind him and he felt himself begin to panic, already building himself up for the disappointment he knew he was going to feel. Unless he was just hallucinating the whole thing. Or dreaming perhaps. He did work himself to the point of exhaustion, it wouldn't be the first time. He heard whoever it was take a shaky breath.

"Dib?" They whispered. That voice… could it really be?

Dib prepared himself, and slowly turned around. When his eyes fell into red orbs the room began to swim, and he had to catch the counter behind him for support.

"Y-you… you're back…" Dib muttered, still waiting for the apparition to vanish.

"I am." Zim spoke softly, his expression and body language nervous. Dib still couldn't find any words, his brain was a total jumble. His eyes rapidly searched Zim's body. He seemed uninjured, in fact he looked just the same as the day he had left. Dib let out a breath he felt he'd been holding for three years. Zim was alive.

Seeing Dib was struggling to form a response and unable to read how he was feeling Zim carried on anxiously.

"It's so good to see that you're still safe. I was so worried… thinking of all the things that could have happened to you. I wasn't even sure if I'd still find you here." Zim looked away awkwardly as Dib remained silent, rubbing his arm self-consciously.

Dib slowly tried to regain control of his body from the shock but Zim's words only angered him, his temper boiling inside. Zim had been worried about _him?_ He bit his lip trying to contain himself from an outburst, but what angered him more was how desperately he just wanted to fall at Zim's feet and forgive him, and cling to him forever. He was so angry at both himself and Zim that he didn't trust himself to speak just yet.

"Are you… okay?" Zim asked hesitantly, desperately seeking some kind of response. Dib's silence was beginning to unnerve him, but he could tell that the boy was angry with him now. All he really wanted to do was throw himself at the Dib, but he could tell now that he'd been right to keep his distance. What if he didn't want him anymore? Humans were such delicate creatures with no patience at all. Had he ruined everything?

"Okay?" Dib's voice croaked out, his voice thick. He scowled at Zim, his eyes burning intensely. "How do you think I am?" Dib gripped the counter tightly as his arms shook with rage. Zim sighed and looked down at his feet guiltily.

"Dib…"

"Three years. Three. Whole. Fucking. Years. And every second of it spent wondering if you were dead." Dib felt his eyes moisten, which only fuelled the anger he felt at himself further. Zim looked at him with shock, his antennae wilted flat down the back of his head.

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"Well you did. It's been hell." Dib cursed himself as his voice shook, clamping his jaw shut. He saw Zim gulp and take a deep breath as he considered his next words.

"It might have felt like forever to you, and I'm truly sorry for that. But to an Irken that was the blink of an eye." Dib snorted contemptuously at that and Zim flinched. Bad start.

"What a way of saying you didn't miss me."

"Of course I missed you you stupid human! I didn't mean it like that!" Zim snarled back, frustrated at his own poor choice of words. He tried to calm himself before continuing. "Time is so precious to humans. You're like mayflies to us, that's just the problem. Don't you get it?" Dib's anger softened at Zim's words, confused and intrigued. Zim's voice grew stronger as he continued. "To an Irken if something takes a while to accomplish then that's fine, because we have the time. I knew what had to be done."

"And what _was_ that?"

Zim paused, taking a moment to gaze up at Dib, really taking in his appearance. He was a little on the thin side but he seemed healthy enough. The human had already changed since he had last seen him. He had grown a little taller, and his face and body seemed more mature than the youthful boy he had left behind, especially with the stubble that sprouted from his chin where Dib hadn't bothered to shave. It was shocking to him that his human had aged already. He had left Dib an adolescent and returned to find an adult, but in Irken years Zim himself was no older. He was fairly sure he didn't look any different, perhaps only a little taller. It only drove his point home harder, making him feel even more anxious.

"You have to understand Dib, when we first got back here I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I would lose you."

"What? Why?" Dib asked confused.

"It's never even occurred to you has it, the differences in our lifespan?" Zim grimaced, watching as the penny slowly dropped. "After twenty short Earth years - only two of mine - you'd start to feel your age. Your body would start to stiffen and fail and before long you'd be gone, and I'd still be almost as young as when we first met."

Zim's words hit Dib hard. He'd been so preoccupied with thinking that the reason Zim had been acting so strangely was something petty, thinking he was just bored or fed up of Earth. It had never even occurred to him that Zim had been contemplating life after he'd died. All that time Zim had been pretty much grieving for him, and rescuing him had just been a short term fix. No wonder he had always seemed so down. Dib thought back to three and a half years ago. He had caused so much trouble, shutting Zim out because he thought he was going to be alone when Zim left. How similar they still were. He guessed he was owed that one, Zim always did have to have the last word.

"I knew that I had to work something out. I don't think I could live watching you grow old, it would kill me." Zim swallowed back his surfacing emotions. "So I began working on some ideas. That was the real reason I required a lab, why I was willing to risk the trip back on that planet."

"So that's what you were doing all that time. Why didn't you just tell me? Why did you lock me out?"

"Because I didn't want to get your hopes up. When I first started I had no idea what I was going to do or if I'd ever find a solution. That's why you couldn't see the lab. And…" Zim turned away, uncertain how Dib would take this, "I did have to have some test subjects." Dib shuddered at what Zim was clearly implying, trying to brush it off. There was already too much to think about right now without imagining human experiments occurring right beneath his feet all that time. He'd been on the receiving end of that one after all.

"But… you have found one? An answer?" Zim gave a tiny nod and Dib's pulse began to race. He watched as Zim moved over to the sofa where he'd been waiting and picked something up, hugging it close to his chest. "What is it?" Dib moved closer, and finally Zim turned around.

Dib gasped when he saw what Zim clutched possessively in his arms.

"Zim… is that… is that a pak?" It was almost the same as Zim's, except a very slightly different shape and with blue panels instead of pink. Zim nodded again, his expression vexed. Dib reached out towards it but Zim pulled away sharply.

"Don't touch it!" Zim hissed, his eyes wide with fear. "As soon as you get close enough it will latch onto you."

"But… it is for me right?" Dib asked confused, his stomach churning with nerves. What was that thing going to do to him?

"It is..."

"Then what?"

"It's not that simple." Zim rubbed his brows in stress. "Once you touch it there's no going back. You have understand first." Zim looked up at Dib sheepishly.

"Is it going to turn me Irken?"

"No Dib." Zim said scornfully and for a moment he was his old self again, frowning at Dib like he was a drooling idiot. "Nothing could alter your species human." Zim shook his head in exasperation. "But it will do for you what my pak does for me. For all Irkens. It cares for your body, making it healthier, stronger, longer lasting. You will be _more_ than human. This is a human pak Dib, but specifically it is yours. No one else could bond to it. It's tuned to your DNA only."

"Woa…" Dib gawped at Zim in awe. For the first time he started to feel excited.

"I spent most of my time here researching your organs and body tissue to find out what differed from Irkens. We are lucky that our races aren't so biologically different, I'm sure it would be impossible to make this work for many other species. But I soon realised that the only way I was going to get the actual parts I needed was to go to Irk."

" _That's_ where you were? Irk? Are you crazy!"

"It was the only way." Zim said resolutely. "Paks are not like any other technology. It's probably the greatest Irken secret. They are guarded so preciously, I mean just imagine if an enemy race got hold of the technology? It would be the end of us. It's why we are built in with a self-destruct, and why defectives are erased rather than fixed. Once your pak is damaged you can't get spare parts for it, you are just removed. So I knew I had to break in to where they are made." Dib stared at Zim in disbelief. "I have learned so much about my own race that I had never even considered before Dib. Except for the scientists who actually work on them and the Tallests themselves this knowledge is kept from us, much like the emotional inhibitor. It took a great deal of searching and hacking even to find the location where the paks are built."

"I can't believe you would do something so dangerous." Dib looked at him worriedly, feeling for the first time grateful that he had been in the dark the last few years.

"It wasn't so hard in the end. The real test was altering the pak once I had acquired one. I managed to masquerade as one of the few scientists that work to develop the paks. They're always trying to improve them. I had a few close calls but they never figured out what I was really doing. It wasn't easy. I spent a long time thinking it wasn't going to be possible. Even now… I'm not sure it's going to work. I couldn't test it of course." Zim hugged the pak tighter. Dib's stomach churned as it dawned on him that he was test subject number one.

"I exhausted every other option pretty quickly. I even considered playing with my own pak to speed up the rate of my aging to match yours."

"No!" Dib yelled reflexively and Zim grimaced.

"I figured you would react like that." Zim sighed. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to." Dib was quiet for a moment, thinking carefully. Minutes ago he had been so mad at Zim, and had been for three years. But now everything was suddenly different. This changed everything.

"No, I do. This _is_ what I want." Dib moved closer but Zim flinched away once again.

"Once it senses you it will begin the process of integrating to your spine and organs. If it's successful you'll be dependent on it from then on." Zim's face scrunched with regret. "Dib… it's going to hurt."

"It doesn't matter." Dib replied quickly and Zim smiled ruefully at his boldness.

"A _lot_." He emphasised.

"I told you it doesn't matter."

"It's so risky… if my calculations aren't perfect it could kill you. If your organs reject it that will kill you. The shock of the process and the pain alone might kill you." Zim began to quake, his panic spiralling. "Even if you survive the combination process your body will have to adjust. Irken's have theirs from the moment they are born… this has never been done before…"

"Zim." Dib said his name gently, bringing Zim back down to Earth. Their eyes locked. "It's too late to back out now, not after everything you went through to create it. I can live with these three years of hell if this works." Dib reached out to touch Zim but hesitated as the Irken still clung to the pak. All he wanted to was to hold Zim once again.

Zim sensed this, and his eyes moist he placed the pak slowly back down on the sofa, treating it as carefully as he would a new-born smeet. The moment Zim turned back to Dib he found himself swept up tightly in the human's arms. His squeedily-spooch flipped at the sensation that he had missed so much. He buried his face into Dib's shoulder and breathed in his familiar scent deeply, his arms wrapping around the boy's body to cling to him tightly.

"It was hell for me too." Zim whispered, and Dib squeezed him tighter. "I'm so scared."

"It's okay Zim. I trust you, I know it will work." Zim scowled unseen against Dib's chest, knowing how hollow those words truly were. The human had no concept of whether this would work or not, but somehow his blind faith was reassuring none the less. Zim reluctantly pulled back a little, but Dib's arms remained firmly around the Irken's waist.

"Dib… if this kills you I will terminate myself." Zim said seriously, but Dib's eyes turned wide.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I just meant… I do not risk your life lightly."

"I know that." Dib said softly, grazing his fingers against Zim's cheek. He couldn't believe this was happening, he was sure he was about to wake up at any moment. He stared longingly into Zim's huge, deep eyes, and they both leaned in at the same moment.

Of all the countless times that they had kissed it had never felt as passionate as this one. They clung to each other desperately, fuelled by the time they had spent apart but by also the fear that this might be the end, and from the hope that it may be a new beginning. Their tongues slid expertly against one others as though no time had passed at all, but eager to rediscover everything that had been missed for so long. Neither of them had known whether they'd ever feel these intoxicating sensations again. Zim's clawed hand delved deeply into Dib's messy hair, the texture incomparable to the Irken as Dib's fingers grazed the smooth, alien skin of his neck. Zim gasped for air as Dib's lips finally released him.

"No fair… you have… that thing… for breathing." Zim pointed at Dib's nose as he panted.

"Out of practise space boy?" Dib grinned teasingly as he pressed their foreheads together. "Come on. Let's do this." Zim looked up at him worriedly.

"Now? Are you sure?"

"No offense Zim, but I think I'd rather get it over with. There's no way I'm gonna be able to relax now that I know." Zim knew Dib was right, there was no point in delaying. Reluctantly he pulled away and picked the pak back up.

"Let's go down into the lab, at least that way I might be able to do something if it goes wrong." Dib opened his mouth to say something reassuring as Zim led him down to his base, but the words stuck in his throat. Dib watched avidly as Zim unlocked all the controls with his handprint and a scan of his eye, the computers all stirring to life with a hum. Zim sat Dib down on a curved platform which he had positioned in the centre of the small room.

"Remove your top." Zim instructed as he quickly checked everything was still functional after so long out of use. When he turned back his eyes fell on Dib's exposed torso, his skin still littered with the scars from his abuse. He'd almost forgotten what Dib had already been through, how could he be putting him through this as well? Zim looked away sheepishly.

"Come on Zim, it's time to do this." Dib knew exactly what Zim was thinking. He stared at Zim hard until he nodded his acceptance.

"Lie on your front, I need to position this as carefully over your spine as possible." Zim's voice croaked with worry. Dib did what he was told as Zim approached him and began tilting the table so that Dib could lie on his front comfortably, his head supported. And then he began to strap down his body to the table.

"What are you doing?" Dib's nerves began to pick up at Zim's actions.

"I need you to be as still as possible. You're going to be in a lot of pain but you could do yourself more damage by moving about. The process will run smoother if you're immobile."

"Oh… okay." Dib tested the restraints and found them tight. He tried desperately not to let his fear show but sweat began to bead on his forehead and his body trembled. The sensation of being strapped to a table in an Irken lab like this was sickeningly familiar, and it had adrenaline pouring into his veins. He tried to keep telling himself that he'd rather be in this position and go through any amount of pain if it meant having Zim back, but his panic was making rational thoughts difficult.

Dib flinched as Zim attached a cable to his arm, explaining quickly that it hooked up to the computer to monitor his vitals, but Dib barely heard the words over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. Lastly Zim fetched the pak and hovered before him, staring at him forlornly.

"You're all set." He said sombrely. They held each other's gaze for a long moment but Dib couldn't think of anything to say, his mind racing with panic. This was madness, less than an hour ago he'd been making his way home from work the same as any other day. He was going to wake up any moment, he was sure of it. Zim moved out of sight and around to his back. Dib braced himself but nothing happened, and after a minute he tried to crane his neck fruitlessly against the restraints to try and see.

"I…" Zim struggled. Dib said it all the time, why was it such a hard thing for him to say? Surely it had to be true after everything he had done for the Dib. He swallowed his doubt. "I love you Dib."

Dib's eyes went wide at hearing those words, his heart pounding now for a different reason. Zim had never said it to him before. He had to say back, he had to-

Pain.

Terrible, blinding pain. It felt as though every cell of every nerve in his body had been set alight, radiating out from two points on his back. He'd sworn he wouldn't let the agony show for Zim's sake but this was more than he could have ever imagined, and before long a guttural scream ripped from lungs. His body convulsed against the restraints, his arms instinctively desperate to reach around and rip the source of the suffering from his back. It was completely maddening. His stomach turned and he vomited. This wasn't like the Tallest's torture, or being an Irken slave. It wasn't even like any of the experiments they had run on him. This pain was beyond words, beyond comprehension. Soon his voice broke and his scream cut off, as he gasped for breath instead. His lungs suddenly felt horribly constricted, there wasn't enough air to scream anymore.

"Z-Zim…" Dib panted as tears began to stream down his cheeks, beginning to hyperventilate as his lungs pleaded for air. He looked around wildly for his Irken's reassurance but found he couldn't see anything anymore except for a blur of bright lights. His pulse quickened further and his heart felt like it was going to explode in his chest. His ears began to ring as one by one his senses abandoned him. But then he felt cool, soft hands cupping his face. He couldn't see him but he knew Zim was there. He thought he could catch a whiff of his scent, something soft against his lips? That was when everything went black.

Zim stepped back from Dib's convulsing body as his eyes went vacant. He had hoped to calm him down a little, the human was going to have a heart attack if he continued on like this. He moved back around to check on the pak. It whirred angrily, fixed seamlessly against the boys skin as a trickle of red ran down his back from underneath it. Zim felt dizzy at the sight of the Dib's blood, but forced himself to reason. He had to make sure the Dib survived, he had to keep his head. But as the human's condition continued to deteriorate it became harder and harder to stay rational. A sheen of sweat glistened on the boy's skin and his breathing became laboured and rasping.

Zim felt insides turn to ice as his computer suddenly failed to pick up the Dib's pulse. His heart had stopped… was this it? Dib's head rested limply against the support, his eyes half-lidded and unseeing. Zim flew over to the computer, configuring it to send a jolt of energy into the boy's body in an attempt to restart his heart. On the fourth attempt it worked and Zim nearly collapsed as the computer picked up a weak pulse once more.

"Come on Dib, you can do this." Zim whispered as he moved back over to human's now limp form. He dabbed at the boy's sweat-soaked forehead with his discarded t-shirt, pushing the wet hair back off his face. Zim couldn't help but notice that he really was an attractive creature, even in this state. Age had only improved him, his face remaining slim and delicate but his jaw was more defined. Zim grimaced and reached for the human's hand, slotting his three claws perfectly between the bony fingers. They didn't grip him back, but he held on to them fervently.

It was a few nerve-wracking hours later when the pak finally clicked and stopped whirring, changing instead to a low and steady hum. The process was complete. The monitor showed that the Dib was still alive though his pulse was weak and irregular, and his breathing shallow. Zim sat with him for some time but he didn't regain consciousness. Zim began to fear that perhaps the boy's delicate brain organ had been damaged in the process, but after running a scan the computer assured him that short of being physically exhausted and in shock his body was in full functioning order. But still he didn't wake.

Zim tried to calm himself but the waiting was torture. He knew it had been a huge strain on the human's body so he would need a lot of rest, and the physical wound where the pak had fused with his spine would need time to heal. He shouldn't be so impatient. So he unstrapped the boy and having decided that he was out of immediate danger he detached him from the lab and carried him upstairs to his bed. All he could do now was make the Dib comfortable and monitor his recovery. He lay the human down gently on his belly, knowing his back would be sore for some time.

Zim perched on the bed next to him, gazing down at what he'd done. It was a strange thing to see a human with a pak fixed to his back, especially _his_ human. It sent shivers down his spine. _Had_ he done the right thing? He continued to stare, not moving a muscle and his eyes never leaving the Dib. Every so often the human's body would twitch or tremble and Zim would nearly hit the ceiling every time in fright.

Yet still, he didn't wake.

Zim vowed to himself that he wouldn't leave the boy's side until he awoke, but he was beginning to feel like he ought to do something. He'd been out cold for hours now and his body had been under extreme stress, surely the human needed some kind of sustenance. He hurried to fetch a glass of cold water, and after carefully propping the boy up on his side tentatively dribbled some of the fluid against the Dib's lips. He felt silly as most of it spilled over the boys chin and onto the pillows, but then his lips twitched and when Zim raised the glass once more Dib took a tiny sip. Zim's antennae sprang up in delight, but the Dib simply groaned and fell limp once more without even opening his eyes. Well, it was a start.

It was then that he became aware of how hot the Dib's skin was. It was still sticky with sweat so Zim found a towel to soak in the water instead, and after making sure he had his gloves on began to dab the cool cloth on the boy's face. Were humans usually this hot? He was pretty sure Dib wasn't, but he had always felt warm to him compared to his own cool skin. He moved the towel down to the human's back, and seeing the blood there began to clean that up. Dib flinched and whimpered as Zim dabbed against the joining of his pak and Zim dropped the towel in a panic.

"I'm sorry!" He said reflexively, though he didn't know if the Dib could hear him or not. His face was all scrunched up in pain but his eyes were still closed. He toyed with removing the pak for a moment to inspect the wound underneath, but thought better of disturbing it so soon. It would heal, and quicker for the paks help. Zim sighed and lay himself down next to the human. "What do you need Dib? What can I do?" He whispered pleadingly. He so wanted to see those golden eyes looking back at him, the waiting was killing him.

Zim began to feel his eyelids growing heavy as he lay alongside his human. He'd sworn he would stay awake and watch over the boy's every move, but the worry had drained the life from his own body. As Dib's breathing grew more even and deep it began to lull him off to sleep, and before long he couldn't stop himself. He reached over and took the humans fingers between his own as he drifted off, not noticing as they gently squeezed his back.

* * *

Dib had the strangest of dreams whilst he was out. Much of it didn't make any sense, but always there was something on his back, pushing him down or trying to claw him back. Sometimes it was Irken scientists, sticking things ruthlessly into his back as he cried out in pain, or twisting tools inside his body and poking at his organs. Other times it was a client that was climbing on top of him, much too heavy, crushing the air from his lungs. Sometimes it was even Zim, ripping into him with his spider legs and piercing his flesh as he crept up on him from behind.

As horrible as the dreams were as they began to fade and be replaced by the reality of pain Dib longed for them back. His whole body felt ragged, like he had been electrocuted and trampled on. His insides throbbed, but none so much as his back. It felt like he was impaled on something, but every time he moved even a little the agony sent shooting pains down every nerve and sent his head spinning. He clung to unconsciousness every time something disturbed him, desperate not to wake and have to face the pain.

Eventually though there did come a day when the veil of pain and nightmares parted just enough for Dib to form a lucid thought. Hot… he was too hot. He groaned and moved his arms sluggishly, searching for something to push off himself. His limbs felt like jelly, like they didn't belong to him. He grappled with whatever was covering him, finally managing to make his fingers grasp the material and pull it away from his body. He shivered as the cool air hit his skin, and the movement sent a jolt of pain through his back. He grunted at the shock of it, but instead of getting dizzy and losing consciousness this time it sharpened his senses, waking him fully.

Dib cracked his eyes open, and once he'd worked out how to control his arm again reached a hand up to his face to rub the stickiness from them. Everything was too bright and blurry for a time and he began to weigh up whether it was worth the pain of moving to try and find his glasses. However he quickly realised that things were coming into focus on their own, and before long he found his vision was crystal clear. He was so confused he had to reach a hand back up to his face to double check his glasses weren't on his face after all. But he knew this was different. His eyesight had never been _this_ good, not even when wearing his glasses.

His pulse quickened with shock and confusion as logic slowly began to return to him. What the heck had happened to him? His mind groped desperately for the last thing he remembered. The Irken scientists… no, that hadn't been real. That had been years ago now. He'd been at work. That annoying girl had given him her number and he had made his excuses and left quickly. Walking home…

Zim.

The memories flooded back into him with a tremendous rush of adrenaline, and suddenly everything made sense. Cautiously he extended his hand around his back, reaching until his fingertips grazed cool metal. He could feel it now, the pak. He could feel the mechanics of it humming gently against his skin, something which should have felt foreign and uncomfortable but somehow felt strangely normal, like it had been there all his life. He could also feel where it pierced his flesh and fused to his spine. It was strange that his brain seemed to consider it just an extension of his body, he hadn't even been aware of it at first. It was a part of him now.

He felt a thrill of trepidation and excitement run through his veins. Had it all worked? He felt… sort of okay. It still hurt a lot, but he presumed that would ease with time. But where was Zim? Last thing he could remember was being down in the lab with him, but this was definitely his bed. Had Zim carried him up? His memories were so foggy and his dreams had been so vivid, he didn't know what to believe right now.

Dib craned his neck to look around the room but his restricted view didn't reveal the Irken. He discovered his arm was a connected to a drip, and that alone was enough to set his stomach gurgling. Man was he thirsty. And hungry. He could see a glass of water on the bedside table near to him and wondered if he'd be able to get up and reach it. He'd been propped up with pillows a bit so that he wasn't completely lying face down, which he was sure his neck appreciated hugely. He tried now to gently roll off his side and onto his front, wincing at the pain it caused in his back but finding it wasn't unbearable like it had been. He tried to push himself up with his shaking arms but it was too much too soon, and he fell back onto his stomach with a yelp.

It was enough to bring Zim crashing into the room, his eyes wide and frantic.

"Dib? DIB?" He flew to the human's side, his antennae practically bouncing with stress.

"I'm okay." Dib cringed out, his faced buried in the pillow. He eased himself back onto his side so that he could face Zim, a grin breaking out across his face as their eyes met. "Hey, I'm not dead!" He chuckled, hardly able to believe it himself. Zim let out a deep breath, his antennae relaxing.

"I don't think there's anything you couldn't survive any more Dib." Zim grinned back at him broadly, his eyes shining. Dib cringed as he tried to prop himself up once again, but Zim pressed him back down firmly. "Don't push yourself."

"Please just tell me it won't always hurt this bad." Dib gasped, relaxing back into the pillows.

"You're still healing, but at an exponential rate now. You just need to rest a bit longer."

"How long has it been?" He wouldn't have been surprised if Zim had told him he'd been in a coma for five years at this point.

"About a week. That's why I had to connect you to some fluids, I didn't know what else to do. I stole this from the hospital, it seemed to work." Zim glanced at the contraption apprehensively.

"Thank you Zim. For taking care of me." Dib reached for the Irken's claws, giving them a squeeze.

"Thank you for waking up." Zim almost laughed, the days of pent up tension finally released. "I was starting to think that… that you might not."

Dib looked away ruefully. He knew that feeling of waiting far too well and could sympathise, but at least Zim hadn't had to wait three years for him to come back.

"I'll get you something to eat and drink." Zim announced and got up shakily, dazedly walking from the room. He needed a moment just to breathe and regain control of his pulse.

Was this it? The beginning of their new life? He couldn't believe it… the Dib had finally woken up, and he was starting to dare to believe that he would be okay. Perhaps more than okay.

Over the next couple of weeks Dib's back continued to heal well, and soon he was up and about and demonstrating how improved he was. His pulse was slower and his body temperature a little cooler than it used to be, though he was still warmer than an Irken was to the touch which Zim was grateful for – he enjoyed the sensation of the boy's warm skin against his own. Though the human would always need more rest than Zim did, once he was fully healed Zim found the boy was starting to sleep less and less. His muscles grew stronger and his senses were more acute than before. Dib was a little frustrated to discover that despite his size Zim still seemed to be stronger than him though, which Zim claimed was down to the fact that his body had been genetically engineered to perfectly suit a pak, whereas Dib's had had to adapt. Dib could have sworn he even looked a touch younger than before, but perhaps that was simply the happiness he felt showing through, the three years of misery easing from his features.

One morning when things were almost back to normal – if they ever had been – the two were sat at the kitchen table nursing hot drinks, when Zim finally came out with it.

"So what are gonna do next?"

"Huh?" Dib nearly snorted his coffee in surprise.

"You know what I mean Dib." Zim rolled his eyes as he cupped his hands around his Irken brew. "You're healed now, it worked. Everything turned out perfectly. So what do we do next?"

"I dunno… what do you want to do?" Dib felt a little overwhelmed by the question. It had always been the question, but now for the first time the circumstances were in their favour. They had the whole universe at their fingertips and an extended lifetime with which to explore it. It was a little daunting, and Zim felt the same way. The truth was he'd never had the freedom to do whatever he wanted before, or in fact the desire. No Irken ever had.

"Well… we can stay on Earth if you want. I'm not saying we _should_ leave." Zim said carefully, trying not to let his reluctance show. If that was what Dib wanted then he would oblige. As far as he was concerned Dib had earned the right to whatever life he wanted now. "But you'd have to keep moving around or people will notice that you're not aging at a normal rate." Dib seemed to ponder this for some time, but Zim couldn't figure out what was going through his mind.

"You wouldn't want that though would you?" Dib asked cautiously.

"It doesn't matter. This is your home planet, you have every right to stay."

"Then do you miss Irk? Don't you want to go back there?" Zim scrunched his face up at that.

"No, I don't miss it." Zim didn't offer an explanation, but merely scowled at his drink.

"But Earth has nothing to offer you either. You'd be miserable here." Zim tried to stop his heart from sinking. Did the Dib really want to stay?

"If this is where you want to be then this is where I must be." Zim said calmly, trying his best to sound logical and unbiased but failing to mask his true feelings. Dib sighed.

"Zim… why can't you just say it?" Dib rubbed his forehead wearily.

"What?" Zim looked at him with genuine confusion.

"We both know how you really feel."

"Zim doesn't know what you want him to say." The Irken looked away guiltily.

"I want you to say the truth. That you _don't_ want to stay on Earth. That you would be miserable here. We both know it's true."

"I wouldn't be miserable, I'd be with you." Zim dodged, though he meant every word.

"You might believe that but I know it's not true." Dib sighed heavily again and leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling as he contemplated his words. "Why would you go along with it? Why would you stay on Earth just to please me? Don't you understand that your happiness is just as important to me as mine is to you? Don't you think it would affect our relationship?" Zim looked at him in surprise once more, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find a response.

"I just thought… after everything you went through… to get back here…" Zim floundered but Dib waited patiently, wanting to hear Zim admit it. "After what you endured… you have the right to whatever you please. You've more than earned it."

"The _right_?" Dib said with some distaste. "Just because I went through some shit doesn't mean I can do whatever I want now. Besides you went through just as much as I did!"

"No I didn't. It was all my fault anyway, I owe you that much." Dib rolled his eyes.

"We have to stop having this same argument Zim. When are you going to get it through your stupid head?" Dib had to take a moment to calm his temper. "The whole point of getting me a pak was so that we could be equals. I don't want you constantly pandering to my needs, accepting things you don't like for my sake. That's not the Zim I fell in love with!"

"Huh?" This last remark caught Zim off guard.

"You're not the same anymore. You're always conceding and letting me have my way, but that isn't love Zim. A real relationship is equal on both sides. I miss the old Zim, the one that would fight to win every argument, to always be right and always get his way!"

"You miss me being mean and fighting with you?" Zim was genuinely struggling to comprehend him. Just when he thought he finally had an understanding of what love was, Dib was telling him he was wrong? "I was just looking after you… you needed the help." Dib saw how crestfallen and confused Zim was and began to feel guilty, softening his tone.

"I don't miss how we used to be before we got to know each other, that's not what I meant." Dib got to his feet and walked around to Zim, taking the Irken's face in his hands. "I miss how you were before we got separated. I _know_ it was hard on you, but I know you still have that spirit inside you. You've proven you have by having the dedication to go away for so long just to make my pak. I just want you to be yourself with me again, to speak your mind and admit what _you_ really want." Zim sullenly refused to meet Dib's eyes, his antennae wilting. "You should be proud. You made me stronger Zim, so you don't have to worry about me anymore. And you should be excited, you've given us the whole of time and space to start a new life in." At this Zim finally met Dib's gaze, and Dib couldn't stop a grin spreading across his lips. "Did you really think I would want to stay on Earth after having a taste of the stars?" Zim's mouth fell open again in shock, his pulse quickening. "You're so easy to fool." He chuckled, planting a kiss on Zim's forehead.

"You mean… you really want to go back into space? You're not scared?"

"Give me some credit Zim! Going into space has been what I've wanted all my life! Besides, I'll have my ferocious Irken to protect me." He winked teasingly.

"Not been much good at that though have I." Zim sulked.

"Right, that's the last one you get for free. The next time I hear you sulking or taking the blame you're gonna regret it okay?" Dib said well-naturedly, and Zim's lips quirked in a small smile at last.

"I'd like to see you try anything." Zim gave him a dangerous, toothy smirk and Dib's heart skipped a beat at this glimmer of the old Zim.

"Anyway, shouldn't _you_ be the one that's worried? You're the one they were hunting down."

"I think the chances of there still being any bounty hunters is very slim. They couldn't afford to still be hanging around this long after it was advertised, they will have fresher targets with better odds. I would still use a disguise around dense Irken populations, but I doubt that many other than the Tallest's themselves would even recognise me. Most likely they've all forgotten completely about me by now." Zim's eyes darted to Dib's before a cheeky look crossed his face. "Besides, I have my big, strong human to protect me."

Dib beamed, scooping Zim's lithe frame up in his arms and spinning him around into a tight hug.

"I love you Zim." Dib spoke as the Irken clung to him, nuzzling his face into his shoulder and neck.

"Zim loves Dib too." Zim muttered back shyly, his voice muffled by Dib's shoulder. Dib grinned, his cheeks flushing lightly as he set the Irken back down on his feet, deep ruby eyes gazing back up at him and antennae held high.

"So, shall we go and plot our course?"

* * *

 _A/N: One last bit of mean 8D don't hate me *begs forgiveness* I'm sorry Dib._

 _I always take issue with ZADR endings, maybe that's why so many of them remain unfinished. Can they ever really be happy? Cause I don't think either of them would be happy with a human life. So I did my utmost to give them the happiest ending I could, (not without making them work for it first of course) I hope it wasn't too cheesy. I'm gonna be a total hypocrite and say that sad/brutal endings probably work better for ZADR but I couldn't bring myself to do it to them after everything they went through. I know maybe the Dib getting a pak thing is a bit overdone but I hope I put enough of my own spin on it. I really couldn't think of any other way around their lifespan differences._

 _I hope you all enjoyed this story, thanks so much to everyone who followed it, it means a lot to know that you enjoyed it! Reading your lovely reviews gave me such joy. I loved writing it and hopefully at some point I'll be back with a new one. Thank you! xxx_


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